<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>All I Wanted by ToruOikxwa</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903175">All I Wanted</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToruOikxwa/pseuds/ToruOikxwa'>ToruOikxwa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Mutual Pining, Physical Abuse, Pining, angst to happy to more angst, damnit iwa why can you never see the signs, i love iwaizumi why do i keep hurting him, idk why i keep letting iwa get hurt i cant stop, iwaizumi hurt, iwaoi - Freeform, this wont end with happy iwaoi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:00:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>94,809</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903175</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToruOikxwa/pseuds/ToruOikxwa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Iwaizumi hadn’t told anyone yet, he had barely realised it himself, but he had noticed that the only person he’d ever even been curious about was his childhood best friend who seemed certain that he was only into girls. And Iwaizumi didn’t want to risk losing Oikawa in his life, so he was happy to just settle for the friendship that they had bloomed over the past fifteen years.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hanamaki Takahiro &amp; Iwaizumi Hajime &amp; Matsukawa Issei &amp; Oikawa Tooru, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime &amp; Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Original Female Character(s), Iwaizumi Hajime/Original Male Character(s), Oikawa Tooru/Original Female Character(s), Oikawa Tooru/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>224</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  “Oi, Shittykawa, get your ass out of bed before I beat the shit out of you for making me late </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Oikawa opened one eye to be met with the pissed off face of his childhood best friend, then closed his eye again and rolled back over, choosing to ignore him instead. Mistake. Iwaizumi frowned, vein pulsing in his forehead; then grabbed Oikawa by his hair and yanked him out of his bed, which pulled a pained screech from him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ouch! Iwa-Chan that hurts!” He whined, rubbing his head, as Iwaizumi let go after he had completely pulled him out of bed. “So mean.” He pouted as he glared at Iwaizumi, who was already basically out of the room at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shouted behind him as he walked out of view. “If you’re not downstairs in five minutes, I’ll be back. And I won’t be nice this time.” Oikawa rolled his eyes, but smiled a little to himself. It may hurt, but Iwaizumi was only like this because he cared. If he didn’t he would have just left him to be late. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa got into his uniform quite quickly - as usual - and grabbed his bag as he bolted out of his room so the pair could leave and still be in time. It was their sixth week of their first year in high school, and Oikawa had made them almost late for morning practice every day - which was a bad first impression to the older players on the team, but no matter how many times Iwaizumi scolded him for it, Oikawa never changed his ways. It was one of those things between them that stayed the same, and neither of them were bothered by it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi was standing in the kitchen having a conversation with Oikawa’s mother when the setter entered the room. Oikawa found it nice that he got along with her. He was like part of the family, and it was something that Oikawa always strived to keep, even after high school was over, he’d still want him to stay close. He leant against the doorway, and listened to their conversation, not making his presence aware as both of their backs were to him; his mom doing the dishes, and his friend drying and stacking them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Do you know if my son is dating anyone yet? I worry about him sometimes. He’s so volleyball obsessed, and he gets really down about it sometimes. I just want him to be happy and I think a girlfriend may be able to give him some level of reality outside of the game.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled slightly. “A girlfriend, huh?” He commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Or even a boyfriend?” She questioned, seeming like she didn’t want to assume anything, and Oikawa smiled softly to himself at her supportiveness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Not that I’m aware of.” Iwaizumi responded, honestly. “But people are constantly confessing to him, so I’m sure if he wanted a girlfriend - or a boyfriend - he would have an array of options.” Iwaizumi sighed a little. “I worry about him too, sometimes. He overworks himself a lot and I don’t want him to injure himself any more than he already has, so I feel like I need to keep an eye on him, not that I mind.” He confessed, briefly forgetting who he was talking to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  She glanced at him and smiled, humming to herself softly. “You really care about him, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled back at her. “Of course I do, auntie. He’s my best friend.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa cleared his throat and the pair turned to see him standing there, a smug grin on his face. “Iwa-chan! So sweet!” He beamed, and Iwaizumi glared at him as he put down the teatowel and picked up his bag, walking out the room as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Thanks for the hospitality auntie.” He flicked Oikawa’s ear as he walked past him. “I’ll be outside. If you’re not there in five minutes, I’m leaving without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa watched Iwaizumi walk out the front door, then turned back to his mom. “Do you guys talk about me whenever I’m not around?” He questioned, curiously. “And what did you mean by ‘or a boyfriend’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  She put the last dish on the draining rack, then turned to face her son, who always forgot how much shorter than him she was now, and she sat herself at the kitchen table. “Hajime likes talking about you.” She clarified. “And he cares about you.” She flicked her eyes up at him. “I want you to be happy, Tooru. That’s all I meant.” She confirmed, and Oikawa smiled at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m as happy as I can be right now.” He said, trying to make her feel better. “But does that mean that </span>
  <em>
    <span>if </span>
  </em>
  <span>I brought a guy home, you’d be okay with it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Are you telling me something?” She asked, an honest sweetness in her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa looked at the floor, and mumbled slightly, “No I was just-” He trailed off, and his mom laughed a little, provoking a nervousness from deep inside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Tooru, you don’t have to tell me anything.” She told him, trying to make him feel better. “You can bring home anyone you want, I’m not bothered as long as you’re happy.” She smiled at him. “And I think Hajime’s good for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I- what?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “He’d be good for you, Tooru.” Oikawa blushed intensely, then headed outside without any further response to meet Iwaizumi. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The shorter of two was scrolling through his phone as Oikawa headed down the pathway, and put it back into his pocket as he glanced up at the setter. “You took your time.” He commented, and Oikawa walked directly past him, not responding to him at all, which just confused Iwaizumi. He pushed himself off the wall and followed behind Oikawa. “Oi.” He spoke, chasing after Oikawa who was speed walking. “Oi. Shittykawa.” He called out louder, still without response. He was already sick of the silent treatment, so he blocked his pathway. Oikawa stopped, but refused to make eye contact with him. “Did I do something to piss you off?” His voice sounded angry, but also concerned. Oikawa finally looked down at him after a few seconds, and sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He smiled, and started walking again at a normal pace, Iwaizumi walking next to him, glancing over at him, concerned and confused. “I’m okay Iwa-Chan. I was just embarrassed.” Iwaizumi didn’t respond, giving Oikawa the opportunity to continue. “Did you know that my mom thinks I’m gay?” He asked, genuinely curious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Wait, really?” Iwaizumi questioned. “I didn’t think she was being serious when she asked if you had a girlfriend </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘or boyfriend’</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He started laughing, and Oikawa glared at him and frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan! Stop laughing at me. I’m not gay.” He whined, but Iwaizumi’s laugh continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> He slapped Oikawa on the back as he brought himself out of the laughing fit he had been tossed into. “I can’t believe that’s why you were embarrassed.” He exhaled deeply, finding his composure. “Oikawa, it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad. You don’t need to feel embarrassed by that.” He confirmed. “None of your friends or family would look at you any differently if you were gay.” He smiled at Oikawa, who just rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Shut up, Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa insisted. “I’m not gay. I like girls too much.” He smiled and winked at Iwaizumi, then bounded on ahead through the front gates of the school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, but smirked at the setter as he jumped about excitedly. He hadn’t known that Oikawa’s mom would be so open to her son being gay (even if he insisted that he wasn’t), so maybe she would be welcoming to him if he told her he was gay. He hadn’t told anyone yet, he had barely realised it himself, but he had noticed that the only person he’d ever even been curious about was his childhood best friend who seemed </span>
  <em>
    <span>certain</span>
  </em>
  <span> that he was only into girls. And Iwaizumi didn’t want to risk losing Oikawa in his life, so he was happy to just settle for the friendship that they had bloomed over the past fifteen years. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Morning practice went by far too quickly, and Oikawa only had lessons that he hated ahead of him. They were all boring, and Iwaizumi wasn’t in any of the same classes as him this year, so he didn’t really have anyone that he could mess with to pass the time. There were a few familiar faces from volleyball, but no one that he had had the chance to make friends with yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He leant back in his chair and gazed out the window next to him, watching the students that were in gym class as they did laps around the track, and he simply thought about how he would much rather be down there than where he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Mr Oikawa.” Hearing his name said snapped him into the zone, and he looked at his teacher, blankly. The older handed him a note then walked back to the front of the room. “It’s from the office. If you need to go, go right ahead.” He clarified, and Oikawa opened the note that simply said </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘roof’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He didn’t fully understand, but he wasn’t going to miss an opportunity to skip class just because he was too dense to get it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa picked up his belongings, then excused himself from the class, leaving calmly, then bolting up to the roof as quickly as he could. He pushed open the fire escape door to find Iwaizumi sitting on the floor with two of the other first years from the volleyball club. Iwaizumi was leaning against the railings, with one of the pair seated next to him, leaning on his shoulder whilst scrolling through his phone, and the other lay down with his head on Iwaizumi’s leg, and arm over his eyes as if the overcast day was far too bright for him. Oikawa felt a twinge of jealousy rush through him, that melted away when Iwaizumi smiled at him. “Guys, you know Oikawa.” He gestured towards the setter, and the pair both looked at him, gestured a wave, then went back to their comfortable positions. “Oikawa, this is Hanamaki and Matsukawa.” Iwaizumi pointed to the respective person as he spoke, and Oikawa dropped his bag and took a seat on the floor in front of the trio.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why are you acting like this? Are you stoned or something?” Oikawa asked Iwaizumi, knowing that it wasn’t like the spiker to allow people to just lie all over him like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m not stoned, Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi frowned at him. “Why on earth would you think that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa shrugged as he leaned back on his hands. “I just think it’s a little strange you’re letting people that you’ve known for five minutes drape themselves all over you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Sounds like someone’s jealous.” Hanamaki piped up, and Oikawa tutted at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m not jealous.” He snapped in response. “Who are you again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hanamaki. But call me whatever you want. Same for Matsukawa there.” He pointed at the one leaning on Iwaizumi’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa hummed in thought. “Makki and Mattsun then. They’re easier to remember, don’t you think, Iwa-Chan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Matsukawa laughed, and lifted his head for the first time since Oikawa got there. “Iwa-Chan?” He chuckled out, and Oikawa glared at him. “What kinda nickname is that?” He questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m used to it.” Iwaizumi started before Oikawa had the chance to be snippy. “He called me ‘Haji-Chan’ up until we were five, so ‘Iwa-Chan’ is an upgrade in my eyes.” He confirmed. “Besides, it wouldn’t be very Oikawa-like if he didn’t call me by some stupid nickname.” He grinned at the setter, who was instantly put in a slightly better mood by Iwaizumi defending him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “So,” Oikawa pushed on, looking back at Matsukawa, “How do you and Makki know each other?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Boyfriends.” Hanamaki called out, and Matsukawa smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa glanced between the two of them, slight confusion on his face. “You guys are-?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Gay.” Matsukawa confirmed, reaching a hand out to stroke Hanamaki’s hair, a touch that he leant into. They both looked happy, and Oikawa’s lip turned up slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated for a moment, considering what to say next. The hesitation caught Iwaizumi’s attention, as it wasn’t like him to pause that way. “Are you alright, Oikawa?” He asked, and the setter smiled innocently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah I’m okay, Iwa-Chan. I just didn’t expect the openness, to be honest.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Matsukawa glared at him slightly. “Do you have a problem with it?” He asked, his tone was slightly aggressive, he had clearly had a lot of people judge him for this and he was sick of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa raised his hands in defence, panicking that what he had just said had come off in the wrong way. “No, no, of course not!” He clarified. “I’ve just-” He stumbled over his words. “You guys are so forward with it all. And you’re fifteen. How do you even know you’re gay?” He questioned, genuinely curious, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Matsukawa raised an eyebrow. He’d been asked this question a thousand times before, but it was usually with malicious intent. But not this time. What Matsukawa saw here was someone who was unsure himself, and trying to figure things out. He smiled at Oikawa, “How do I know? I find guys, specifically Hanamaki here, to be incredibly attractive, and I don’t feel that way about girls.” He said, relatively bluntly, and Oikawa nodded in understanding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “The question here is-” Iwaizumi piped up after a brief comfortable silence. “Shittykawa, are you gay?” Hanamaki laughed at how direct the question was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa frowned. “No.” He insisted. “I thought we covered that this morning.” A mischievous smile then beamed across his face. “Is Iwa-Chan just jealous that Oikawa gets all the girls.” He winked and Iwaizumi threw a book from his bag at him. “Ouch, Iwa-Chan!” He whined. “So violent.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi leaned back again, and rested his head back too, closing his eyes and relaxing. “If I wanted a girlfriend, I’d have one.” He retorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “As if </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> could get a girlfriend, Iwa-Chan.” He stuck his tounge out at the spiker, who kicked him in response. “Iwa-Chan! Why are you so mean to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You’re mean to me too, asshole.” He replied, frowning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Before Oikawa had another opportunity to respond, Hanamaki spoke up, wanting to change the subject. He dove into a ramble about different techniques they could try in the next practice game, as well as the types of sets he likes; that sort of thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The bell for their next sessions rang not too long later, and all four of them sighed. “We should probably get going.” Iwaizumi suggested. “If we’re all missing together for two classes in a row, the teachers might get suspicious.” They agreed that he was right and headed to their respective lessons, Hanamaki ending up in the same class as Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You don’t like me and Matsukawa do you?” Hanamaki asked as the two sat at their desks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa glanced at him, and sighed. “How long have you two been ‘friends’ with Iwa-Chan?” He asked, avoiding the question that Hanamaki had just asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Well we’ve spoken to him every morning practice.” He confirmed. “But we’ve never hung out with him outside that before today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “So why today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It was an accident? We went up to the roof to skip and Iwaizumi was there already. We had only just settled when you came up.” He confirmed. “I think Iwaizumi was a little uncomfortable with how we had just casually lay on him like that, but he seemed less tense after you got there. So thanks for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why did you lie on him if you thought he was uncomfortable with it?” Oikawa sounded a little angry now, and Hanamaki tilted his head at the change of tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He chuckled after studying Oikawa’s face for a second. “Wow, you really were jealous, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa blushed. “I was not!” He insisted. “Why would I be jealous?” He had been jealous. Of course he had been jealous. He didn’t like the idea of anyone other than him touching Iwaizumi with the type of friendly affection that they both had. He also didn’t fully get why he felt that way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Hanamaki rolled his eyes at Oikawa’s response. “Because you are clearly into him?” He retorted. “And don’t even argue against that. It’s so obvious.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa was shocked. He didn’t really know how to respond. So he just answered the earlier question. “No.” Hanamaki glanced at him. “I don’t really like you or Mattsun.” Hanamaki chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah. You do.” He wasn’t wrong. Oikawa liked Matsukawa’s bluntness in his advice earlier, and he liked how observant Hanamaki was. But he wasn’t going to admit that. Instead he just smiled to himself briefly, before frowning and starting to think to himself. He’d never really thought about in what way he liked Iwaizumi. He was always there, so he had never even considered it before now. But it made a lot of sense. Not that it mattered. Oikawa was sure that Iwaizumi wasn’t gay. He’d just have to live with this little secret of his for now.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Something New</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He was tall. Probably an inch or two taller than Oikawa, and he had an amused smile plastered on his face. Iwaizumi suddenly felt warm, blood rushing to his cheeks as he felt nerves creep up inside him. “Sorry about that.” He chuckled out nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “I guess I was a little distracted.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>To confirm: in the prologue they were first years, from this chapter onwards they are third years</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan!” Oikawa called as he slid open his best friend's bedroom door in the dramatic way he always did. Iwaizumi glanced up from his desk at the setter, then went back to studying. Oikawa closed the door and flopped backwards onto the spikers bed. “Iwa-Chan, I’m sad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “And I’m studying.” Iwaizumi responded without a moment of hesitation. Oikawa sighed loudly in response, and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, turning himself so that he was now looking directly at the setter. “Why are you sad?” He asked, unenthusiastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa looked over at him, pout on his face. “I just got dumped.” He said, seeming genuinely upset by it, which was a surprise as this was the third time this year someone had broken up with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You actually care?” Iwaizumi asked, somewhat dismissively as he turned back to his textbook. Unlike Oikawa - who was probably going to get into college with a sports scholarship or play abroad if he didn’t - Iwaizumi needed to take entrance exams for college, so he didn’t really have time for Oikawa’s excessive drama.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa huffed and sat up on the edge of the bed. “Of course I care, Iwa-Chan.” He insisted. “I really like this one.” He leaned forward and continued to pout. Iwaizumi glanced over at him, and as much as he hated seeing Oikawa with someone else, he hated seeing him upset even more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The spiker sighed and got up, leaving his studying in favour of going over to comfort Oikawa. He sat next to his friend, and placed his hand on Oikawa’s back supportively. “Listen, if you’re this broken up about this, you should talk to her. You clearly like her a lot more than the others, so it might be worth trying to make it work.” Oikawa glanced up at him and smiled softly. “And you’ve always got me to talk to if you need it. You know that, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It was an unexpected surprise when Oikawa launched into a hug, but he hugged him back nonetheless. “Thank you Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa said quietly as he buried his face in Iwaizumi’s neck and held on tightly. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but feel confused, as Oikawa had never reacted this way before at any advice he had given him, so once Oikawa let go, Iwaizumi searched for some sort of answer to this written on Oikawa’s face. He didn’t find anything, but it felt like he was hiding something. “Can I tell you something?” Oikawa asked after a few seconds of silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi looked at him, concerned. “Of course.” He responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I don’t have a girlfriend.” He confessed, and Iwaizumi had a confused look plastered across his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah?” He questioned. “Because she broke up with you, right?” He attempted to clarify.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa chuckled nervously. “No. I mean-” He trailed off, and Iwaizumi nudged him, urging him to spill what he was trying to say. “They weren’t my girlfriend.” He said eventually.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi thought he knew what Oikawa was trying to tell him, but he didn’t want to assume anything. “So it was just like a sex thing?” He asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “No.” Oikawa repeated, and he sighed. “Iwa-Chan… I think I might be gay.” Iwaizumi didn’t respond. “Or bi.” He continued. “I don’t know what it is. But this person… they weren’t my girlfriend. He was my boyfriend.” He glanced up at Iwaizumi, who had a confused look written all over his face. “I get it if you disown me here. I can understand if you’d have an issue with it. I know-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Shut up, dumbass.” He slapped Oikawa on the back of his head. “Why on earth would I have an issue with that, you idiot?” He questioned. “Matsukawa and Hanamaki are gay, and I don’t have a problem with that. Why would I have a problem with you being gay?” It was a valid argument, and one that Oikawa hadn’t even thought about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa smiled at his childhood friend. “You're right. I should have told you sooner.” He admitted. “I didn’t want to risk losing my best friend, I guess.” He confessed, sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “So,” Iwaizumi began. “You really like this guy then?” He was happy that his friend had trusted him enough to say this, but part of him was pissed off that Oikawa didn’t say anything sooner, because if Oikawa was available, Iwaizumi would have confessed how he had been feeling for the past four years. But even knowing what he now knew, he didn’t want to say anything as Oikawa was clearly into this guy he had been seeing, and Iwaizumi didn’t want to complicate that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I really do.” Oikawa answered. “He’s really great. And I can see it being more than just a short term thing. I think you’d get along with him, too.” He beamed, then his smile sank. “But I screwed it up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What did you do?” Iwaizumi asked, knowing what Oikawa was like sometimes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I stood him up.” Oikawa confessed. “I stayed late to practice more, and I didn’t text him or anything. He was really upset about it and told me that if I don’t even have the courtesy to let him know I will be late, then it won’t work out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi flicked his ear, and Oikawa whined out an ‘ouch’, looking at Iwaizumi with a pained confusion on his face. “Damn it, Shittykawa. What are you doing here?” He asked, angrily. “Go and apologise to him. And don’t pull this shit with him again.” He demanded, and Oikawa smiled at him. He said a quick thank you and goodbye, then practically ran out of the house to go and make up with this guy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He flopped back on the bed and closed his eyes, sighing to himself. In the past four years, Iwaizumi had had two girlfriends and a boyfriend; trying to get over Oikawa, but it hadn’t worked out with any of them. He wondered how the past few years would have gone if he had just been honest. Would he have ended up with Oikawa? Or would it all have blown up in his face. It was a lot easier to think it would have destroyed what they had had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi didn’t want to feel this way anymore. But every time he had tried to get over Oikawa in the past, it hadn’t worked out. It was a cold night, but he didn’t want to lie here and pity himself any longer, so he grabbed his coat and went for a walk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The park was basically empty, and the sky was clear. It was serene. And clearing his mind felt good. He looked up at the sky as he walked the path he usually walked, and zoned out completely that he didn’t see the person walking towards him. Apparently the same was true for the other party as the two crashed into each other, and the other guy dropped his phone. “Shit.” Iwaizumi said instinctively, as both he and the guy that he slammed into reached down to pick it up, and they knocked heads. “Ah, sorry.” Iwaizumi laughed as he stood back up, and the other guy grabbed his phone and stood up too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He was tall. Probably an inch or two taller than Oikawa, and he had an amused smile plastered on his face. Iwaizumi suddenly felt warm, blood rushing to his cheeks as he felt nerves creep up inside him. “Sorry about that.” He chuckled out nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “I guess I was a little distracted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “No, don’t apologise.” The guy opposite him insisted, sweetly. “I’m at fault too. I was on my phone.” He laughed. “Kagawa Kuma.” He reached out his hand as he introduced himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi accepted the handshake. “Iwaizumi Hajime.” He responded, a small smile creeping onto his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwaizumi?” Kagawa repeated. “As in Saijoh’s ace?” He questioned. “You are, aren’t you?” He suddenly bounced slightly with excitement. “Do you mind if I walk with you? You’re much cuter in person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi looked at him with a look of surprise; shocked by his forwardness. “Actually I’m just working through some stuff right now, so I’d like to be alone. It was nice meeting you though.” He smiled, bowed slightly, then moved around the tall guy standing in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Wait,” He called after Iwaizumi, and the spiker turned back to look at him, not wanting to be disrespectful. “I know I just met you, but I’d kick myself if I didn’t ask. Can I get your number?” He held his phone out; new contact page open. Iwaizumi smiled, and grabbed the phone, entering his number into it, then handing it back, smiling, and walking away without saying anything further. “It was nice to meet you, Iwaizumi-san!” He called out after him, and Iwaizumi smiled to himself, blushing intensely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After he got home, he took off his coat and instantly crawled under the duvet. He was freezing, but the thought of the gentle, hazel eyes that had looked into his made him feel a little warmer inside. He was a little angry at himself for not getting Kagawa’s number too, but at least this meant that the first move wasn’t on him. He stared at his phone for what felt like hours, just waiting for a new message that it was starting to seem like it’d never come. Iwaizumi fell asleep watching the screen.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi felt like shit when he woke up the next morning. His head was banging, and he felt incredibly nauseous. He glanced at his phone and saw it was 5:45am, so he switched off his alarms, sent Oikawa a quick text to say he wasn’t feeling well and so he wouldn’t be in, then rolled over and curled back up under the duvet after putting his phone onto the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His mom knocked on his bedroom door at around 6:15 to ask if he was getting up, to which he mumbled back something about not feeling well before falling back to sleep. He had no idea what had come over him and why he felt so crappy, but he didn’t care at this point. He just wanted to sleep. He didn’t even want to get out of bed at all, which was rare for Iwaizumi. In the past three years, he hadn’t once missed school, or even been late to a practice, and it obviously would have cause some concern for his teammates, so he was unsurprisingly awoken at 6:35 by a phone call from Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan!” Oikawa called down the phone, and Iwaizumi groaned as he held the phone away from his ear to try and dampen how loud his friend was being. “What do you mean you’re ill? Where are you?” He demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi groaned again. “I'm in bed, Shittykawa.” He responded. “I feel like trash. I’m not in today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Channn! That’s no excuse! You’re never too ill for volleyball!” He complained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Can you just collect any notes I need from my teachers as I asked? My mom already called and said you would. Can you just do this please?” He sounded ill. He sounded exhausted. He just wanted to go back to sleep. And Oikawa seemed to get the hint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Okay.” He agreed, quieter and calmer now. “I’ll come by after tonight’s practice, yeah?” He agreed, gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Thank you.” Iwaizumi said. “I’ll see you later.” He hung up and dropped his phone back on the floor, going back to sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi tossed and turned throughout the day, unable to sleep properly again. His mom had gone out for the day, so he was home alone. It was around 11am he eventually rolled out of bed, wanting to shower to see if it’d make him feel any better, as well as forcing himself to eat </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He knew he would only get worse if he didn’t eat anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He stood in the hot shower, leaning against the wall and looking down at the floor, watching the water swirl down the drain. His head still hurt like hell, but he was feeling less nauseous now. He stepped out of the shower after around 45 minutes, and wrapped a towel around his waist. He knew full well that he didn’t need to get dressed as no one was home, and no one was expected, so he went downstairs to make some ramen, nothing fancy, just some noodles in chicken broth to give him some salt and something to line his stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After eating, he headed back upstairs and pulled on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt, then seating himself at his desk. Since he felt a little better, he thought it’d be good to do some studying. Not too long after his phone buzzed, and he realised he hadn’t looked at it since early that morning. He picked it up and had four unread messages, one from Oikawa, three from an unsaved number. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The one from Oikawa read:</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span> &lt;&lt;Iwa-Chan!!! Are you feeling any better yet? :p</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  He smiled slightly as he responded.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;Hey, Shittykawa. I’m a little better. I’m going to try and squeeze in some studying.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  He then opened the messages from the unknown number.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&lt;&lt;Iwaizumi Hajime. I hope you remember me :)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;Sorry I took so long to message you…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;I spent all night trying to think of an opening line and now I feel like I overthought it and I am incredibly nervous about your response.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled, and saw this as an opportunity to mess with him.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;Sorry, who is this?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  He chuckled to himself, saved the number in his phone, then got back to his work. Or he at least tried to, but his phone buzzed again and he couldn’t stop himself from picking it up instantly.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&lt;&lt;Ouch. Iwaizumi Hajime you break my heart &lt;/3</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;Oh! You’re that guy from the park last night!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;Katawa, right?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  It made him smile, messing with the guy. And he kept his phone in his hands, watching the three small dots appear in the bottom left corner as Kagawa typed his response.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&lt;&lt;If I had known you were going to be this harsh, I wouldn’t have asked for your number :’(</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;For someone at a private school, you respond quickly. Are they more lenient on phones in class than people assume?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;I’m not actually in today. I feel pretty trash, so my friend is getting notes for me today.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;Ah no! I hope you’re okay &gt;_&lt; Can I bring you anything? Soup? Noodles?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;Kagawa Kuma, are you trying to get my address?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;That’s really creepy, you know?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  He spent hours texting Kagawa, not even noticing it had gotten dark outside. He only realised the time when Oikawa barged into his room, catching him grinning at his phone. Iwaizumi was quick to slam his phone face down on his desk, and blushed bright red when Oikawa started to question him. “Who are you texting, Iwa-Chan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Just a friend.” He responded. “I met him on a walk last night. He seems like a decent person.” He said, trying to play it off as a friendship, and hoping that the fact he said </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘him’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>would throw Oikawa off. He couldn’t have been more wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Him?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Oikawa questioned, dramatically as he sat himself on the edge of Iwaizumi’s bed, pulling a notebook full of sheets of notes out of his bag as he continued speaking. “Does Iwa-Chan have a crush on a </span>
  <em>
    <span>guy</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” He teased as he handed over the notebook. “Also, you don’t look that ill.” He insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled. “Well I’m feeling a lot better.” He responded. “And so what if I have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>little </span>
  </em>
  <span>crush on a guy?” He asked, genuinely curious if Oikawa had a problem with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Wait, really?” Oikawa asked. He had been joking but Iwaizumi seemed to be being serious. “You’re into a guy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi was clearly embarrassed, and flushed slightly. “I- I think I am…” He admitted, and Oikawa smiled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “That’s great, Iwa-Chan.” He responded, softly. “What’s this guy like?” He asked, sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled, and went into a description about the guy. About what they had talked about. About how getting to know him felt effortless, and that he hadn’t felt this excited about someone in a long time. He smiled, slightly embarrassed about how much he had just admitted to liking Kagawa. “I think I really like him, Oikawa.” He ended with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa smiled at him, clearly happy for him. “Have you set up a date with him yet?” He asked, curiously, and Iwaizumi shook his head. “You should. He sounds like he’s good for you.” He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi changed the subject after a few seconds. “Did you make up with your boyfriend?” He asked, and Oikawa’s face lit up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I did.” He beamed. “I was apologetic, and I promised him it wouldn’t happen again.” It still hurt Iwaizumi to see Oikawa with someone else. He would still give up everything if it meant being with Oikawa. But as long as he was happy, nothing else mattered. And maybe Kagawa was a better fit anyway. It didn’t put an existing friendship at risk, and it gave him a refreshing break from the life that he had already. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two of them talked for a while before Oikawa left, and Iwaizumi picked his phone up again, knowing that his friend was right, and that he should take a chance.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;This might seem a little fast, so it’s fine if you say no, but do you want to go on a date this weekend? Say Saturday, we can grab dinner, and maybe watch a movie?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>He exhaled deeply as he clicked send, then waited. He watched the message go from ‘delivered’ to ‘read’. And he waited, rather impatiently.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&lt;&lt;Iwaizumi Hajime, how dare you ask me out before I ask you out!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;But that sounds nice. Do you have anywhere particular in mind?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  He smiled at the response.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;I may have an idea or two.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two texted for a little while longer before eventually going to bed. It felt nice to be able to talk to someone like this, and knowing that his best friend was happy with it just made Iwaizumi feel more confident about Kagawa. And for the first time in a long time he was looking forward to spending time with someone other than Oikawa. It was good. It was progress. Maybe he could move on. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Better</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Do you want to come in and watch a movie?” Iwaizumi asked, and Kagawa smiled sweetly.</p><p>  “I really do.” He said. “But-” He continued, “I’m going to say no this time. I really enjoyed tonight, and I really like you, Iwaizumi Hajime.” He paused for a moment. “I don’t want to risk screwing anything up. So I’d like to end the night here, and take you out again another time. If that’s okay with you?”</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  The week had gone by slowly. Iwaizumi had been waiting since Tuesday for it to finally hit the weekend, and he woke up on Saturday morning feeling nervous and excited. The first thing Iwaizumi did was check his phone. Oikawa and Hanamaki had messaged him to wish him luck today, Matsukawa has specifically told him to not fuck it up, and Kagawa had messaged him simply to say good morning. He responded to all four of them before rolling out of bed, and heading to the bathroom to hop in the shower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hajime?” His mom knocked on the bathroom door as he was rinsing the shampoo out of his hair. “Your father and I are leaving now. We’ll be back tomorrow afternoon. Feel free to invite Tooru round if you get lonely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Thanks mom.” He called back. “Have a good trip.” She then mumbled something about the hotel phone number being somewhere if he needed it, and he smiled as he heard the front door close. He had originally planned to go to the cinema to watch a film after dinner, but since he found out his parents were going away, he thought it’d be more intimate to invite Kagawa round. Not that he’d invited him just yet, but he was planning to if the date went well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He hopped out the shower just as his phone started to ring, and smiled as he answered, putting his phone on speaker. “Morning Crappykawa.” He said with an enthusiasm in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Good morning, Iwa-Chan!” He beamed. “How’re you feeling about today?” He asked, curious about how nervous Iwaizumi would be, considering that he wasn’t really one to feel uneasy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Honestly?” Iwaizumi started, “I’m nervous.” He confessed. “I actually think Kagawa’s pretty cool, and I think he thinks the same about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Well that’s because you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> cool, Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa interrupted. “You know, this is the first time I think I’ve ever seen you excited for a date.” He observed. “When you’ve told me about dates in the past, you’ve always been very ‘eh’ about it. But this is different.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled at the amount of attention Oikawa had paid to this sort of thing. “I’m considering inviting him to watch a movie here after dinner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Really?” Oikawa asked, clearly surprised. “Your mom’s okay with that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “She’s away with dad tonight. House to myself.” Iwaizumi explained. “Only if dinner goes well though. If it doesn’t, I won’t.” Oikawa stayed quiet, and Iwaizumi could actually sense him pouting. “What?” He asked after a few seconds of tension.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa huffed slightly. “We always have movie night when your mom’s away.” He complained, and Iwaizumi chuckled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “If he does come round for a movie, it’ll just be one.” Iwaizumi explained. “You can go to your boyfriend’s for a bit, and I’ll text you when he leaves, then we can have a late movie night?” He suggested, and he could actually feel Oikawa’s mood improve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Sounds like a plan.” The setter confirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The pair then proceeded to discuss all of Iwaizumi’s plans for the evening, going into all details, then going on to talk about Oikawa’s idea of a good Saturday, then talking about whatever came into their heads. It was a nice way for them to waste time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Before he knew it, it had reached 4, and he only had around half an hour before he had to leave, and he was freaking out what to wear. He eventually decided on a dark grey polo neck jumper, tucked into a pair of black, slightly torn jeans, with a pair of black Chelsea boots. He wasn’t one to brag, but even he thought he looked good. He inhaled deeply and smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He put his coat on, grabbed his phone and his keys, and headed out to meet Kagawa at the point that they met in the park the other night. Kagawa was already there when Iwaizumi arrived, and the taller’s face lit up when he saw Iwaizumi. “Hey!” Kagawa said, happily. “How are you?” He asked as Iwaizumi stopped in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m okay.” He smiled softly in return. “And how are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Better now.You look nice.” Kagawa responded, turning to start walking, and offering his arm for Iwaizumi to take hold of, which the spiker happily did. They then began in the direction of the bistro that Iwaizumi had suggested. “So how do you know about this place?” Kagawa asked, curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “My friend actually recommended it. He’s been on what some may call a large number of dates, so I trust his recommendations in this area.” Iwaizumi clarified. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa smiled. “Does that mean you haven’t been on a lot of dates?” He questioned, in an almost teasing way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled, “Not really. I’ve been in three relationships in the past three years, and each of them only lasted a few weeks.” He explained. “I guess none of them were quite right for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Well, I hope I last more than just a few weeks.” Kagawa smiled, and Iwaizumi smiled back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I hope so too.” He responded, honestly, and Kagawa blushed slightly, not much but Iwaizumi noticed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two reached the bistro, and were seated quickly as they were on time for their reservation. Their conversation flowed smoothly from the moment they met up, and this continued through dinner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After they paid - Kagawa insisted on paying, but Iwaizumi wouldn’t allow it and they split the cheque - they went on a short walk back through the park, and ended up talking about their exes, and past relationships.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You know how many people I’ve dated in high school, you owe me the same.” Iwaizumi half-joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa rolled his eyes. “Fine. But I know you won’t like the answer.” He defended. “I’ve been on about twenty first dates in the past six months.” Iwaizumi looked at him, surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why so many?” Iwaizumi pried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Honestly? I’ve been trying to get over my ex. Most of them were just me trying to push past that.” Iwaizumi pondered silently as Kagawa continued. “But this is more than that.” He smiled at Iwaizumi. “Or I want it to be... if you do.” They reached outside Iwaizumi’s, and the spiker stopped, looking up to smile at Kagawa. “Why are you stopping?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi gestured at the house. “This is me.” He said simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh.” Kagawa responded, clearly disappointed. “Well I had a good time tonight.” He said as he stepped a little closer to Iwaizumi, gently looking down and grasping both his hands. “Can we go out again sometime?” He seemed nervous, and it was endearing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Do you want to come in and watch a movie?” Iwaizumi asked, and Kagawa smiled sweetly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I really do.” He said. “But-” He continued, “I’m going to say no this time. I really enjoyed tonight, and I really like you, Iwaizumi Hajime.” He paused for a moment. “I don’t want to risk screwing anything up. So I’d like to end the night here, and take you out again another time. If that’s okay with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled. “That would be nice.” He confirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two of them gazed at each other in a content silence. “Can I kiss you?” Kagawa broke the silence. The fact that he asked made Iwaizumi feel warm inside - he liked the idea of spontaneity, but this also showed a level of respect that was much wanted for a relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You can.” He smiled as Kagawa raised his hand to rest on Iwaizumi’s cheek. His thumb rubbed across his cheek gently, his hand easily cupped the side of his face. He slowly leaned in, and Iwaizumi’s eyes fluttered shut, lips parting. He wasn’t too sure where to put his hands, but they eventually found their place on Kagawa’s hips, fingers tightening slightly when he felt Kagawa’s breath on his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The kiss must have lasted five or six seconds, but it felt like an eternity. When Kagawa pulled back, Iwaizumi followed him slightly, chasing the warmth that had just left his lips. The taller smiled as Iwaizumi blushed slightly. “That was… nice.” Kagawa said as he exhaled softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah.” Iwaizumi agreed. “I should go inside now.” He stepped back. “Thank you.” He smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa tilted his head, slightly confused. “For what?” He asked, sincerely. It was that look that made Iwaizumi realise why he was originally drawn to him so much. It was a combination of his dark, brown hair that was swept outwards, the grin that he frequently showed that seemed ingenuine alongside the genuine smile that he had shown just after their kiss, his height, the glasses that he was wearing but claimed he didn’t need. He looked almost exactly like Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled, because even though his looks had originally drawn him in, it was Kagawa’s personality - the way he held himself, the respect he showed Iwaizumi, his honesty - it was these things that made Iwaizumi want to see more of him. “For tonight.” He smiled, then said goodbye to Kagawa, heading inside, smiling as he closed the door behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He was only inside for around five seconds before he pulled out his phone to text Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;Movie night?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa read the message almost instantly, and responded as such.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&lt;&lt;Movie night!!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  It had barely been 20 minutes before Oikawa was letting himself in. “Iwa-Chan!” He called as he walked in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “In here!” Iwaizumi called from the lounge, and Oikawa bounded through to him. “You seem cheery.” He observed, and Oikawa grinned at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> cheery.” Oikawa beamed. “How was your date?” He asked. “I can only assume it wasn’t good? Since I’m here and he’s not?” He smiled, sympathetically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi glared at the look Oikawa was giving him. “It was actually amazing.” He corrected Oikawa, who then bounced giddily at the response he had just received, insisting that Iwaizumi tell him all about it. The spiker reluctantly agreed, then got into it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He told him about how Kagawa’s face lit up when he first saw him. How they didn’t have even a second of awkward silence from the moment they met up. How Kagawa almost instinctively offered his arm for Iwaizumi to link onto, and how Iwaizumi suddenly felt unbothered by the people around them. How he offered to pay the bill, but Iwaizumi didn’t let him. He told Oikawa how Kagawa had walked him home, and he had invited him in, but he declined like a gentleman. And that he had then asked to kiss him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Wait, he actually asked if it was okay to kiss you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah.” Iwaizumi confirmed. “I honestly didn’t expect it, but thinking about it, if he had tried kissing me without asking, I probably would have stopped him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh.” Oikawa responded, simply. Which confused Iwaizumi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What?” He questioned, genuinely unsure about what he had said that had made Oikawa react this way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You said ‘would have’.” Oikawa clarified. “You ‘would have stopped him’.” Iwaizumi was still confused. “You let him kiss you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This </span>
  </em>
  <span>was what had upset Oikawa? Iwaizumi was confused why on earth someone kissing him had upset him. “Why are you upset?” He asked, trying to find an answer that made sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I just think…” Oikawa started, hesitating slightly. “I think you need to be smarter about this.” Iwaizumi looked pissed, and Oikawa stuttered, trying to defend himself. “I just mean, you’ve told this guy a lot about yourself, right? But what do you know about him? What school does he go to? How old is he? Does he have any siblings? How long has he lived around here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi was speechless at how judgemental Oikawa was being here. “So I need to know </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything </span>
  </em>
  <span>about someone before I can kiss them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa huffed. “No, I’m not saying that.” He explained. “But how many of my questions can you actually answer?” He asked, trying to prove his point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The smirk that appeared on Iwaizumi’s face baffled Oikawa slightly. “Okay, Shittykawa. He goes to Ishinomaki, yes the university because he’s 19. He has two younger sisters and an older brother. He’s lived in Miyagi his whole life but has only lived in this town a few months - since around a month before he started his first semester. Also, you didn’t ask, but he lives alone.” He looked at Oikawa smugly, and the setter seemed relatively satisfied with the response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Fine.” Oikawa folded. “Pizza?” He changed the subject, and Iwaizumi agreed. They ordered, and then spent the night watching crappy movies until Oikawa eventually drifted off, leaning his head against Iwaizumi’s shoulder. Iwaizumi always found it adorable when Oikawa did that, so he took a picture to show the setter in the morning, then slowly drifted off himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa woke up first to a light knocking on the front door. He glanced at Iwaizumi, who had slowly fallen during the night so his head was lying on Oikawa’s lap, and stroked his hair, gently, smiling down at him. As the person at the door knocked again, Oikawa slipped himself out from underneath Iwaizumi’s head, and plodded over to the front door. He had gotten changed the night before into just his underwear and a grey tshirt, so the cold air on his legs was an irritant that morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He opened the front door, and was met with hazel eyes and a beaming smile that dropped into a look of almost disgust as soon as he saw it was Oikawa that answered. “Who are you?” The person at the door asked, looking Oikawa up and down as he did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Shouldn’t I be the one asking that?” Oikawa retorted. “Since I’m the one that opened the door you were knocking on.” He rubbed one eye, trying to adjust to the brightness of the morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The one on the doorstep chuckled slightly. “Sorry. That was really rude of me.” His apology seemed sincere, but the new smile on his face was definitely fake. “I’m Kagawa Kuma.” He reached out to shake Oikawa’s hand, but the setter didn’t return the favour. Instead he just stared at the outreached hand. Kagawa cleared his throat and lowered his hand. “I’m hoping you can help me. I might have the wrong house. I’m looking for Iwaizumi Hajime?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why?” Oikawa responded, still suspicious of this guy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa obviously didn’t expect that response, and it showed. “Well, he’s my boyfriend. And he told me last night that he was home alone this weekend so I was planning on surprising him with a trip out to breakfast.” He explained. “Do you know which house is his?” He asked again, seeming like he may have begun losing his patience.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “And you just assume that he didn’t have plans?” Oikawa pressed. “How presumptuous of you.” He smirked slightly, seeing the visible reaction he had pulled from Kagawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Listen-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “No, you listen.” Oikawa interrupted. “You can’t just assume Iwa-Chan is free. You need to learn to call first.” He started. “What if his parents were home already? Were you prepared to meet them? And you admitted he was your boyfriend so quickly. In a small town like this word travels fast, and if I wasn’t me, you could have just ruined his day-to-day life, and you seem to have not even considered that as a possibility. How careless. Also, don’t you think one date is a bit soon to start calling him your boyfriend?” He questioned sternly. “I know for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>fact </span>
  </em>
  <span>that you haven’t had that conversation with him yet. And no, you didn’t get the wrong house. But we have a tradition of movie night whenever his mom is away, and you just woke me after that. Iwa-Chan is still asleep.” He gestured to the couch, even though there was no way Kagawa could have seen it from where he was. “Because he doesn’t wake up before 10am after movie night because the idiot goes to sleep at like 4am. And even if he was awake, he wouldn’t be free because we always make pancakes the morning after. Because pancakes are his favourite. But you didn’t know any of this, did you? Because you don’t really know him, do you?” He glared at Kagawa with folded arms, awaiting the response the guy would give.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa smiled, it was disgustingly fake. “Sorry for interrupting. It’s Oikawa, right?” Oikawa nodded, keeping a stern face. “I’ll get going, but give this to ‘Zumi from me?” He requested as he handed Oikawa a small box, and Oikawa cringed internally at the nickname that he had chosen for Iwaizumi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa took the box, agreeing to give it to Iwaizumi when he awoke, then closed the door and frowned. The guy seemed relatively nice, but there was something about him that didn’t sit right with Oikawa. Maybe it was something about the way he started to lose his patience so quickly when he didn’t realise Oikawa was associated with Iwaizumi. Or maybe it was the sickeningly fake smile he had shown. Either way, he didn’t like him. And he couldn’t see what it was about him that Iwaizumi liked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He walked quietly back into the lounge, and placed the box on the coffee table in front of the sleeping Iwaizumi, then went into the kitchen to start on the pancake batter, allowing Iwaizumi some additional time to sleep as it was only just 8.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi was awoken by the scent of pancakes. He peaked open one eye, and caught sight of the out of place box, sitting on the coffee table. He barely had time to sit up before Oikawa handed him a plate stacked high and the bottle of syrup, sitting himself next to Iwaizumi on the couch. “Thanks.” Iwaizumi said, stuffing a forkful of pancakes in his mouth almost instantly. “What’s that?” He gestured at the box on the table, still chewing his first mouthful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It’s from your boyfriend.” Oikawa answered, sounding almost sour when he said it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi furrowed his brow at the statement. “He’s not my boyfriend?” He questioned. “And how did you get that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “How do you think?” Oikawa snipped back. “He came round this morning asking for you ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Zumi</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Iwaizumi stopped chewing and his eyes widened slightly as he glanced up at Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “And?” Iwaizumi pressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “‘And’ what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “What’re your thoughts on him?” He asked, as if that was an obvious question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Open the box.” Oikawa insisted, avoiding the question and stuffing almost a full pancake into his mouth. Iwaizumi glared at him slightly, then put down his plate and picked up the box, shaking it slightly to see if it rattled - it did. He then opened it, and smiled slightly at what was inside - a braided leather bracelet. He pulled it out, showing Oikawa, and put it on with almost no hesitation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled at it on his wrist. “It’s nice, don't you think?” He glanced up at Oikawa again, who was wearing a look of confusion, and slight anger. “Okay. You clearly have a problem with him.” He snapped. “Will you just tell me what your issue is? Because not knowing pisses me off more than anything you can say would.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I just think it’s stupid how he’s know you not even a week, and he’s already acting like he knows you better than anyone else.” Oikawa admitted. “And when I spoke to him before-” He hesitated slightly. “I don’t know, he gave off a strange vibe. It was like he was being possessive.” He tried to explain. “And now he’s gotten you a ‘gift’ that is like a classic sign that you’re taken.” He leant back in his chair. “It’s just a lot of red flags, I think. Especially since I only had like thirty seconds of an interaction with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi glared at him. “You can’t judge him based on a few seconds.” He responded. “All you know is that he showed up to surprise me, and gave me a gift. Why are you taking it to mean the worst possible thing that it could?” Oikawa opened his mouth to respond but Iwaizumi didn't give him the opportunity to. “Why are you so against me being with someone who actually makes me feel like dating might actually be worth it?” He asked, clearly upset now. “What is it? Huh? Is it the fact that maybe this means I won’t be available 24/7 anymore, so you might actually have to learn how to solve your own problems?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, why are you so upset?” Oikawa interrupted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m not.” Iwaizumi defended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You clearly are.” Oikawa retorted. “You asked my opinion so I gave it. You can’t get mad at me just because you disagree with me.” He argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m not mad because you disagree. I’m mad because you haven’t even given him a chance and you’re already saying you don’t like him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> asked what I thought!” Oikawa defended again. “I wouldn’t have said anything if you hadn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and finished his breakfast without saying anything else, then left Oikawa in the lounge as he went upstairs. He was angry, but Oikawa had a point and Iwaizumi knew it. If he hadn’t asked, Oikawa would have kept his mouth shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He took off his polo neck that he was still wearing from the night before, and put on a clean t-shirt, and a pair of black sweatpants. He sat on his bed and rubbed his face, sighing deeply, then leaning back on his hands. And then he just sat there. Thinking. Was it really fair to be angry at Oikawa here? Oikawa’s gut feeling had never been wrong before, and from the sounds of it, he was just looking out for Iwaizumi. But, at the same time, even if the consideration of a relationship with Kogawa was a mistake, it wasn’t really Oikawa’s place to try and stand in the way. Or was it? He was his best friend, and what were friends for if not looking out for each other. Iwaizumi sat there for a while in the silence, just considering what to do next. He looked down at the bracelet on his wrist and smiled softly. Then looked around his room, focusing on all of the things Oikawa had gotten him over the years. The things that show that he really, truly knew him. Everything from the small godzilla plush he had given him for his birthday to the framed photo of the two of them as children where Iwaizumi was holding a caterpillar and Oikawa was crying out of fear. He smiled as he remembered the day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It was then that he decided he wouldn’t be divided like this. He wouldn’t feel pressured to choose between the two of them, and no one had even asked him to so why was he thinking like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He headed back downstairs to apologise to Oikawa and found that he had tidied up and left. And then the guilt set in. Iwaizumi suddenly felt bad for yelling at Oikawa and storming off. And the guilt made him feel immensely nauseous. He texted Oikawa, knowing the guy wouldn’t answer the phone if he was in a mood with him.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;Hey. I’m sorry. I know you’re just looking out for me. I’ll treat you to a meatbun after practice tomorrow?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;Make it two and I might forgive you ;)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled at the response.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;Two!? You greedy asshole! I guess it’s a deal though.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  He left his phone on the coffee table and got changed into his running gear, stretching fully before leaving the house to run through the park, leaving his phone and just taking an old iPod that he had been using for years, and updating as his music taste updated. He always prefered to leave his phone when he went for a run as it was fewer distractions. The sky was slightly castover, and the air smelled like rain, so he planned to make it fast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  As cold as it was, it was refreshing. He loved the feeling of being out of breath. His lungs felt full and his mind felt clear. As he reached the lake in the park, he stopped, looking across the pristine view. And he smiled. For the first time in years, he actually felt like his life was moving forward. He wasn’t hung up on his best friend anymore - at least, not to the same extent - and he had found a guy he genuinely liked and who seemed to genuinely like him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It was good. Things were better.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. First Signs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He looked down at his wrist and no bruises had formed yet, but the skin was tender and swollen so he knew there would be one there in the morning. He prodded at it, flinching slightly at the lack of gentleness in his touch. He sighed deeply as he tried to think of a way he would be able to hide this at practice. He didn’t need everyone to know about the small mistake Kagawa had made, and clearly felt guilty about.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>T/W: This chapter involves slightly hints of domestic violence</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s phone was ringing when he walked back through the front door. He picked it up, and smiled at the name that lit up the screen. “Hey Kagawa.” He spoke cheerfully as he answered, putting the phone on speaker and heading up to his room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hey.” He sounded a little annoyed. “What took you so long to respond?” He asked, he was clearly unhappy, but Iwaizumi decided to let it slide, Oikawa was likely rude to him earlier, so he may have still been bothered by that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled slightly, trying to lighten the mood. “Sorry, I went for a run and I don’t take my phone with me.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ah, okay.” He sounded satisfied with that response. “I stopped by this morning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I know. Oikawa told me.” Iwaizumi confirmed. “I like the bracelet.” His smile only got wider when he looked down at it, then it dropped slightly. “Hey, erm, did you tell Oikawa that you were my boyfriend?” He questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  There was a brief silence, then Iwaizumi heard the start of a nervous laughter on the other side of the phone and he smirked slightly. “I might have said that without thinking.” He admitted. “But in my defence, it was more to remind me than to tell him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Remind you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Look, if you were me, and someone who looked like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>answered the door, you’d have to remind yourself too!” He jokingly defended, and Iwaizumi laughed. “I hope I didn’t scare you off with that comment. I know we’ve only been on one date.” He admitted, sounding a little nervous. “But I think I want to be exclusively your boyfriend, Iwaizumi Hajime.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s lips curled up even more than they already were. “Well, that’s queer.” He laughed. “I think I’d like that too though.” He confessed as he lay on his bed, face up and phone on speaker next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  They were both silent, but it was a content silence. A calming silence. “So are we a thing now? Like, properly.” Kagawa asked after a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I think we are.” Iwaizumi responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two talked a little while longer before Iwaizumi hung up to go shower. He took a quick look at his phone before doing so and saw 8 messages and 5 missed calls all from Kagawa, from before he had answered.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&lt;&lt;Did you get my gift?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;I left it with your friend.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;Did he give it to you?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  **You missed a call from Kagawa Kuma**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;Why aren’t you answering?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  **You missed a call from Kagawa Kuma**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;Are you still with Oikawa??</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;You could at least text me back??</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  **You missed a call from Kagawa Kuma**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  **You missed a call from Kagawa Kuma**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;Iwaizumi???</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;Are you there?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  **You missed a call from Kagawa Kuma**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Damn.” Iwaizumi muttered to himself. But he could get why Kagawa may have been a little insecure. After all, it was Oikawa that he had been with. But he was sure it’d be different now that they were officially together; there was no need for him to be insecure now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi was grinning at his phone when Oikawa wandered outside, and the setter tapped his shin lightly with his foot. “Earth to Iwa-Chan.” He spoke softer than usual, and Iwaizumi glanced up. Oikawa’s eyes were puffy and red, and he was still sniffing slightly. He had clearly been crying. Iwaizumi shoved his phone into his pocket, then wrapped his arm around Oikawa’s neck, pulling him down and giving him a noogie, which the setter actively tried to pull himself free from. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After a couple of seconds, Iwaizumi let go, and the pair began walking. “Why were you crying?” He asked, not looking over at Oikawa as he did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa glanced at him. “I wasn’t.” He defended, pathetically, and Iwaizumi glared at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You’re lying.” He responded. “You can’t get away with lying to me, Shittykawa.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa smiled slightly at the response, but it was an obviously fake smile. “He broke up with me last night.” He explained. “For real this time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “He said he couldn’t do it.” Oikawa started. “That he thought he would start to feel something for me, but he hadn’t. That he didn’t feel the same way I did and was done faking it.” The tears started streaming down his cheeks and Iwaizumi’s glare softened into a sympathetic look. “He never cared about me, Iwa-Chan. He was just using me.” Oikawa’s voice cracked as he spoke, and it broke Iwaizumi’s heart. “And the worst part is part of me knew he just wanted to fuck me. And I let him anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi stepped in front of Oikawa and gripped hold of his shoulders. “Don’t you dare cry over that asshole.” He spoke in a firm tone. “Yes, you can be upset that you wasted your time on him. And you can be angry that that dick used you like that. But don’t you dare waste another tear on missing that bastard. Okay?” Oikawa nodded, then looked down as he wiped away his tears and sniffed. Iwaizumi let go, and turned to start walking again. Oikawa gripped hold of his wrist which stopped Iwaizumi in his tracks, and he turned back around to see Oikawa still crying. He sighed and pulled the setter in for a warm hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It hurts, Iwa-Chan.” He sniffled. “I know I shouldn’t cry over him. But it hurts.” He cried, and Iwaizumi just stood there, holding him. He could feel his shoulder beginning to dampen, but he knew Oikawa needed this. “I’m sorry.” He sobbed after a short while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why are you sorry?” Iwaizumi asked. “You’ve done nothing wrong.” He defended him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa kept tight hold of Iwaizumi. “I’m so annoying, I’m sorry.” He repeated, and it broke Iwaizumi’s heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi pulled back, grabbed Oikawa by either cheek, and looked him in the eyes. “Yes, you’re annoying as hell. But don’t apologise for that. There’s nothing wrong with the way you are. And you are worth so much more than that asshole realises, and he will regret making you feel this way when he sees how amazing you become.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m not amazing.” Oikawa muttered and tried to look down, but Iwaizumi forced himself to stay in the setters eyeline.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Don’t you </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Iwaizumi spoke firmly. “Don’t you </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare</span>
  </em>
  <span> undervalue yourself, Oikawa Tooru. You are worth </span>
  <em>
    <span>so much more </span>
  </em>
  <span>than you give yourself credit.” He paused, and Oikawa’s lip turned up, only slightly but it was a hint he was a little more content. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  This was enough for the time being for Iwaizumi to be satisfied. He grabbed hold of Oikawa’s hand and started walking again, pulling the setter behind him as they were already late for morning practice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  On their walk home after the after school practice, Iwaizumi kept his word and bought Oikawa two meat buns, tossing the bag to the setter after he took his out. “Eat up, Crappykawa.” He smiled and tucked in as the two walked in content silence. “So, erm…” Iwaizumi started, hesitantly. “I’m gonna tell my mom tonight.” Oikawa looked over at him, raising his eyebrows slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why tonight?” Oikawa questioned, curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Well…” He continued. “Kagawa asked me to be his boyfriend…” He paused, glancing at Oikawa to try and spot a reaction. “And I said yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa nodded. “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah.” Iwaizumi chuckled nervously. “But I don’t really want to be alone when I tell her…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, auntie will support you no matter what.” Oikawa prompted as he patted Iwaizumi on the back. “You don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> anyone else there. But, if you want me there, I will be.” He smiled at Iwaizumi who thanked him, and asked him to come round a little later so he had some time to talk to his mom alone but if he couldn’t do it, Oikawa would push him to do it when he got there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi dropped Oikawa off at his, then headed home. He exhaled deeply as he stood outside his front door, just wanting to get this over with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He walked into the house, and the sound of laughter was the first thing he heard, followed by a surprisingly familiar voice coming from the kitchen with his mother. He walked through and was met with the view of Kagawa sitting at the dinner table, talking to his mom. “Hey…” Iwaizumi said, hesitantly, and both of them smiled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hajime, why didn’t you introduce me to your friend here sooner?” His mom asked, and Iwaizumi sat down, opposite her and next to Kagawa. She stood, and went into the kitchen to make more tea, and Iwaizumi took this as an opportunity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What the hell are you doing here?” Iwaizumi whispered so his mom wouldn’t hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa smiled, and whispered back. “You said that you were nervous to tell your mom, so I came to be moral support.” Iwaizumi squeezed his hand under the table, and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to him as his mom re-entered the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh, Tooru called before you got home.” She confirmed as she sat back down, cup of tea in her hands. “He’s joining us for dinner tonight. Kagawa, would you like to join too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh.” Kagawa responded, surprised by the invitation. He stuttered a little, glancing at Iwaizumi to see if he would be alright with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “He’d love to.” Iwaizumi confirmed. “But… before he says yes…” He hesitated. “Mom I need to tell you something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  She glanced at the two of them, then leaned back in her chair, stern look on her face. “I think I know what you’re about to tell me.” She said, seeming angry, and Iwaizumi looked down at the table. “Did you get someone pregnant?” She questioned, and Iwaizumi looked up at her, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What? Mom. No.” He confirmed, and she sighed with relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh, thank God.” She chuckled slightly. “Well whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be okay.” She confirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled at her. “I…” he hesitated, and Kagawa squeezed his hand again. “Mom, I think I’m gay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  She was quiet for only a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity. “You think? Or you are?” She questioned, sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I… am.” He said, sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Okay.” She said, simply. “Is that all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He looked back up at her. “Kagawa is my boyfriend…” He mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Alright.” She looked over at Kagawa. “Can you give me a minute with my son please?” Kagawa awkwardly nodded, then left the room, standing in the hallway, awaiting to be called back in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m sorry, mom.” Iwaizumi resumed looking down at the table, hands in his lap. “I know you’re disappointed with me.” She stayed quiet, letting Iwaizumi say what he wanted to say. “But I didn’t want to hide this from you. I really like Kagawa. I wanted to be honest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After he finished, his mom sat there, continuing to look at him. “Hajime.” She said, eventually. “Hajime can you look at me please?” He looked up nervously. “Are you happy?” He looked a little confused, but then nodded. “Good. That’s what matters here. It’s all that matters.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi tilted his head in confusion. “Wait… you’re not mad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  She smiled at him, softly. “I’m not dumb, Hajime. I understand that you can’t choose who you love. And this doesn’t change the fact that you’re my son, and I love you.” She reached her hand out across the table, palm up for Iwaizumi to take hold - which he did. “As long as you’re happy, then whatever you do is okay with me.” He smiled at her, and his eyes welled up at the overwhelming relief of the support he had just received.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Thank you.” He said, softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His mom then shooed him out the room so she could cook their dinner, and so he took Kagawa up to his room to watch crappy tv as they waited. Iwaizumi was leaning against his chest as they lay on his bed, looking over at the computer screen, his now boyfriend’s fingers were running through his hair slowly. Kagawa exhaled deeply before speaking softly. “Can I ask you something?” He questioned, seemingly hesitant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi glanced up at him, heart rate increasing with nerves. “Yeah? Anything.” He confirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why does Oikawa just call to say he’ll be here, rather than asking your mom if she’s okay with it?” It seemed like a relatively innocent question, and Iwaizumi lay his head back down, relieved that it was something simple. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ah, well Oikawa’s practically family. Our parents met at a birthing class when they were pregnant with us, so we grew up together.” He mentioned the frequent movie nights, and how his mom had thousands of pictures of the two of them asleep on top of each other. He tiredly explained that he had always been super comfortable around Oikawa, more so than anyone, then Kagawa’s fingers stilled. Iwaizumi blinked the sleep out of his eyes, mildly annoyed at the loss of affection he was now getting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Did you fall asleep on top of him on Saturday?” Kagawa asked; his tone had changed. Iwaizumi frowned and pushed himself up slightly, glancing up at him. Kagawa’s hand slipped away from his hair and his fingers lightly wrapped around one of his wrists. His face didn’t really seem to change at all, only a slight downturn at the corner of his lips, nothing more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded, not wanting to lie to him. “He fell asleep first, but yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Did he know about me already?” Iwaizumi tilted his head, confused. Kagawa’s fingers tightened around Iwaizumi’s wrist, slowly. It didn’t hurt at first, but as his grip tightened, it started to cut off the blood supply to his hand, and he could feel the potential crushing power that he had. Now it hurt. Slowly, Iwaizumi used his left hand to pull Kagawa’s fingers off of his wrist, with little resistance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Kagawa, that hurt.” He stated simply, and Kagawa’s face softened. He seemed incredibly apologetic, and kissed his wrist multiple times. Iwaizumi let it go. Yes, it hurt, but it seemed like a genuine mistake, and Kagawa apologised multiple times throughout the night - in his room, quietly in his ear at dinner, and then again when he was leaving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  As Iwaizumi closed the front door, Oikawa was standing in the doorway to the living room, glaring at him. “I should go home too.” He said, simply, and Iwaizumi agreed. “We need to talk, can you walk me halfway?” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes but reluctantly said he would. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two walked in silence in the cold. “You were the one who said you needed to talk to me.” Iwaizumi broke the silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa glanced at him. “What did he do to you?” He asked, and Iwaizumi looked over to him, slightly shocked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What do you mean?” He questioned, nonchalantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa scoffed at the act that Iwaizumi was putting on. “Come </span>
  <em>
    <span>on</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Iwa-Chan.” He whined. “No one apologises that much for no reason.” He continued. “He obviously did something to you, and I want you to tell me what it was.” He almost demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi unconsciously rubbed his wrist, as he smiled at Oikawa. “Oh, it was nothing.” He had to tell Oikawa </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but he didn’t want to tell him what Kagawa had done, because he wouldn’t understand that it was fine. “He just said something a little mean without thinking and then felt guilty about it.” It was obvious bullshit, but Oikawa accepted the explanation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “If he does anything sucky, you can tell me.” Oikawa clarified. “You know that, right?” Iwaizumi smiled at him, and nodded. The two of them said goodbye, and Iwaizumi headed back home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He looked down at his wrist and no bruises had formed yet, but the skin was tender and swollen so he knew there would be one there in the morning. He prodded at it, flinching slightly at the lack of gentleness in his touch. He sighed deeply as he tried to think of a way he would be able to hide this at practice. He didn’t need everyone to know about the small mistake Kagawa had made, and clearly felt guilty about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Surprise was all that filled him when he turned the final corner and saw Kagawa standing, leaning against the wall in front of his house. “Kagawa?” He questioned, and he looked up at him and smiled. Or his mouth smiled. There was a look of unexplainable anger in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Can I stay tonight?” He asked, bluntly. Iwaizumi was baffled by the question. Before he had the chance to lay out all the arguments as to why he couldn’t, Kagawa interrupted his thought process. “Come on, you know you want me to. I’ll climb through your window to sneak in if you think your mom would say no?” He gripped hold of Iwaizumi’s wrists gently, and Iwaizumi’s heart rate increased. He didn’t feel scared, but his body acted as though it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Okay.” He agreed. “Come in through my window though because my mom wouldn’t be okay with it.” He clarified, and Kagawa nodded, then kissed him on the forehead before heading to the other side of the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sighed as he closed the front door behind him. He was angry at himself for being scared, there was no reason he should have been. “Mom, I’m going to bed.” He called out. No response. She was probably already asleep. He headed upstairs, and Kagawa was already sitting on his bed. “Hey.” Iwaizumi smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa glared slightly. “How come you walked Oikawa half way, but didn’t offer to do that for me?” He questioned, standing up and walking over to Iwaizumi so that he was now towering over him, intimidatingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s heart began racing again. “Oh. I usually wouldn’t, but he asked me to because he wanted to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “About what?” Iwaizumi couldn’t tell if Kagawa was actively trying to scare him or not, so he gently placed his hand on the tallers chest, pushing him back slightly, which he allowed, making Iwaizumi believe that it wasn’t intentional. He walked past Kagawa to his closet, pulling out a hoodie, then some sweats from his dresser. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Do you mind if I get into these?” He asked, completely ignoring the question. Kagawa waved his hand as a dismissive yes, then sat himself on Iwaizumi’s bed, playing on his phone as the spiker got changed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He sat down next to Kagawa, and the elder pushed him backwards onto the bed and started kissing up his neck. Iwaizumi laughed at the suddenness. Kagawa was smiling into each of the kisses he was planting. Iwaizumi pushed him up. “It’s been a year or so since I last did anything like this.” Iwaizumi explained, a little breathless. “And I’ve never done anything more than make out with a guy…” Kagawa leaned and pushed them together, cutting off Iwaizumi’s words. It was easy this time, like they’d kissed a thousand times before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Do you wanna do something more than that?” Kagawa asked, running his fingers through Iwaizumi’s hair. Iwaizumi swallowed, and nodded, and Kagawa ducked down, kissing him deeply and intensely. “God, I’ve wanted this since the moment I first saw you.” He spoke between kisses, and Iwaizumi hummed in agreement; fingers now tangled in Kagawa’s hair and sliding to the nape of his neck. “I think I’d go crazy if we didn’t do this at some point soon.” Iwaizumi’s eyes flicked shut, embracing the warmth of Kagawa’s lips with every contact they made with his skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Kuma...” Iwaizumi mumbled, and Kagawa nipped the place where his neck met his shoulder before soothing it with his tongue - pulling a small, yet satisfying, moan from the smaller boy's lips. Had it really only been a week? It felt like they had been together for months. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi groaned and chuckled quietly. He couldn’t see Kagawa’s reaction because he was brushing the top of his neck with his lips. Kagawa continued his way up, pressing his lips against the corner of his mouth. Iwaizumi must have made a face because Kagawa was now laughing against his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Just relax, Hajime,” Kagawa said, a rush of breath against his skin, and Iwaizumi shuddered; fingers tightening on the bottom of Kagawa’s shirt, “go with the flow,” he continued. Iwaizumi tried to do as he was told; he loosened his grip and melted into the mattress beneath him, and Kagawa leaned in closer. He gave a small nod, and Kagawa’s lips were over his again; Iwaizumi’s grip involuntarily tightened, before he remembered to loosen it. His fingers fluttered for a second, before coming to rest on Kagawa’s hips, sliding beneath the hem of his shirt. Kagawa made a soft noise, almost a groan, and Iwaizumi slipped his fingers into the nearby belt loops to tug him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa was clearly ready for them to have sex. He slowly removed Iwaizumi’s clothes, taking a small makeout break after each item was removed. By the time they were both in just their boxers, they were both panting slightly. Kagawa glanced over at his jacket that was strewn on the floor, and with flushed cheeks, he mentioned how he had brought everything they’d need - just in case Iwaizumi decided he was ready. And Iwaizumi thought about it for a moment, considering it for the longest five seconds, because he knew he would be the one on the receiving end, and he was nervous about it. His heart was pounding. But he finally nodded shyly, kissing softly at Kagawa’s neck. “Yeah, let’s do it.” He confirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa looked down at him, and smiled. “If you want to stop at any point, just say so.” He stated, and that made Iwaizumi feel safer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  By the end of it they were both out of breath, but Iwaizumi was grinning, a happy flush across his face. His head was lay on Kagawa’s chest - the same way it had been when he had hurt him earlier that evening - and he could hear Kagawa’s heart was beating as fast as his own. Kagawa’s fingers ran up and down his arm, leaving soft traces of heat and tingles that Iwaizumi swore he felt all the way throughout his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “That was nice. It was good.” Kagawa smiled, and Iwaizumi exhaled in relief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Really?” He asked. “I thought so too.” He smiled, voice raspy; clearly tired. Iwaizumi fell asleep on top of Kagawa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  The morning came around and Iwaizumi was alone. He suddenly felt stupid, and used. He was angry at himself for letting Kagawa have his way with him so soon. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, still angry and upset. Until he saw a small note on his desk. He picked it up, and a wave of relief washed over him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey Hajime. Sorry to love you and leave you like that. I don’t know how your family does the whole ‘wake up call’ thing, and I don’t want you to be in trouble if your mom comes in in the morning and sees us. I would have woken you before I left, but you just looked so peaceful. I’ll call you, I promise.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled at the note, then noticed the bruises that were finally starting to show on his right wrist, and he frowned. They were in the shape of fingers that obviously weren’t his own. His gut turned as he stared down at the marks in the morning light of his room. How the fuck was he supposed to hide this? He bit his bottom lip and spotted his sports wristbands which he could pass off as a new gift from his dad, so no one would question him on wearing them for a week then never again. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Red Flags</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Iwaizumi had always thought of himself as someone who was strong and bold enough to defend himself against something like this, but now he just felt pathetic. He sighed as he pulled a tshirt over his head, hiding the marks that were now displayed on his body. He didn’t want to think about them. He didn’t want to think about anything. He just wanted to sleep.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>T/W This chapter includes hints of domestic violence</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  Two weeks had passed since the incident, and everything had gone back to normal. Iwaizumi stood in front of Oikawa’s house, the same way he did every morning. They walked to practice together, the same way they did every morning. And they played volleyball, the same way they did every morning. But something was off. Something was different about Iwaizumi, about the way he held himself. And it didn’t sit right with Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan!” Oikawa bounded over to him, and Iwaizumi flinched a little when Oikawa landed next to him. “Are you okay?” He asked, a little softer, with genuine concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi looked back at him, confused by the sincerity of the question. “Yeah? I’m fine?” He responded, clearly unsure where this change of tone had come from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa glared at him a little. “Ever since dinner the other week with Kagawa, you’ve been acting… well… different?” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Different?” Iwaizumi asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah.” Oikawa began. “You’ve been more flinchy. And you seem more nervous.” He pushed. “You told me he just insulted you, but if that were true, why would you change the way you’re acting?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi scoffed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He defended. “The way I’m acting hasn’t changed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa went on to try and push Iwaizumi to tell him what had happened, but Iwaizumi brushed him off, telling him he was just being paranoid and needed to drop it. Oikawa did, but he didn’t like it. And he didn’t like Kagawa. At all. He would keep his opinions to himself, but he didn’t want Iwaizumi to be left alone with Kagawa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  It was close to dark when they were finishing up practice that evening, and everyone had left except Oikawa and Iwaizumi. The sky had faded from blue and was now changing from orange to purple. Iwaizumi smiled at Oikawa as he leaned down and pulled out both of their towels from their gym bags, tossing Oikawa’s at his head. Sweat was dripping off of their faces, and Oikawa’s normally well styled hair was hanging over his eyes. There was a flush of satisfaction across his cheeks, and Iwaizumi let his eyes wander down over Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His legs were long and perfectly toned. And Iwaizumi’s mind thought about the way it would have felt to be with Oikawa. To hold him. To be with him instead of Kagawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shook his head to shake those thoughts. Oikawa didn’t want him, and he was with Kagawa now. Someone that actually seemed to like him a lot. Someone he liked a lot. Thinking this way about anyone other than Kagawa was wrong and disrespectful. His thought process was interrupted by the sound of the gym door opening and he turned to see Kagawa standing there. Beaming smile on his face. He glanced at Iwaizumi and then at Oikawa. It was only a split second but Iwaizumi could have sworn Kagawa’s expression had changed when he realised it was just the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hey, Kuma.” Iwaizumi smiled at him, a little confused, but happy to see him nonetheless. “What’re you doing here?” He asked, trying not to seem disappointed by the fact that he had shown up in the time he was supposed to be spending with Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa smiled at him. “Well I was waiting outside to surprise you and walk you home, but you were taking a while so I came to make sure you were alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh.” Iwaizumi said, simply. He glanced at Oikawa, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>then smiled back at Kagawa. “I usually walk home with Oikawa…” he started, before trailing off based on the look on Kagawa’s face. It wasn’t exactly a particularly scary look - it didn’t hold any anger or annoyance - but it was the same slight frown he had given before hurting him the previous week, so it scared him. He felt so pathetic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “And?” Kagawa asked, with a sourness in his tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi tripped over his words a little, and that’s when Oikawa butted in. “And that’s his way of asking you to respect that he’s not a fan of unexpected surprises.” Kagawa glared at Oikawa. “So maybe you should go, and call him later.” Oikawa stepped closer to Kagawa, and the tension between them was immense. Kagawa was slightly taller and Iwaizumi knew he was stronger, but Oikawa wasn’t intimidated by that in the slightest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds before Iwaizumi put himself between them, his back to Kagawa, and his hands pushing Oikawa back. “Calm down, Shittykawa. It’s fine.” He insisted, and Oikawa’s eyes flicked between them, before landing on Iwaizumi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He took a step backwards. “If you insist.” He responded, smiling again. But Iwaizumi could tell it was fake. Before he could question it, Kagawa had already placed his hand on Iwaizumi's hip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His grip was firm. And it hurt. Iwaizumi tried to not react. He tried so hard to not let on that it was hurting, he just placed his hand on top of Kagawa’s, and smiled up at him. Kagawa’s grip didn’t loosen, but he stopped tightening it. He glanced down at Iwaizumi. “Do you want me to go?” That felt like a loaded question. Yes. He wanted him to go. He enjoyed his walks home with Oikawa, and he was now scared to be alone with Kagawa based on the way he was acting. But he could also tell that Kagawa would only be angrier if he didn’t go with him, so he looked back at Oikawa with a pleading look in his eyes he hoped the setter would understand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Are you alright to clean up on your own?” He asked in the most casual and calm tone he could muster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa narrowed his eyes before turning away and waving his hand dismissively. “Fine.” He said followed by an exasperated sigh. “But you better bring me some milk bread tomorrow as a thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi grinned, and chuckled slightly. “Yeah whatever, Crappykawa.” He turned with Kagawa to leave, calling out behind him. “Send me a text when you get home. If you take longer than an hour, I’ll assume you're dead in a ditch and throw a party.” He joked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, so mean!” Oikawa shouted back to him as the pair disappeared around the corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa’s grip on Iwaizumi’s side still hadn’t loosened, and Iwaizumi could actually feel the bruise beginning to form. As soon as they were out of earshot of the gym, Iwaizumi attempted to pry his hand off his side, but Kagawa just held on tighter, not glancing down at Iwaizumi even once, just staring straight ahead. “Kuma, please.” Iwaizumi asked after a few seconds of trying, and the taller let go in favour of slinging his arm over Iwaizumi’s shoulder. They walked in silence. It must have only been a few minutes as Iwaizumi could still see the school gates when he looked over his shoulder, but it felt like an eternity of quiet. Eventually Iwaizumi spoke. “Can we talk about what just happened?” He asked, already nervous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa looked at him for the first time since they left the gym. “What do you mean?” He asked, seeming like he was completely oblivious to the entire situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “With you and Oikawa.” Iwaizumi clarified, and Kagawa’s jaw tensed at the sound of his name. “Can’t you at least try to get along with him?” He asked, cautiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why are you blaming </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>for what just happened?” Kagawa questioned, clearly annoyed at the accusation. “Oikawa clearly has an issue with me. And don’t think for a second that I don’t know why.” He stated, and panic filled Iwaizumi. Did he think Iwaizumi had told Oikawa what he had done?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What do you mean?” Iwaizumi asked, trying to keep his voice steady and calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa’s fist clenched, then loosened again. “He’s clearly got a thing for you, Hajime.” He stated, sounding like just a typical jealous boyfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What?” Iwaizumi was genuinely confused by the accusation. “He doesn’t.” He argued. “He had a boyfriend who broke up with him a couple weeks ago.” Iwaizumi clarified. “And he’s still hung up on him like crazy.” He smiled to himself slightly, thinking he had cleared that mess up with the one comment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He held that thought for about a second before Kagawa gripped his face in one hand and snapped Iwaizumi's head towards his, squeezing hard. “Are you saying I’m a liar?” He asked, accusingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s face was full of confusion and fear. He held onto Kagawa’s arm with both hands, pulling on it slightly so he would let go, which he did. “Why do you keep snapping like that?” Iwaizumi asked, his breathing rate higher and his heart pounding. He was so obviously scared, and Kagawa could see that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa reached out, and cupped Iwaizumi’s face gently; the spiker flinched before leaning into the touch. Kagawa’s face had softened back to a small smile, and he kissed Iwaizumi on the forehead. “I’m sorry.” He apologised, simply. “Can I treat you to dinner as an apology?” Iwaizumi hesitated, then nodded. He believed the apology. He believed that Kagawa never meant to hurt him. After all, he was so kindhearted and gentle most of the time. And Iwaizumi strongly believed that everyone was allowed a few fuck ups. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;I’m home, Iwa-Chan!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;I’m at dinner. I’ll text you later. Glad you’re not dead in a ditch.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa slumped down in his desk chair as he scrolled through his messages. There were quite a few from girls - and guys - asking if he wanted to hook up, or go for food or something, and he was half considering taking one of them up on the offer to distract himself. All he could think about was the way Iwaizumi had squeezed on Kagawa’s hand, and the look he had given his boyfriend, as if he were hinting at him to not grip so tightly. But the idea that Iwaizumi would silently hint at that rather than just say something was so out of character that Oikawa couldn’t help but wonder what he was hiding. And when he thought about it, all he could picture was the pleading look Iwaizumi had given him, and what it could have possibly meant. Had he made the right call? Was that what Iwaizumi was asking him to do? Or was he asking him to push back more?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He sighed as he rested his head on the desk, pondering the decision he had made. He must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing he knew he was waking up to his phone ringing. “Iwa-Chan?” He said quietly. “What time is it?” His voice was clearly sleepy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hey, Trashykawa.” He sniffed at the other end of the phone and there was an obvious sadness in his tone, and he sounded almost like he was crying. “It’s almost midnight. Sorry. Did I wake you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa sat up straight when he heard the pain in his best friend's apology. “No. Iwa-Chan, it’s fine. Are you okay?” He questioned, extremely concerned. “You sound upset. Did something happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “No.” Iwaizumi answered a little too fast. “I’m just heading home. I just wanted some company on my way.” He clarified, before sniffing again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh. Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I-is that alright?” Iwaizumi stuttered slightly, which was unlike him. “If not, I can call Kuma…” His words were hesitant, and Oikawa could tell that he didn’t want to do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, you chose to talk to </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>over your boyfriend?” Oikawa tried to dramatise his words to make Iwaizumi laugh, but he instead stayed silent. “Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa pressed, worrying he had overstepped a line somehow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sighed down the phone. “Sorry.” He said, softly. “I shouldn’t have left you earlier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It’s fine. I said I was fine with you going.” Oikawa reminded him. “If I wasn’t okay with it, I wouldn’t have said I was.” Iwaizumi stayed quiet. “Are you okay, Iwa-Chan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He chuckled slightly, which confused Oikawa. “I’m not really doing great right now…” Iwaizumi confessed. “But it’s something I need to deal with myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwaizumi Hajime, don’t leave me out of it. If you need me, just tell me. Okay? I’ll always be here for you.” He smiled, knowing that Iwaizumi would be able to sense it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I will.” Iwaizumi confirmed. “Thank you, Oikawa.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi stood in front of the mirror on the door of his closet wearing only his underwear. He was disgusted by himself. By the fingertip bruises that had already formed on his hip. The fist shaped bruise that was beginning to form on his chest from when Kagawa had lost his cool back at his place earlier. But Iwaizumi didn’t blame Kagawa for that. He blamed himself. It was him that brought up Oikawa in the first place, and that’s what had pissed him off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He had always thought of himself as someone who was strong and bold enough to defend himself against something like this, but now he just felt pathetic. He sighed as he pulled a tshirt over his head, hiding the marks that were now displayed on his body. He didn’t want to think about them. He didn’t want to think about anything. He just wanted to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span> &lt;&lt;Hajime, did you get home safely?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;Yeah. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;I’m sorry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;Do you really mean that? Genuinely? Because I like you Kuma. I really do. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;I do. I’m so sorry. I lost my cool. It won’t happen again, I promise. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;I like you too, Haji.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled at the final text. And, yet again, he allowed himself to believe everything Kagawa was saying. Because he did like him. And when he thought about him, he didn’t think about the pain. He thought about the way his heart had raced when he first looked up at him, about the way Kagawa’s face had lit up when he saw Iwaizumi on that first date. He thought about how his mother had doted over him when she first met him, and how gentle Kagawa had always been with him whenever they had sex, because he knew that Iwaizumi had never been with a guy before him. He didn’t associate Kagawa with the mistakes he had made. He associated him with all of the good memories they had already made in the mere three and a half weeks they had known each other. And he could actually see himself falling for this guy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He texted Kagawa a quick goodnight, before rolling over to sleep. His mood had changed since speaking on the phone with Oikawa, and as angry and disgusted as he was with himself, the thought that this rough patch was over made him feel so much better. He inhaled deeply, and he could feel the bruise on his ribs as he did. He could feel the pressure it applied, and he winced in slight pain, but he tried to ignore it in favour of believing in Kagawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Falling asleep was easy for Iwaizumi. He was asleep almost as soon as he closed his eyes. He needed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa, on the other hand, couldn’t get to sleep at all after that. He could only think about the way Iwaizumi sounded. He sounded like he was hurting, like he was upset. And Oikawa couldn’t help but feel concerned about him; he wasn’t acting like himself at all. All of this started when he met Kagawa, and for some reason Iwaizumi didn’t seem to see the change. It was almost like he was purposefully staying oblivious to it all.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Pain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It was a Wednesday when it happened.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>**Major warning: this chapter is one of the key reasons for the archive warnings. There are major non-con themes in this chapter (saying yes due to fear of saying no, sexual violence, ect.) This isn’t a chapter to take lightly. If these themes make you uncomfortable, or are a trigger for you, please skip this chapter or proceed with caution.**</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  The next two months flew by. Oikawa and Kagawa continued butt heads every time they came face to face, and Iwaizumi was always the one who suffered because of it. But, slowly, Kagawa got better. He became less angry. Less violent. And his and Iwaizumi’s bond only grew. And now he could confide in Kagawa when he couldn’t talk to Oikawa. And Kagawa seemed to be less against Iwaizumi and Oikawa hanging out as long as he knew about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Things normalised once again. Iwaizumi would spend 3 or 4 nights a week with Kagawa, and they would watch something, or have sex, or they’d have a night out, or all three. And the other nights he’d spend with Oikawa: studying, or playing volleyball, or just relaxing together. Things felt good. It felt better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  At least, it felt better this week. It had been two weeks since Kagawa’s last… outburst. And Iwaizumi had started letting himself feel safe again, feeling like everything was okay, and the fear had finally subsided. But everything seemed to change in a matter of minutes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It was a Wednesday when it happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Kuma, can you let me just finish this? Then I’m all yours.” Iwaizumi said. His notebook was basically empty, but Kagawa didn’t care, he was horny. His hands rested under Iwaizumi’s t-shirt, his fingers tracing over his abs. When Kagawa didn’t stop after the first request, a pit began to form in his gut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa hummed, acknowledging that he had heard the request but had chosen to ignore it, and he continued kissing up and down his neck. Iwaizumi didn’t feel the familiar sense of arousal tonight, he was more annoyed than anything. Kagawa knew that he really needed to study, that he couldn’t afford risking failing the entrance exams. “Come on.” Kagawa pushed. “Just a few minutes. A quickie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi tensed up as he looked down at his textbook. He didn’t want to have a quickie. And it was starting to seem like Kagawa was only interested in having sex these days, they hadn’t gone out on a date in weeks. His hand slowly lowered down and played with the band of Iwaizumi’s pants, and he squirmed slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Come on Haji, stop being a tease already,” Kagawa whispered against the skin of his neck, and all Iwaizumi could think was how on earth he was being a tease if he had said he was happy to do it after he had done a little studying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Kuma, let me finish some studying first, please. When I’m done we can fool around, okay?” He repeated again, working through more of the practice questions in his book. Kagawa’s hand lowered more and Iwaizumi frowned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa pulled away abruptly, and Iwaizumi’s shoulders tensed because he couldn’t understand why. He hesitantly turned to Kagawa and looked at him with a confusion written on his face, and he gulped nervously when he saw the pure anger displayed on his boyfriend’s face. His hazel eyes looked darker with the anger he clearly felt, and his jaw kept clenching and unclenching. “Are you fucking Oikawa?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi reeled back in complete shock. “What the fuck? Kuma, where is that even coming from?” He was hurt by the accusation, and he stood up because he didn’t feel comfortable getting into this fight while he was sitting down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa glared down at him. “Well, you cleary never want to fuck anymore? And you’re always with him!” Iwaizumi was baffled. He didn’t understand how Kagawa even came to that conclusion. Oikawa? He didn’t say anything, and he honestly couldn’t think of what to say. Kagawa took his silence as an opportunity and pushed him back into his chair, his chest rising up and down in anger, far too quickly for Iwaizumi to feel secure. He didn’t know what to do, and suddenly he felt scared again. It’s like a switch had flipped in Kagawa and, after the few weeks of calm, he was angry again. And Iwaizumi was thrown back to the way he felt three months ago when he first felt the animalistic grip strength Kagawa had. He glanced at the door behind Kagawa, and realised there was no possible exit route here that didn’t end with him being hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Fine.” Iwaizumi spoke, a little shakily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What?” Kagawa asked, still furious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah, let’s have sex.” Iwaizumi confirmed, and Kagawa practically pounced on him, picking him up, then throwing him onto the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His back hit the bed with enough force to knock the air out of him, but Kagawa was over him before he recovered. A hand slammed into the mattress beside his head. Iwaizumi managed to catch Kagawa’s gaze and the sight terrified him. It was pure anger and jealousy. Iwaizumi opened his mouth to speak, to ask Kagawa to calm down and to slow down, but Kagawa was having none of it now, and he grabbed Iwaizumi’s shoulder, flipping him over and pressing him into the mattress, the same hand that was pointing accusingly was now on his hip, his fingers digging into the soft flesh, positioned on the same point he had left bruised a few months earlier. Iwaizumi gasped at the pain, but the sound was muffled when Kagawa’s other hand grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled hard. The hands that had once been so gentle with him were now causing him the most fear and pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ku- Kuma… wa-wait…” Iwaizumi stuttered, pleading with a single word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  "Shut up." Kagawa demanded, the hand that was on his hip sliding forward and pulling his sweats off. Iwaizumi gasped as Kagawa took him in hand, giving him a few teasing strokes. "I bet you parade yourself around Oikawa, don’t you?" Kagawa’s voice was threatening. "And now you’ll bend over just because I called you out on it? You’ll just give yourself up for </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> little?" Iwaizumi couldn’t understand why he was so angry. He had said yes. Why was he angry about that? “And you wonder why I don’t believe you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  "I- I haven’t-" Iwaizumi was struggling to speak, the fear he was feeling right now was overwhelming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  "You haven’t what?" Kagawa asked, pushing his head back down against the mattress, but Iwaizumi could sense that there was no answer that would satisfy him, that would calm him down. Iwaizumi was never going to win. Biting his duvet, he kept quiet. Well he tried to, but Kagawa’s hand tightened on his cock and he felt his body go weak and a moan coarsed through him. Kagawa clearly anticipated this because before the noise could make it out of Iwaizumi’s mouth, he clapped his hand over it. He leaned over so his mouth was next to Iwaizumi’s ear. “Now, you better be quiet. You wouldn’t want your mom to hear you.” Iwaizumi bit his lip. Hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He let out a small sound, and exhaled, trying to calm himself as Kagawa pulled open the bedside draw and retrieved the travel bottle of lube Iwaizumi always kept in there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa’s first finger pressed into Iwaizumi with little warning, the stretch almost caused him to cry out, but he caught himself, instead arching his back which pushed his ass up higher. Kagawa started out a fast pace, pushing Iwaizumi up just enough before adding a second. The pace quickened, and Kagawa curved his fingers to graze Iwaizumi’s prostate. The sensation was amazing, he couldn’t deny that; arching his back again and letting out a frustrated moan. He knew this was only the beginning. Kagawa pumped his fingers in and out of Iwaizumi, barely leaving enough time for him to catch his breath, but never allowing him close enough to the edge. They were only three fingers in and Iwaizumi’s face was already dampened by his own tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Kuma-ma- please…” Iwaizumi whimpered between involuntary sobs. When he was satisfied, Kagawa pulled his fingers out and took a grip on Iwaizumi’s hips again. Iwaizumi moved weakly, unconsciously trying to grind his now empty ass against anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa let out a slight chuckle at the sight of it. "God, you’re acting like such a whore." Kagawa grumbled, and the words caused an ashamed flush to crawl up Iwaizumi’s body. His cock twitched as Kagawa reached down and grabbed a fistful of his hair again, pulling his head back so Iwaizumi’s ear was next to his mouth. "You just can't help it, can you?" Iwaizumi could only choke out a quiet moan. "I could easily just leave now. Leave you feeling helpless and pathetic. Every inch of you begging for what </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> choose to deny you." Iwaizumi felt panicked, his body jerking automatically at the threat. "Oh how you would cry, and beg. All for me. What a sight it would be." He paused, and Iwaizumi’s heart beat so fast he was afraid it would give out at any moment. He had never felt this scared before. As much as he hated this right now, his body was now craving Kagawa. "But I’ll have to try it another time." Kagawa decided. "I have different plans for you right now." Kagawa’s voice held a dangerous edge. Even though every inch of Iwaizumi was now begging for it, the feeling still surprised him. Kagawa was big. Or, at least Iwaizumi thought he was - he had nothing to compare him to, and even with 3 fingers it still was never enough to completely prep him; the stretch always burned as Kagawa pressed inward, slowly. Until he came to rest at the hilt. He still had a grip on Iwaizumi’s hair, but he was pushing his head down again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The first thrust forced all the air out of Iwaizumi, and he gasped. But Kagawa was clearly still pissed off at him and he paced out a fast, hard rhythm. "Ka- ah.." Iwaizumi breathed, struggling against his grip in his hair. Kagawa adjusted his position so he would hit Iwaizumi’s prostate on each thrust. Causing him to gasp and whine on each thrust, until he was truly wrecked. "Aaah!!" he cried, the sound of it muffled by his duvet which was now soaked with his saliva and tears. The pressure was too much. He needed to cum. Kagawa let go of his hair and gripped his hips painfully, cumming himself. He pulled out, his cum dripping down Iwaizumi’s thighs. Iwaizumi squirmed, still searching helplessly for some kind of friction, unsatisfied. He felt Kagawa reach around, gripping his cock, and the sensation alone nearly set him off, if not for Kagawa’s fingers around the base. He let out another desperate cry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  "I don’t want you to hang out with Oikawa any more." Kagawa growled, his grip becoming all too painful. "Do you understand?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded, even though the thought of cutting Oikawa out filled him with dread. He was his best friend. They had known each other their whole lives. Kagawa pulled his hair again, twisting his head around painfully so they were making eye contact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  "Do you understand me, Hajime?" He asked again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Y… yes…” Iwaizumi stuttered out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  "Good." A bolt of pleasure passed through him, and when Kagawa released his hair, stroking him to completion, he came so hard he became light headed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He must have blacked out for a time, because when he came to he was cleaned up, and wearing a fresh pair of boxers, curled up underneath the duvet. He exhaled deeply as he awoke, rolling over to see Kagawa sitting at his desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You’re finally awake.” He stated, and Iwaizumi hummed, his head still groggy. He rolled back over, and Kagawa sat on the bed next to him, gripping hold of his shoulder, so that Iwaizumi turned to look at him. “I’m serious, Hajime.” He said, sternly. “Stay away from Oikawa, or I’ll have to do something I’ll regret.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  "I know.” Iwaizumi confirmed. The dread that settled in his stomach was solidifying. And with that he rolled back over and closed his eyes. He felt Kagawa kiss his temple, then listened to him leave. He stayed still and kept his eyes closed until he heard the front door close. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He’d already decided that he was skipping tomorrow. Kagawa had hurt him and there was no way he would survive the whole day sitting at a desk like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  And then there was Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  A sense of guilt embedded itself in his stomach and he fought the urge to vomit. Oikawa had been his best friend for his whole life. Since they were born. Nothing had ever even happened between them. Why did Kagawa have to bring him into this? He curled up into a tight ball as he felt more tears sting his eyes. He had held out hope for a long time, up until recently, but he had finally come to terms that Oikawa would never love him. Not in the same way he had loved Oikawa. It was stupid, but all he wanted right now was his best friend. The friend that he had just agreed to cut out of his life. But he was too scared to fight back. Kagawa had hurt him before, but never like that. He had always been gentle during sex before this. But the moment that he got the idea into his head that Iwaizumi had slept with Oikawa, he had turned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Knowing that Kagawa could be like that scared the shit out of him. And he was so much stronger than him. Feeling weak and vulnerable wasn’t something Iwaizumi was used to, and he hated feeling this way. But there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Kagawa had a hold on him now. A hold he didn’t have before. He knew that if he didn’t listen, Kagawa would just hurt him. He’d hurt Oikawa too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Tears crawled down Iwaizumi’s cheeks as he fell asleep. He could feel the bruises already starting to form on his hips, on his knees, and on the back of his head. They matched the bruises that had been on him before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>**Thursday**</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&lt;&lt; Iwa-Chan, where are you?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt; We’re gonna be late!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  **You missed a call from Shittykawa**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt; I’ll cover for you, just text me so I know you’re alive?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  **You missed a call from Shittykawa**</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>**Friday**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt; Iwa-Chan?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt; I called your house, your mom told me you're not well?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  **You missed a call from Shittykawa**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;It’s been two days now. Call me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach as he put his phone away. It had been days and still Iwaizumi hadn’t responded to his messages. In all the years he had known Iwaizumi, he had never been one to just skip without at least texting. There was always either a string of messages or when he was feeling really bad, just one that says </span>
  <em>
    <span>“cover for me”</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and if he was under the weather he would pass the time by sleeping, then texting him to tell him what was up. It was comforting, because it meant that he was his normal self. But with this, he knew that something else must have been going on. He had always felt like there was something off about Kagawa, they had almost fought every time they saw each other. But even if Kagawa was doing something to Iwaizumi, he wasn’t going to admit it. So Oikawa knew he had to do something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He decided to go and see Iwaizumi after the second day of radio silence. After school, he headed to Iwaizumi’s, and as he turned the corner onto his best friend's street he noticed that all the lights in the house were off, except the singular lamp in the living room, which meant only Iwaizumi was home. He wasn’t sure why, but the sight caused him to breathe out a sigh of relief. If there wasn’t an audience then Iwaizumi was more likely to be honest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  For some reason, his heart raced as he knocked on the door. After a moment of silence he half considered just walking in before he heard the muffled sound of footsteps, and then the sound of the lock being undone. Iwaizumi looked shocked when he opened the door to see Oikawa. And the setter was surprised too, but only because he had never seen Iwaizumi looking so weak and helpless. He looked like he hadn’t eaten in days. He was wearing just a grey hoodie - it was too big so it was safe to assume it was Kagawa’s - and a pair of black boxers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  "What- what are you doing here?" Iwaizumi stuttered slightly as he spoke, which was something he used to do when they were younger, but he had grown out of - until Kagawa had come along that is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  "Well, I haven't heard from you in two days. I came to see if you were still alive." Oikawa spoke softly. "What are you doing Iwa-Chan? Skipping school is one thing. But you’re skipping out on practice too? Coach is going to make you do so many penalty laps when you get back."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Are you here just to give me a fucking lecture, Shittykawa?” He snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I came here because I’m worried about you.” Oikawa responded. “Iwa-Chan, you’re acting strangely. And you’re bad at hiding it. I mean, look at you!” He gestured as he looked him up and down. “You look like shit. Have you even been eating? Or showering?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Can you just fuck off?” Iwaizumi tried to close the door in his face, but Oikawa put his hand on it, pushing it back open and walking into the house. “What the fuck, asshole? You can't just barge in here like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa sat himself on the stairs. “You can’t run from whatever this is, Iwa-Chan.” He spoke calmly. “If you tell me what’s happening, I can help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “No.” He responded in a firm tone. “I don’t need </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>help.” He emphasised. “And I certainly don’t want it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa stood up and walked over to Iwaizumi, and as he towered over him, he saw the fear flood into Iwaizumi’s eyes. The spiker tried to stand his ground, but he was clearly terrified. Oikawa hadn’t seen Iwaizumi genuinely scared since they were six years old and his mom was taken to the hospital. He’d watched as the guy walked through ongoing fights without even batting an eye, pushing past people. But right here, right now, he was filled with fear. “Iwa-Chan…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi inhaled shakily as he shoved Oikawa out the still open front door. “Stay away from me, Oikawa. I mean it. I don’t need you.” He closed the door in Oikawa’s face and the setter heard the locks click. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa stood there for a moment, unsure what to do next. “Fine.” He shouted after a few seconds. “Be like that. But don’t come crying to me when you need more notes for your entrance exams!” He slammed his fist against the front door, then sighed deeply. “You said you would talk to me if he did anything to you.” He spoke softly through the door, knowing Iwaizumi would still be listening. “I’m not stupid. I saw the bruises on your knees. And I’m willing to bet they’re not the only ones. But I can’t help you if you push me away.” He paused, listening carefully for any sort of movement. “Please don’t push me away.” His voice quietened. He stood there for a few moments, just waiting to see if </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  How could he push Oikawa away now? Iwaizumi had been there for him always, and he just wanted to return the favour, but Iwaizumi wouldn’t let him. But if he wanted to go off on his own and fight for himself then fine. Oikawa couldn’t stop him. He could tough it out alone. Sighing, annoyed and angry, Oikawa kept walking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi listened to the receding footsteps, and touched his forehead against the front door as he sighed, shakily. He slowly slid down to the floor, and curled up so he was rocking back and forth, the tears streaming down his face. He felt worthless. Pathetic. Used. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Another week passed. Nine days since he was last at school. A week since he pushed Oikawa away, and since he was last able to sleep. He lay there at night, terrified and alone in his bed, staring at the ceiling. And he just thought. He thought about everything, except for what Kagawa continued to do to him every time he visited. He couldn’t let himself think about that. As much as part of him craved the rush of adrenaline that came with it, he hated the way he felt afterwards. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  And his bruises hurt. They ached and burned and throbbed. He couldn’t tell how much of the pain was real from the way he was being manhandled, and how much of it was all in his head. He remembered the way his room used to smell like Oikawa for days after the setter visited for a movie night, and a sharp stab of pain shot up from the bruises on his thigh to the ones on his hips, and he curled in on himself as the pain became too much to ignore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  But throughout all of his suffering, his mom had been a godsend. She continued to cook for him, and has encouraged him to keep studying and showering. Iwaizumi forced himself to smile as much as he could at his mother, and accepted whatever food he was given, and swallowed repeatedly when he felt like his stomach was going to reject it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  She could see that he was suffering, but his mom had stopped asking about what happened to make him feel this way. She no longer asked why Iwaizumi had suddenly given up on volleyball, and why he hadn’t been to school in so long. And she stopped asking about why she hadn’t seen Oikawa in a while. His mom now just accepted it all, and did her best to take care of Iwaizumi like she had been doing all his life. Iwaizumi was clearly going through something that he wasn’t yet ready to talk about. But she knew he would when he could. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He dreaded the days that Kagawa would come round now. It was more than just rough sex. Whenever he was angry or upset, he would take it out on Iwaizumi. He’d always leave the bruises and bite marks where no one would see them - his shoulders, his ribs, his hips, his back, the tops of his thighs - even when he was angry, he was careful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sat on his bedroom floor that evening, with only his small lamp lighting his room. He ignored his phone as it rang - it was Oikawa again, because the guy just wouldn’t give up. It was that night that Iwaizumi decided to go back to school on Monday. He didn’t want to. He really didn’t want to. But he also still wanted to go to college after high school. And he missed volleyball. And he missed being in the presence of Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  When he told Kagawa that he was going back to school, and back to volleyball, he was met with a hash punch in the gut. He keeled over in pain, and glanced up at Kagawa as if to ask </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘why’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Kagawa gripped a fisful of hair, and pulled Iwaizumi’s head up so that their eyes were meeting. “Don’t you dare look at this as an opportunity to hang out with Oikawa behind my back.” He threatened. “I will find out.” He clarified, and Iwaizumi just nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa was rougher with him that night, not that Iwaizumi could really tell the difference anymore. He just felt… numb to it all. After it was over, Kagawa rolled over to sleep, and Iwaizumi lay there, scared. His heart rate only started to slow down when he heard Kagawa’s breathing even out. When it was evident he was asleep. Iwaizumi took this as the opportunity to go and clean himself. He felt disgusting, and filthy, and gross. He always did after sex these days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He quietly tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom. When he got in there, he turned on the shower, took off his jumper, then stared at himself in the mirror. The sight made him feel physically ill; bruises his torso. Shadows of fingers that gripped hard enough to hurt, bite marks on his shoulders and ribs. They were all at various stages of healing, some of them red and purple and vibrant, and others muted yellows and greens.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He hated himself. He hated everything about himself. From the hideous marks that were now always on his skin, to the way his muscles seemed like they were slowly deteriorating due to a lack of exercise and malnutrition. He hated the way that he had become a coward. And he hated how he knew that this was the best he’d ever get. He was damaged goods and no one else would ever want him now. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The last straw</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He couldn’t stay with Kagawa anymore. But he was trapped. He knew if he tried to break up with him, Kagawa would go straight for Oikawa.</p><p>  Oikawa.</p><p>  He wanted Oikawa.</p><p>  He wanted Oikawa now.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>**T/W: the warnings in the tags apply for this chapter**</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>**Monday**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi inhaled shakily as he put his hand on the doorknob of the clubroom. He wasn’t just scared of seeing people again, he was afraid of how everyone would look at him now. All his bruises were well hidden, but he definitely looked like he hadn’t eaten or slept. He eventually got himself to enter, and - much to his surprise - the only person there was Oikawa. The setter glanced up at him, and almost froze in shock. “Iwa-Chan. You’re back.” He stated simply, not really showing how he felt about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah.” Iwaizumi responded. Glancing at the floor, and gripping his own arm nervously. “It’s been a while.” He said, sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa stood up and walked over to him, stopping before he got too close, making sure he didn’t cause Iwaizumi any fear like he had accidentally done when he was last at the spikers house. “I’m sorry…” He apologised. “I’m sorry if I pissed you off somehow. Or if I scared you. Or if I hurt you at all.” He sighed, and slowly reached out his hand to hold Iwaizumi’s arm. Iwaizumi flinched slightly, but otherwise allowed the touch. “What happened to you?” Oikawa questioned softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled slightly. So much had happened to him, and he couldn’t tell Oikawa any of it. “That’s a loaded question.” He joked, and Oikawa looked at him, concerned. “I’m fine, Shittykawa. I just…” He paused. He knew what he was going to say would hurt his best friend, but Kagawa would hurt him more. “I… I can’t hang out with you anymore… outside of volleyball…” He watched as the look on Oikawa’s face sank, and he felt the guilt weighing down on him. “I- I’m sorry…” He stuttered slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa let go of Iwaizumi. “Okay.” He agreed, with no argument. “But before you decide on that, tell me… does he make you happy?” Oikawa looked like he was holding back tears. “Does he truly make you happy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He was clearly trying to make sure Iwaizumi was making the right decision, but for some reason, that question pissed Iwaizumi off. Maybe it was because Oikawa should have realised that he clearly wasn’t happy, or maybe Iwaizumi was just angry at himself and he was now projecting that on Oikawa because the guy was being so understanding. “Why are you so okay with this?” He snapped. “What? Does our friendship mean so little to you that you’re not even going to fight me on this?” He was obviously upset by the way Oikawa had responded, and the setter just looked baffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “No.” Iwaizumi stated plainly. “Don’t bother. Just… just forget it.” He walked away - not that he knew where he was heading now, but he didn’t want to go to practice now. He didn’t want to be here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He didn’t want to be here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He wanted to go home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi suddenly questioned why he had even come back. Everything he needed was being sent to him at home anyway, and the only reason to even come in anymore was for volleyball. But he didn’t even want to play that now. He didn’t want to do anything other than stay at home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He just wanted to go back to bed. What was the point of any of this if Oikawa didn’t even care either way. If his </span>
  <em>
    <span>best friend</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t care about him cutting him out, did that mean he hadn’t cared in the first place? Iwaizumi felt like an idiot. Of course Oikawa didn’t need him. He had never needed him. No one needed him. The only thing he was good at anymore was being a burden. At least, that’s how everyone saw him. He wished he was at home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He finally found a spot behind the gym where he could sit. Somewhere no one else would go. And he sat there. All day. It didn’t matter that it had started to rain, he stayed put anyway. Maybe if he stayed in the rain, he would actually get sick. And if he actually got sick, he wouldn’t have to come up with more excuses to his mom for staying home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Home was just an illness away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  And if he didn’t get ill, he’d think of something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Maybe he’d start a bunch of fights in hopes of getting suspended. Or expelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  No. He couldn’t do that. Not now. He wanted to go to college, and an expulsion from a private school wouldn’t look good on his record. But he might not even get in anyway. It’s not like he was smart. And Kagawa was at his place every night so he barely had time to study anyway. And his boyfriend kept pushing him to move in with him, trying to sell it as a case of “I can look after you better if you do.” And “We won’t have to worry about being quiet.” This just scared Iwaizumi more than anything. If they didn’t have to be quiet, did that mean Kagawa wouldn’t hold back? Had he been holding back?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi no longer knew how he felt about Kagawa. But at some point in the last three months, he had fallen for him. Hard. It didn’t matter that he was cruel, or violent, or angry. Because when he wasn’t, he was sweet, and gentle, and warm. In Iwaizumi’s mind, the good made up for the bad. And he loved Kagawa. And Kagawa said that he loved him too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Time passed without Iwaizumi realising, and he only noticed when he heard shouting and ruckus coming from inside the gym. He tried to ignore it at first, until he recognised the voices that were yelling at one another. He exhaled deeply as he finally stood up, soaking through, and walked around to the front of the gym, sighing as he opened the door. The pair hadn’t noticed him yet, and he stood there, watching their argument unfold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Where the fuck is he?” Kagawa yelled, obviously trying to intimidate Oikawa, but he wasn’t having it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I don’t fucking know! How many times do I have to say it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Bullshit! He’s here somewhere and it only makes sense that he’d be with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why the fuck would he be with me?” Oikawa questioned. “He doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be friends with me anymore, so you won.” He spoke sourly. “So will you just leave me alone now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi saw Kagawa’s jaw tense, and he knew he had to step in in order to stop him from swinging at Oikawa. “Kuma.” He spoke just loud enough for the pair to hear, and they both looked over at him, he was dripping wet and it was clear he had been out in the rain all day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Haji? What happened?” The tone in Kagawa’s voice had softened, and he walked over to Iwaizumi, gently cupping his face. And he had that look in his eyes. The same look that Iwaizumi had fallen in love with. The gentle one. And with that, tears began to fall from his eyes. Kagawa hadn’t looked at him like this in weeks. And he had missed it. The fact that he still </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> see Iwaizumi that way was so overwhelming to him. As Kagawa watched the tears fall, he pulled Iwaizumi into his chest and held him tightly. “You don’t have to talk right now.” He was being so gentle. He was being the person that Iwaizumi always thought he was. “Do you want me to take you home?” Iwaizumi nodded in response, and the pair left, neither of them saying another word to Oikawa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**Friday**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa had been surprisingly gentle with Iwaizumi the last few nights, and with that the spiker felt better. It didn’t take a lot these days for him to forgive Kagawa, if the guy was even slightly considerate towards him, Iwaizumi would let the past few weeks go. Instead of heading to school on the Friday, he headed to Kagawa’s apartment. He had said it was okay, so it wasn’t a surprise when he arrived at 6:30am. Kagawa smiled at the sight of Iwaizumi, who walked in past him and slumped down in a ball on the sofa, pulling the blanket over himself and closing his eyes to sleep some more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hajime? Aren’t you even going to say hi?” Iwaizumi stuck one arm up and waved, before curling back into himself. Kagawa sat at his feet on the couch, and placed one arm on his leg, rubbing it gently as he spoke. “I’m glad you came here this morning. I know your exams are coming up soon. What is it, a month away?” Iwaizumi hummed in agreement. “Are you ready?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I guess.” Iwaizumi replied. “I’m as ready as I can be.” He breathed deeply, embracing the soft touches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Where are you planning to apply to?” This was surprisingly something they hadn’t spoken about yet. “Obviously Ishinomaki, but are you applying anywhere else?” Iwaizumi seemed to stiffen slightly, and Kagawa noticed. “Haji?” His tone changed slightly. “Is there something you’re not telling me?” His voice was a little threatening, and Iwaizumi suddenly felt nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He sat himself up, and avoided eye contact with Kagawa. “Actually…” He began. “I applied to a few abroad colleges…” He admitted nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh.” That was the only response he got. And Kagawa stood, and walked directly out the front door. This was a new way for him to react, and Iwaizumi wasn’t sure what to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He chose to stay, because he had no idea how Kagawa would react if he left, and he didn’t want to find out. He was alone for hours.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&lt;&lt;Where are you? Are you coming back?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;Out. I’ll be back later.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  He could sense the anger in the response, and part of him hoped his boyfriend would take this time to cool off before coming back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It was 11pm when he eventually returned, more drunk than Iwaizumi had ever seen him. Kagawa struggled to slip off his shoes, and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, walking past him and leaving him there. “Try to be quiet, Kuma,” he said. “I was about to go to bed.” He seemed like less of a threat at this level of intoxication, so Iwaizumi let his guard down. Mistake. Before he even realised what was happening, he was pulled around, and the back of his head hit the bedroom door. “Kuma, what are you doing?” he asked, irritated and scared, and his question was met with a sharp punch to his jaw. Kuma had a strong grip on his shirt, the strength of his single arm was still terrifying with the way he was crushing Iwaizumi against the door. Kagawa managed to open it, and Iwaizumi almost fell to the floor, but was stopped by the hand still holding his shirt and dragging him into balance. He stumbled into the room with Kagawa right behind him, shoving him backwards. Iwaizumi pushed back to try and make him stop, and looked into the face of his boyfriend, who was staring at him with the same dark eyes that had started him down when he accused him of fucking Oikawa. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what those eyes were picturing, and he didn’t want to know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa shoved Iwaizumi to the floor and slammed the door shut behind him. “Kuma, calm down. Please.” In response he was harshly kicked. Kagawa had only got one shoe off before pouncing on Iwaizumi, and now seemed to be using the remaining one to kick harder and more aggressively. He kicked Iwaizumi’s arm, and it gave up straight away and he slumped sideways, catching himself just in time before hitting his head on the floor. He had almost no time before he was being kicked again. Tears were blinding him as he cried out in pain, trying to cower away from the attack that was being showered upon him. Kagawa had never seemed this angry before. “Please stop!” he yelled, and, to his surprise, the kicks stopped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He sat up a little and tried to form a coherent sentence, to ask what he was doing, and why he was doing it, but before he could say anything else, Kagawa’s fist connected with his jaw and sent him sprawling back to the ground. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, a new headache forming with the aggression. He dug his fingers into the wooden floor, trying to crawl away, but a foot stamped down on his back, shoving him back to the ground. He grunted with the impact, listening to the heavy breathing that was still lacking any words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi winced as Kagawa grabbed his arm and yanked him up onto his knees, before landing a punch across his face again that just sent him toppling back to the ground once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The left side of his face was now burning with all the blows that had landed against it, and he pulled his arms over it to protect it. He was crying, and he didn’t think there was a single place in his body that didn’t ache. He could taste blood, and a quick lick on his bottom lip revealed there was a cut that was already swollen. He tried to get away again, but Kagawa was already over him and landed a new punch right next to his nose. The force of it made his head jolt up and slam back down on the floor, and breathing suddenly got more difficult. He thought his nose was broken, but he couldn’t check it out before he was being dragged by his hair towards the bed, being involuntarily pulled up off the floor. “K-Kuma. S-stop.” He stuttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa got him onto the bed easily, but his legs were hanging off the edge. Iwaizumi tried to fight back, tried to kick Kagawa, but he couldn’t get any real force behind it. This angered Kagawa even more, and he rewarded Iwaizumi with a brutal blow to his stomach, and Iwaizumi curled into himself as a natural reaction. Kagawa used the recovery time Iwaizumi needed to yank off the latter’s pants. Everything was happening too fast for Iwaizumi to process it all. The pain made it hard to fight back. He tried to sit up, but Kagawa swung for him again and connected with the side of his head, knocking him back down. He heard Kagawa’s pants unzip, and he knew where this was headed. Panic set in. Kagawa pushed Iwaizumi’s legs apart and stood between them, his hard cock on his hand. Iwaizumi’s breathing quickened, he was trying frantically to find a way out, desperately not wanting to go through this again. Kagawa took a hold of his leg, not caring if he bent it back in an agonising way. Iwaizumi wanted to struggle. He wanted to fight back, but the pain was so severe, the bruises ached, his face ached, he couldn’t even properly push back as Kagawa hooked the leg over his shoulder and spread his ass, preparing to push into the opening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa didn’t care anymore. He didn’t even try to prep Iwaizumi for it. Iwaizumi’s fingers dug into the sheets to try and make it easier to bear. He was crying. He was begging for Kagawa to stop, he was pleading, but it all seemed to be white noise to the older of the two. Iwaizumi felt the tip of Kagawa’s cock pushing against his hole, and the burn was almost too much to bear. “Please, Kuma. Stop. No. I don’t want this.” he pleaded, but Kagawa was still steadily pushing deeper into him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Tears were now flowing freely down his temples, and he shook his head as if it was going to make a difference at this point. His vision was blurring, and he didn’t notice when Kagawa had pushed all the way in but his hips started moving quickly. Each thrust felt like it was tearing up something inside Iwaizumi, like his soul itself was collapsing. With each thrust, Kagawa groaned with a low voice rising from his chest, and Iwaizumi knew that it was a sound that would turn him on if the situation was different, if Kagawa was being careful, if he wasn’t hurting him so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi squeezed his eyes shut, he didn’t want to look at Kagawa. His movements were getting slower, his hips pressing against Iwaizumi’s ass, the harsh thrusts turning to slow rolls, and Iwaizumi crunched his eyes closed more when Kagawa came. Then he collapsed on top of Iwaizumi, the weight of him crushing down on Iwaizumi’s already beaten and bruised body. He cried out in pain, his voice wet from the sobs that surrounded his words. “Kuma. Please get off.” He begged quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He expected for Kagawa to pull out, to roll off him. Surely he was satisfied now. Instead, his boyfriend started moving his hips again, slowly at first but building speed until he was once again pounding into Iwaizumi. His lips were planted on Iwaizumi’s neck and slowly moved down to his shoulder, nipping against him surprisingly gently. His mouth fell open, and the warmth and moisture of his breath made Iwaizumi shudder. He mouthed at Iwaizumi’s neck, and when he came a second time, he moaned in utter bliss, and the sound made its way right to Iwaizumi’s soul.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  This time his hips stopped moving completely, and his head fell on the bed. With a groan he finally pulled out of Iwaizumi and rolled over, landing next to him heavily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi kept his eyes closed and just lay there. He could feel his new bruises throbbing. When Kagawa finally fell fully asleep, and the grunting stopped, all that was left was the sound of Iwaizumi’s shallow, ragged breathing. It sounded like sandpaper rubbing over rusted metal. As much as he would have loved to just give in to the weakness of his muscles, and just lie there and fall asleep, he needed to get the hell out of here. And he knew he did. He couldn’t stay with Kagawa anymore. But he was trapped. He knew if he tried to break up with him, Kagawa would go straight for Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He wanted Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He wanted Oikawa now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  That was the only thing that finally made him move. He reached out and used the bed frame for support, clawing at the wood as he shakily clambered to his feet. He nearly fell down again as a new wave of fatigue washed over him, and his pounding head protested the movement, but after giving himself a second or two to breathe, he got used to standing. His ass hurt. His ribs hurt. His face fucking hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Gulping back the nausea and blinking his vision clear as well as he could, he picked up his underwear and sweats, and pulled them on. He pulled his shoes on as quickly and quietly as he could, and he got the fuck out of there. He didn’t want this anymore. He didn’t want to see Kagawa ever again. If he could go back in time and stop himself from ever giving him his number, he would. He took a few stuttered steps outside as he got his bearings, and then broke into a slow jog. Every step was agony, and part of him was screaming to stop. To just go back and get back into bed, but he forced himself to keep going, he was breathing raggedly, and all he could think about was Oikawa as he got himself the hell away from that fucking awful place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**Saturday**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He knocked on Oikawa’s front door weakly. And he suddenly snapped back into the present and realised what he was doing. Shit. Oikawa wouldn’t want him here after their argument. Not this late with no notice. He turned to leave, and only just got to the end of the pathway before the front door opened. He froze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa spoke, softly and confused. “What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi didn’t turn around. “Sorry. It was dumb. Forget I was here. Please.” He stepped forward, and his body suddenly felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His legs buckled, and he fell to the floor. Oikawa was next to him the second he hit the ground, and he was shocked by the state Iwaizumi was in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Shit, Iwa-Chan! What happened to you?” he demanded. Iwaizumi was hugging himself and shivering, and when Oikawa looked down at his clothes, he could see that there were stains on his blue tshirt. Stains that looked like blood and cum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m sorry,” Iwaizumi apologised, his voice hoarse like he had been crying, but that was obvious already, “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t want to…I just needed to see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa immediately wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi and pulled him to his chest, “It’s okay, Iwa-Chan,” he said, lowering his voice a little to try and ensure he didn’t startle him, “It’s okay, I promise. Just tell me what happened to you.” Iwaizumi allowed himself to rest his head on Oikawa’s shoulder, and he was shivering and twitching so much that Oikawa was sure he was going to crumble. His breathing was shallow and gritty, and Oikawa winced, as he felt a painful tug in his heart at seeing Iwaizumi this way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “K-Kuma…” was all Iwaizumi could manage to muster as a response, and Oikawa desperately wanted to pretend he didn't hear it. But he heard it. He fucking heard it. And a rage ignited in him. How could </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>hurt someone they claimed to love like this. His grip tightened involuntarily, and Iwaizumi whimpered a little. Oikawa loosened his hold, desperately not wanting to hurt Iwaizumi any more than he was already hurting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Kagawa did this to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded, glancing up at Oikawa’s face. Iwaizumi’s eyes were blank for a moment, like he was still in shock, and then, almost as if a wave of it all hit him finally, he burst into tears. Oikawa felt his heart split in two when he saw Iwaizumi crying. He hadn’t seen Iwaizumi cry in years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ssh, Iwa-Chan, I’m here,” he whispered , desperately wanting to comfort his sobbing best friend, “Calm down, it’s okay. You’re okay.” Iwaizumi sniffed and tried to stop the tears, coughing slightly, and his throat sounded so raw and shredded. Oikawa slid his hand down Iwaizumi’s arm and used this as an opportunity to hoist him up. “Let’s go inside, okay?” he said, and Iwaizumi froze, looking a little panicked. Oikawa seemed to instantly know his worry, “My mom’s visiting my sister this weekend. I’m alone.” Swaying a little on his feet, Iwaizumi nodded, and allowed Oikawa to guide him back up the pathway. Oikawa caught him when he tilted a little too far to the other side, and he recalled the bruise on Iwaizumi’s forehead. A concussion was definitely possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Once they were inside, Oikawa closed and locked the door behind them before leading Iwaizumi to the downstairs bathroom and sitting him on the empty countertop space next to the sink. Iwaizumi did so without protest, sniffing quietly, and finally stifling the last of his sobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa wet a washcloth in the sink and stepped in front of where Iwaizumi was seated on the counter, slouched and looking tired and weary. Oikawa tucked a knuckle under his chin and lifted his head up so that he could get a better look at the large, swollen bruise on the side of Iwaizumi’s forehead, just above his temple. In the harsh light of the bathroom, Oikawa could make out other wounds and bruises that he couldn’t see when they were outside. There was another smaller cut on Iwaizumi’s cheek, and darkening bruises littered his entire face, his jaw, his cheekbones. He had a split lip and his nose was bleeding, possibly broken, and when Oikawa glanced down at the rest of his body, there were grip marks on his arms and wrists, as well as a bite mark on his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa gritted his teeth, and pulled himself together, anger, nausea, guilt, and sadness were all warring inside him. He reached out and tucked his knuckle under Iwaizumi’s chin again, lifted his head back up and touched the wet washcloth gently to his forehead. Iwaizumi winced, but didn’t pull away, and Oikawa gentled his touch just a bit. As he slowly cleaned away all the blood, it revealed the smattering of bruises and cuts beneath, and he looked into Iwaizumis still watery eyes. “Do you wanna tell me what happened?” he asked softly, his voice tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded gently. “I-I told him that I applied to an oversea college.” He sniffed again. “He left. He was gone all day. And when he got back he was drunk… and he got violent.” His eyes began to well up, and he really didn’t want to look at Oikawa as he spoke. “I- I tried to stop him. I said no.” He glanced up at his childhood friend. “I said no, Tooru.” His voice cracked as he spoke. “Everyone always said that they’d stop if you said no. But he didn’t. He- he didn’t stop.” The tears started trickling down his face. “I always forgave him before now, because I never said no.” Iwaizumi felt weak and pathetic. And he hated Oikawa seeing him this way, but now that he started, he wanted to tell him </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “But I said no this time.” Oikawa hugged him, trying to stop himself from crying because this wasn’t about him. “I begged him to stop, but he just ignored me like I wasn’t even there.” His voice was quieter now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa exhaled shakily and deeply, keeping a firm hold on Iwaizumi. “Has he done this type of thing to you before?” He asked, almost scared to hear the answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Never like this.” Iwaizumi confirmed. “But…” He hesitated, then pulled back. “Please don’t be mad at me…” He requested quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa looked at him, sympathetically. “I never would.” He insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi gripped the bottom of his tshirt, and hesitated. He then took it off, and Oikawa was rendered speechless at the sight of him. His body was littered in bruises, some of them weeks old, others brand new. “Iwa-chan…” Oikawa paused. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He pleaded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I…” Iwaizumi refused to look up from his hands. “Because I’m disgusting.” He sobbed softly. “I can’t even defend myself. And now I’m damaged.” Oikawa stepped closer to him, and cupped his face delicately, making it so Iwaizumi had to look him in the eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>damaged, Iwa-Chan.” He spoke firmly. “Don’t you dare say that you are.” He smiled gently at the spiker. “You are a survivor. You aren’t disgusting. You got out.” His eyes trailed up to the bruise on Iwaizumi’s forehead, which he assumes must have happened when Kagawa first attacked him. Oikawa tilted Iwaizumi’s face to the side just a bit, leaning in and getting a closer look at the bruise. It was bad. “You need some rest, Iwa-Chan.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He led Iwaizumi upstairs. “You should let me wash your clothes. I can give you some fresh stuff if you want?” Iwaizumi paid very little attention to what Oikawa was saying, but stripped down to his boxers, handing his sweats and tshirt to Oikawa so he could get them cleaned. Iwaizumi curled up on Oikawa’s mattress, and just lay there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Tooru?” Oikawa wasn’t sure why Iwaizumi was calling him by his first name tonight, but he didn’t hate it. He glanced at Iwaizumi, with a questioning look. “C-can you sleep next to me tonight? Please?” He asked, nervously. Oikawa nodded, and climbed into the bed with him. They lay there face to face, practically nose to nose. Iwaizumi eventually rolled over, and snuggled back into Oikawa. The setter wasn’t too sure how to react at first and had one hand hover over the smaller boy in front of him, but after a few seconds, Iwaizumi spoke again. “Please hold me…” He requested quietly, and Oikawa obliged, wrapping his arm around Iwaizumi and cuddling into him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi fell asleep quickly. He clearly needed it. Oikawa lay there for a while just staring at the back of Iwaizumi’s head, nuzzling into his soft hair and listening to him breathe. He felt a little bit like he was taking advantage of Iwaizumi, but it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi that asked Oikawa to hold him, and there was no harm in cuddling. There was a grating sound to Iwaizumi’s breathing, likely from the damage done to his throat when he cried, and as Oikawa listened to it, his mood fizzled and was replaced by seething rage. All he could think about was tearing Kagawa apart. How </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare </span>
  </em>
  <span>he make Iwaizumi feel like he was anything less than perfect. Who the fuck did he was, hurting Iwaizumi like that. Oikawa had never wished suffering on anyone before this, but now he wanted Kagawa to suffer. He wanted to watch him die a slow and painful death. And, right now, he wanted to be the one to inflict that death. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The silence was interrupted by a small whimper, and Oikawa leaned up slightly, looking over Iwaizumi, who was still fast asleep. His face had set in a slight pout, and as Oikawa watched, he twitched a little in his sleep and whimpered again. He carded his fingers through Iwaizumi’s hair until the whimpering stopped and Iwaizumi’s stressed features smoothed back out to peaceful sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He smiled down at the sleeping spiker, and lay back down behind him. “Oh, Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa spoke softly. “I promise I won’t let him ever hurt you again.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. New Arrangement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The setter sat there, and he went through it all in his head. And he sat there. Just awaiting Iwaizumi’s return. Thinking about what he should say; what he could say to make Iwaizumi believe him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  There was a light snoring sound next to him. That was the first thing Iwaizumi became aware of as he was pulled peacefully from his sleep. The second thing he realised, was that everything smelled like Oikawa. The earthy, citrusy scent, that was like an orange orchard after a rainstorm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The next thing he became aware of was the pain. The pain in his face, all across his body, and the horrendous pain in his ass. And the previous night came flooding back to him. Everything that Kagawa had done to him. The way he had automatically defaulted to running to Oikawa made him feel pathetic. The way he had acted when he was telling Oikawa was pathetic. God, he felt pathetic. The fact that Oikawa had even tolerated him this long was crazy. He sat up slowly, glancing down at Oikawa as he did so. His body was a complete mess, and moving had never felt more difficult - the adrenaline he felt the night before had worn off and every movement hurt. Part of him tried to get up, but Oikawa was in his way, and he didn’t have the strength to climb over his sleeping form without waking the setter. So he curled back up, keeping himself covered with the duvet. He really didn’t want Oikawa to see him in this state, not in the daylight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Eventually, Oikawa made a groaning noise and stretched. Iwaizumi flinched slightly as he felt the movements, but tried to stay as still as possible. “Iwa-Chan? Are you awake?” Oikawa asked; Iwaizumi hummed in response. “Do you want to get up?” He shook his head. “Do you want any breakfast?” He shook his head again. Oikawa glanced down and noticed the way Iwaizumi was curled in on himself, gripping hold of the duvet like his life depended on it. “Do you want a sweatshirt?” Iwaizumi nodded at this one. Oikawa got up, went into his draw, and pulled out a grey sweatshirt, and some black sweatpants. Iwaizumi still didn’t move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He placed the clothes on his bed, then walked to his laundry basket, picking up Iwaizumi’s clothes from the previous night. “I’m gonna go and put these in the washing machine. You can get dressed while I do. You know where the bathroom is if you want a shower.” He paused for a second, walked back into the room, pulled out a fresh pair of underwear, and added them to the pile. “There's a towel in there too.” He clarified as he walked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi listened to Oikawa walk downstairs, then headed to the bathroom down the hall. He hadn’t cleaned himself properly before now, and he could feel the dry cum still between his thighs, and it made him feel sick. He turned on the shower and sighed deeply as he looked at himself in the mirror, examining the bruises up his jaw, and his black eye. It was nice that Oikawa was washing his clothes for him, but he was probably never going to wear them again. They were going into the garbage the minute he got home. Or maybe he’d burn them. He hadn’t decided yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  As he stepped into the shower, he relaxed knowing that he wasn’t alone, knowing that Oikawa was in the house. He tried his best not to gag as he felt the cold, dry cum slowly rinsing off the back of his thighs in the spray of the shower. He winced when the hot water hit the deep bite mark on the back of his shoulder, and he didn’t dare look down at his new bruises. He placed a shaking hand gently over the bruise on his forehead, whimpering as the pain started to flare up. Swallowing back a fresh urge to cry, he scrubbed his hair vigorously with shampoo, and rinsed himself of the sweat and blood and cum that was still residing on his skin, choosing to ignore the twinges of pain coming from all different parts of his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He examined his face fully once he stepped out of the shower. His nose luckily hadn’t been broken, and he was so thankful for that. But, fuck, it still hurt like hell. He took one last look at himself, then pulled on the clothes Oikawa had leant him. It was then he realised how much weight he must have lost in the last few weeks. Oikawa had always been taller than him, but his sweatshirts had never been this oversized on him before. He’d always filled them out with the size of his arms and chest. But it was just baggy now. He’d care if he wasn’t in so much pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa was waiting for him when he plodded back into the setters room. He was sitting at his desk, and he smiled sympathetically at Iwaizumi as he almost limped into the room. He looked nervous. “I-I’m sorry…” Iwaizumi apologised, and Oikawa tilted his head in confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What for?” Oikawa asked, genuinely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi rubbed his neck nervously, and looked at the floor. “For bothering you…” He said. “You probably weren’t prepared for me to just come and take over your night. And then I just sorta crashed in your bed. I didn’t really give you much of a choice other than to help me…” He hesitated slightly. “I won’t bother you again…” He turned to leave, and Oikawa tried to get up so quickly that he tripped and fell onto his bad knee.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ow, shit.” He complained, but sucked it up because his best friend was obviously hurting a lot more than this. Iwaizumi had turned back when he heard the slam.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oikawa, are you alright?” He asked, reaching out to help him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa refused his hand, and stood himself up. “I’m fine. I’m fine.” He insisted. “Iwa-Chan… please don’t leave.” He pleaded softly. “I’m glad you came to me. I wish you had come to me sooner, but I’m glad you trusted me enough to come here when you did.” Oikawa reached out and gently gripped hold of Iwaizumi’s hand. “Are you feeling any better? Do you need anything from me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled softly and his eyes welled up at the kindness he was being shown. “You’ve already done so much for me. I really don’t deserve all of this.” Iwaizumi stated, clearly believing it as fact. “I was so cruel to you. I cut you out.” Tears started falling as he looked up at the setter. “I told you that I didn’t need you. That I didn’t want you.” He sniffed and shook his head as he glanced back down at their hands. “Oikawa, that wasn’t true. Not even slightly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The setter opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by his phone ringing. “I should probably get that.” Oikawa stepped back and pulled his phone out of his pocket. A look of confusion wrote itself on his face, and he showed Iwaizumi the screen that had ‘Iwa-Chan’ displayed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Shit.” Panic flooded Iwaizumi’s face; he became white as a sheet. “I left my phone at Kuma’s.” He began hyperventilating, and Oikawa hushed him, ensuring he had it under control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He clicked ‘answer’. “Iwa-Chan?” He answered, questioningly. “Are you okay? You haven’t called me in weeks?” There was no response at the other end of the line. Oikawa smiled at Iwaizumi, which relieved the spiker slightly. “Iwa-Chan?” Kagawa hung up, and Iwaizumi sighed with relief. “I’ll send a text now, just so he doesn’t get suspicious.” He spoke as he pressed send.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi still looked scared. “I have to go back there.” His breathing was shaky. “I need to get my things. And I need to actually break up with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’ll get my shoes on.” Oikawa stated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “No.” Iwaizumi argued. “If you come, there’s no way of knowing how he’ll react.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “There’s no way in hell I’m letting you go back there alone.” Oikawa put his foot down. “No. Iwaizumi, with the amount he’s done to you already? Absolutely not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shook his head. “Oikawa, he’ll lose his mind if I show up with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m not scared of that bastard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I know you’re not. But I also know how strong he is.” Iwaizumi sighed. “Oikawa, I’m scared he’d kill you if he knew I came to you.” The fear in his eyes was genuine. “I don’t care what he does to me. I can’t risk him hurting you.” He had his hand on Oikawa’s chest, pushing him back from the door slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa got that sympathetic look on his face as he placed his hand over Iwaizumi’s. “You may not care what he does to you, but there are people around you who do. Your mom cares. And your dad. Your friends, you know, Makki and Mattsun? And all of your underclassmen care.” He squeezed hold of Iwaizumi’s hand. “Iwa-Chan, I care.” He sighed. “If I let you go alone, and something happened to you, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi gently pulled his hand away from Oikawa’s grasp. “Okay.” He agreed, simply. “But you wait around the corner, and only come and get me if I take longer than 15 minutes. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa reluctantly agreed, and the pair walked over to Kagawa’s. As promised, Oikawa waited around the corner as Iwaizumi went in. Iwaizumi inhaled shakily as he knocked on the front door. When Kagawa opened the door, he acted surprised by the state of Iwaizumi. “Hajime, what the hell happened to you?” He asked, seemingly sincerely. Iwaizumi walked past him into the apartment. “I woke up, and you were gone? You left your phone, and your coat, which has your keys in it. Where did you go? Why did you leave?” He pressed. Iwaizumi knew he remembered the previous night. This was an obvious act. And he certainly wasn’t going to forgive him for this. He walked through the apartment, collecting all his things, and looking for his phone. “Haji? What are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Where’s my phone?” He demanded. “You said I left it here, which means you know where it is.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa took a step closer to him and put one hand on each arm. “Tell me what you’re doing, Hajime.” He had a sympathetic look in his eyes, but his tone was angry. “Talk to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m trying to go home, and I want my phone.” He pulled himself free and took a step back. “Can you tell me where it is…” He paused for a second. “Please?” He added, reluctantly. Kagawa rolled his eyes, and pulled out the spikers phone from his pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi went to grab it, but Kagawa pulled his hand back, “Tell me what happened and I’ll give it to you.” He pressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Tell you what happened?” Iwaizumi scoffed, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kagawa remembered. This was a test to see if Iwaizumi remembered it. “What happened is you got back drunk and angry. I tried to just go to bed, but you beat the shit out of me, worse than you’ve ever done before. And then then fucked me while I begged you to stop. You didn’t even try to </span>
  <em>
    <span>act</span>
  </em>
  <span> like you care.” Iwaizumi snatched his phone out of Kagawa's hand, and turned to head towards the front door. “I’m leaving. And I’m done with being treated like shit. Don’t contact me again.” He knew turning his back to the guy was a mistake. He knew it was but he did it anyway. He dropped everything he was holding as he was shoved face first into the front door, and Kagawa’s forearm was pushing him firmly up across the top of his back, making his breathing restricted and shallow. “Kuma. Stop.” Iwaizumi pleaded, keeping his voice as steady as he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa leant in so that his mouth was right against Iwaizumi’s ear. “You really think I’d let you go that easily?” He threatened. “Iwaizumi Hajime, you’re mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “No.” Iwaizumi tried to push himself back. “I’m not yours.” He tried to argue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa chuckled slightly at that, and pulled himself back just enough to flip Iwaizumi around, then pressed across his chest, ensuring he was still trapped. Iwaizumi’s breathing picked up as he had flashbacks of when Kagawa was leaning against him the same way the previous night. “Do you forget the grasp I have on you?” He questioned, the anger in his tone caused fear to course through Iwaizumi, making him freeze. “Have you forgotten everything I can still take from you?” He glared at Iwaizumi. “We’re not done until </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>say we’re done.” Iwaizumi felt his hand slowly working down until it slipped past the elastic band of the boxers he was borrowing. He snapped back into reality and struggled, but was stopped by Kagawa’s arm working up so it was pushing against his throat, partially cutting off his breathing as it kept him in place. Iwaizumi shuddered, squeezing his eyes shut, the touches familiar and rough. He hated himself. He hated that he knew part of it felt good, and his body responded to that feeling. He couldn’t even describe how much he didn’t want this anymore. How much he no longer wanted to be around Kagawa. But part of him still loved him. Love. Was it love? Had it ever been love?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  How long had it been?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Was Oikawa coming for him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  How long had it been?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Stop.” Iwaizumi managed to choke out, finally. He gripped and slightly pulled the arm that was pushing against his windpipe, and softened his face as he looked Kagawa in the eyes, hoping to speak to his humanity - if he had any humanity. “Please. I-I cant…” Kagawa pulled back suddenly, and took a step back, and Iwaizumi fell to his knees, taking in deep breaths and gripping his chest as his lungs filled with air again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa bent down in front of him, and put his knuckles under the spikers chin, lifting his face so they were making eye contact. “We’re not over yet.” He stated, plainly. “Do you understand, Hajime?” Iwaizumi gulped, then nodded. “Feel free to tell Oikawa that we broke up.” He said as he stood, still looking down at Iwaizumi. “From this point on, it’s not a romantic relationship. I’m not your boyfriend anymore, Haji.” He turned and began to walk away. “You better be available at a moment’s notice.” He threatened. “And this time, if you tell </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone</span>
  </em>
  <span> of our arrangement, Oikawa won’t ever play volleyball again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He disappeared into the apartment and Iwaizumi picked up everything he had dropped as quickly as he could, then bolted out the door. He managed to calm his breathing before meeting Oikawa again, and the setter smiled after seeing him safe. “I was just about to come and retrieve you. I’m glad I didn’t need to.” He smiled at Iwaizumi, and the spiker politely smiled back. “How did he take it?” The setter asked as they started walking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Fuck. He couldn’t tell him. He didn’t want to lie to Oikawa anymore, but there was no way he could tell him after Kagawa’s threat. “It was fine.” He responded with a calm tone, after a brief hesitation. “I got my things, then broke up with him and left before he could even argue.” At least, that was what he had tried to do. “I’m still worried about what he might do though…” Iwaizumi stated as a concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa gently gripped Iwaizumi’s shoulder as an attempt to comfort him. “I can stay at yours tonight if you don’t want to be alone?” He offered. Iwaizumi glanced up at the setter. It felt strange, feeling protected by Oikawa. He had always been the protector, been the one to stand up for himself and Oikawa. And now the roles were reversed, and he just felt awkward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You don’t have to do that.” Iwaizumi insisted. “I’ve taken up enough of your time already. I can’t ask for more.” He argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa chuckled slightly. “Iwa-Chan, you’re not asking.” He clarified. “I want to be there. If you want me to be there.” Iwaizumi smiled at the sincerity, and thanked Oikawa as he agreed to let him stay. Part of him knew that he wouldn’t be able to face his mother looking like this if Oikawa wasn’t there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  They finally arrived back at Iwaizumi’s, after taking a small detour to Oikawa’s in order to pick up his things for the night. Oikawa had reached the door before he realised Iwaizumi had stopped at the gate. “Iwa-Chan?” He questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s breathing had quickened slightly, and it caused Oikawa clear concern. “My mom’s gonna be so disappointed in me…” He spoke, shakily. Oikawa walked back towards him, and pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m supposed to be smarter than this.” He spoke softly as he sobbed into Oikawa’s chest. “I should have been smarter than this. I should have trusted your gut.” The clear sound of regret in his voice broke Oikawa’s heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan…” Oikawa started, pulling back so he could look down at Iwaizumi. “None of this was your fault. And you got out. Auntie will understand that. You just have to tell her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I don’t want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I know.” Oikawa sighed. “But she’s going to ask what happened to you, and you can’t lie to her.” He insisted, giving Iwaizumi a look of sympathy and support as he did. “I’ll be there with you as you tell her though.” He smiled softly as he gripped hold of Iwaizumi’s hands, and the spiker smiled up at him. “But we can wait here for a while.” He clarified, pulling him back into a hug. “We’ll wait until you’re ready.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two of them headed in once Iwaizumi had calmed down a little. “Mom?” Iwaizumi called through the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m in the kitchen!” She called back, and Oikawa took a step in that direction, stopping only because Iwaizumi had gripped his hand again, and had a panicked look on his face again. He shook his head nervously, and Oikawa squeezed his hand a little, as if letting him know </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I’ve got you’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Iwaizumi gulped, then started walking through to the kitchen. “How was your night Haj-” she froze as she looked up at him, and there was an overwhelming sadness in her eyes as she scanned his cuts and bruises, and she reached out her hand to slowly touch his face. “What happened to you?” She questioned, clearly just wanting to help him. His eyes began to water with the warm and gentle hold his mother had of him. “Come and sit down, Hajime.” She insisted. “Tooru, can you give me a few minutes with Hajime please?” She requested politely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “No.” Iwaizumi snapped back, grabbing Oikawa’s hand before the setter had the chance to walk away. He looked at his mom with tears in his eyes. “Please, mom.” He spoke gently. “Please. I need him there…” She glanced between the two of them, then nodded once.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Alright.” She agreed, realising that this was clearly serious and her son may need support as he told her what was going on. “Well, both of you come and sit down then.” She gestured as she took a seat at the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sighed as he sat down across from his mom, and looked down at his hands. “I don’t even know where to begin.” He chuckled slightly as he glanced up at his mom, then back down at his hands. He remained silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After the longest thirty seconds, his mom spoke up. “Hajime?” He glanced up at her. “Why don’t you start with who did this to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He smiled softly, tears forming in his eyes, and he nodded. “...Kuma…” He said quietly as his smile sank at the mention of him. “T-there were… times… when he would be violent, and cruel… b-but there were also times when… times he would be k-kind and c-caring. And then it just… just got to a point… and I didn’t think I c-could do anything about it anymore.” He pulled at his fingers. “I’m sorry mom…” He spoke, the tears falling down his cheeks. She reached forward and grasped his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The look on her face was heartbreaking. She was close to tears, but she refused to cry. She didn’t want Iwaizumi to feel like he had to comfort her at a time like this. “How long was this going on?” She asked, gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I guess… almost the whole time.” He admitted, and Oikawa was also surprised by this, and he placed his hand on Iwaizumi’s leg as support. He went on to explain it all. All the abuse, all the things Kagawa did to him - tiptoeing around all the explicit details as he didn’t really want to go into that with his mother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After all of it, there was a short silence. His mom exhaled deeply. “Okay.” She said, simply, just acknowledging all of the information that was given to her. “Have you spoken to the police yet?” She asked, concerned about her son’s well being.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “No.” Iwaizumi responded quickly. “And I’m not going to.” He clarified, and both his mom and Oikawa looked at him, surprised by his decision.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hajime, you need to report this.” She insisted. “You can’t let him get away with that behaviour.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shook his head. “I have no proof that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> did this to me.” He clarified. “And there are no witnesses to it. Sure, I’ve told the two of you, but there’s no real way to prove any of it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, you can’t just let him-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I said no.” Iwaizumi interrupted with a hash tone. “I don’t want to report him. I don’t want </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>more to do with him.” He clarified. “It’s more likely he’d win any case against him, and if he knew I reported him, it would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> that would suffer.” He looked at Oikawa as he emphasised that. “I don’t want that. I’m not reporting him.” He insisted, before getting up and leaving the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The pair watched him leave, and listened to his bedroom door slide closed a few seconds later. His mom sighed, and Oikawa looked back at her. “I can’t make him do anything. If he doesn’t want to report him, then he won’t speak to the police if I call them.” Something in the tone of her voice was heartbreaking. “Tooru, are you staying tonight?” She changed the subject slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa nodded. “Yeah. I don’t think it’s a good idea to let him be alone.” He explained. “He fell asleep so quickly at mine last night. He hasn’t been sleeping well, and I guess now we know why.” He chuckled slightly as he shook his head, and Iwaizumi’s mom looked at him with a confused look on her face. “Sorry, Auntie. You might not want to hear this, but I can’t tell him and I need to tell someone…” He paused and smiled gently at her, then shook his head and looked down. “Never mind. It’s not important.” He decided.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  To his surprise, Iwaizumi’s mom laughed. A light hearted chuckle. She beamed at Oikawa. “You really do love him, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa was confused. Extremely confused. “What?” He questioned. Dhe was right, but he had no idea how she had figured that out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Please, Tooru. A mother always knows.” She confirmed. “He loves you too, you know. I don’t know if he’s realised it himself yet, but he does. And with the way you two grew up together, it was inevitable.” Oikawa smiled, and thanked her for her support, then went upstairs to Iwaizumi’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa knocked on the door lightly. “Iwa-Chan? Can I come in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Whatever.” Iwaizumi confirmed. As Oikawa walked in, Iwaizumi glared at him. “I thought you were going to support </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> in this?” He questioned, accusingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> here to support you.” Oikawa insisted. “But I agree with your mom. You should report him.” He pushed. “How can you just let him get away with everything he did to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shook his head. “He won’t get away with it.” The spiker confirmed. “But the police won’t do shit and you know it.” He sighed as he spoke. “Oikawa, please. Just let it go for now?” Oikawa didn’t want to. He really didn’t want to. But the pleading look on Iwaizumi’s face was enough to convince him to drop it. At least, for the time being.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He slid Iwaizumi’s door closed and sat himself on the bed. “I’ll let it go. But if he even tries to come near you again, you need to tell me, okay?” Iwaizumi nodded his head. It was a lie. He couldn’t tell Oikawa about the new arrangement, the setter would start a fight he couldn’t possibly win if he knew. And Iwaizumi wasn’t going to let Oikawa throw his future away for him. “Hey, can I ask you something?” Oikawa asked after a brief quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah, sure?” It sounded serious and so Iwaizumi was a little nervous about what it could be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why him?” Oikawa asked, simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi cocked his head in confusion. “What do you mean?” He questioned, sincerely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why did you fall for </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>? What was it that made you want him so badly that you ignored the abuse for so long?” Iwaizumi knew the answer to this question. He knew exactly what had drawn him in and kept him there. But Oikawa wouldn’t actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to hear the confession, would he? Iwaizumi just shrugged and looked away. “Oh, come on Iwa-Chan. You know as well as I do that there was a reason you wanted the guy.” He pressed. “Why not just tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The spiker sighed. “Fine.” He agreed through gritted teeth. “But I want you to promise me that this won’t change anything between us.” Oikawa reluctantly agreed. “He… he looks like you…” Iwaizumi trailed off at the end but Oikawa had heard him. There was a painfully long silence and Iwaizumi regretted saying anything in the first place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Cha-” Oikawa started before being interrupted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Look I may as well just tell you that before he came along, I was in love with you for like four years, okay? And then Kuma walked into my life, and he looked like you, and was a little dorky, and so I gave him my number.” He began to explain. “And then I fell for </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> personality. But then he switched, and a little piece of me always hoped that he would become his old self again. But I was already in love with him, so it didn’t matter how much he hurt me. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to stay.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Part of me wants to go back to him. Part of me is weak and knows I still love him. As badly as he hurt me, a little bit of me wants to believe he can be better. And I think part of me still wants to hold on to the possibility that, because he looks like you, maybe one day he’ll start to act like you.” Iwaizumi glanced up at Oikawa and felt a flush climbing up his cheeks, he looked away again and chuckled nervously to himself. “But whatever.” He continued. “It doesn't really matter, though. You can just ignore me.” He refused to look back at Oikawa again, he was embarrassed and now he just felt awkward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You…” Oikawa started after taking time to process everything Iwaizumi had just said. “You’re in love… with me..?” He asked, carefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi glanced at him then looked away again. “Shut up, it doesn’t matter.” He insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan… I love you too.” Iwaizumi looked at him, shocked and confused, and Oikawa smiled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s face changed to anger. “You’re such an asshole, Crappykawa.” He said, upset about something that Oikawa couldn’t figure out. “You can’t fuck with me like that when I’ve just told you all my feelings and shit. I don’t like feeling this way. You don’t have to make fun of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It was a shock, hearing that Iwaizumi was angry because he didn’t believe him. “Iwa-Chan, I’m not-” He didn’t have a chance to finish before being interrupted by Iwaizumi standing and walking to the door. “I’m going to shower. When I get back, can we just forget this, please?” He left the room before Oikawa could say anything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The setter sat there, and he went through it all in his head. And he sat there. Just awaiting Iwaizumi’s return. Thinking about what he should say; what he could say to make Iwaizumi believe him. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Damaged</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Was Oikawa still coming? Oikawa should be here soon.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. He hated the way he looked now. He hated that he was marked, that his very soul had been tainted. His mom was absolutely going to tell his dad, and neither of them would ever look at him the same again. Oikawa was never going to look at him the same again. And Kagawa was never going to let him go. He was trapped. He had never felt so small, so useless. He couldn’t even help himself anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The shower was hot, but Iwaizumi didn’t care. He didn’t care that it was burning his skin, he just wanted to feel clean again. Every part of his body ached. He wished it didn’t. He wished he’d never met Kagawa. Why did he go for that walk? If he had just gotten over Oikawa sooner, none of this would have happened. Fuck. Why did he tell Oikawa that he was in love with him just now?  And why did Oikawa say it back? Oikawa didn’t love him. He pitied him. And that felt shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He couldn’t be here anymore. He couldn’t stay in Japan. He needed to study abroad. He needed to be literally anywhere other than Japan. As he stepped out the shower, he looked himself over once again, realising that he had forgotten to bring a change of clothes in with him. He had a towel for around his waist, but this meant that he’d have to face Oikawa like this. He had to face him battered and bruised. Yes, Oikawa had seen the bruises on his body the previous night, but now they had darkened, and they looked hideous. He looked hideous. It also looked like he had lost maybe thirty pounds in the past three weeks from not eating properly, which meant he had definitely lost a considerable amount of muscle mass, and he probably wouldn’t be able to defend himself against anyone in this state. Shit, he needed to get back to training and eating soon. Maybe life would be a little easier now that Kagawa only wanted sex. Iwaizumi chuckled at that thought - he knew how stupid that was. Kagawa was always horny, this just meant that he didn’t have to spend time with Iwaizumi outside of that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi took three deep breaths, then left the bathroom, heading back to his room. As he entered, Oikawa glanced up at him and a look of sympathy wrote itself across his face. “Iwa-Chan-” He started, looking over the deep purple that was splattered across Iwaizumi’s skin. “I’m so sorry…” He spoke softly as he walked over to stand in front of Iwaizumi. He didn't touch him; as much as he wanted to, he just didn’t. “I’m sorry I didn’t do anything sooner. I’m sorry if anything I said to him caused him to lash out at you.” Oikawa’s eyes began to water. “I’m so sorry if I caused any of this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Please don’t.” Iwaizumi pleaded, lump in his throat. “Please don’t think for a second that you had </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do with this.” He insisted. “It was all me. Don’t let yourself carry that burden.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa shook his head. “No. Iwa-Chan. No. Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>say it was all you. It wasn’t. It was him.” He took this moment as an opportunity to cup Iwaizumi’s hands in his own. “Iwa-Chan, I meant it when I said that I love you.” He smiled softly. “Seeing you hurt like this... it causes me pain too, because there’s nothing I can do to stop you hurting. But maybe…” He hesitated. “Maybe I can be honest with you, and make this a day you don’t hate to think about… Maybe we can get caught up here, in this moment. In this room. And I can tell you that I love you, and you understand that every word of it is true. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll believe that you’re still worthy of love. That your worth isn’t defined by what one asshole has done to you.” Iwaizumi felt a tingle in his chest, because what Oikawa was saying was profound and inquisitive, and frankly, adorable. And he wanted to kiss him. God, he wanted to kiss him. Oikawa was standing right in front of him. All it would take for Iwaizumi to kiss him would be just leaning a few inches forward and capturing those lips in his. “You are worth the entire universe, Iwaizumi Hajime. And if it takes the rest of my life, I will make you believe that. I understand if you can’t reciprocate these feelings right now. But if I didn’t tell you, I would regret it for the rest of my days. When I say I love you, Iwa-Chan, I mean that I am so intensely in love with you, and that I will wait for you. Even if it takes years before you’re ready to move on, I will wait for you.” The urge to kiss him was now unbearably strong. They were up here alone, faces inches away from each other, and Iwaizumi was too emotionally drained to fight it any longer. Especially when he saw Oikawa’s eyes flick down to his lips too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi didn’t think. For a moment, a single moment, he let himself let go of all his doubts and concerns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He leaned in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  And just like that, he was kissing Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s mouth was warm, and his lips were even softer than Iwaizumi would have expected. For a couple seconds, Iwaizumi forgot how to breathe, forgot how to think, forgot how to do anything, and he just felt. Oikawa went slightly stiff against him, and while the kiss felt like it lasted for hours, it probably only lasted for five or six seconds before Iwaizumi started thinking again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He pulled back slowly, and Oikawa kept his forehead leaning against Iwaizumi’s. “Sorry.” Iwaizumi apologised quietly. “I shouldn’t have-” He was cut off before he was able to finish. Oikawa cut him off mid-apology by moving forward and crushing their lips together again. Iwaizumi’s brain froze, and part of him was unsure how to react. It took one of Oikawa’s hands coming up to rest on the side of his neck, a thumb tracing his jaw, for Iwaizumi to just melt, and his eyes fell closed. And just like that, he was kissing Oikawa back. Oikawa pulled in a sharp breath through his nose as Iwaizumi began kissing him back, and he pushed into the kiss more, taking a small step closer so he was more above Iwaizumi. It was all a little sloppy, and part of it felt a bit awkward, but Iwaizumi didn’t care. His heart actually hurt his ribs, it was beating so fast. He wondered if Oikawa’s was doing the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi stiffened as Oikawa’s tongue traced along his bottom lip, and it was almost second-nature that Iwaizumi opened his mouth, allowing Oikawa’s tongue to slide inside. It felt strange at first, because this was not the way Iwaizumi imagined the first time Oikawa kissed him. It was a lot smoother than he imagined it would be, and Iwaizumi’s mouth automatically made space for Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi had no idea how long the kiss lasted. His mind was so lost in it, like he was floating away, like he was simultaneously dying and being reborn. It was only when Oikawa’s hand moved down and slid along Iwaizumi’s side to his lower back that he broke off the kiss, as suddenly as it began. He was breathing hard, and so was Oikawa. Iwaizumi didn’t want to lose the moment, but he forced himself to open his eyes, and Oikawa was already looking at him, his hand still lingering on Iwaizumi’s back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After a few seconds, Iwaizumi pulled back, and suddenly Oikawa realised how wrong that must have been. “Sorry…” Oikawa looked down at the floor as he apologised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shook his head, and placed his hand on Oikawa’s cheek. “Don’t apologise.” He smiled. “I think I needed you to do that.” He dropped his hand, and walked over to his dresser, pulling out clothes to cover himself. “I’ll wash your sweatshirt and everything and give it all back to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You can keep it all.” Oikawa said simply as he sat himself on Iwaizumi’s bed. “That was… nice.” He smiled as he looked at his hands. “If you want to do that again at any point, you don’t even need to ask.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled slightly. “I might take you up on that.” He teased, then sighed. “I’m sorry, I needed you to do that to know that you meant everything you said. But as much as I liked that, it can’t happen again… not until I sort some shit out myself.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I know.” Oikawa confirmed. “I get it, and I’ll wait until you’re ready.” He smiled. “Take your time, there’s no rush.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Thank you.” Iwaizumi said, as he pulled on some pants and a t-shirt. He turned off the lights, then lay on his bed, face up, and Oikawa lay down next to him. He softly held Oikawa’s hand as he stared up at the ceiling. “Oikawa?” He asked quietly after a bit of silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You really love me?” Iwaizumi sounded nervous. It was cute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I really do.” Oikawa smiled a little at the question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sighed. “Even now? Even though I’m all used and damaged?” He asked, clearly insecure. “Because if the way I am now made you change your mind, I’d understand.” His voice cracked a little as he spoke, and he squeezed Oikawa’s hand tighter. “I mean, I’m hideous. And pathetic.” A small tear ran down his cheek as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa let go of Iwaizumi’s hand and rolled over on top of him, so that he was sitting up on his hips. He held Iwaizumi’s face in his hands. “Iwa-Chan. You are not hideous. You are perfect. You are beautiful. Do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>devalue yourself.” He pressed. “Sure, you’re a little damaged right now, but that doesn’t for a single second change how I feel about you. I meant what I said. I will wait for you to be ready to be with me. I love you, Iwa-Chan. I really do.” He kissed Iwaizumi on the forehead, then rolled back off him, lying next to him once again. Iwaizumi glanced over at him and smiled, then rolled onto his side, and Oikawa curled up behind him, the same way he had the previous night. Oikawa’s breathing evened out quickly, he was asleep after only a few minutes. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, lay awake for a long time. He had to do something about Kagawa. He had to. He wanted to be with Oikawa, but he couldn’t be until he was fully clear of Kagawa. Yes, Oikawa said he was willing to wait as long as he had to, but that surely couldn’t be true. Surely he would want something more than just cuddling in the near future. Shit, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>to get rid of Kagawa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
  <em>
    <span>Monday</span>
  </em>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi was ready to go back to the way his life had been before Kagawa came along. He was ready to be at school again. He was ready to go back to volleyball. He was ready for it all. What he hadn’t prepared himself for was the amount of questions people would ask about the damage to his face. It was like he had completely forgotten about it the moment he left his house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He waited outside Oikawa’s as he had always done, and the setter smiled upon seeing him. “I’m glad you’re coming back to practice.” He said, honestly. “What’re you gonna tell people?” He asked, not wanting to tiptoe around the awkward. Iwaizumi looked at him, confused, and Oikawa made a gesture to his face, trying to at least be a little delicate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ah.” Iwaizumi acknowledged. “I don’t… I don’t have a plan..?” He admitted. “I… I don’t really want to tell anyone anything. I don’t want anyone to ask.” He just wanted to forget all of it, not that he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa glanced over at Iwaizumi. “So if someone does ask? Are you gonna tell them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “No.” Iwaizumi responded quickly, trying not to sound snappy, but clearly uncomfortable with the idea of that. “I don’t want anyone to know. I don’t want anyone’s sympathy.” He insisted. Oikawa nodded in understanding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two of them were the first one’s there, and Iwaizumi felt relieved. He could get changed without anyone eyeing up his bruises, he changed into his shorts first, and - annoyingly - the large bruise on the rear of his thigh was still slightly visible out the end of his shorts. He sighed frustratedly. Oikawa looked at him, then glanced at the back of his thigh. “It’s not that noticeable unless you're looking for it.” Oikawa reassured, and Iwaizumi smiled a thanks at him. Then it was time to change his shirt. Iwaizumi was constantly nervous that someone was going to come in at any point and see him. He hated that Oikawa had seen him this way, and he couldn’t fathom how embarrassed he would be of himself if anyone else were to see him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His worst thoughts came true when he finally pulled off his shirt after Oikawa had left to take a piss and Matsukawa and Hanamaki walked in. And then it hit him. He hadn’t seen the state of his own back. He hadn’t actually looked at it himself, but it had hurt like hell. He remembered that Kagawa had stomped down on his back. So there was at least one bruise. And it was clear that the two had noticed as they suddenly went silent. Iwaizumi was frozen. He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t look at them. He couldn’t cover himself. All he could think about was the eyes that were staring at him. He exhaled shakily, wondering to himself who would speak first. That's when Kunimi and Kindaichi barged in. They didn’t notice at first, but realised the tension and followed Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s eyes and landed on Iwaizumi too. Fuck. Iwaizumi could feel four pairs of eyes staring daggers into him and he couldn’t fucking move. He had to move but he was frozen in place. This was literally the worst feeling in the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwaizumi-san?” Kindaichi broke the silence eventually, but Iwaizumi couldn’t bring himself to respond. Where was Oikawa? How long had he been gone. Shit. He had to move eventually, but he just couldn’t. “What happened to you?” He asked, clearly referring to the bruise. Was it only one bruise? Had they noticed the fingerprints on his hips? That question seemed to open an opportunity for the other two third years and they pitched in too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yea, Iwaizumi. Are you alright?” Hanamaki questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa finally came in and Iwaizumi was relieved to hear his voice. “Hey.” The eyes were finally of Iwaizumi, and he could breathe again. “Stop staring at your vice captain and get ready for practice.” No one moved, until Oikawa clapped his hands together. “Move it guys, we don’t have all morning!” As everyone was distracted, Iwaizumi had managed to get himself to move and had pulled on his tshirt while Oikawa was speaking. After they dispersed, Oikawa made his way to Iwaizumi, lowering his voice so only the spiker would hear him. “Are you alright?” He asked softly. “Sorry I wasn’t here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shook his head. “Thank you for doing that.” He responded. “I froze up. I couldn’t move or speak.” He admitted. “God, this feeling sucks.” He slammed his locker closed a little too hard, and the eyes were on him again, only for a second before turning away again. “I hate this, Tooru. I fucking hate it.” There was a clear lump in his throat, and Oikawa could tell that he was actively being vulnerable because he called him by his first name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “But it’s over now.” Oikawa tried to reassure him, placing one hand carefully on his shoulder. “You’ve washed your hands of him, and once your bruises are healed, you’re completely free. There won't be a single trace of him left on you.” Iwaizumi smiled insincerely. He wanted to tell Oikawa everything. But Kagawa would hurt him. And Iwaizumi couldn’t let that happen. But of course Oikawa could see the insincerity. “Iwa-Chan? What aren’t you telling me?” He questioned, clearly concerned about him. Iwaizumi ignored his question and glanced over his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Practice is starting. Let’s go.” He walked past Oikawa, leaving the clubroom, and the setter followed behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Everyone was respectful enough during practice to not ask about the state Iwaizumi was in. Matsukawa and Hanamaki probably told the rest of the team not to mention it. And Iwaizumi knew he wasn’t on point. He had definitely lost muscle mass, and he couldn’t jump as high or spike as hard, but he was trying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Outside of practice, however, people were less subtle. Iwaizumi could hear the whispers, and even when he couldn’t hear what they were saying, it was obvious they were talking about him. And the amount of rumours that were going around already was insane. </span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I heard he went out drinking and got into a bar fight.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  “I heard that he was protecting a girl from her abusive boyfriend.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  “I heard that he got into a fight with some college students because they were talking shit about the volleyball team.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Well I heard that he actually has bruises all over his body because that boyfriend of his beats the shit out of him. And he can’t even defend himself.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  Hearing that made Iwaizumi nauseous. He looked around him, but there were so many people. Who had said that? Who knew? How did they know? Iwaizumi felt the bile climbing up his throat, and dropped the search in favour of bolting to the closest bathroom, falling to his knees once he was in the stall and throwing up his guts. He hadn’t had chance to close the stall door behind him so the other two people who were already in the bathroom saw it was him. This was definitely going to get around, and it would just fuel the rumours further. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His face must have been in the toilet bowl for five minutes before someone actually tried to help him. “Iwaizumi-san?” Kunimi. Good. Someone he knew. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi coughed slightly, and waved his hand a little. “Tooru.” Was the only word he could manage, but Kunimi understood, and gave the setter a call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Less than two minutes later, Oikawa was there, “Kunimi? What happened?” He asked as he landed on the floor next to Iwaizumi, rubbing his back gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I don’t know.” He responded, honestly. “I saw him there and he just uttered your name.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa nodded at him, thanked him, then asked him to leave. The first-year obliged, and exited the bathroom. After the door closed, Oikawa turned back to Iwaizumi. “What happened, Iwa-Chan?” He asked, his worry was evident, and his mere presence made Iwaizumi feel better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “They know.” Iwaizumi replied. “I heard the rumours. Someone knows which means they’ll all know.” He looked at Oikawa, eyes watering. “They’re all going to know.” Oikawa pulled Iwaizumi into his chest for a warm embrace. “What the fuck am I supposed to do, Tooru?” Oikawa’s heart broke at the question, Iwaizumi was clearly hurting and in crisis, and there was nothing he could do about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  They sat on the filthy bathroom floor in silence, and Oikawa could feel his chest getting damp from Iwaizumi’s tears, but he didn’t move. No, he just held Iwaizumi tighter. “Iwa-Chan?” He spoke after a few minutes of silence. The spiker didn’t respond but Oikawa knew he heard him. “What aren’t you telling me?” He had tried to ask this morning, but Iwaizumi had ignored him entirely. And he did it again. He pulled back, got up, flushed the toilet, and left without saying anything else. If this wasn’t proof that something was going on, he didn’t know what would be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi wanted to leave early. He wanted to go home. All he could focus on was the constant wave of whispers around him, the rumours and the truth mixed in there. He didn’t want to be here, but he promised his mom he would stay. And she had agreed not to tell his dad about everything as long as he went back to school </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> volleyball. He didn’t want anyone to know. He hadn’t even wanted to tell her in the first place, but he knew Oikawa wouldn’t let him lie to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice someone standing in front of his desk. It was only when she waved her hand in his path of vision that he looked up at her. “Hi.” She said, clearly nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Do you need something?” Iwaizumi got straight to the point. He couldn’t be bothered with small talk, and he was too exhausted to be polite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The girl flushed a little out of embarrassment. “Sorry…” she looked down at her hands. “I was just wondering…” She glanced back up at him and gave a sympathetic smile, “What happened to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Why did she have to show sympathy? It pissed Iwaizumi off that he was getting any sort of attention, let alone people pitying him. “Why is that any of your business?” He questioned, tone sharp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Well I heard tha-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh let me guess, you heard what literally everyone else has heard. You heard all the rumours and you think that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re </span>
  </em>
  <span>entitled to know which is true?” He stood up angrily, his chair crashing into the desk behind his, and he grabbed his bag, ready to leave the room. “Listen up.” He spoke loudly so that everyone looked over. “None of you have the right to know what happened. I’m not going to tell any of you what happened. You can speculate all you want, but in your bullshit rumours you should include the fact that none of you actually know anything and you’re all full of shit. Just leave me the fuck alone and mind your own goddamn business.” He walked out, ignoring the teacher that was shouting behind him for disrupting the class and leaving. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The only place he could think to go where no one would be was the clubroom. He sent Oikawa a text after he got there:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;I walked out of class. I yelled at everyone. I can’t fucking do this anymore.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;Where are you?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;Clubroom.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa was there in minutes, and Iwaizumi was sitting on the middle bench, crying. He hated crying, it made him feel weak. “Iwa-Chan, tell me what happened.” Oikawa requested, and Iwaizumi talked him through the situation. Oikawa pondered it for a minute. “The way you’re feeling now, does it have anything to do with the thing you’re not telling me?” Iwaizumi nodded. “Do you want to tell me what it is you’re hiding?” He asked, hoping Iwaizumi would oblige and finally tell him. Nope. Iwaizumi just looked down at his phone in his hands, staring at the black screen. “Iwa-Chan?” Iwaizumi glanced up at Oikawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I just want to go home.” He said, honestly. “But I promised my mom I’d stay. So here I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa cupped Iwaizumi’s face softly in his hands, holding eye contact with him. “Why are you struggling so much with this?” He asked, genuinely concerned about him. “I know you’ve been through a lot here, but you’re free of him now.” Iwaizumi’s eyes flicked away from Oikawa’s, and a frown appeared on the setter's face. “You are free of him, right?” He didn’t want to ask this, but Iwaizumi was hiding </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>and this was the only thing that made sense at this point. Iwaizumi stayed silent. “Iwa-Chan, did you end it with him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I did.” Iwaizumi snapped. He paused for a few seconds. “But…” Oikawa raised one eyebrow expectantly. “When I tried to leave, he…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “He did what?” Oikawa pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sighed. “He sprang at me. And he told me he wasn’t done yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What do you mean? Iwa-Chan, what did he say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You can’t tell anyone this, okay?” Oikawa nodded. “I’m serious, Tooru. If he knew you know, he’d make it so you’ll never be able to play volleyball again.” Oikawa reluctantly agreed to not tell anyone, including Iwaizumi’s mom. “I’m not in a relationship with him anymore, but…” Iwaizumi hesitated. He wanted to tell Oikawa, but he wasn’t sure how to word it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “But what?” Oikawa pushed. “What is it?” He pleaded, desperately wanting Iwaizumi to tell him what was going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi inhaled deeply and shakily. “It’s just sex now.” He said, finally. And Oikawa’s face turned from concern to anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m gonna kill that piece of shit.” He stood up, and went to walk away but was stopped by a firm grasp on his arm. “Iwa-Chan, let go.” He said without looking back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi gripped tighter. “You won’t win.” He said, voice low. “You can’t.” It sounded like he was underestimating the setter, but he was really just concerned for his safety. “Oikawa I’ll find a way to get out of this. I will. Just let me deal with this.” He insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa still didn’t turn back to Iwaizumi, but pulled his wrist free and folded his arms. “And how many times are you gonna let him fuck you before you do something about it?” His tone was sour and he was clearly pissed off about the whole situation.  “Because if the answer is higher than zero, then I can’t let you deal with this alone.” He confirmed. He then glanced down at Iwaizumi, who looked nervous and scared. He had that same colour draining look on his face that Oikawa had seen the day he came to see him when he had been off for two days. He sighed, and knelt down in front of the spiker. “Iwa-chan, I don’t want you to get hurt any more than you already have been. Let me help you.” He pleaded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi made eye contact with him. “How would </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>help me here?” Iwaizumi questioned in all seriousness. “Oikawa, he’s stronger than you. And me.” Iwaizumi shook his head in a defeated way. “I just… I can’t see a way out of this.” He paused for a moment. “I think I need to leave Japan.” Oikawa stayed silent and Iwaizumi glanced back up to see Oikawa’s eyes tearing up, and his face grew concerned as he cupped the setters face. “Hey, no, don’t cry.” He had a lump in his throat as he spoke. “I wouldn’t just up and leave. But if it’s the only way I can keep you safe, then that’s what I’ll do.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa put one hand over one of Iwaizumi’s and leaned into the touch. He didn’t say anything, and neither did Iwaizumi. They just stayed there and Oikawa slowly pushed himself into an actual hug with his best friend. And, despite the situation, it was nice for them both.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  There was no practice that evening, and Oikawa walked Iwaizumi the full way home, hugging the spiker tightly before heading home himself. He was going to stay that night, but his mom wanted him home for dinner first, so they agreed he’d come back at around 7. Iwaizumi didn’t want to be alone. He really didn’t want to be alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He got in to an empty house. His mom was at her sisters, and his dad was away on business - as usual. Iwaizumi let himself fall backwards onto the couch, and sighed. Oikawa just wanted to help, which was sweet, but there wasn’t anything he could do. If Iwaizumi couldn’t stop Kagawa, there was no way Oikawa could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi eventually made his way up to his room to get changed before Oikawa came round but he froze as he entered his room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hey Haji.” Kagawa grinned at the way Iwaizumi had been struck with fear the moment he saw him. This was clearly the reaction he had hoped for and Iwaizumi was angry at himself for giving the guy the satisfaction. Kagawa stood up and walked over to Iwaizumi, who had unconsciously backed himself into the wall to try and get away from him. Kagawa chuckled and placed a hand either side of Iwaizumi’s head against the wall. “Now now, Haji.” He leaned in closer to whisper in his ear. “No need to be scared, it’s just you and me here.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Exactly. That is a perfect reason to be scared. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi thought to himself, wondering why now. Why today.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Before he even had a moment to think about an exit plan, Kagawa had already wrapped one hand around his throat and unbuttoned his pants with the other, wrapping his second hand around Iwaizumi’s cock, and started to stroke him to life. Iwaizumi was screaming at his body to stop reacting, but it was no use because, fuck, Kagawa was good at this. It was belated that he realised he was crying, which only seemed to make Kagawa’s smirk wider. The hand on his throat grasped a little tighter and Iwaizumi started to struggle to swallow; his vision became blurry from tears and a lack of oxygen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Haji, you look adorable like this. Why didn’t I think of this sooner.” His voice sounded like poison.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa clearly thought he had won here, but Iwaizumi finally managed to force out a smile, and Kagawa’s face dropped into a glare, which made Iwaizumi chuckle a little. Both of the elders hands tightened, and he leaned in closer. “What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck </span>
  </em>
  <span>are you smirking about?” He demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi tilted his own chin up, coughing a little before he spoke. “You have no leverage.” He laughed again, and Kagawa let go of his cock and slammed that fist into the wall next to his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What the fuck do you mean? I’ll destroy your new boyfriend's entire career and he’ll blame you.” Kagawa tried to threaten, but Iwaizumi just chuckled further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “If anything like that happens to him, everyone will know it was you.” He smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa lost his mind at this, pulled Iwaizumi away from the wall, and threw the spiker to the floor, now towering over him. Iwaizumi coughed, finally able to breathe again, and he continued to smirk, which pissed Kagawa off even more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Barely a second passed before Kagawa had landed on top of Iwaizumi and had started hitting. Every punch felt like electricity shooting up his forearm, and Iwaizumi’s body jolted underneath him with every impact. It was just the two of them here. There were vibrations in Kagawa’s ears, and beneath that, there were slight sounds of Iwaizumi’s ragged gasps as he tried to breathe through every hit. Iwaizumi had no idea how long he kept it up, but shit, this was not worth the brief joy annoying Kagawa had brought him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi finally moved after a multitude of blows, and his fingers suddenly came up and wrapped around Kagawa’s wrist, the same way he had done when the guy was choking him when he had tried to break up with him the previous week, trying to speak to his humanity, to the part of him that loved Iwaizumi once upon a time, and Kagawa jerked to a stop. He was breathing hard, and his eyes were burning with rage, but all that disappeared when Iwaizumi touched him. It was a weak hold, but it was enough to stop Kagawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The look Iwaizumi spotted in his eyes seemed to be one of regret and ‘oh shit’. Kagawa pushed himself to his feet quickly, and watched as Iwaizumi curled into himself, groaning slightly in pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The elder left quickly, leaving Iwaizumi curled up there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi had no idea how long he’d been laying there, how long ago Kagawa had stopped hitting him and left him here all alone. But the sun has finally started to set. He was cold, Kagawa had left the window open and a winter chill was flowing into his room. But everything hurt too much to move. But he didn’t have to move. He didn’t have to do anything. He just had to keep breathing. Oikawa would be here soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He slowly started losing consciousness. He had tried to stay awake, but he could barely keep his eyes open. His body wanted to start to let him heal. He could sleep. Oikawa would be here soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He inhaled deeply, and realised how tightly Kagawa must have been squeezing his legs because at least one of his ribs was definitely cracked. Oikawa would be here soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He breathed shallowly and he let his eyes fall closed, allowing himself to drift into unconsciousness. Maybe if he went to sleep, the pain would stop. Maybe if he went to sleep, he'd be better in the morning and he would be able to move again. He wondered if this was what it felt like to die.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Was Oikawa still coming? Oikawa should be here soon.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Waiting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“If you’re not dead I’m gonna kick your ass for making me do this.” He joked, trying to keep his mind clear of any bad thoughts.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ah shit im so tired but i really wanted to finish this chapter cuz i actually liked the whole idea behind it so please enjoy it</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  Oikawa must have knocked on the door for a solid 2 minutes to no response. The door was locked, which made sense considering Iwaizumi would be home alone. But he knew Oikawa was coming round, so why would he ignore the door? He tried calling, no answer. And unsteadiness settled in his gut. Because Iwaizumi wouldn’t go completely blank on him like this unless something had happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa made his way to the back of the house, noticing that Iwaizumi’s window was open - a strange occurrence when it was this cold out. “Iwa-Chan?” He shouted up, desperate for a response. Even if he just slammed the window closed, at least that’d be a sign he was okay. But no. There was no response. There was nothing. “Iwa-Chan? I'm coming up.” He warned, hoping he’d hear something. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Fuck.” He muttered to himself as he started climbing up the trellis that conveniently led directly to Iwaizumi’s window. “If you’re not dead I’m gonna kick your ass for making me do this.” He joked, trying to keep his mind clear of any bad thoughts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  As he reached the window, he glanced through, and saw Iwaizumi curled up on the floor near the foot of his bed. He panicked, clambering in through the window, and tripping over himself a few times as he did. “Shit. Iwa-Chan?” He raised his voice, trying to get a reaction from him. As he landed on the floor next to him, he rolled him gently over onto his back, and anger washed over him when he saw the state Iwaizumi was in, and the fact that his pants were still unbuttoned and unzipped. Kagawa had been here, it was so painfully obvious that he was the one that had done this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan? Iwa-Chan, wake up!” Oikawa’s voice cracked as he started to cry, and he could hear the shallow, ragged breathing, as painful as it was to hear, thank fuck he was still alive.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He wasted no time calling an ambulance, and they arrived quickly, taking the two of them to the hospital. On the way, Oikawa was able to fill them in on all the medical information they would need, family medical history, blood type, medical conditions etc.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  As Oikawa waited for Iwaizumi’s emergency surgery to be completed, he realised that he had yet to call Iwaizumi’s mom, and she needed to know what was going on here. Iwaizumi was in surgery, he had a brain bleed. He stared at his phone as he thought of how he was even supposed to tell her this. Eventually he sighed deeply, and pressed “dial”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Tooru?” She answered after only two rings. She seemed to sound slightly concerned already. “Is everything okay?” He didn’t know why this surprised him, he never called her mobile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s voice cracked as he spoke. “No.” He gulped, worried that she would blame him for this. “We’re at the hospital already but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “The hospital?!?” She interrupted. “Tooru what happened?” There was clear panic in her voice. “Are you okay? Is Hajime there?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m fine, It’s just… it’s Iwa-Chan. He’s hurt pretty badly, auntie.” The tears started running down his cheeks again. “You need to come. He’s in surgery and…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Surgery??” The pain and concern that she spoke with were evident. “I’m on my way. I’ll be there soon. Tooru please don’t leave him.” Her voice wavered at the end. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I won’t.” He confirmed. “Please drive carefully.” He requested, then she hung up. As he finally slumped down in a chair in the waiting room, he planted his face in his hands, palms pressing into his eyes as he tried to stop himself from crying more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After a few minutes of being alone, there was a gentle tap on his shoulder. A sympathetic looking officer was standing above him, smiling gently. “Are you Oikawa Tooru?” She asked. Oikawa nodded. “I’m Officer Nomura Haru. Myself and my colleague here have been asked to look into the attack of your friend.” She gestured to an angry looking man behind her. “Do you mind if I take a seat and just ask you a few questions?” He shrugged and leaned backwards, and she sat herself down next to him, pulling out a pad and pen, as well as a small voice recorded. It was strange. This was the type of thing that they did during an interrogation. It made sense that he’d be under suspicion, though. He was the one that found Iwaizumi. “Okay.” She began, clicking the button of her recorder. “Can you please state your name for the record.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He sniffed, and cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his hoodie pocket. “Oikawa Tooru.” He spoke in as firm of a voice as he could muster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oikawa, can you confirm at what time you found Iwaizumi Hajime, and what state he was in when you found him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa nodded, then started speaking; lump forming in his throat. “It was around seven. He was curled up in a ball on the floor and when I rolled him over, his face…” Oikawa had to stop for a second as he blinked back the tears. “He didn’t even look like him anymore.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “This next one might be a little hard for you, so I apologise now.” Oikawa nodded in understanding. “Are you aware of anyone in Iwaizumi’s life that may have abused him?” Oikawa glanced over at her, a little surprised that they had already come to the right conclusion. She misread his surprise as confusion, though. “You see, as he was being examined, it was found that his body is...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Littered with bruises?” He interrupted. “Some extremely old, others brand new?” He huffed out a small breath, displaying slight annoyance at the fact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “So you know?” She concluded. And Oikawa nodded. “How long have you known this?” She questioned. Oikawa knew that he was obviously under suspicion here, but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. He had nothing to worry about because he hadn’t done anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa inhaled deeply. “I made a promise.” He spoke quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m sorry?” The officer pushed a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Tears started streaming down Oikawa’s face again as he leaned forward, arms resting on his legs as his foot bounced up and down. “I promised that I’d never let him hurt him again.” He shook his head and looked down again. “I wasn’t there. I should have been there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The officer placed her hand on his back in a comforting manner. “I’m sorry Oikawa, but we have just a few more questions. Are you okay to continue?” He sniffed a few times, then nodded. “Okay. You said you promised you wouldn’t let ‘him’ hurt Iwaizumi. Could you please confirm who you’re talking about?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He hesitated. He told Iwaizumi he wouldn’t report the guy, but surely this was different? “Kagawa Kuma.” He stated finally, a clear hatred in his voice. “He’s the bastard that put all those bruises on Iwa-Chan. And I’m certain he did this too.” He tensed his jaw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Do you know his address?” Oikawa gave them the details. “Thank you, Oikawa. We may need to contact you again but that’s all for now.” She said as she stood to leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa nodded once as a goodbye, and stayed sat where he was. Just waiting for something, anything. Iwaizumi’s mom finally arrived and sat next to him. “Any news?” She asked, and Oikawa shook his head. “Tooru, what happened?” She was close to tears, and Oikawa looked over at her, then pulled her in for a tight hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m sorry, auntie. I’m so sorry.” He spoke between sobs. “I think it was Kagawa. I’m certain it was. I think he stood up for himself and now he’s ended up here.” He wasn’t being anywhere near clear, but she understood what he was saying and gripped on to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After a few minutes of the pair crying silently, Iwaizumi’s mom pulled back and placed her hand on Oikawa’s cheek. “Thank you for getting him here. I need to call my husband. Have you called your mother?” Oikawa shook his head. “Okay. I’ll call her too.” She stood up and pulled out her phone. “The signal is better outside. Are you okay to wait for any news?” He nodded in agreement and she left to make the calls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  And so, Oikawa sat there. Head in his hands. Trying to push back the tears because he blamed himself for this. He knew Kagawa was out to get Iwaizumi, and he left him to be alone anyway. He left him when he knew that the guy had no plan in place for how to end it completely with Kagawa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It was around five hours after Oikawa had first arrived there that the surgeon finally came out with an update. Oikawa’s mom and Iwaizumi’s dad had both arrived hours ago. He held his breath as the doctor began to speak. And he almost passed out from the relief when he said those fateful words “The surgery was a success.” Iwaizumi was okay. Thank god. He was going to be fine. He was currently intubated and would likely start to wake up within the week. He also had 3 broken ribs, serious bruising on his face, neck, torso… and genitalia… as well as obvious signs of long term abuse - bite marks, grip bruises on various parts of his body, as well as faded bruises that were weeks old. Oikawa knew it had been bad, he had seen the state Iwaizumi was in himself, but hearing someone else say it was heartbreaking to hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  They were told that they would be granted special permission to see him, but unfortunately the room could only accommodate two of them at a time outside of visiting hours. That was fine. Oikawa just needed to see him. He needed to see with his own two eyes that Iwaizumi was alive. Oikawa refused to not be one of the two, and they relented, knowing that if Oikawa was told he couldn’t go in, he would go in anyway. They finally decided Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s mom would go in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  They were warned of the state he was in on the way to the room, but it still hit Oikawa like a ton of bricks. The two of them entered the room and Oikawa froze. Iwaizumi’s mom put her bag down, and started mothering instantly - sorting his hair, carefully fluffing his pillow, ect. But Oikawa couldn’t move. He was stuck there, just looking at the mess of his best friend. He felt a wave of emotions wash over him - heartbreak, sadness, fear, and his mind landed on anger. He cleaned his jaw and his fists as he continued to stare at Iwaizumi. Fuck, all he wanted right now was to beat the shit out of Kagawa, the same way he had done to Iwaizumi. He wanted him fucking dead. After staring for what felt like an eternity, he finally turned to leave to find the prick, but was stopped in his tracks by Iwaizumi’s mom’s words. She hadn’t even turned away from Iwaizumi, but she could sense it all. “Tooru, where do you think you’re going?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He didn’t turn back around. He didn’t want to lie. And he wouldn’t. “I’m going to find </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>and teach him a lesson.” He explained, an angry and vindictive tone in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s mom tutted in response, and Oikawa glanced over his shoulder at her. “Do you really think if he was awake, Hajime would let you walk out that door?” She questioned, knowing full well that that would cause hesitation in the setter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa gritted his teeth. “Well what the hell else can I do?” He was overwhelmed and close to crying yet again. He had barely stopped since he had found Iwaizumi. “I can’t just sit here and watch him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Tooru.” She turned to look at him, his gaze dropped to the floor. “Tooru, look at me.” She insisted, and he did as she asked. “Sit down and stay here.” Oikawa tilted his head, a little confused, and she grabbed the setter's hand. “If the roles were reversed, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>that Hajime would stay by your side until you were back to normal.” She was right. She was always right. “Don’t you think you owe him the same?” Oikawa sighed, then pulled a chair from the far corner of the room to right next to the bed, seating himself next to him. He allowed his hand to gently hold onto Iwaizumi’s, then rested his forehead against the hand he held in his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  And then the floodgates opened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s mom knew that Oikawa needed a minute alone with Iwaizumi, and took her leave to get them both some coffee. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa listened to her walk away, then gripped Iwaizumi’s hand tighter, and moved it down to his lips. “I’m sorry, Iwa-Chan.” He cried softly as he closed his eyes. “I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you.” His breathing was shaky and all of the guilt he was feeling was coming out. “I don’t know what I can do to make it up to you.” He glanced over at his sleeping friend. “Tell me how I can make this right.” He whispered. “Iwa-Chan… please wake up and tell me…” He pleaded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  A week passed far too quickly, and Oikawa didn’t leave Iwaizumi’s side. He looked a mess. He hadn’t slept, and he had barely eaten. But why should he get to eat? Iwaizumi couldn’t. The bruises on Iwaizumi’s face had slowly started to fade, and he was finally getting rest. He was getting stronger, too. His body had rejected the intubator the previous day, so he was breathing on his own again. He still hadn’t woken up, but this was something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  On the plus side, now that the police were after Kagawa, he was less likely to show his face. But Oikawa certainly wouldn’t be leaving him alone again before the bastard was caught.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He sighed deeply as he placed his forehead against Iwaizumi’s hand, and he started crying again. It was surprising that he still had tears left to cry. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered, then he froze. It was only a second, but he could have sworn Iwaizumi’s finger had twiched. His head shot up and he looked at Iwaizumi’s face, studying him closely. He then looked back down at the fingers he was holding in his. “Iwa-Chan?” He was begging for it to not have been his imagination.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After a few seconds, he sank down again, accepting it as a figment of his mind due to a lack of sleep. He sighed. “I’m losing my mind.” He chuckled a little to himself. “I need you back.” He lay his head back down on the bed. “Come back to me Hajime.” He sniffed a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  This time he knew he wasn’t imagining it, a small noise had escaped Iwaizumi’s throat. “Iwa-Chan?” His voice cracked as his eyes welled up again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi coughed, and mumbled something illegibly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan?” He smiled a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s eyes cracked open slightly. “I said stop crying, or I’ll kick your ass.” He croaked, just loud enough for Oikawa to hear, and the setter laughed. He laughed as he pulled Iwaizumi’s hand up to his lips, kissing it softly, tears of relief now trailing down his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You’re awake.” He smiled, and Iwaizumi showed a small grin in response, coughing again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m awake.” His voice was grating; dry. He glanced over at the cup of water. “Do you mind?” He nodded at it, and Oikawa obliged, picking up the cup and straw, then lifted it up to Iwaizumi’s mouth, and the spiker took a sip. “Thanks.” He said, voice sounding a little smoother now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa smiled as he put the cup down, and scooched his chair closer to the top end of the bed, reaching out to place his hand on Iwaizumi’s face. He hesitated, but Iwaizumi leaned towards his palm slightly, so Oikawa allowed himself to touch him. Only gently, but enough to know this was real. To know he wasn’t dreaming. “Don’t do that to me again.” Oikawa warned, and Iwaizumi chuckled, squeezing Oikawa’s other hand that was still placed in his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure.” He grumbled, voice still croaking. “I promise I’ll try to not get the shit beaten out of me again.” He chuckled slightly, and Oikawa frowned. Iwaizumi coughed again, and sighed, leaning more into Oikawa's touch. His brow furrowed slightly as he studied the setter's face. “When was the last time you slept, shithead?” He pinched Oikawa’s wrist, because he couldn’t lift his hands high enough to give him a slap on the head. Oikawa let out a light chuckle, looking down, but kept his hand on Iwaizumi’s cheek - knowing that the spiker was using it as a support.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I haven’t since… before I found you.” He sighed. He looked tired. Exhausted. And Iwaizumi felt a twinge of guilt. “What do you remember about it?” Oikawa asked, gently broaching the subject.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi leaned his head back against his pillow, and looked up at the ceiling, sighing exasperatingly. Oikawa dropped his hand so he was instead holding Iwaizumi’s forearm. “I remember Kagawa being there. I remember…” He swallowed. “I remember not being able to breathe.” His voice cracked as he spoke. “I remember being cold. Freezing.” He smiled slightly, which confused Oikawa. Iwaizumi glanced over at him. “I remember being close to giving up.” Oikawa squeezed his hand. He squeezed back. “Fuck, I almost gave up breathing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why didn’t you?” Oikawa questioned after a slight hesitation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi continued to smile at him. “I finally heard your stupid, whiny voice. And I realised that I couldn’t die... I couldn’t leave you here on your own.” Oikawa didn’t want to risk hurting Iwaizumi, but he couldn’t hold back from showing appreciation for that single thought of Iwaizumi’s. He sat himself on the edge of the bed, Oikawa gently placed his hands on Iwaizumi’s shoulders, carefully pulling him in, and he felt Iwaizumi latch onto him, hugging him close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa pressed his face into the crook of Iwaizumi’s neck, tears still dripping out of his eyes. He was shaking nervously, and his fingers softly dug into Iwaizumi’s back. He was holding him carefully but with clear accord. “For a minute there,” Oikawa started, just loud enough for Iwaizumi to hear. “I really thought I was going to lose you.” He confessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m okay, we’re okay,” Iwaizumi muttered, hands slowly tracing along the bottom of Oikawa’s back. It was a weak stroke, he could barely move - the morphine was still coursing through him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa pulled back slightly, and placed his forehead against Iwaizumi’s. Oikawa flicked his eyes open to find Iwaizumi already staring at him, “Iwa-Chan…” He practically breathed out his name. “Can-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “If you ask, I’m going to punch you and say no.” Iwaizumi warned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa chuckled. “And if I don’t ask?” He pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smirked. “There’s only one way to figure that out, dumbass.” Oikawa chuckled, then pressed his mouth to Iwaizumi’s, his shoulders hunched a little when he lifted his hands to gently cup Iwaizumi's face, angling himself and Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi allowed Oikawa to tilt his head and softly kissed Oikawa back, placing his hands on Oikawa’s hips because he couldn’t gather the strength to lift his hands much higher than that. Oikawa's lips moved needily, like he had been desiring this for a long time, and Iwaizumi knew that he felt exactly the same. Oikawa tasted… like something Iwaizumi couldn’t quite recall. It was sweet and fresh. And he couldn’t complain about it if he wanted to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi was lost in thought, trying to figure out what the taste was, and Oikawa’s tongue ran along the edge of Iwaizumi’s lips, and Iwaizumi gave in, parting his lips so that Oikawa could deepen the kiss, and his fingers tightened on the hem of Oikawa’s tshirt, praying that this moment would never end. But he soon pulled back - mentally noting that he was the one that pulled back last time, too. And Oikawa kept hold of his face in his hands, his expression showing compassion and relief more than anything else. His lip was quivering a little, he looked like he was still close to tears. Iwaizumi smiled softly. “It’s nice. It feels right.” Oikawa tilted his head, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What do you mean?” The setter questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The chuckle that came out of Iwaizumi only confused Oikawa more. “You really are an idiot, aren’t you, Shittykawa?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan! So mean.” He pouted, and Iwaizumi just laughed more. “Tell me what you meant?” He asked, in a soft, pleading way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, moving on instead of answering. “Can you get my mom?” He asked, and Oikawa nodded, standing, and walking to leave. “Oh, one more thing.” Oikawa glanced over his shoulder at him, “Go home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Cha-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Don’t argue with me, Crappykawa.” Iwaizumi interrupted his whine. “You stink. And you look like shit”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You don’t look great yourself.” Oikawa retorted, pouting. “I didn’t want to leave you.” He said, sheepishly, and Iwaizumi smiled at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I know.” There was a softness in his eyes. “Shower and sleep, Oikawa. I’ll still be here when you get back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa sighed, but relented, agreeing to go home for a shower and a </span>
  <em>
    <span>short </span>
  </em>
  <span>nap, but assuring he would be back that day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He then left the room, informed Iwaizumi’s mom of his awakening, then went home as promised, flopping forwards onto his bed and telling himself he’d have a quick nap now, then shower, then go back to the hospital. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Just a quick nap. Only 5 minutes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  A quick nap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  5 minutes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He repeated those words as he drifted off for the first time in a week. He was completely out moments after he closed his eyes. Fuck, he really did need to sleep. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Start of the Road</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“I’m treating you differently now because you know that I’m in love with you, dumb-dumb. I don’t need to act like I’m not anymore.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the upload delay, I hope you like this chapter &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span> “Tooru.” Oikawa opened one eye, glancing up at his mom who was nudging him slightly. He glanced out the window - still dark outside. “Welcome back, sleepyhead. Did you really just sleep from the moment you got home?” Oikawa nodded as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He stretched. “What time is it?” He asked as he stood and plodded over to his closet, pulling out two sweaters, one for him, and one to take to Iwaizumi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His mom chuckled. “It’s 7.” She commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oh. “That’s not that late. I only slept about two hours.” He felt surprisingly refreshed after such a short time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Tooru.” He glanced over at her. “You got home yesterday.” Oikawa blinked, eyes widening slightly. Had he actually missed a full day. He looked at his phone to confirm what she said and, shit, she was right. It was Wednesday.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He smiled slightly at the three messages from Iwaizumi.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>**11:58pm**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt; “I’ll be back later today” You’re full of shit, Crappykawa.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt; Get the rest. You need it. And eat something, okay? My mom told me she hasn’t seen you eating much so don’t argue with me here. Eat.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>**09:33am**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt; It’ll be nice to see you again. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  He shot back a quick message, mentioning that he was just going to shower, then he’d be back there. Then he smiled at his mom, let her know, then practically skipped down the hall to the bathroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It felt nice, showering again. Iwaizumi was right, he did stink. But he hadn’t even noticed when he was at the hospital; too worried about Iwaizumi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi tasted earthy. It was a rich and full-bodied flavour. Fuck. Everything about Iwaizumi was intense, from the way his face naturally fell into a scowl when he was thinking, to the way his chest positioning changed subtly depending on his mood. And he - for some reason - had fallen for Oikawa. The thought of that still made Oikawa blush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He exhaled deeply as he stepped out the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and heading back to his room. He pulled on a fresh pair of underwear just as his phone began to ring. He bounced over, and as a surprise to him, it was Matsukawa, Hanamaki, and Iwaizumi all on video call. He answered, and placed his phone on his dresser, balancing it in a position so that his friends would still be able to see him as he dried his hair. “For fuck sake Oikawa.” Mattsun complained. “Why are you only in your underwear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa rolled his eyes. “I just got out the shower, duh.” He commented. “Don’t worry, Iwa-Chan and Makki-Chan are already infatuated with me, so it’s just you with the problem, Mattsun.” He grinned at the way he clearly got under Matsukawa’s skin with that comment. “Anyway I’m just drying my hair and then I’ll be getting dressed.” He commented as he plugged in his hairdryer, and muted himself so the rest of them weren’t interrupted by the noise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After the tedious process of drying and styling his hair, he unmuted himself and pulled on some jeans and a sweatshirt. “Iwa-Chan, how are you feeling?” Iwaizumi smiled. His face was still swollen, but the bruising was clearing up nicely, and he was starting to look like himself again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m okay, I think. Everything hurts though. My entire body feels like it’s been crushed by a hydraulic press, then reinflated.” He chuckled slightly. “I think they’re keeping me here a few more days, but once I’m out of here, I’m washing my hands of all of this. None of you are to mention Kuma unless you’re telling me he’s in jail, okay? And don’t give me sympathy. Treat me the same as you always do.” The three of them agreed in unison. “That means you, Oikawa.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I know. I will.” Oikawa assured. They all hung up as Oikawa set off back to the hospital. His stomach growled as he passed a small cafe, and he remembered he hadn’t yet eaten - despite Iwaizumi’s commands that he should, so he nipped in quickly, grabbed just a toasted bagel, and continued to Iwaizumi. He found himself thinking about Iwaizumi a lot. And he’d only recently realised that he always had. A part of him knew that he had always loved his best friend, and he hated himself for not confessing sooner. Because Iwaizumi felt the same. He actually felt the same all this time, but he kept quiet about it because Oikawa was </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>in a relationship with someone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  For Oikawa, it seemed like if he had said something sooner, Iwaizumi wouldn’t have gone through all this. If he had just been brave for once in his life, Iwaizumi wouldn’t have ended up here. But he was okay. At least he was okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi lay back, his bed positioned on an incline, and exhaled deeply as he looked up at the bland hospital ceiling. His mom had gone home once Oikawa had said he was on his way, and Iwaizumi didn’t blame her for it. She looked exhausted. She hadn’t stopped apologising to him since he woke up, and ignored him when he told her that it was unnecessary. She clearly blamed herself for not noticing sooner. But it wasn’t her fault. Kagawa had hidden it well, and Iwaizumi had kept it hidden. He should have said something sooner. He knew he should have. Things wouldn’t be this bad if he did. But Kagawa would have hurt Oikawa. He still could hurt Oikawa. But that was less likely now. Now that he had sent Iwaizumi here, and the police were looking for him, he was far less likely to go after Oikawa. And that gave Iwaizumi a sense of relief.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He must have drifted off at some point because when he opened his eyes again, Oikawa was sitting next to his bed, glasses on, reading a book that he’d definitely read a hundred times before. Iwaizumi shifted slightly and Oikawa looked up at him, smiling softly as he met his eyes. “Hey.” He kept his voice quiet, unusual for Oikawa, but considerate of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hi.” Iwaizumi responded, voice low and gruff. He sounded worse now than he did the previous day. “Can you get me some water?” He managed to croak out. Oikawa obliged, pulling a bottle he had brought with him out of his bag and filling up Iwaizumi’s cup, then handing it to him. The spiker nodded a thanks and drank most of the cup in one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “How are you feeling?” Oikawa asked, worried about his friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shrugged. “I’m fine.” He insisted. “It’s cold in here though.” Oikawa’s face lit up as he reached into his bag and pulled out a sweatshirt he had brought specifically for Iwaizumi in case he got cold. “Really, Oikawa? Treating me like I’m your girlfriend.” He teased, taking the sweatshirt anyway and pulling it on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa smirked at him. “If I’m treating you as my girlfriend, then you’re acting like my girlfriend by accepting that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Nah, I’m just cold.” He grinned back at the setter, and it settled into a soft smile. “Thank you.”. Oikawa nodded at him, dismissing the thanks as if it were a given that he’d bring him one. The two sat in a comfortable quiet with each other, fingers barely touching, taking in each other’s presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I missed you, you know?” Oikawa broke the silence. “I missed the person you were before you met him. And when you cut me out…” He glanced at his hands and kept his eyes from Iwaizumi’s. “Iwa-Chan, that really hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  A sting of guilt jolted through Iwaizumi. “I- I’m sorry.” He apologised, softly. “I didn’t want to cut you out. I just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I know.” There was a level of understanding beneath the hurt in his voice. “I’m sorry I didn’t do something sooner. I should have noticed.” He paused, glancing up at Iwaizumi. “That day I came to your house and you pushed me away? I saw the fear in your eyes when I stood over you. I should have stayed. Maybe if I had just tried a little harder…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I wouldn’t have told you.” Iwaizumi interrupted. “Even if you had stayed. I wouldn’t have said a thing. Because he said he’d hurt </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> if I did.” He stretched out his hand for Oikawa to take, which he did. “I could take what he was doing to me at that point. But the thought of him hurting you? Oikawa, I couldn’t risk that.” He sighed as Oikawa squeezed his hand. “When I did come to you, it wasn’t a decision I made. What Kagawa did to me that night… I just reacted. I had to get out of there, and you came into my head, and my legs just started moving.” Thinking about that night hurt for both of them. “Oikawa, I don’t really know what you expect from me over the next few months, but I don’t know how long it’ll be before I’m ready for something serious with you. I don’t want you to feel obligated-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, I already told you that I am prepared to wait as long as you need me to. I’m not going to rush you. You’ve gone through something traumatic, hell,you’re still going through it. Take all the time you need.” Iwaizumi smiled at the response. Oikawa was far more patient and understanding than Iwaizumi ever expected him to be, and for that he was thankful. “Besides, if you think for even a second that I’m ever letting you push me away again, you’re horribly mistaken.” He smiled and kissed Iwaizumi’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  It was the following Saturday when Iwaizumi was finally discharged. Oikawa was there with Iwaizumi’s parents when he was released, and he insisted on going back to their house with them. Iwaizumi’s mom agreed without argument - she was more than thankful for how Oikawa had been supporting Iwaizumi, and had witnessed how delicately he handled him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa helped Iwaizumi up the stairs, and the spiker stopped outside his room, staring at the door blankly. “Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa questioned the frozen state he was in. He placed himself in front of Iwaizumi eyeline, and gently grasped the top of his arms. “Hey, are you alright?” Iwaizumi looked up at him, gulped, then shook his head, eyes welling up slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Last time I opened that door… he was…” Oikawa pulled Iwaizumi into a hug, stopping him mid-sentence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I promise you don’t have to worry about him anymore.” He spoke quietly. “I’m here, and I swear I won't let anything else happen to you.” He pulled back after a short while more, and held onto one of Iwaizumi’s hands. Iwaizumi exhaled deeply, then nodded an okay, and Oikawa slid open the bedroom door. The room was empty, as it should’ve been, and his window was closed and locked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sat himself on the bed, legs crossed, and just stared at his hands. He knew getting back here would feel shit, but he didn’t expect to feel this bad. He never expected he’d hate his own room. Every inch of it held a memory of Kagawa, and what the bastard had done to him. Fuck. He didn’t want to be here. “Oikawa?” Iwaizumi asked after a bit of thought. Oikawa glanced up at him. “Can… would it be okay if I maybe stay at yours for a few days?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem.” He confirmed. “I thought you’d want to sleep in your own bed though?” He questioned, curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He shook his head and looked down again. “Everything in here is too… tainted.” He tried to explain, but Oikawa just looked more confused. “I just... it all reminds me of…” He glanced at Oikawa who seemed to get it now. He felt dumb for not being able to stay here, for letting Kagawa continue to control his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It’s alright.” Oikawa interrupted his train of thought. “We’ll get you past that.” He smiled confidently. “But for now you can stay at mine. As long as you need.” Iwaizumi thanked him silently, and remained seated on his bed as Oikawa packed a small case for him - enough clothes for a week, but he could always come back and get more if needed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He left Oikawa to his devices as he went to tell his parents about staying with Oikawa for a while. The two of them were sat at the dining room table, and he took a seat in front of them. He placed his hands between his thighs and looked between them both. They stared at him for a few moments, just waiting for him to say… anything. “I’m ready for you to tell me I should have been smarter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hajime,” His dad started, before being interrupted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I know I should have been smarter. I should have cut ties with him the first time he hurt me. And I should have told someone, anyone, before it got to the point of me being seriously hurt. I should have been better.” He was looking down at his hands again. “I shouldn’t have let him make me hate myself. And I shouldn’t have let him take…” He paused, recalling who he was speaking to. “...everything that he took from me…” He glanced back up at them, expecting to see disappointment, but instead seeing heartache. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His dad spoke up again. “We know that you’re beating yourself up here, Hajime. And we know that you’re going through a hard time. But I am glad that you understand that boy was a mistake, and understand that if I </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever </span>
  </em>
  <span>see him again, I am going to kill him with my bare hands.” His voice was cool and collected, but Iwaizumi could tell he was serious. “I’m just glad that you’re okay.” He smiled at his son, who smiled back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Is there something else you want to talk to us about?” His mom asked, sensing that he didn’t come down here just for a lecture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He nodded. “I’m gonna go stay at Oikawa’s for a while.” The pair both gained a confused look on their faces. “I just… I can’t stay in that room right now…” He explained, sheepishly. “It’s too… the thought of it is too much…” He glanced at them. His mom wasn’t happy that he’d be spending his first nights home, not at home, but they understood why he didn’t want to be in his room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I suppose that’s alright.” His mom confirmed. “Behave yourself, okay? And call me when you’re in for the night, every night, so I know you’re alright. A text won’t cut it, I want you to call me. Are we in agreement?” Iwaizumi nodded and smiled slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa popped his head into the room a few seconds later, smiling widely at all of them. “Yahoo.” He beamed, leaning himself against the doorframe to join in on their conversation. “Auntie, my mom wants you to please call her to confirm that you are happy with Iwa-Chan staying at ours for a little while?” She nodded at him and said she would call once the pair set off, which they did not too long later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  As Iwaizumi went to get his jacket on, his mom gripped Oikawa’s shoulder, and the setter turned to look at her. “Thank you.” She said, simply. “For looking out for him.” Oikawa nodded once and smiled at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “He’s my best friend. Of course I’m looking out for him.” He replied before saying his goodbyes and he and Iwaizumi set off to his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa carried his case, much to Iwaizumi’s dismay. “I can carry my own things, Kusokawa.” He tried to grab the case off him but Oikawa wouldn’t let him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The setter didn’t even look at Iwaizumi as he spoke. “This is the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me over the years.” He said in all seriousness, and Iwaizumi stopped trying to get the case, taking in Oikawa’s tone. Oikawa smiled at him. “I like you Iwa-Chan. Let me help you, okay?” Iwaizumi reluctantly agreed. He didn’t like handouts, but Oikawa never made him feel bad for accepting help. He had a way about him that made it so accepting his help just felt… normal.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s bed was comfortable. So much more with Oikawa in it too. It was late when Iwaizumi’s eyes snapped open, he could hear Oikawa still softly snoring behind him, and he could smell the citrusy scent that was connected to him. He knew that it was Oikawa there, because of course it was. But his body froze, and started panicking. The weight on the bed behind him was all too familiar, and the memory of it threw him into a panic attack. Shit. Oikawa shifted, and grunted as he did. Iwaizumi tried to slow his breathing, but it only got harder as he felt Oikawa sit up. “Iwa-Chan?” No response. Oikawa placed his hand on Iwaizumi’s arm softly, and the spiker flinched. “Iwa-Chan, sit up.” He obliged, now hyperventilating so much that he couldn’t stay sat up without leaning against something, and Oikawa turned on the lamp next to his bed - an action Iwaizumi was unbelievably thankful for. This was Oikawa with him. Oikawa. Not Kagawa. Fuck, why did they have to look similar. Why did he do that to himself?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa stood up, “I’m going to grab you a glass of water, I’ll be back in a second.” He bolted out the room, leaving Iwaizumi on his own to focus on his breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Pull yourself together dumbass.” He muttered to himself. “You’re here with Oikawa. You are safe here.” He reiterated, managing to take in some deep, and shaky, breaths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa returned, and Iwaizumi had almost completely calmed himself, still breathing shakily he glanced at Oikawa and blushed slightly out of embarrassment. “Sorry.” He muttered as Oikawa placed the glass of water on his nightstand, and sat on the edge of the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Tell me what happened?” Oikawa asked, not wanting to pry, but wanting to help the best way he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled slightly and shook his head. “It’s so stupid. I knew it was you lying there, I knew it was. But the weight, and your breathing, and then the noise you made as you moved? I was thrown back to when I slept next to him. And I just… panicked. I tried to focus on the smell of you to remind myself I was here, but clearly it didn’t work.” He glanced at Oikawa, who had a surprisingly understanding look on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Okay.” He responded, simply. “I’m going to sleep on a futon tonight then to see if that helps you at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi frowned. “I should sleep on the futon. This is your bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa shook his head as he pulled one out of the closet. “Don’t be ridiculous, Iwa-Chan.” He insisted. “You’re injured, and my guest. Sleep in the bed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Of course I’m sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi thanked him and, after the futon was set up, the two of them went back to sleep. He would have been lying if he said that he didn’t sleep better after Oikawa slept on the floor instead. But he felt bad about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The next few days were the same, and Oikawa was incredibly kind and patient with him. Even during his first practice back, Iwaizumi could tell that Oikawa was adjusting his sets so they were easier for the spiker to hit. The team still called him their ace, too, even though that wasn’t even close to true anymore. He felt guilty for accepting people being easier on him - this was all his own fault after all - but he was too exhausted to argue against them. He had shown up late to practice so he could change without any prying eyes, but he didn’t have that luxury when practice finished.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He stared into his locker, completely frozen, and began to freak out. His breathing picked up as he tried to hide his face behind the locker door, because this was not the time for a panic attack. “Pull it together, Hajime.” He whispered to himself, expecting no one to notice. A few seconds later, a hand landed lightly on the top of his back. He jolted slightly at the touch, and glanced over his shoulder to see Hanamaki looking concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Go to the toilets, calm yourself. I’ll bring your clothes to you and you can change in a cubicle.” Iwaizumi nodded and walked away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa wasn’t paying much attention to the world around him when Hanamaki tapped him on the shoulder. “What’s up, Makki?” He asked, confused by the mildly concerned look on his friend's face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Your boyfriend’s having a panic attack in the bathroom and I need you to take his clothes to him.” He handed Oikawa a pile of Iwaizumi’s clothes. “I know he’s been having a hard time lately. It might be worth suggesting he talk to a therapist, but that’s probably better coming from you than from me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa nodded. “I really think he does need to talk to someone. But he’s not my boyfriend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Sure he isn’t.” Hanamaki responded sarcastically as he started to walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Makki, I’m serious. It’s fine making those jokes to me, but please don’t make them to Iwa-Chan right now.” He pleaded, knowing that they would sit well with the spiker at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Hanamaki rolled his eyes. “Oikawa, I may be an asshole, but I’m not stupid. I know what would be “too much”, so don’t worry.” He smiled, then left. It was just Oikawa left now, and Iwaizumi of course, so he headed to the bathroom to see him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan?” He said as he knocked on and pushed open the bathroom door. “I brought your clothes.” Iwaizumi was leaning over the sink as he looked himself in the mirror, he didn’t even look at Oikawa, he kept his eyes fixed on himself. “Iwa-Chan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Everyone knows, don’t they?” He said after a few seconds. “I tried to keep it quiet, but everyone knows about the bruises and how they got there. And now, to all of them, I’m weak.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “They pity me. All of them. They don’t make jokes, or poke fun at me anymore, about anything. And it’s because they see me as fragile.” He gripped the sides of the sink tighter. “In their eyes, I’m weak. I’m pathetic.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You’re not weak. They don’t see you as weak, they just don’t want to insult you.” Oikawa explained. “No one thinks you’re pathetic. But they’re all aware of how vulnerable you are right now, and they just wanna support you.” He pushed, trying to help how Iwaizumi was feeling, and stepping closer to hand him his clothes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi looked over at Oikawa finally. “I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> their support, I need normality. Hell, even you’re being nicer to me, and I don’t want it. I don’t care about the intentions, it feels like pity.” He took his clothes out of Oikawa’s hands, and pulled off his shirt there and then. Oikawa couldn’t help but let his eyes drag over Iwaizumi’s skin, looking at the bruises that resided there. “See, you don’t even see </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>anymore.” Iwaizumi expressed. “You look at me and all you see is my bruises, my damage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Will you just act normal!” He pleaded. “Please, Oikawa. Stop treating me like I’m gonna break apart any second.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa gripped hold of both of Iwaizumi’s forearms. “I’m treating you differently now because you know that I’m in love with you, dumb-dumb. I don’t need to act like I’m not anymore.” He explained and Iwaizumi blushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh.” The spiker responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “And I’m looking at your bruises because my automatic reaction when you take off your shirt is to check you out, and they get in the way, so I can’t wait for them to fade.” He grinned, and Iwaizumi smiled back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Shut up, dumbass.” Iwaizumi insisted as he pushed Oikawa back slightly. The setter smiled softly at his reaction, and the two of them shared a moment. “Thank you.” Iwaizumi said eventually, realising why Oikawa had just said all this. Oikawa really did take care of him, and he really did appreciate it. yes </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Thoughts of Escape</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Therapy wasn’t something Iwaizumi ever thought he would need. It wasn’t something he wanted either. But Oikawa had suggested it, and all his recommendations had been useful so far, so there was no harm in giving it a go.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kinda messed up the pacing here a tad, but i’m too exhausted to fix it so if there’s anything you don’t quite understand from this chapter, just ask</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  Therapy wasn’t something Iwaizumi ever thought he would need. It wasn’t something he wanted either. But Oikawa had suggested it, and all his recommendations had been useful so far, so there was no harm in giving it a go. And if it wasn’t for him, at least he’d know for sure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  So there he sat, in an empty waiting room, and played with his hands. He didn’t even know what he was going to talk about. He didn’t even know where to start. Relying on someone else felt shit and he hated it. The door to the office opened, and a lovely looking young(ish) woman came out, smiling kindly at him. “Iwaizumi Hajime?” She asked, knowingly, and he nodded. “My name is Sasaki Iki. Come on in.” She stepped to the side and he entered. It was a larger room than expected; almost like a library. The walls were coated with books, and the only furniture was a desk, two armchairs, a sofa, one of those strange lying down couches, and a coffee table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Where am I supposed to sit?” He asked, tracing his eyes around the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Wherever you would be comfortable.” She confirmed, taking a seat herself on one of the arm chairs. Iwaizumi slumped down in the other armchair, eyes still taking in all the art on the walls. “So, what brings you here Iwaizumi?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He let his eyes land on her. “I feel like you already know that.” Iwaizumi clarified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  She nodded once. “I know your medical history and why you landed in the hospital, but I’d like to hear it from you. I’d like to know what made you decide to try therapy.” She confirmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi knew he had to talk about it, that was why he was here. But he didn’t like thinking about Kagawa at all. He shrugged. “I don’t know. Oikawa thought it’d be a good idea and he’s usually right.” He said, half heartedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “And Oikawa is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Ah, a difficult question already. “Oikawa is…” he paused to think about it. “Oikawa is my best friend. He has been since basically birth. But… he’s more than that now. I don’t really know why it took so long but we both recently confessed our feelings for each other, and now we’re in a weird limbo where we know we’re gonna be together, but with everything that happened to me these past few months, we’re waiting.” Iwaizumi sighed. “I don’t want him to feel any obligation to wait for me, but I also don’t want to rush myself into anything and end up screwing everything up, you know?” He ran his fingers through his hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Sasaki nodded in understanding. “Can you tell me what you mean by ‘everything that happened these past few months’?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh.” Iwaizumi suddenly realised that just because she had access to his medical records, it didn’t mean that she knew any of it. She hadn’t spoken to him yet, so she probably didn’t know anything. “This is all... confidential, right?” He felt the need to clarify, and Sasaki nodded. He exhaled deeply. This felt a lot harder than he expected it to. “I don’t even know where to start.” He chuckled, nervously. “I’m not really a fan of the whole ‘being vulnerable’ thing.” He said truthfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  She smiled at him. “You don’t have to detail anything you’re uncomfortable with.” She confirmed. “Why don’t you start by telling me about the person who did this to you?” She suggested, and Iwaizumi’s chest sank slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ah. Him.” Iwaizumi said, simply. “He was… something else…” He commented. “When I first met him, he was kind, at least he seemed to be. But as the months passed, he just got worse and worse. He got more violent. And he… started with the…” He paused. He didn’t want to say it. If he said it, it was real. If he said it, he was a victim. And he didn’t want to be a victim.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Sasaki stayed quiet. She could sense the difficulty he was having saying anything. She knew what Kagawa had done to him, there were bruise patterns on his skin that aligned with those of victims of sexual assault. But </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> needed to say it. Iwaizumi needed to face what had happened to him, and in order to do so, he had to be able to say it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He chuckled to himself. “It’s so stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I should be able to talk about it. I shouldn’t have an issue telling people what he did to me.” He shook his head. “But for some reason, I can’t. I can’t do it. I don’t want to face it all again.” He looked up at her. “I guess that’s something you can help me with?” He questioned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Sasaki nodded and smiled at him. “If that’s what you want help with.” She clarified. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled, but it wasn’t real, it was a smile to be polite. “I want to get over all of it. I want it to not be something that holds me back anymore. I just want to put it behind me, and I tried to do that on my own but i didn’t manage it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why did you think you could do it alone?” That was a good question. Iwaizumi noticed that she was full of good questions, unsurprisingly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I… don’t know.” He shrugged then leaned back in the chair, allowing himself slight comfort, almost as if he knew what was uncomfortable was still to come. “I tend to always do things on my own, and it’s never been an issue before now.” He admitted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The look on her face was almost unreadable, and Iwaizumi hated that. “But you’ve always had Oikawa to speak to, right? Why not use him as support?” Shit, she was really full of questions that made him think. Iwaizumi stayed quite and looked down at his hands again, playing with his own fingers. “Is that something you do a lot?” She asked, sweetly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He glanced up at her. “I do it more now than I used to.” He answered honestly. “I don’t really think much of it though.” He shrugged and looked away. “It’s just something to keep my mind occupied.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why do you feel like you need to keep your mind occupied?” Great. Another question that made Iwaizumi think about himself more than he’d like to. He just shrugged again, gripping the sleeves of his hoodie as he tucked his hands into his pocket. “Iwaizumi?” He looked up at her. “What are you running from?” He sighed and thought about how much he wanted to curl in on himself and just disappear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I-” He started, unsure where he was going with this. “I guess, there was this one night…” He started. “The night I told Oikawa about all of it.” He paused, and the room filled with silence. For what felt like hours, neither of them spoke. Iwaizumi was preparing himself to say what he needed to, and Sasaki knew he was. “Kagawa was… drunk. Really drunk. And so I let my guard down.” He exhaled and chuckled nervously. “I really shouldn’t have. I was so stupid.” He shook his head at himself. “He… he attacked me. He beat me, and then…” He didn’t want to say it. Fuck, he didn’t want to say it. “I really don’t want to say it.” He confessed, honestly. “If I say it, it makes me a victim. I don’t want to be a victim.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  She nodded in understanding. “I get why you feel that way, Iwaizumi, I really do. But you are a victim of sexual abuse. And saying it, or not saying it, won’t change that.” She explained calmly. “The only thing saying it will accomplish, is it’ll let you finally start to move past it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi still couldn’t say it, even after the clarification. He spent the rest of the hour speaking about Oikawa, about how he was his support system, about how he had always been the one there for him. The hour had gone by quickly once he started speaking about Oikawa, and Sasaki hadn’t said much once he started speaking about him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Our time is up, Iwaizumi. But I think this has been a productive hour, and I do think that therapy would be a good idea for you. Whether or not that’s with me is up to you, but I strongly recommend you do continue with this.” She suggested at the end of the session.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded, and smiled slightly. “I think that’d be alright.” He agreed. “And I think I’d like to stick with you if that’s okay?” He asked, a lot more nervously than he wanted to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “That would be fine.” She agreed. “We can do weekly at this time if this would be suitable for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi agreed and was scheduled in for the following week. He thanked Sasaki as she showed him to the exit, and he headed home. Well, not home. To Oikawa’s. It was almost becoming like home to him, he had been staying there over a week now, and Oikawa was surprisingly still not sick of him, and was still sleeping on the floor. He felt guilty about that, of course he did, he had basically invaded Oikawa’s private space, kicked him out of his own bed, and Oikawa had just let him do it. Maybe he’d speak to Sasaki about that in his next session. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Channnn!” Oikawa called as he walked into his bedroom; Iwaizumi sitting on the bed, reading one of Oikawa’s books. He smiled at the setter. “How did the appointment go?” He asked, sitting at the end of the bed, not getting too close to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It went… well.” He said, simply. “I’m gonna start going weekly I think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa raised his eyebrows, a little surprised by that. “I honestly didn’t think you’d want to go back.” He admitted. “I’m glad you are though. It’ll do you some good, talking about it all.” He smiled, and shuffled back on the bed so he was leaning against the wall. “You know you can talk to me too, right?” He clarified. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi continued to smile softly at him. “I know. I just…” He hesitated and scratched the back of his neck nervously. “There’s stuff I need to work through on my own first, you know?” Oikawa nodded in understanding. “It doesn’t mean I don’t need you though, I do. I really do. It’s just-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You don’t need to explain yourself to me Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa interrupted, putting one hand on Iwaizumi’s leg in a comforting sense. “I get that you need time, I’m just letting you know that when you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> ready, you can talk to me about it. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Okay.” He agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi went back to his book, and Oikawa watched him for a short while, just taking him in. His bruises were fading nicely, and he was looking healthier too - he had been eating again, and sleeping well. It made Oikawa happy seeing Iwaizumi get better, even if the process was slow. “Iwa-Chan?” He glanced back up at him. “I’m gonna make some ramen, do you want a bowl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “That’d be nice, thank you.” He smiled, then looked back down at what he was reading. Oikawa stopped by the door, and glanced back at Iwaizumi. He looked content. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi woke up at 4am to his phone buzzing. The number was private. He glanced at Oikawa who was still fast asleep, and quietly stepped into the hallway to take the call. “Hello?” He answered, voice tired, and eyelids still heavy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hajime? Please don’t hang up.” He froze. He suddenly felt wide awake. What the fuck was Kagawa playing at, calling him after what he had done. “Are you still there?” Iwaizumi gulped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He inhaled deeply before speaking, trying to keep his voice steady. “What do you want?” He snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hajime, I’m sorry, okay? Can we meet up? I think we should talk. About us.” He sounded sincere, but Iwaizumi couldn’t believe that he could act this normal about it all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Are you joking?” Iwaizumi asked. “You can’t actually believe that I’d even consider ever meeting up with you again. Let alone think about accepting your apology. Kagawa you-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Kagawa?” He interrupted. “Haji, since when don’t you call me Kuma?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled slightly. The audacity of this guy was something else. “You have lost every right to even speak to me. You’re an arrogant, abusive asshole, and if I were to never speak to you again, it would be the best thing that could ever happen to me. Don’t ever contact me or anyone close to me ever again. Goodbye Kagawa.” He hung up before Kagawa had a chance to respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He exhaled shakily, and leant against the hallway wall. As proud as he was of himself for saying all that, his body was automatically thrown into panic from hearing his voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa stepped out into the hall, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand. “Are you alright?” Oikawa was like a wave of calm over Iwaizumi. Seeing him made his panic completely disappear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled up at the setter. “Yeah, I’m okay. There’s an hour left until we have to get up. Do you wanna… maybe… I don’t know…” He scratched the back of his neck nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa grinned at him. “Iwa-Chan, do you wanna cuddle?” He teased, and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, punching Oikawa’s shoulder as he walked back into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Shuddup Shittykawa.” He mumbled as Oikawa followed him back in, closing the door behind them, then climbing into the bed next to him and curling up behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Your hair is soft.” Oikawa commented as he nuzzled his nose into the top of Iwaizumi’s head. “And it smells nice too.” He inhaled heavily and smiled to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi snuggled back more into him. “You know its your shampoo I’m using so you’re practically complimenting yourself here.” Oikawa smirked to himself, and hummed in acknowledgement of what Iwaizumi had said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  They lay together, Oikawa holding Iwaizumi, up until the second alarm went off and Iwaizumi sat up. “Come on, Kusokawa. We have to get to practice.” He smiled down at the setter, who responded by grabbing hold of him, and pulled him back down into a hug, pulling a laugh from the spiker. “Oi, we’re gonna be late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa nuzzled his face into Iwaizumi’s hair again, and hummed as he squeezed him tighter. “So we’ll be late.” He responded and Iwaizumi pushed himself backwards out of Oikawa’s grip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Do you really want to be late?” He asked in a serious tone, and Oikawa groaned as he rolled to sit on the edge of the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You’re right.” Oikawa huffed. “Doesn’t mean I want to go though.” He grinned at Iwaizumi who responded by kicking him off the bed. “Iwa-Chan! So mean.” He pouted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  “Oikawa.” The setter smiled at Matsukawa as he approached him; a relatively serious look on his face. “I need to to talk to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What’s up Mattsun?” He beamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Wanna tell me what’s going on with you and Iwaizumi?” A confused look wrote itself on Oikawa’s face. “You guys are clearly both into each other, and I know he’s been staying at yours. So what’s going on with that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa smiled innocently, “Oh. That’s nothing. Iwa-Chan is just staying with me because he can’t be at home right now. He doesn’t like being reminded of Kagawa everywhere he goes, so… you know?” Matsukawa’s face stayed flat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “He </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>got out of an abusive relationship, Oikawa.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah? I know that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Are you sure? Because you seem to be forgetting that fact based on how you’re acting around him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’m just being supportive, and I even told him that I would wait until </span>
  <em>
    <span>he’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>ready. No pressure on him at all. I’m being there for him, Mattsun. I’m being his friend.” Matsukawa raised one eyebrow at him. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You know as well as I do that he is vulnerable right now. He could easily become emotionally dependent on you, and that could be detrimental to your guy’s relationship.” He explained. “Look, I just think you need to be careful. Don’t let him become overly attached to you, it’ll only end up with both of you being hurt.” He gripped Oikawa’s shoulder. “What you decide is up to you, just keep this in mind, alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The sour look on Oikawa's face turned soft as he nodded in understanding. “I know. I will.” He smiled, appreciating the intent. “Thanks Mattsun.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sat on one of the benches outside of the school waiting for Oikawa. He knew he was going to be late, and the setter told him he didn’t have to wait, but of course he was going to wait. Tonight was the night he decided he was going to ask Oikawa out on a date; it was time they got their relationship started, for real. He leaned back, arms outstretched across the back of the bench, and inhaled deeply. “Get a grip, Hajime.” He muttered to himself as he bounced one leg, trying to keep his breathing even. There was no reason he should have felt nervous, nothing was changing -they were practically dating already, and nothing had even happened, but his heart was racing like it tended to do when he was panicking. It had been almost a month since the night he had first gone to Oikawa, and the college entrance exams were only a few days away, once they were over nothing was stopping them anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He felt a shadow fall over his face as he focused on his breathing, and grinned at the familiar smell of citrus and rain. “You took your time.” He commented without opening his eyes. “When someone’s waiting for you, you should really…” His breath hitched and he froze as he finally looked up at the almost menacing grin that was being thrust upon him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hiya, Haji.” He beamed, and Iwaizumi snapped into the moment, jumping up off the bench and putting distance between himself and the older.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi scowled at him. “What are you doing here Kagawa? I told you to stay away from me.” Kagawa moved towards him, and Iwaizumi stepped back. “Don’t move another step.” He pointed at him and the taller held his hands up in defence and took a step back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m not here to fight.” He defended. “Look, Haji-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwaizumi.” He interrupted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You can’t call me ‘Hajime’ or any variation thereof anymore. It’s Iwaizumi.” The spiker clarified, his voice shaking slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa huffed, and rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Listen, I came to apologise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi tutted and folded his arms. “You’re way too late for that to even mean anything anymore.” He stated blankly. “There’s nothing you could say or do at this point that would even make me </span>
  <em>
    <span>consider </span>
  </em>
  <span>accepting an apology from you.” A small chuckle escaped Kagawa as he took a few steps towards Iwaizumi, who was now slowly being backed against the school’s wall. “I told you to stay put.” The fear in his voice was overwhelming obvious as Kagawa got closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His back now against the wall, Iwaizumi inhaled deeply, steadying himself. Kagawa put one hand against the wall next to Iwaizumi’s head, and gently gripped his chin with the other hand, then leaned in close. “I don’t think you understood me.” He spoke quietly. “I came to apologise, Haji. And I’m not leaving until you accept that.” Iwaizumi gulped as he glared up at him, once again unable to move, paralysed by the fear. Kagawa smirked as he leaned in closer, lips now only a breath away from Iwaizumi’s. “You’re still terrified of me, Haji. It’s adorable.” He chuckled, planting an unwelcome and unwanted kiss on the younger's lips. Iwaizumi didn’t react. He knew he should have stopped him, but he couldn’t. Something about the combination of the fear running through him, and the familiar touch stopped him from pushing back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kagawa pulled back, and grinned. “Still unwilling to fight back too, huh?” He pressed closer to Iwaizumi, cornering him more. “Not that I’m surprised after last time. You wouldn’t dare piss me off like that again, now would you?” Iwaizumi gulped and exhaled shakily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “This is a pretty shitty apology…” He said quietly, looking down. Kagawa tilted his chin up harshly, forcing eye contact. He then leaned in, planting seemingly gentle kisses up his neck. Shit. This was bad. Where was Oikawa when Iwaizumi needed him, because if there was ever a time he needed him, it was now. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Step up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  Oikawa looked at his phone as he finally left the building, knowing he was later than he said he would be. It’s not like Iwaizumi would be mad, but it wasn’t really fair to keep him waiting like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He turned the corner around the side of the school where his best friend would usually wait for him, but the only people there were a guy and whoever he was leaning over against the wall. Oikawa suddenly felt awkward and embarrassed for catching them, so he turned away, wondering where Iwaizumi had decided to wait instead. He sent a quick text then glanced back over his shoulder at the couple again, and all it took was one small thing. He noticed the familiar dark spikes that were popping up over the tallers shoulder. Oikawa’s eyes zeroed in on the shaking hands he could spot even from this far away. It came so suddenly. He watched in shock as the man leaned forward, clearly kissing the shorter’s neck. And he got his confirmation, it was definitely Iwaizumi and he had a look of fear written all over his face, eyes scrunched up and head pointing up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa saw red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He didn’t quite understand how it happened, but he was somehow there next to the pair punching the bastard straight in the face. He heard a satisfying crack and blood gushed as Kagawa was knocked backwards. Iwaizumi was there next to him shocked, and Oikawa had just enough reflexes to catch him in a tight, yet delicate hold when he stumbled to the side. He turned him away from the man lying on the floor dazed, murmuring comforting words against Iwaizumi’s ear. He could feel him shaking in his arms, and mumbling “thank you”. He felt the rage build up again as he locked eyes with his clearly panicked best friend, but punching Kagawa again would mean letting go and he couldn’t let go of Iwaizumi now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He turned back to face Kagawa, who was still on the floor, wiping the blood from his nose. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t beat the shit out of you right now.” He spoke in a warning tone as he stood up, spitting blood out of his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s stance changed as he repositioned himself so he was standing in front of Iwaizumi. “Oh, after </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> you’ve done, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare </span>
  </em>
  <span>you to start something with me. I have been dreaming of the moment I finally got the chance to kick your sorry ass, so bring it on, you son of a bitch.” Oikawa stepped closer, showing he wasn’t afraid in the slightest. And Kagawa was clearly a little intimidated by the fact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ah, Tooru, Tooru, Tooru. You really think you can get in my face and not get your ass kicked?” Kagawa warned, also stepping closer to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Don’t call me ‘Tooru’.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What’re you gonna do about it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa swung for him again, connecting with enough power to knock Kagawa down yet again. “Oikawa.” He turned back to look at Iwaizumi. “Enough, okay?” Oikawa didn’t want to stop, he really wanted to keep going and beat the shit out of this guy, but the pleading look in Iwaizumi’s eyes convinced him otherwise. He knew that look, it was fear and concern. Oikawa smiled softly and nodded at him, turning back to look at the older guy on the ground, leaning down to talk quietly to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Don’t you </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> come near him again. I won’t stop at two next time.” He gave an insincere smile before turning away from him, and smiling genuinely at Iwaizumi. “Lets go, Iwa-Chan.” He beamed, placing one hand softly on the small of the spikers back to gently guide him away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  The walk back to Oikawa’s was silent. There was an overwhelming tension between them, and as thankful as Iwaizumi was that Oikawa had shown up when he did, seeing that side of him made Iwaizumi nervous. Why did Kagawa have to look like him? Oikawa seemed to have sensed that he was uncomfortable because the moment they were off the school grounds, he let go of his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  They reached Oikawa’s, and Iwaizumi stayed stood outside the garden as Oikawa continued up the pathway. The setter turned once he realised Iwaizumi wasn’t following. “Iwa-Chan? Are you okay?” He stepped closer to the spiker, leaving enough distance between them so Iwaizumi wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You… kinda lost it back there… don’t you think?” He asked, nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I was just trying to help you? I’m sorry if I overstepped, but I couldn’t just look the other way after seeing that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shook his head. “No, I don’t mean that.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m glad you stepped in when you did. And I’m so thankful… for the first punch…” He began to explain. “But the way you instantly jumped at the opportunity to fight him. Oikawa I-” He exhaled deeply and looked up at the setter. “I really thought you weren’t like that.” He was scared, which was understandable, but Oikawa was baffled by the idea that he saw this as him being a violent person. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>like that.” He cautiously stepped a little closer. “It’s just… him. I don’t like violence. I don’t like resorting to a physical fight. You know that.” He reached one hand out, and gently gripped Iwaizumi’s elbow. “You know </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You know me well enough to know that I would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>hurt you.” His face softened into slight concern. “You know that, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shook his head as he took Oikawa’s hands in his own. “Last time I trusted someone not to hurt me, I ended up in the hospital.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “But I’m not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I know you’re not him.” Iwaizumi interrupted. “I know you’re not. But I can’t… I just…” He groaned frustratedly, squeezing Oikawa’s hands a little tighter. “This is all so… hard… for me. You get that, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Of course I do. But-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “But?” He let go of Oikawa’s hands. “Oikawa, you either get it, or you don’t.” Iwaizumi took a small half-step backwards. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Do</span>
  </em>
  <span> you get it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Well… I’m trying to…” He paused and scratched the back of his neck. “I know it’s hard for you, and I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>trying </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be here for you. I really am, okay? But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sighed. “‘But’ what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I don’t want to fight with you, Iwa-Chan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “‘But’ what, Oikawa?” Iwaizumi pushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa exhaled deeply. “You keep pushing me away. I’m trying </span>
  <em>
    <span>so hard</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be whatever you need me to be, whether you need me to be your friend, or your ‘cuddle buddy’, or just... a guy who can give you a bed to sleep in while you avoid home, but you keep letting me in then pushing me away again. I want to be your support, but what do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> want from me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi stepped back again, he looked hurt, and Oikawa instantly regretted saying anything. “Maybe I should just go home.” He turned to walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa called out after him. “Don’t go, please.” Iwaizumi kept walking, not wanting to turn back. Because if he turned around, Oikawa would see him cry. And he had already been vulnerable enough in front of him, he didn’t want to show weakness now. “Iwa-Chan!” He called again, not following him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi walked through the front door, completely ignoring his parents who called out behind him and going into his room without hesitation. The room was a surprise. It was completely repainted, the furniture was new and rearranged, and there were photos littering the walls - polaroids taken by Oikawa. This was the kindest thing anyone had ever done for him, and he hadn’t even had the slightest idea it had been happening. And of course it was Oikawa that had arranged it all, no one else would have done. And now he’d pushed him away. Again. He started the day thinking he was going to ask Oikawa on a date, and he’d just ended it by walking away from the only person that had been with him through </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The single person in this world that had always stood by him no matter what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Suddenly, he felt like shit. All Oikawa had done was help him, and instead of a classic “thank you”, Iwaizumi had gone right ahead and insulted his intentions by getting all nervous and jittery. Oikawa was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kagawa. And Oikawa would never have hurt Iwaizumi - every touch, even the ones that happened during his fight with Kagawa, was gentle. When he had guided Iwaizumi away, he didn’t grip him tightly, he placed light pressure on the small of his back, delicate enough that if he hadn’t known Oikawa’s intention was to guide him away, he wouldn’t have even felt compelled to move. Even when he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>angry, Oikawa was careful with him - a trait that Kagawa had never shown. They were massively different to one another. And Iwaizumi had just gone ahead and grouped the two of them together all because his childhood friend had jumped in to defend him in an understandably violent manner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Shit. He fucked up. He knew he fucked up. He was so close to </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally </span>
  </em>
  <span>feeling normal again, and then Kagawa showed up and he got all emotional and weird about it, and now he was going to lose Oikawa over it. Iwaizumi knelt on the floor, the door closing behind him, and he started crying.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa banged his head against his desk as he sat down, realising that he messed up. He shouldn’t have pressed Iwaizumi like that, obviously the guy would be cautious after seeing that after everything that had happened to him. Oikawa felt like an idiot. But he couldn’t call him now, not after that. He needed to give him some space, some time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He closed his eyes, and thought about Iwaizumi. He thought about how they had been friends for years, how he had always been there for him. He thought about how when he first injured his knee, it was Iwaizumi who had taken care of him - made him rest. He thought about how it was Iwaizumi who had stopped him when he had almost hit Kageyama, and how thankful he was for that because he absolutely would have regretted that every day for the rest of his life. Iwaizumi was the one person who always looked out for him, and the </span>
  <em>
    <span>one time</span>
  </em>
  <span> Iwaizumi needed his support, he let him down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He let him down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  He didn’t know how he ended up there, but Oikawa found himself standing in the pouring rain outside of Iwaizumi’s house. He didn’t want to knock on the door - it all felt so cliche, and Iwaizumi probably didn’t even want to see him. So there he stood, at the end of the driveway, slowly getting more and more soaked. He should have gone home, he knew that, but instead here he stood, at 9pm on a Tuesday in the middle of a rainstorm outside of his childhood friends house like someone would do in a damn romcom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It was after about 15 minutes of standing there that Oikawa’s phone rang. Iwaizumi. “Hi.” Oikawa spoke just loud enough to be heard over the rain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oikawa? Where the hell are you? Don’t tell me you’re out in this.” He sounded genuinely concerned, and all he could do was laugh at himself for how stupid this all suddenly felt. “Oikawa? What’s so funny? Where are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He sighed deeply. “Iwa-chan, can you come out and bring me a towel?” He chuckled again awkwardly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi suddenly appeared in the front window, opening it to shout down at him. “The hell are you doing, dumbass?” He frowned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa grinned at him. “Yahoo!” He waved, and Iwaizumi disappeared back into the room, appearing at the door a few seconds later, looking annoyed but a towel in hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hurry up and get in here, Shittykawa.” He insisted, a small smile creeping onto his face. Oikawa smiled softly back at him, taking the towel off him as he walked past him into the house and heading straight up to Iwaizumi’s room. Iwaizumi followed him, making him sit on the floor as he sat on the bed behind him, snatching the towel back off him and beginning to dry his hair. “You need to get into some dry clothes. Why the hell didn’t you have an umbrella?” He asked, angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa leaned his head back into the gentle touch of Iwaizumi - his voice angry but his actions caring. “I didn’t really think about it before I left. I just sorta… came here.” He explained, rather nonchalantly. “Besides, you called me for a reason, right?” He opened his eyes, looking up at Iwaizumi who was seemingly focused on drying his hair. “Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa placed one hand over one of Iwaizumi’s, and the spiker locked eyes with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After a few seconds, Iwaizumi stood, leaving the towel draped over Oikawa’s head and walking over to his closet, pulling out a tshirt and a pair of sweatpants for the setter. “Put these on.” He insisted as he dropped them on the floor in front of Oikawa, sitting himself back on the bed. Oikawa stared at him, and Iwaizumi stopped himself from staring back. “You’re gonna catch a cold, dumbass. Put the dry clothes on.” Oikawa nodded, pulling off his shirt and pants to pull on what Iwaizumi gave him. “Why didn’t you call me sooner? I would have brought you an umbrella.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi took the towel back off him and went back to drying his hair “Why did you call me?” Oikawa asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I… don’t really know…” Iwaizumi responded truthfully. “I don’t know what I was gonna say, I didn’t have much of a plan. I wanted to thank you for…” He gestured around the room. “For all this.” He smiled softly. “And… I wanted to apologise for overreacting earlier.” He spoke sheepishly. “I know you were just trying to help. I shouldn’t have gone off on you like that. So… you know… I’m sorry… or whatever.” His face flushed slightly as he pulled the towel off Oikawa’s now dry head. Iwaizumi slid off the bed so he was sitting next to Oikawa on the floor. “I don’t really know what I’m doing.” Iwaizumi admitted, leaning his head back against the bed, which Oikawa did too. “I love you, Oikawa. And I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be with you.” He softly held on to Oikawas hand. “Hell, I was ready to ask you out on a date today.” Oikawa glanced at him, eyebrows raised slightly in surprise. “But then Kagawa…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa huffed out a chuckle. “But then Kagawa.” He repeated back to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled softly at him. “I’m sorry.” He apologised, honestly. “I really am. I just don’t know if I’m ready for… anything.” Oikawa nodded in understanding.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I get it. It’s okay.” He insisted. “And I meant it when I said I don’t mind waiting.” He put an arm around Iwaizumi and pulled him in for a hug. Iwaizumi let his head rest on Oikawa’s shoulder comfortably, and closed his eyes. “I love you too, by the way.” Oikawa whispered, and Iwaizumi smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two of them sat there in silence for what felt like hours, until Oikawa noticed Iwaizumi snoring lightly. He needed the rest, and he looked so cute whilst sleeping. Oikawa didn’t want to move, but his neck was getting stiff, and he really needed to pee. “Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa whispered, hoping he was still up. “Iwa-Chan, are you awake?” Iwaizumi didn’t respond. Oikawa moved slightly, and Iwaizumi hummed softly, scooching closer to the setter and nuzzling into him. Oikawa smiled at the motion and hugged him closer, using this as an opportunity to scoop Iwaizumi up and placing him on the bed. He sat over him, one hand carding through his hair. He leaned forward, hesitating for just a moment then planting a kiss on the spikers forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa slid open the bedroom door, “Oikawa? Are you leaving?” Iwaizumi asked quietly, and Oikawa turned back to smile at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m just going to the bathroom.” He reassured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s face relaxed into relief as he nodded, rolling over to curl up under the duvet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  As Oikawa returned, he sat on the edge of the bed, one hand placed on the other side of Iwaizumi, looking down on him. “You look tired.” He commented as Iwaizumi reached up a hand, gently cupping his face and stroking a thumb across his cheek. “Shall we get some sleep?” Oikawa suggested as he leaned into the touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi looked into his eyes, intensely. “Kiss me.” He said, seemingly out of the blue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s brow furrowed, “Wha-” before he had the opportunity to finish, Iwaizumi pressed his mouth to his, shoulders hunching up and his other hand slid up to Oikawa’s face, cradling his cheeks as the setter automatically put one hand onto Iwaizumi’s back to keep him steady. Oikawa took a second to process it, a second to realise that the pressure against his lips was Iwaizumi. And as he processed it, he felt Iwaizumi start to withdraw, but he didn't let him get far. He tilted his head and kissed Iwaizumi back properly. Iwaizumi’s inhale of surprise against his mouth more than he could have wished for. Iwaizumi began kissing him back again, and Oikawa knew that this was all he wanted. His lips moved a little desperately, a little needily, and Oikawa was filled with the relief drowning his chest, lost in the heat of Iwaizumi’s mouth. His lips weren’t that soft, there was still a rough cut on the bottom one, and they were chapped - as they were this time every year. But this was exactly what Oikawa had wanted for the longest time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He pulled back, and Iwaizumi held his face in his hands, expression softer than Oikawa had seen before. And he realised that Iwaizumi’s hands were twitching a little. “Iwa-Chan I… what was that?” He asked, still confused with the entire situation. Iwaizumi chuckled nervously, blush climbing up his neck. “You’re shaking, Iwa-Chan. You didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>to kiss me… not that I didn’t like it, I did. But you seem like… maybe you didn’t want that, you know?” Iwaizumi opened his mouth to respond, but Oikawa interrupted him. “I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything. You seem really nervous, and I want you to know that I won’t push you to do anything you do-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oikawa, shut up.” Iwaizumi interrupted, touching his forehead against Oikawa’s. “I kissed you because I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted to</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s all I’ve thought about.” Iwaizumi admitted. Oikawa embraced him, holding him close as everything he was unable to channel into words moved through him. He lowered his head to rest in the warm crook of Iwaizumi’s neck, and he felt Iwaizumi kiss his temple, arms curling over his back, and squeezing him tightly. “I want to be with you, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi spoke quietly. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa pulled back slightly, looking Iwaizumi in the eyes, an unreadable look on his face. “Iwa-Chan… are you saying..?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled. “I want to try this. Let’s try this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You’re sure?” Oikawa asked, clearly trying to hide his excitement. “You’re really ready?” He wasn’t ready. But he wanted to be. He really wanted to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “If I wait until I’m completely ready, then I think we’ll be waiting forever.” He replied, honestly. “But I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa grinned widely. “Okay. Let’s do this.” He agreed. “You set the pace though, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi planted a small kiss on Oikawa’s lips. “So… a date?” He asked, hesitantly. He wasn’t sure why he still felt nervous about asking, but Oikawa was so good with him, he was so caring and forgiving, and they set up a date. One they were both excited for. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. All too simple</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>IwaOi first date is ~surprisingly~ boring. </p><p>Iwaizumi pushes himself.</p><p>Oikawa just keeps falling more and more in love.</p><p>Mattsun causes shit.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  Saturday came around quickly. The entrance exams passed by in a flash, and now there was nothing stopping Iwaizumi and Oikawa from going out on an actual date. There was no reason why either of them should have been nervous. Yes, it was technically their first date, but they had been out for food together a thousand times before, and they both already knew each other so well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  So why were they freaking out?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa stared at himself in the mirror as he tried to decide what tie to wear, knowing full well that Iwaizumi wouldn’t care at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His suit was a charcoal grey, and he was wearing a plain white shirt buttoned up fully to support the blue tie he had decided on. Over the shirt he wore a vest that matched the suit, it had a fairly deep v-line, just narrow enough for the top to remain visible when the suit jacket was buttoned up, adding another layer to the overall look of the suit. And the jacket fit him like a tailored glove. The 5 buttons of his single breasted jacket were all buttoned up, a stylish and elegant choice that made him look refined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  They decided to meet at the restaurant, and Oikawa got there first, sitting at the reserved table, twitching slightly. He knew Iwaizumi was on his way and his heart was pounding. And then it skipped a beat when he saw the spiker walk in. His shirt was smooth, and was unbuttoned at the top. He was also wearing a navy coloured vest with a very narrow v-line, which allowed for a large portion of the top to remain visible, even with the matching suit's jacket buttoned up. And he looked incredible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa stood and waved Iwaizumi over, pulling out his chair for him. Iwaizumi chuckled slightly, “Wow, you really </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> treating me like a girlfriend.” He joked as Oikawa sat himself back across from him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Well, Iwa-Chan, get whatever you want, it’s on me.” He beamed, handing Iwaizumi a menu. “I think you’ll like this place.” He commented, and Iwaizumi frowned a little. “What? What’s that face?” Oikawa asked, noticing how awkward Iwaizumi felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi twitched slightly, looking down at his hands. “Well, actually, I’ve been here before…” He said, nervously. “I came here with… with…” He glanced up at Oikawa, a slight pained look in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa frowned, clearly disappointed. “You came here with Kagawa?” He asked, knowing what the answer was. Iwaizumi nodded, looking down and seeming a little ashamed. Oikawa reached one hand across the table and held Iwaizumi’s hand gently, and the spiker looked up at him. “It’s fine, really.” Oikawa insisted. “We can go somewhere else if you want?” He suggested, rathering Iwaizumi was comfortable over anything else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled softly at him. “No, it’s alright.” He clarified. “I don’t want to avoid places because of him, you know?” Iwaizumi squeezed his hand gently. “Besides, tonight will be great no matter where we are.” He seemed confident in that, and that made Oikawa smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  They shared small conversation between ordering and the food arriving. And it was mind numbingly boring. “Iwa-Chan, what are we doing?” Oikawa asked eventually, clearly noting how bad this was going, despite how good the food was. “We already know each other so well, why are we even here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi raised a forkful of food. “Dinner?” He chuckled slightly as Oikawa glared at him, knowing he was aware that wasn’t what he meant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, I’m serious. This sucks.” He huffed and Iwaizumi kicked his leg under the table. “Ouch, Iwa-Chan, so mean.” Oikawa pouted, but noticed the slight hurt on Iwaizumi’s face from what he said. “Look, I’m sorry but this feels so much more awkward than any other first date I’ve ever been on.” He chuckled nervously, and to his surprise Iwaizumi laughed too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why are we even treating this like a first date?” Iwaizumi asked, leaning forward over the table. “I mean, first dates are to get to know each other, right? But we already know literally everything about each other, so maybe that’s why it feels so weird.” He leaned back again, putting another fork of food in his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa pondered for a moment, then leant forward, a genuine smile plastered across his face. “Shall we get out of here, Iwa-Chan?” He suggested, and Iwaizumi ginned back at him, nodding his head. “Then let's go.” He gripped Iwaizumi’s hand, and pulled him along behind him, out of the restaurant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oikawa, we didn’t even pay.” Iwaizumi laughed as they got further from the restaurant, two members of staff calling out behind them. They turned a corner and hid, both their backs against the wall. “I can’t believe you just made me run out on a bill. What the hell are you thinking?” Iwaizumi laughed, and Oikawa smiled along with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh, lighten up Iwa-Chan.” He chuckled. “It’s not like we’re gonna go back there.” He clarified as he stepped away from the wall so he was instead standing in front of Iwaizumi, one hand against the wall. “This was the most fun part of tonight, don’t you think?” He smiled, leaning down so that the two of them were just a breath from each other. “Hey, Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa whispered. “Can I-”. Before Oikawa had the opportunity to continue, Iwaizumi used his politeness to his advantage, pulling Oikawa down by his tie and kissing him passionately. Oikawa found one of his hands landing on Iwaizumi’s hip as he stepped a little closer to him, and Iwaizumi’s hands made their way to the nape of Oikawa’s neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi pulled back, and Oikawa kept his forehead leant against the spikers, both of them breathing a little heavier than usual. “Oikawa…” Iwaizumi paused for just a second, hesitating slightly. “My parents are away.” He grinned up at the setter, who raised his eyebrows, a little surprised with the forwardness. “Shall we take this back to mine?” He suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa chuckled in surprise. “Iwa-Chan… are you sure?” He asked, and Iwaizumi kissed him again, softly this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yes means yes.” Iwaizumi whispered as he pulled away, and Oikawa blushed slightly as Iwaizumi grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him behind him back to his place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  As they arrived back at Iwaizumi’s, the spiker pushed Oikawa back against the door, kissing him intensely as he did, and the setter sank into it. After a few seconds, Oikawa pushed him back, taking a breath as he did. “Iwa-Chan…” he started, before being interrupted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Don’t you dare ask me if I’m ready again.” He warned, “If I want to stop, I’ll say stop. Okay?” Oikawa nodded in agreement, then pushed forward into another kiss. He slowly guided Iwaizumi towards the stairs, and the latter allowed him to lead the way as they tripped up every few steps, making their way towards Iwaizumi’s room, managing to slide open his bedroom door whilst catching each other’s lips and skin. Iwaizumi slid it closed behind them, giving them a sense of privacy and seclusion that they so desperately seemed to want. Oikawa didn’t waste another second unbuttoning Iwaizumi’s shirt, and pushing it off his shoulders, then tossing it carelessly across the floor, Iwaizumi almost falling backwards with the movement but balancing himself by gripping onto Oikawa’s shirt and slamming the taller against the door. He pulled the setter’s shirt off of him, planting kisses on the hot skin of his neck, nibbling and sucking his way up until their lips met in another passion filled kiss, melting into one another yet again. Oikawa broke the kiss in favour of pushing them both away from the door, holding Iwaizumi close by the belt loops in his pants as they staggered towards the bed. Iwaizumi’s knees hit the bedframe and he fell back onto the mattress, pulling Oikawa down with him, which led to the next moment being him pinned under the weight of the setter, who pushed himself up so that he was straddling his hips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Just one last time, are you sure about this?” Oikawa asked, knowing that Iwaizumi was just as excited as he was, but wanting the confirmation so that neither of them were left with any regrets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yes.” Iwaizumi spoke as he opened his eyes. He knew he wasn’t completely ready, but it was Oikawa here, looking down at him hungrily. And he wanted to be with Oikawa. It didn’t matter what he had been through, or where he had been, or anything. Oikawa knew </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>of it, and he still wanted Iwaizumi. In Oikawa’s eyes, Iwaizumi was exactly the same person he had always been. This didn’t define him. He launched himself forward to catch Oikawa’s lips, his head spinning in the process. But Oikawa fully welcomed the suddenness of it, delving deeper into the kiss when Iwaizumi slid his calloused hand up his back to help hold himself up. Oikawa angled his head so he could meet Iwaizumi’s mouth better and he shifted his thighs on either side to settle more comfortably, kissing with a gentle fervency that Iwaizumi hadn’t felt for quite some time. Refusing to let Iwaizumi do all the work, Oikawa clawed at his back, pushing into another mindlessly indulgent kiss, as well as snatching the opportunity to run his fingers up Iwaizumi’s well-toned stomach and chest, lighting up a spark of electricity between their bodies and Oikawa unconsciously rolled his hips forward, which pulled a groan out of the spiker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  While Iwaizumi was occupied laying a line of kisses down Oikawa’s neck, Oikawa couldn’t help but rut against Iwaizumi yet again. Oikawa could feel that Iwaizumi was hard as the spiker ground up against him, and he placed a hand on Iwaizumi’s hip, forcing him to still his movements so he didn’t get over excited. Iwaizumi groaned in frustration, but complied, and melted back against the bed, panting and gripping at Oikawa’s sides with almost desperate fingers. Oikawa started working at the button and zipper of Iwaizumi’s pants, and Iwaizumi swallowed with a click as he did the same. As the pair both finally stripped off all their clothes, Oikawa had to pause and take in the sight of Iwaizumi where he was lying, his chest and cheeks were flushed with arousal in the dim moonlight coming in through the window. He loomed there for a moment, and a small smile touched his lips as he took Iwaizumi in, and the spiker licked his lips and huffed a small, breathless laugh. “What’re you grinning at?” he asked, and Oikawa trailed his eyes over Iwaizumi, shaking his head a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You’re just… so beautiful,” he said, and Iwaizumi blinked at him for a moment, his cheeks heating even more with a little bit of embarrassment of being examined so closely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Shut up.” Iwaizumi managed to huff out. “Just shut up and kiss me.” Oikawa obliged, pressing himself against Iwaizumi once again. The urgency from before was momentarily put on hold as Iwaizumi arched his neck forward and captured Oikawa’s lips in a soft kiss. They lay there for just a minute or two kissing gently, their tongues twisted together in long drags that felt like the closest definition to perfect that Oikawa could think of in this moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa pulled back, leaning his forehead against Iwaizumi’s. “Have you got..?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded. “Top draw.” He confirmed, and Oikawa planted a lingering kiss on his lips, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling out a small bottle of lube, and an unopened box of condoms. “You don’t have to use them if you don’t want.” Iwaizumi commented as he leaned up on his elbows and ran his fingers through this hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa looked at him and tilted his head as he raised an eyebrow. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t have to use them?” He questioned, and Iwaizum’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Iwa-Chan, are you wanting </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>to top?” He chuckled slightly, and Iwaizumi blushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I mean… I just assumed…” Iwaizumi said awkwardly as he scratched the back of his neck. “You know, you have more experience with this type of thing than me, so it just made sense…” He explained, and Oikawa nodded in understanding, looking back at the products he was holding. “Is that alright..?” Iwaizumi asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa placed both the items on the bedside table, and placed one arm on the other side of Iwaizumi, kissing him softly as Iwaizumi slid one hand up to the back of Oikawa’s neck. The setter pulled back, and smiled at him “I’m happy with whatever you want, Iwa-Chan.” Iwaizumi nodded as Oikawa pushed him back down, kissing down his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It took about three seconds for Iwaizumi’s heart to start pounding as the last time he was vulnerable like this came rushing back to him. And as his heart rate picked up, his breathing did too. He didn’t even realise what he had done until he was sitting with his knees in his chest at the top corner of his bed, and Oikawa was pinching the bridge of his nose with his head tilted back. “Shit.” Oikawa muttered as he pulled a couple of tissues out the tissue box, holding them against his bleeding nose. “Are you okay, Iwa-Chan?” He asked, slightly nasally. “What happened there?” His eyes flicked over to the spiker, who was still clinging to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I- I’m sorry…” He apologised, shakily. “I just… I’m not ready…” He sniffed a little, and it was obvious he was trying not to cry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa looked up at him, holding the tissues to his nose. “Iwa-Chan, I’m happy taking it slow. I thought I made that clear, I don’t want you to feel rushed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You did, I know you did. I’m so sorry. I-” Iwaizumi pulled the duvet up over himself, suddenly realising how exposed he still was. “I didn’t want you to feel like you had to wait for me.” He spoke, sheepishly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa leaned closer to him and flicked his forehead. “Iwa-Chan, you idiot.” He said, and Iwaizumi frowned. “I’m not bothered about having sex. Or going on dates. Or any of that crap.” He reached out and gripped one of Iwaizumi’s hands. “I understand if you’re not ready. I’m not stupid, Iwa-Chan. I know what you’ve been through, I get that you won’t be past that this fast, and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>it’ll take time.” Iwaizumi’s lip curled up. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>adore</span>
  </em>
  <span> you, Iwaizumi Hajime.” He placed a hand on Iwaizumi’s cheek, and placed his head against the shorters. “As long as it takes, I’ll wait. Don’t rush yourself, okay?” Iwaizumi closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into Oikawa’s touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Thank you.” Iwaizumi spoke quietly. “I’m sorry I kneed you in the nose.” Oikawa chuckled slightly, setting Iwaizumi off too. “I really thought I was ready. Are you okay?” He asked, concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa let go of Iwaizumi’s hand to touch his own nose. “Yeah, I’m good. It’s not broken or anything, it just hurts.” He chuckled, and Iwaizumi kissed his nose. “Iwa-Chan kissing my injuries better? How sweet.” He smiled as Iwaizumi let out a small breath of relief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Both of them redressed themselves, and sat curled up together on Iwaizumi’s bed, putting a movie on the tv to watch. Iwaizumi was still shaking a little as he snuggled into Oikawa, and the setter picked up on it, but chose not to say anything in favour of just holding him, comfortingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi inhaled shakily before opening his mouth to speak, and it came out quietly. “Tooru?” Oikawa hummed, acknowledging that he heard him. “I think it might help me to talk about it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa glanced down at him. “We can talk about it if you want to.” Iwaizumi nodded. “Do you want to start?” He asked, unsure what he’d say if Iwaizumi said no.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I mean, I don’t really know where to start…” He said honestly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Well, why don’t you start by telling me what exactly happened that freaked you out tonight?” Oikawa suggested, and Iwaizumi nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It was nothing you did, believe me. But you were kissing me, and my heart started racing, and I started panicking, and then all I could think about was the last time I was in that position…” He paused, taking in a few deep breaths. “I don’t ever want to feel the way that he made feel again, and I just sorta autoreacted to that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa kissed the top of his head. “I get that. That makes sense.” He pulled Iwaizumi in close and nuzzling his face into his hair. “Maybe next time you can take the lead? It might be better for your mental state.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Next time?” Iwaizumi asked hesitantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa felt awkward for a second, realising he may have just said something stupid. “Oh, no, I don’t mean that it has to be any time soon.” He jumped to his own defence. “I just mean next time you feel like you’re ready.” He smiled softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two of them sat in silence, watching the movie together. Neither of them were paying attention to it though. “What if…” Iwaizumi broke the silence. “What if I’m never really ready?” He asked, hesitantly, worrying that the question would scare Oikawa off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Never?” Oikawa repeated, and Iwaizumi suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility. “If that’s the case, then that’s the case.” He responded, calmly. “Iwa-Chan, just being with you, being able to stay this close to you, is enough for me. If you want more, then we’ll do more, but if you never do, then that’s fine with me.” He responded honestly. “I love you. No matter what.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa spent the weekend at Iwaizumi’s, only stopping home again on Monday morning to change into his uniform and grab his kit for practice. Oikawa glanced down at Iwaizumi as they slowly got closer to the school. “Iwa-Chan, can I hold your hand?” He asked, nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled in response, shaking his head slightly. “Oikawa, we agreed that we’d keep this quiet. At least for now.” Iwaizumi reminded him. “If we walked into school holding… anything, I’m pretty sure people would be able to figure it out quickly.” He glanced up at the setter, noticing the slight disappointment on his face. “Hey, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi stopped in front of him. “I love you, you know that?” Oikawa’s lip turned up slightly, and Iwaizumi pushed forward and planted a soft kiss on his lips. “I’m not ready for people to know just yet, I’m sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It’s okay, Iwa-Chan. I understand.” Oikawa smiled. “I love you too. And we’ll tell people whenever you’re ready to tell people, okay?” Iwaizumi nodded in agreement, and the pair continued to school as usual. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Throughout the day, Oikawa found it hard to keep his hands off Iwaizumi everytime he was close to him, and so Iwaizumi had to swat him away quite a lot. It was only when they skipped their third class to hang out on the roof together that Iwaizumi let Oikawa hold him the way he wanted to, and Oikawa took full advantage of that opportunity, straddling his lap as Iwaizumi sat on the floor, back to the fence, and hands on Oikawa’s hips. “Tooru?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yes, Iwa-Chan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s lip turned at how Oikawa smiled at him. “Are you happy?” Oikawa tilted his head in confusion at the question. “I mean, would you really be happy if this was all we were? If we never had more than this?” He asked, nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s brow furrowed, he genuinely wasn’t sure why Iwaizumi felt the need to ask, but he answered anyway. “As long as we’re together, I’ll be happy.” He smiled, placing a soft kiss on Iwaizumi’s cheek. The spiker gave him a small smile, but it was obviously fake, and Oikawa noticed that. “Iwa-Chan? What is it? What’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi paused, unsure if he should say anything or not. “Is that enough?” He asked, cautiously. “Am I alone enough?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa placed his hands on either side of Iwaizumi’s face, ensuring eye contact with the spiker. “Iwaizumi Hajime, you are absolutely enough. You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>than enough. You are everything I’ve ever wanted and more. I am in </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> with you, and as long as you love me too, then I’ll be happy.” And, as if to prove his point, Oikawa kissed Iwaizumi gently, but intensely. He just leaned down and pressed their mouths together, capturing Iwaizumi’s lips in a gentle kiss, which drowned away all that fear and nervousness that filled Iwaizumi’s body, and he relaxed beneath him. He was shaking a little, but he let himself melt into the fence behind him, kissing Oikawa back, letting their tongues tangle together slow and languid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  When he finally broke away from the kiss, he gave Iwaizumi a soft smile, trying desperately to convey all the affection he felt for this green eyed boy in one single look. Iwaizumi’s eyes sparkled in the sun, and he had a slight flush in his cheeks that made his freckles more prominent. His eyes were softer now than usual, and his lips were full and pink. His face was still healing and the bruises were still there, but all they did was make Oikawa realise how insanely gorgeous Iwaizumi was. And he just smiled at him. “God, you are</span>
  <span>… so beautiful.” Iwaizumi’s cheeks flushed furiously as he looked away from the setter, embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Damn it, Kusokawa.” He said with a seemingly frustrated tone. “Why do you have to say such embarrassing things?” He covered his face, trying to hide his blush, but Oikawa pulled his hands to the side, planting his lips on Iwaizumi’s yet again. Iwaizumi tensed up, but quickly sank into it, not trying to cover his face any more, and instead resting his hands on the small of Oikawa’s back. Oikawa pulled back, and leaned his forehead against Iwaizumi’s. “Fuck, I could get used to you doing that.” The two of them sat in silence for a little while, just resting their heads against one another, taking in their time together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Their alone time was cut short, however, when the door they came through flung open. Both of their heads snapped towards the pair that were now staring at them, and Oikawa grinned awkwardly at them. Iwaizumi waved at the two, knowing that there was no point trying to bluff out of this situation. “Yo.” He spoke casually, as if he were expecting them. Oikawa looked back at him, a little confused, but it seemed like he was okay with this, so he relaxed a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I knew he was your boyfriend.” Hanamaki grinned at Oikawa, who rolled his eyes, and moved off Iwaizumi’s lap, sitting next to him and leaning on his shoulder instead. Hanamaki and Matsukawa took a seat on the floor next to them, and Makki glanced over at the pair. “So, when did this actually start?” He gestured between the pair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh I mean… it depends what you mean by ‘start’?” Oikawa stumbled over his words a little. “We both confessed about a month ago, but we didn’t go on a proper date until Saturday.” He explained, and Matsukawa glared at him a little, clearly a little annoyed that Oikawa was seemingly ignoring everything he had said to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi placed his hand gently on Oikawa’s leg, almost as an automatic reaction to the discomfort he could sense coming from the setter. “Oikawa is the only person that’s been keeping me sane these past few weeks. He convinced me to go to therapy, and he’s been… good. He’s been exactly what I’ve needed.” Iwaizumi explained, giving Oikawa a small smile as he did. Matsukawa rolled his eyes at the whole thing, and Iwaizumi frowned at him. “Have you got a problem with that, Mattsun?” Iwaizumi pressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Actually, I do.” He responded, slight sourness in his tone. “A month ago you were in a relationship with an abuser who is still a free man and could resurface at any point and that could </span>
  <em>
    <span>ruin </span>
  </em>
  <span>you. You’re moving too fast, it’s almost like you’re pushing yourself, and you’ll crash and burn if you move yourself at a pace that your mind can’t handle.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s brow furrowed in confusion. “How the hell would you know what pace is one I can handle?” He asked, a little spitefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What so you got sexually abused and after a month and two therapy sessions you’re already ready to fuck your best friend? No offence but I don’t think anyone would be able to get over this that quickly. And if you claim you are, then you’re a liar.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I never claimed to be ‘over it’.” Iwaizumi bit back at him. “And what the hell makes you think we’ve fucked?” Matsukawa opened his mouth to respond, but Iwaizumi continued before he had the chance to. “And </span>
  <em>
    <span>if </span>
  </em>
  <span>we have, why would that be anything to do with you? As a matter of fact, why is any of how I recover and start to move forward any of your business? If this is the way I decide to get past all this, then that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>my business</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Do you understand?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Matsukawa was silent. In fact, everyone was silent. And Iwaizumi suddenly processed everything he just said, realising how it must have sounded. He turned back to Oikawa, scrambling for what to say next; how to explain that he didn’t mean it to sound like that, but before he could get the words out, Oikawa grabbed his things and left, leaving Iwaizumi to beat himself up. Matsukawa patted thim once on the back. “Good job there, Iwaizumi. I’m sure he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>thrilled</span>
  </em>
  <span> to hear about how he’s being utilised as your ‘way to get past this’.” Iwaizumi swatted his hand away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You know that’s not what I meant.” Iwaizumi defended as he slumped back against the fence. “Ah shit, I need to find him and apologise.” He grabbed his things and stood, looking down at the pair. “Why did you have to push me like that, Mattsun?” Matsukawa shrugged, and Iwaizumi walked away, considering all the places Oikawa could have gone to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  This was the worst he’d fucked up yet, and he had to fix it. Shit, he had to fix it now. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Hell of an apology</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Iwaizumi apologises in an unexpected way. His reason for loving Oikawa is revealed. And they make a plan for college.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>**nsfw warning**</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  Oikawa went home early. He didn’t want to see anyone for the rest of the day. He actually let himself believe for a second there that Iwaizumi would still want him when he didn’t need him anymore, and he felt like an idiot for it. In all fairness, Iwaizumi probably hadn’t realised before that point that he probably didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>truly</span>
  </em>
  <span> love Oikawa, he likely just loved the idea of a ‘safe’ relationship, and Oikawa was the best option for that. And now Oikawa just felt like a fool. He let himself fall for his best friend, and all it had done was hurt him. And he only had himself to blame for letting himself be so vulnerable so fast. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Luckily his mom wasn’t home when he got home, so he didn’t have to answer any questions about skipping practice. Instead he could just wallow in self pity all afternoon, alone with his thoughts, wondering what could have been if Iwaizumi had never met Kagawa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling as he tossed a volleyball up in the air. He hated skipping practice, but seeing Iwaizumi right now was the last thing he wanted, so instead he lay there, ignoring his phone ring, and listening to the playlist he made when he first realised he was in love with Iwaizumi. Shit. This hurt like hell. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  It wasn’t really much of a surprise when Iwaizumi showed up, he always had when Oikawa skipped practice in the past. The spiker walked into his room, and after one glance towards him, Oikawa rolled over, facing the wall instead of Iwaizumi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sat himself on the floor, around six feet from the bed, looking at Oikawa. “Tooru?” He spoke softly, and Oikawa noticed a slight grating in his voice as if he had recently finished crying. “I feel like I need to make it clear, I didn’t mean for it to sound like I’m using you to get over him.” He paused, awaiting a response that didn’t come. “That’s not what this is.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, I get why you’re upset, and I understand if you don’t want to talk to me but I want you to know… Tooru… I’m- I’m in this for the long haul.” Oikawa didn’t move, but a small flush began creeping up his cheeks. “Now if you wanna lie there in silence and ignore me, that’s fine. I get it. But I’m not leaving before you speak to me.” He shuffled to the side of the room so that he was leaning against the wall. “Hell, scream and shout at me if you want. But I mean it. I’m gonna sit here, and I’m gonna wait until you talk to me.” He leaned his head back against the wall, and closed his eyes, prepared to wait. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa stayed perfectly still for around two hours, until he finally shifted, standing and Iwaizumi opened his eyes to look at him. Oikawa ignored him entirely as he left the room, leaving Iwaizumi there alone. The spiker groaned in frustration. He knew this was going to be tedious, but Oikawa was acting like he didn’t even exist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi stayed sitting where he was, glancing around the room at the different photos Oikawa had pinned up. He smiled as he looked over them, remembering some of the fonder times when they were kids and things were simpler. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa came back in 20 minutes later with just a towel around his waist and one in his hands as he dried his hair. And still he refused to acknowledge Iwaizumi’s existence. He pulled on a pair of fresh boxers, tossed the towel to the side, and plugged in his hairdryer as he sat on the edge of his bed. Iwaizumi watched for a few minutes as he struggled to dry the back of his head, before walking over, pulling the dryer off him, and starting to dry his hair for him, the way he usually did. “Iwaizumi, what the fuck?” Oikawa snapped as he stood up, taking a step back from him. “I didn’t ask for your help, asshole.” He snatched the dryer back off him, scowling at him as he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well, at least you’re talking to me now.” Iwaizumi still spoke calmly, and for some reason that just pissed Oikawa off even more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “What the fuck is so hard for you to grasp here!? I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to talk to you right now. I don’t even want to see you right now.” He raised his voice as if he were trying to force the information into Iwaizumi’s head. “Don’t you get it?” He spoke a little quieter, “Think about the timing of everything, Iwaizumi. Our first kiss? When you first told me you love me? You were at your most vulnerable. At your worst. You went on a date with me, and you were willing to have sex out of some sort of sense of obligation? You don’t want anyone to know about us </span>
  <em>
    <span>despite </span>
  </em>
  <span>the fact that everyone already knows you’re gay. And you got mad at me when I defended you from that bastard that I’m starting to think you might still have feelings for.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The vein in Iwaizumi’s forehead pulsed and he tensed his jaw slightly as he felt a wave of anger wash over him. “Of course I still </span>
  <em>
    <span>have feelings </span>
  </em>
  <span>for him, dumbass!” He snapped. “I was in love with him. It was a fucking intense, manipulative relationship. I’m not just going to be over that in a month.” He ran his fingers through his hair as he exhaled deeply. “But that doesn’t mean I still </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> him. I don’t know what I feel about him anymore. I’ve not really talked about it, or thought about it. At all.” He paused as he tried to find the next words to say. “But none of that makes a difference to the fact that I’ve been in love with you since I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>thirteen</span>
  </em>
  <span> years old. I loved you </span>
  <em>
    <span>long before </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kagawa came on to the scene. And the only reason I didn’t tell you is because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, and you never told me you were gay so I spent the whole time thinking you’d reject me and it’d be awkward. And I didn’t want that. But, damnit Oikawa, despite the timing of all those things, it doesn’t change the meaning or significance of any of it. I mean it when I tell you I love you.” Oikawa was slightly speechless after listening to all that, and Iwaizumi used it as an opportunity to step forward into a kiss. Oikawa didn’t kiss him back, but he didn’t push him away either. When Iwaizumi finally pulled away, he took an extra step back, giving Oikawa a little extra space. “If you want me to go, say the word and I’ll go.” He looked up at Oikawa, searching for some kind of answer from him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The setter pondered for a few seconds. “I guess… if you wanted to dry my hair that’d be okay…” He spoke sheepishly as he held out the dryer, and Iwaizumi smiled as he took it from him, nodding slightly as he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  After his hair was dry, the two of them sat on the floor, both leaning against the bed, barely touching, staying silent. “Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa broke the silence eventually, and Iwaizumi glanced over at him as he started speaking. “Why do you love me?” Iwaizumi’s brow furrowed in confusion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “What kind of question is that?” He asked in response. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa nudged him slightly with his elbow. “The kind that you should be able to answer.” He smiled softly at Iwaizumi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sat and thought for a moment, considering how detailed of a response Oikawa would want. “Well… there’s a lot of reasons.” He rubbed the back of his neck, nervously. “I don’t know what specifically you want from me here, I’m not good with words, you know that.” He paused and glanced at Oikawa. “Tooru, I-” He hesitated, considering the words to choose. “There’s no way I can say anything here that wouldn’t come across as cheesy and insincere.” Oikawa glanced at him, and frowned slightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I don’t see why you can’t answer the question.” His tone was calm, and he was speaking honestly, but something about it didn’t quite sit well with Iwaizumi. “It’s not exactly a difficult question.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi rolled his eyes a little and huffed out a small breath of air. “Okay… well… if it’s a question of why, then I love you because you’re…” Oikawa tutted at the hesitation in his voice, but Iwaizumi pushed on. “You know, you’re annoying. And stubborn. And you can be an absolute asshole sometimes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Wow, you’re bad at this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Shut up a second.” Iwaizumi sighed. “You’re also kind. You’re smart. You’re funny. And selfless. And you have the </span>
  <em>
    <span>biggest heart</span>
  </em>
  <span> of anyone I’ve ever met. Everything about you is… admirable. Everything you do, you do with such passion and drive. You always want to push yourself to be better, and in doing so, you push those around you too.” He stopped, smiling subtly at the gawky look on Oikawa’s face. “So if you really need an answer to </span>
  <em>
    <span>why</span>
  </em>
  <span> I love you, then that’s it. I love you, because you’re you. Plain and simple.” Oikawa gently placed his hand over Iwaizumi’s on the floor, looking close to tears. And he smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Iwa-chan…” He had a clear lump in his throat, obviously moved by what he had just heard, and Iwaizumi huffed out a small chuckle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well, at least you’re calling me ‘Iwa-Chan’ aga-” The spiker began to comment, before being interrupted by Oikawa kissing him. It took him a second to process it, but the moment he had, Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around Oikawa, pulling him in closer and kissing him back. He felt the setter smile against his lips, as he scooped him up and sat him on the edge of the bed, keeping himself stood so that he was above Oikawa, leaning down over him. He slowly started kissing across Oikawa’s face as he carefully pushed him back so that he was lying down. Iwaizumi’s kisses moved from Oikawa’s lips, to his cheeks, then down his neck, nipping at his skin as he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa chuckled a little nervously as Iwaizumi started moving further down. “Iwa-Chan…” He breathed out as his hands made their way to the spikers hair, and he let out a small groan as Iwaizumi left hickeys all across his chest. As if by reaction, Oikawa rolled his hips, and Iwaizumi let out a small laugh. He took one glance up at Oikawa’s wide-eyed face, grinning when he saw that he was now watching, and then slid further down, mouthing teasingly over the hard line of Oikawa’s erection through the material of his boxers, and the setter had never been more thankful that he didn’t fully dress himself after a shower. He shivered and groaned. He could feel Iwaizumi’s lips, could actually feel their shape and the texture of them, through his boxers. And Iwaizumi could tell that Oikawa was just about out of his mind with need, and he was already so fucking close that he’d be embarrassed if he had the ability to care right now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He leaned up on his elbows, trying to make sense of everything as his senses were being overwhelmed. “Iwa-Chan…” he panted out, and the shorter stopped and looked up at him. “You don't have to…” Iwaizumi placed his hand on Oikawa’s chest and pushed him backwards so he was lying down again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Don’t question it.” Iwaizumi whispered as he hesitated briefly, taking a last glance up at Oikawa as if checking to make sure he was okay. Then, he peeled his boxers down, and Oikawa’s dick sprang free, bobbing heavily in front of Iwaizumi’s face. Iwaizumi leaned forward and mouthed up the side of Oikawa’s shaft, placing wet, open-mouthed kisses to the velvety flesh, and Oikawa’s thighs spasmed and twitched with need. When he reached the head, he barely paused; just wrapped his lips around the crown and laved his tongue against his leaking slit. Oikawa almost sobbed at the sensations that exploded through his body. He struggled to pull enough air into his lungs to keep a steady breath as he glanced down at Iwaizumi, and Iwaizumi chose that moment to look up at him from underneath his lashes, and it was the most outrageously impure thing he had ever seen. It was downright filthy, and Oikawa almost came just from the sight of it alone. But instead he bit his lip and held his breath, staving off his orgasm, trying to make the moment last longer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sank down and started up a steady, slow rhythm, squeezing at the base of his dick to keep him from coming too soon, bobbing his head up and down. Iwaizumi worked his throat open, willing it to relax, and before Oikawa knew it, his cock was all the way down Iwaizumi’s throat. He groaned and gasped as he felt the spikers throat fluttering around his dick, and almost lost it again when Iwaizumi swallowed a few times, massaging the cock down his throat in all the right places. He pulled off again and bobbed a few more times, spit and precome dribbling out of the corners of his mouth. It was absolutely the hottest thing Oikawa had ever seen, and he had to look away, letting his head fall back against the mattress and he squeezed his eyes shut. He felt the pleasure boiling ferociously in his abdomen, felt it building, spiraling higher and higher, and he dug his fingers into Iwaizumi’s hair, gripping it tightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He held out as long as he could, but soon he felt his climax coiling up and getting ready to spring, his balls tightening as he was about to come. He pulled on Iwaizumi’s hair, in an attempt to warn him, to try and get him to pull away before he came in his mouth. But instead of letting go, Iwaizumi grabbed onto Oikawa’s hips and swallowed him down, forcing Oikawa all the way down his own throat, and he couldn’t hold back anymore. He moaned out, his body jerking involuntarily, his hands tightening painfully in Iwaizumi’s hair, and he came directly down his throat. It was, without a doubt, the single best orgasm he ever had in his entire life, and he let loose a guttural groan as spurts of his cum filled Iwaizumi’s mouth. And Iwaizumi took it all, swallowing every drop, waiting until Oikawa finished before pulling back, sucking his shaft clean of any remaining cum before finally pulling off. Oikawa’s hands dropped limply away from Iwaizumi’s hair as he came down from the climax, breathing hard, his entire body feeling like jelly. He barely felt Iwaizumi tuck him back into his boxers before moving back up to Oikawa’s head. The setter swallowed hard, catching his breath, and he blinked, looking at Iwaizumi, who grinned at him, like he knew exactly how much he just rocked his world, and then he leaned down, burying his face in Oikawa’s neck and pressing soft little kisses to the sweaty skin there. Oikawa’s hand came up, and he weakly took Iwaizumi’s chin, turning his face so that he could capture his lips, and he kissed him, not even caring where his mouth just was because that was the most amazing thing he had ever experienced, and he didn’t know how to say thank you. Iwaizumi shifted a little, kissing him more gently than before, and Oikawa smiled against his lips, then pulled back slightly. “Iwa-Chan… that was…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Amazing, right?” Iwaizumi grinned, clearly proud of himself, and Oikawa huffed out a small laugh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “You seem proud of yourself.” He commented, and Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow, as if to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘of course I am’</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “You didn’t have to…” He stated before being interrupted by Iwaizumi kissing him again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  When he pulled back, he placed his forehead against Oikawa’s. “I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to.” He smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I thought you weren’t ready…” Oikawa commented, cautiously. “I don’t want you to feel pressured to do that kind of thing…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi carded his fingers through Oikawa’s hair, and placed a kiss on his forehead. “I felt no pressure, Tooru.” He assured. “Seeing the way that you came undone so easily there…” He started, grinning down at him, and Oikawa rolled his eyes, pushing Iwaizumi away by his face and sitting himself up on the edge of his bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa glanced over his shoulder at Iwaizumi who was laying on his side, keeping his head up with one arm. “So that’s how this goes, huh?” He smiled, and Iwaizumi’s brow furrowed in confusion. “You say something really queer then blow me to just really nail the point home that you really </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> super gay?” He smirked, and Iwaizumi kicked him off the bed, pulling a laugh from the setter. “Iwa-Chan, so mean!” He teased, and Iwaizumi smiled softly at him. “I’m sorry…” Oikawa apologised sheepishly. “I assumed the worst and I shouldn’t have.” He blushed, a little embarrassed for assuming bad, but didn’t let the embarrassment sit long before standing, routing through his bag, and pulling out a sheet of paper, placing it on his desk and leaning over it. “I was going to tell everyone today, but I skipped so… well, yeah. But I managed to get us a practice game against Karasuno next Wednesday.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “What? The volleyball season is over. Why would you do that?” Iwaizumi questioned, genuinely unsure what his motive here would be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa smiled giddily at him. “There’s a few college scouts that contacted me that weren’t able to see me play this season, and they’re able to make it next week. If I can get us to win this, to win against a National level team, I’ll have my pick of scholarships.” He grinned widely, and Iwaizumi smiled back at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well, lucky for us, we have a setter that can bring out the best of all his teammates.” Oikawa felt a small wave of flush wash over him, and he felt confident, knowing that Iwaizumi had confidence in him. The spiker stood, walking over to Oikawa and pulling him in close. “We’ll win. I’m sure of it.” He assured, and Oikawa placed a kiss on his forehead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  There was a small moment of silence between the two of them, then Oikawa sighed gently. “Iwa-Chan… should we talk about what we’re gonna do when we go to college?” He asked, hesitantly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “What about it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well, there’s a good chance we’ll end up in different places, right? What’s gonna happen to us..?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi placed his hand on Oikawa’s cheek. “We applied to most of the same places. Wherever you decide to go, I’ll go too… provided I didn’t flunk the entrance exams, obviously.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa blushed slightly, and his face softened. “You’d really follow me? What about you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I’m never gonna play professionally. I don’t quite hit the needed requirements. But I can study anywhere. And studying at a school with a good volleyball team would probably help my career anyway. So, yeah, wherever gifts you a scholarship is where I’ll go too.” Oikawa smiled at him, clearly thankful for what he had just said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi didn’t stay much longer, he had only come to apologise and had ended up staying for almost four hours. It was just after nine when he finally got home. “Hajime? Is that you?” His mom called as he closed the front door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yeah, I’ve been at Oikawa’s.” He called back as he made his way into the kitchen where she was doing the dishes. He dropped his bag on the floor near the door, and picked up a dish towel to start drying the one’s on the rack.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  His mom smiled at him as he started. “So how was school?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “It was okay.” He responded, simply, glancing sideways at her as he considered what to say next. “You… know about Oikawa, right?” He asked, cautiously. He hadn’t told her yet, but she was observant, so she probably knew already. And if Oikawa had told his mom, she would definitely know.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  She smiled slightly. “Know what about Oikawa?” He knew that she just wanted him to say it, that she definitely knew about them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  But there was no harm in telling her. “We’re kinda dating…” He spoke, sheepishly, eyeing her to try and spot a reaction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I know.” She responded, as if had always been obvious. “And it’s about time, too.” He tilted his head, a little confused, and she glanced at him. “You’ve been in love with Tooru for a long time now, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “You knew?” He was genuinely surprised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  She nudged him slightly with her hip. “I’m your mother. Of course I knew.” She paused. “I had my suspicions for years, but you brought a couple of girls home over the years, so I assumed I was wrong. But then you finally came out, and I knew that everything I had suspected was true.” She clearly had more to say, but for some reason stopped there. Iwaizumi opened his mouth to ask, but before he could say anything, she continued. “I never liked Kuma.” She stated, seemingly out of the blue. “He seemed to be a placeholder. And a bad one at that. And he looked like a discount Tooru.” Iwaizumi chuckled at the comment, and that made her smile. “Have you got your results for your entrance exams yet?” She changed the subject, knowing that it was still hard for Iwaizumi to talk about Kagawa. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “No, not yet.” He answered. “But me and Oikawa both applied to the same colleges, and he’s had a couple of offers already, and there’s some scouts coming to see him next week too. So wherever he goes, I’ll be going too.” His mom hummed in acknowledgment, but didn’t comment further on it. “What?” Iwaizumi pushed, knowing that she only held her tounge when she had something unpleasant to say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  She hesitated, considering not saying anything, but eventually spoke up. “Hajime, are you sure following Tooru is the best idea?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “What’s that supposed to mean?” He didn’t want to sound so defensive, but he couldn’t help it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I’m not saying Tooru isn’t great, but should you really make a decision as important as this based on where someone else goes?” Iwaizumi didn’t respond. “Where do </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>want to go?” She asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi thought about it for a moment before answering. “I actually applied to a school in California…” He glanced at her, and she had a slight look of proud confusion on her face. “I doubt I’ll get a place. They don’t let many foreign students in, and my English isn’t great. But if I did, then that’s where I’d want to go. The course is highly rated, and the lecturer is world renowned. It’d be perfect.” He said, honestly. “But it’s just a pipe dream. And if I’m not going there, then I’d be happy going anywhere in Japan that has a good volleyball team. So following Tooru in that case would be the best plan anyway.” He smiled, contently. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  She dried her hands, then sat at the dinner table. “Well, if you get into that foreign college, then that’s where you should go.” Iwaizumi stood in silence. “Promise me you won’t make a choice that you’ll regret someday.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I promise.” He assured, picking up his bag and heading up to his room. He didn’t need to worry about this, he wasn’t going to get into that college anyway, so it didn’t matter. He was going to follow Oikawa, and Oikawa was going to be great.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. So this is contentment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sat a little awkwardly in the chair at his therapists office. This was the third week he had been here, and he was running out of ways to avoid talking about Kagawa. He hadn’t yet told her about his encounter with him the previous week. In fact, he’d barely spoken about Kagawa at all. The only time he had was in the first few minutes of his first session.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He sat there in silence as he played with his fingers. “It looks like you’re healing up nicely.” She smiled at him as he automatically reached up, prodding at the disappearing bruises on his face. “Is there anything in particular you’d like to discuss today?” She asked, clearly aware that there was something he wasn’t sharing with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Well…” He hesitated. “The date with Oikawa was okay.” He spoke, honestly. “It was a little boring at first. But we then went back to mine and… well… I thought I was ready to do more with him. Because it’s Oikawa, you know?” He sighed as he slumped back in his chair more comfortably. “But I was wrong. I ended up panicking and then I kneed him in the face.” He chuckled slightly at the memory, and Sasaki smiled with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why do you think you panicked?” A valid question from a therapist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shrugged as he glanced around the room. “I don’t know. Memories of Kagawa I guess.” He tried to act nonchalant, but it was obvious that talking about him still made Iwaizumi feel uneasy. “I just… I want to be normal again. I want to be able to do everything I once could again. You know?” He sighed, and she gave him a sympathetic look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I understand. I think the only way to get to that point again, is to discuss all your issues.” Iwaizumi sighed again, knowing she was right, but hating it anyway. “I get that it’s hard to think about. But the only way to get past all of this, is to go through it.” She put her pen and pad down on the table next to her, leaning back in her chair, as if to say to him ‘I’m here, and it’s just me’, and something about that was comforting to him. “So, tell me about Kagawa.” She suggested, and the mere mention of his name sent a small wave of panic through him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I…” He paused. “I don’t know what to say about him…” He revealed, honestly. This question made him feel uncomfortable, because if he answered what he really thought, then he’d have to say that he still believed that somewhere, deep down inside, Kagawa was a good person. And to say that, after </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything </span>
  </em>
  <span>he had done, to say that would seem naive. He didn’t even know why he still thought that. Maybe it was a combination of the look in his eyes when he realised the damage he had done to Iwaizumi in his room that night, and the fact that his voice really did sound apologetic when he called him after he had been discharged. He really had loved him at some point. And part of him still cared about him. He hated Kagawa. He hated him so much. But there was still something there, something that made Iwaizumi believe Kagawa wasn't all bad; that he had just done something that pulled that out of him. And he believed that to his core, yet he refused to tell anyone this. Because if he said this out loud, then people would think he’s crazy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Sasaki tilted her head slightly, and softened her voice even more than it already was. “Iwaizumi, whatever it is you’re not saying, can you tell me why you won’t tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He sighed as he made eye contact with her. “I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.” He chuckled slightly. “It’s not like I’d be here if I were completely sane though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You’re not crazy.” Sasaki stated, simply. “And whatever you tell me stays between us. And, I can promise you that no matter what you say, I have heard crazier.” She smiled at him, a look that he returned. “If you still aren’t ready to talk about it, that’s also fine. But it’s just you and me here, Iwaizumi. You don’t have to worry about seeming crazy with me.” That seemed to reach Iwaizumi more than anything else: the reminder that it was just them there. That he didn’t have the judgemental eyes of people he’d have to see everyday. That he could never come back if it all went South.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi took a deep breath, as if preparing himself for judgement. “I want to leave.” He said, honestly. “I applied to a university in California, and I want to go there. I want to be anywhere other than here. Because he’s here. In this town. In Japan. And if he’s where I am, then there’s a chance he’ll find me. And… I love Oikawa, I do. He means everything to me. But if there’s a chance that Kuma can find me… then there’s always that very small chance that I’ll be weak, and go back to him.” He exhaled shakily, and looked down at his hands. “I don’t want to go back to him, but there’s a sense of familiarity there - when he wasn’t being violent, I felt... safe? As stupid as that sounds. And if the option is there… I don’t know… It’s just a risk I don’t wanna take, you know? Does that make sense?” He asked, genuinely, as he glanced back up at Sasaki.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  She smiled sincerely at him, as if to show that she was glad he was finally being honest with her. “It makes perfect sense. He’s a manipulator, and the way he treated you could affect you for years to come. It’s understandable that you would want to get away from that. But running away isn’t the answer to your problems, Iwaizumi. You understand that, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m not gonna run away.” He clarified. “I’m going wherever Oikawa decides to go. I won’t get into the California University anyway, so going with Oikawa is my best option, right?” He looked at her, awaiting a confirmation that she didn’t give.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  After a small pause, she finally spoke. “I don’t think blindly following Oikawa is the best plan for you.” She responded, honestly. “In fact, it might be better for you, both mentally and emotionally, if you go to college alone. I know being alone isn’t appealing, but learning how to be independent after this type of thing is extremely important.” He frowned, clearly not fond of the idea. “I’m not here to dictate how you live your life, Iwaizumi. Whatever you decide to do is up to you. But if you do end up going to the same university as Oikawa, I highly recommend that you get your own accommodation, separate from him. You need a space that is your own. A space that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> have complete control of.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded in understanding. “That makes sense. Getting some independence might be something I start to do… I feel like I depend on Oikawa more than I should… I don’t know. I don’t want to pull away from him, but if it’d help me be my own person again, maybe I should..?” He spoke cautiously, as if he were trying not to make a mistake as he spoke to her. Sasaki stayed quiet as Iwaizumi pushed on. “I don’t know what I want anymore. For a while, I was sure all I wanted was Oikawa. In fact, for the last four years I was sure of that. But, with everything that happened with Kuma… with all that I’ve been through…” Iwaizumi ran his fingers through his hair as he paused. “I want to be with Oikawa. I want to spend my life with him. But the timing just seems… off. I love him, I always have, but is this the wrong time to start a new relationship? He said we can take it at my pace. That we can move things forward and slow things down as and when </span>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <span>need to. And he’s been perfect at showing that he means every word of that. Maybe I’m just being dramatic and overreacting? I don’t know.” He looked at her, searching for any sort of tell on her face, but was unable to find anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Sasaki leaned back comfortably in her chair, and the smile on her face made Iwaizumi feel a little better. “I think that you considering putting your relationship on pause is a good sign. It shows that you are aware of your current emotional availability, and that is progress for you. I would recommend that you have a conversation with Oikawa about how you’re feeling, and don’t do anything rash. A break may be good for you, and you </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>need to prioritise yourself here, but I know Oikawa means a lot to you, and he has been your support system - and a good one at that - so don’t make a decision without speaking to him first. Okay?” Iwaizumi nodded once in agreement. “I want you to try and do one thing this week that you think Kagawa took from you. Whether that’s allowing yourself to be more emotionally open with someone - anyone - or going somewhere that you’ve avoided up until now because of him, or even something even smaller, like wearing a tshirt that you haven’t worn since before your break up. Just one thing. And if you can’t, then you can’t - that’s fine. But as long as you try, that’s the important thing here. Can you try that?” Iwaizumi reluctantly agreed, worried about panic attacks that came with the memories of Kagawa, but putting on a tshirt or going for a walk through the park surely couldn’t be that bad. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  For the remainder of the hour, Iwaizumi continued to open up about his feelings towards Kagawa, and how angry he still was at himself. And he felt drained after he left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He walked home in the cold, trying to make himself feel more awake. He may have only been to three sessions so far, but that one was by far the most draining. Being so emotionally open and honest was hard for him to do, but once he had started, it had been impossible to stop; as if he had just opened a vault and everything had poured out. So when he finally got home, he just wanted to curl up and sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Sleep didn’t come easy, though. He was too caught up in his own thoughts to rest at all. Maybe being alone for a while was something he needed, leaving Japan seemed like something that would be good for him. But leaving Oikawa after </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’d done for him? That’d just be selfish. He couldn’t do that to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan!” Something about the way he spoke made Iwaizumi feel more comfortable. “Iwa-Chan, Karasuno will be here soon. Why aren’t you in uniform?” Iwaizumi was the only one left in the locker room, just as he had planned. He still didn’t want anyone to see his bruises. It had been a month and he still wasn’t fully healed, so the idea of being shirtless around anyone still made him feel sick. He glanced at Oikawa, jersey in hand, and the setter seemed to take the hint, nodding at him once then leaving to wait outside the door for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi joined him a few minutes later, smiling a thanks at him as he did. The two of them headed to the gym together in silence. Iwaizumi still hadn’t spoken to Oikawa about possibly being on his own for a while; he really didn’t want to hurt him. But he had promised to do something that scared him this week, and if not this then what else? “Tooru?” Iwaizumi stopped just before they entered the gym. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa smiled softly at him. “Yes, Iwa-Can?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “My therapist told me that I should try and do something that scares me this week… something that I feel like Kagawa took from me…” He hesitated, looking up at Oikawa as the setter awaited his point. “There’s this place in the park that he used to take me… that I haven’t been to since… everything. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal but I might panic if-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I would love to go with you, Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa interrupted, gripping one of Iwaizumi’s shoulders gently. “We can go tonight after the game if you’d like?” He suggested, and Iwaizumi smiled, agreeing to the suggestion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi was nervous most of the game, knowing that he wasn’t back to full strength just yet and that he certainly didn’t deserve to be in the starting lineup anymore, but he was put in anyway. But he pushed himself as hard as he could, and Oikawa avoided setting to him when he was clearly exhausted - he hated the special treatment but he was thankful for it at this point. They ended up winning in the third game by the grit of their teeth, and the look on Oikawa’s face made Iwaizumi smile. There were four scouts here to watch him play, and he definitely shone brighter in this game than he had the entire season - which was saying something as he always played brilliantly. It would be a surprise to everyone if he didn’t receive at least one offer after a match like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oikawa.” Iwaizumi called out across the court, and the setter bounded over to him, jumping into his arms in a celebratory manner. The spiker laughed at the excitement and let his hands linger on Oikawa’s hips as he touched back down on the floor. Oikawa let his hands stay connected around Iwaizumi’s neck, and landed his forehead against the shorters, not caring about who was looking anymore. They were both sweaty and out of breath, but to just be near each other - to celebrate this together; it was exactly what they needed. “Oikawa, I’m pretty sure if you stay this close much longer, I’m going to kiss you.” He smirked slightly as he whispered. “Which I’d be happy to do, but the scouts are still here. And a scandal wouldn’t help your chances of a scholarship.” With that, Oikawa pulled back and Iwaizumi let him go, watching as the setter made his way through hugging the rest of the team, not quite as intimately, but close enough to make it seem like the moment with Iwaizumi wasn’t anything special to outside eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Back in the locker room, Kindaichi tapped Iwaizumi on the shoulder gently as the spiker was distracted, routing around in his locker, putting off getting changed for as long as possible so that he could do it in private. “Iwaizumi-san?” The middle blocker made him jump slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What’s up, Kindaichi?” He asked as if he hadn’t just been scared out of his skin by the guy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Kindaichi hesitated briefly, worried that he was about to overstep a line. “Are you and Oikawa in a relationship?” Iwaizumi thought it was quite bold for him to just ask directly like that, and he respected the hell out of his bravery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Let me ask you something, Kindaichi.” Iwaizumi proceeded, nonchalantly looking back into his locker to pretend to search for something. “Would it make any difference at all to you if we were or weren’t?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Well… no.” He replied honestly. “But that moment between the two of you has made some of us wonder…” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi opened his mouth to respond, but before he had the opportunity to, the clubroom door flung open, and a grinning Oikawa was standing there. He locked eyes with Iwaizumi instantly, barged over to him, placed his hands either side of his face, and kissed him. Hard. Iwaizumi smiled as he closed his eyes and placed his hands on the setters hips, steadying himself as he kissed him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa pulled away after a few seconds, and Iwaizumi glanced to the side when Kindaichi was still standing, completely lost for words. “Does that answer your question?” He asked, almost teasingly as he chuckled to himself. Kindaichi nodded slowly and walked away, and Iwaizumi turned his attention back to Oikawa who was still holding his face. “I’m assuming that the after-match interviews went well?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “They went extremely well.” Oikawa beamed. “There’s no way that I’m not getting at least one offer after tonight. Iwa-Chan, I’m so happy.” The genuine smile on his face matched his words and it made Iwaizumi feel warm inside. Maybe this was all he needed in life - to see the one he was in love with being truly happy. He didn’t have to feel nervous with Oikawa, because he could read him like a book and when Oikawa looked like this, he was definitely happy. “Shall we go for that walk?” Oikawa asked, gently tracing his hand down to hold Iwaizumis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The spiker nodded, grabbing his bag. “Let’s go.” He hadn’t changed out of his jersey yet, but he had his jacket on, and he really just wanted to be alone with Oikawa right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa tossed the locker room keys to Hanamaki who agreed to lock up for them, and the pair left. Iwaizumi kept his hands in his pockets, and Oikawa had one arm strewn over his shoulder. It was cold and dark, but they stayed close enough to each other to share each others warmth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The park was practically empty, which made sense given the temperature. They walked through until Iwaizumi stopped at the top of a small pathway into a secluded section in the woodlands. “Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa questioned, but it seemed like Iwaizumi didn’t even hear him. “Iwa-Chan?” He pushed again, trying to cut through all the thoughts that were clearly flowing through Iwaizumi’s head, but to no avail. “Hajime?” He spoke, placing his hand on the spikers arm, and he finally looked Oikawa’s way, snapping back into reality. “Are you okay?” He asked, softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi gulped and inhaled deeply. He shook his head. “I don’t think so.” There was panic in his eyes as he looked down the pathway again. “This was one of the places he…” Iwaizumi stopped himself, not wanting to go into it again. “It’s stupid.” He shook his head as he looked at the floor. “I should be able to do this but I’m just…” He exhaled deeply. “I’m a coward.” He spoke quietly, ashamed of himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa gently held one of Iwaizumis hands, then tucked his other under Iwaizumis chin, tilting his head up so that their eyes met. “You aren’t a coward, Iwa-Chan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Then why can’t I walk down that goddamn path.” He glanced back at it and sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  There was a small silence as Oikawa thought for a moment. “Get on my back.” He spoke finally, taking a stance in front of Iwaizumi, ready to give him a piggyback.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled. “What are you talking about, Kusokawa?” He got a warm feeling inside, knowing that Oikawa was trying to help. “I’m not getting on your back.” He reasoned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa patted the back of his thighs, urging Iwaizumi to hop on. “Come on, Iwa-Chan. We don’t have all night.” He insisted, and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Iwa-Channn.” He dragged, and Iwaizumi finally gave, hopping on Oikawa’s back reluctantly. “Jeez, Iwa-Chan. How much do you weigh?” He asked as he jokingly stumbled forward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh, shut up, Shittykawa.” He laughed. “Onwards and upwards.” He said, his heart pounding as Oikawa started down the path. They moved in silence and Iwaizumi started to panic more the further they walked, burying his head into Oikawa’s neck as he tried to regain control over his breathing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Are you alright, Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa asked, clearly worried about him. “We can turn back?” Iwaizumi kept his head in Oikawa’s neck but shook it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Just keep going.” Iwaizumi insisted. “I have to get over it at some point, right?” Oikawa kept going and eventually reached a small clearing and stopped, letting Iwaizumi jump down. The spiker stayed put, looking around the area as he did. “This place doesn’t feel real.” He admitted. “Nowhere he took me feels real anymore.” He confessed out loud for the first time, and Oikawa glanced over at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The setter smiled softly. “Is that why you stayed at mine for so long after you were discharged from the hospital?” He questioned, and Iwaizumi nodded. Oikawa sat on the grass and tapped the floor next to him, indicating Iwaizumi to sit, which he did. “We need to start bringing places like this back to you, Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa clarified, placing one hand on Iwaizumi’s cheek; a touch he leaned into. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Then give me a better memory for here.” Iwaizumi requested, and Oikawa smiled, leaning in close and placing a soft kiss on Iwaizumi’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Are you okay, Iwa-Chan?” He asked cautiously as he pulled back slightly. Iwaizumi pulled him in for another kiss, leaning back as he went, pulling Oikawa down on top of him. As nervous as they both were, things got heated quickly and Oikawa’s fingers toyed with the hem of Iwaizumi’s jersey, slipping his hands underneath to palm over his abs. He felt Iwaizumi shudder against him and he paused, pulling back, giving him a concerned look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  "I'm fine, Tooru. It’s good, I want this." Iwaizumi responded to the pause. "Keep going." Oikawa nodded but instead of returning to Iwaizumi’s mouth, he trailed down, pressing kisses to his jaw and trailing down his neck, the same way he had done the last time they were intimate. Iwaizumi let out a soft moan, his hands curling in the fabric of Oikawa’s t-shirt. Slowly, Oikawa gripped the hem of Iwaizumi’s jersey and pulled it up over his head. He waited a breath, watching Iwaizumi for any signs of distress. But Iwaizumi simply smiled and in return and lifted Oikawa’s t-shirt off, leaving them both half naked, which felt weird considering they were in the middle of a clearing in their local park. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa decided to take full advantage of Iwaizumis rarely exposed skin, kissing down his chest and sternum. He swirled his tongue around Iwaizumi’s nipple and grinned when the brunette let out a strangled moan, his fingers twisting in Oikawa’s chocolate hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Wa- Wait.” Iwaizumi stuttered, and Oikawa pulled back, looking down at him. “This doesn’t feel right.” He said, honestly. “This is the wrong place.” He placed a hand on Oikawa's cheek. “I want to be with you, I do. But it has to be right.” Oikawa sighed, and hung his head, but looked back up, a gentle smile on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You took my t-shirt off.” He argued, and a panicked look made its way onto Iwaizumi’s face and he started stuttering for an explanation. “Iwa-chan, I’m joking. Honestly, it’s alright.” He handed Iwaizumi’s jersey back to him. “Put this back on. I have very good self control, but you are incredibly attractive, so do us both the favour.” Iwaizumi laughed as he pulled the shirt back over his head. “Come on.” Oikawa spoke as he stood, reaching a hand out to pull Iwaizumi up. “I’ll walk you home.” Iwaizumi smiled, taking Oikawa's hand as he was pulled up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Kiss me just one more time.” Iwaizumi insisted, and Oikawa smiled at the request, leaning in close and placing his hand on the spikers back to pull him in. He pressed his lips against Iwaizumi’s, gently, but passionately. He pulled away, remaining stood over Iwaizumi and smiling down at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Are you satisfied now, Iwaizumi Hajime?” He asked, teasingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Not even slightly.” Iwaizumi responded, honestly. “But that’ll have to do for now.” He placed his forehead against Oikawa’s chest, realising the setter was still shirtless. “Aren’t you cold?” He asked, placing a hand on Oikawa’s chest. “Ah, shit, you’re in good shape.” He commented under his breath, and Oikawa chuckled as he stepped back and pulled his tshirt back over his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa put his arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulders and the two of them headed back up the pathway. “So, Iwa-Chan likes the shape I’m in, huh?” Oikawa teased, and Iwaizumi blushed. “Guess it’s good that i’m gonna play volleyball and stay in this form.” He nudged Iwaizumi with his hip and smiled down at him. “What’s on your mind?” He asked, and Iwaizumi looked at him, confused. “You’ve been out of it since your therapy session on Saturday.” Oikawa explained. “I didn’t want to mention it because it’s good that you’re going to her; that you’re talking to someone. But I can tell that something’s been going on with you since then, so tell me what’s up? Or at least tell me what I can do to help?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi huffed out a small breath of air. “Oh. That.” He acknowledged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “So there is something then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah.” Iwaizumi sighed and combed his fingers through his hair, just like he tended to do at therapy when he was about to talk about something uncomfortable. “So you know how I applied to that University in California?” Oikawa hummed in acknowledgement. “Well… the chances of me getting in are one in a million. But I was thinking… if I did get an offer-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, if they offer you a place, you have to go.” Oikawa interrupted. “It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. It would be stupid if you passed it up.” He smiled at the spiker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi wasn’t sure how he felt about that reaction. “I- really?” He asked, genuinely unsure if the setter was being sarcastic or not. “You’d actually want me to leave?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa huffed out a small breath. “No.” He clarified. “It’s not that I’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> you to leave me, Iwa-Chan. I never want to be apart from you.” He confirmed, and Iwaizumi felt a little better hearing that. “But if you got the opportunity to go... I want you to have everything, Hajime. If you get accepted, we’ll make it work.” He smiled as he gently linked his fingers with Iwaizumi’s. “We’d make it work.” His confidence in that made Iwaizumi smile. He knew he shouldn’t have worried about what Oikawa might say, of course he was going to support him. All of this just reminded him once again that the fact they looked alike meant nothing. Oikawa was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> Kagawa. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  They reached Iwaizumi’s place, and Iwaizumi pushed himself into a tight hug. “My mom’s going away again this weekend.” He spoke softly. “My aunt is having a difficult time so she’s going to visit her since dad can’t.” Iwaizumi felt a warmth flow through him as Oikawa nuzzled his face into Iwaizumi’s hair. “Do you wanna do a movie night?” He asked, the same way he had a thousand times before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Always.” Oikawa smiled into his hair and inhaled deeply. “I love you.” He spoke softly as he planted a kiss on top of the spikers head. Iwaizumi pulled back, smiling up at him. “Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?” Oikawa asked, already knowing there was, but not wanting to say that directly on the off chance he scared him off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi thought back for a moment, considering what he had said about pulling away, about not knowing what he wanted, and he realised that tonight was what he wanted. He wanted to feel the way Oikawa made him feel every day. He smiled at him. “No. Nothing else.” He confirmed. “And I love you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa placed a lingering kiss on Iwaizumi’s forehead as a goodbye, and Iwaizumi watched him walk away, smiling at the simple thought of Oikawa. </span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>So this is contentment.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Acceptance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He couldn’t tell Oikawa - he wouldn’t understand.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  The following two months went by slowly. The letter that was awaiting Iwaizumi when he got home after his twelth therapy session was one he had been waiting for for a while now. It was an A5, card backed, manilla envelope with a ‘UCLA’ stamp pressed into the top left corner. He stared at it for a few moments, then placed it on the coffee table with the rest of the mail, leaving it unopened. He was too terrified to see the contents. It was very likely a rejection letter, and that news could wait.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  His mom was gone again this week - she was gone more weekends than she was home these days, so Iwaizumi had a quick shower, then sent Oikawa a text.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;I’m home alone. You can join me whenever you’re ready.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;I’ll be over soon :)</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi didn’t see the response, he got distracted by a glimpse of himself in his bedroom mirror. He actually looked… good. He looked the way he used to, before everything. The evidence that he had been abused was practically gone, other than the large scar on his abdomen from his operation, but even that had healed over surprisingly well. He never imagined that he would ever look at his body again and not feel sick, but now he didn’t. He was in good form. He had regained the muscle mass that he had lost, and all his bruises were gone. The only trace of Kagawa left was the mental impact he had made, and that was slowly being dissolved by Iwaizumis consistent therapy sessions and Oikawa’s support.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa let himself in, heading up to Iwaizumis room to find the spiker staring at himself. “Iwa-Chan?” He asked softly, and Iwaizumi turned to him and smiled. “Everything okay?” He asked cautiously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumis smile grew as he glanced back at the mirror. “I don’t feel nauseous looking at myself anymore.” He confirmed, sounding a little proud of himself. “I feel like me again.” He glanced back at the setter who was taking the opportunity to fully check him out. “I finally feel like myself again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I’m so happy to hear that.” Oikawa beamed. “You look healthier. You look good.” He confirmed, and Iwaizumi smiled, walking closer to the setter and placing his hands on Oikawa’s hips. Oikawa placed his arms on Iwaizumi’s shoulders, and linked his fingers loosely behind his head. “You know, if someone told me a year ago that Iwa-Chan was going to be my </span>
  <em>
    <span>boyfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I never would have believed them.” He smirked, and Iwaizumi pulled him in closer, tilting his head up slightly to capture Oikawa’s lips with his own. The setter smiled a little wider when he pulled back. “So I have some news.” He spoke a little nervously, and Iwaizumi let go in favour of pulling a tshirt on. “I got an offer…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The spikers face lit up at the sound of that, and he launched forward into a hug. “Tooru, that’s amazing!” He beamed. “Which college is it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa hesitated a little, then sighed before responding. “Well… that’s the thing…” he began to explain as he pulled away just enough that he could look down at Iwaizumi. “It’s not a scholarship offer.” He clarified, and Iwaizumi cocked his head in confusion. “Iwa-Chan… it’s an offer to play…” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled widely, and his chest swelled with pride for Oikawa. “Tooru, that’s amazing! We should celebrate! What team?” He asked as he turned to grab his phone off his bed, likely to order pizza or something.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “San Juan…” Oikawa spoke quietly, and Iwaizumi looked up at him, slightly confused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “San Juan..?” He questioned. “As in… the Argentinian team?” Oikawa nodded, his lips pressing into a line.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yeah…” He hesitated, gripping his own arm as he looked at the floor. “I don’t have to go.” He clarified. “I know we had a plan, and I got some scholarship offers here in Japan. I can go to one of them…” He smiled a little awkwardly at the spiker.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sighed, and a wave of disappointment washed over Oikawa. “Tooru… you want to go, don’t you?” He asked, pain in his voice. Oikawa nooded, sheepishly. “I… got a letter from that college in California…” Iwaizumi said in an almost unreadable tone. He glanced back up at the setter. “I haven’t opened it yet. Because, if I leave it unopened, then it’s still achievable.” He huffed out a chuckle at the lack of faith in himself. “I know I should open it, why delay the inevitable right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa stepped forward and grabbed Iwaizumi’s hand. “Where’s the letter?” He asked softly. “You can open it, and then we can decide together what we’ll do, yeah?” Iwaizumi smiled and nodded in agreement. He liked that idea, deciding together. Oikawa had always been adamant that if Iwaizumi got into this college, he should absolutely go, and Iwaizumi knew that it’d be selfish for him to ask Oikawa to stay if he didn’t get in. But it was different if he was the one stuck alone in Japan, right? Because if he was alone in Japan, Kagawa might show up, and then he’d be screwed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The two of them headed to the living room, and Iwaizumi picked up the letter. Inhaling deeply as he forced himself to open it, Oikawa staring at him eagerly. “Dear Hajime,” He began, his nerves shaking. “Congratulations. It is our great pleasure to offer you admission to UCLA beginning Fall 20XX. You have been admitted to the UCLA College of Letters and Science with Sports Science as your academic major…” He trailed off as he glanced up at Oikawa, who was grinning at him. “I… got in…” He said in disbelief. “I actually got in…” He smiled, then looked confused, then smiled again, laughing a little at himself for being so nervous. “Tooru, I got in.” He beamed as he leaped into Oikawa's arms and kissed him deeply and passionately. The setter smiled into the kiss, happy that Iwaizumi got what he wanted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well, congratulations Hajime.” He whispered against the shorters lips as he placed him back on the floor and pulled back slightly. “So… is this what we’re doing?” Oikawa asked. “You’re going to America, and I’m going to Argentina?” His tone was filled with excitement and nerves at the same time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “It seems like it is.” Iwaizumi confirmed, smiling contently. “I’m gonna miss you though…” he confessed, and Oikawa pulled him into a close embrace, nuzzling his face into the shorters hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa inhaled deeply as Iwaizumi hugged him back. “I’m gonna miss you too. But we still have a couple months before either of us leave, so let’s make the most of it, yeah?” Iwaizumi nodded, squeezing just a little tighter, just enough for Oikawa to notice. “Are they all gonna call you Hajime over there?” He asked, curiously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi pondered for a second. “I think so. I think it’s customary there to be called by your given name over your family name.” He explained. “But I also think I can give a preferred name, so I can ask people to call me Iwaizumi instead.” He confirmed. “It’s gonna be weird speaking English all the time.” Oikawa chuckled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I’ll have to speak spanish all the time.” Oikawa argued, comparing the struggle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Spanish is the language of </span>
  <em>
    <span>lovvveee</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Iwaizumi grinned up at him. “Being bilingual would help us both though. Both now and in future.” He confirmed and Oikawa nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The two of them enjoyed their movie night, as usual, but instead of ordering in, Iwaizumi decided he wanted to cook instead. “When we’re away, we won't have money to waste - with bills and everything. So I may as well teach you how to cook a good tomato sauce for pasta.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Come on, Iwa-Chan. You know I can’t cook.” Oikawa chuckled as Iwaizumi smiled, lifting a small spoonful of the sauce to the setters lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  "I know. That’s why I said I'll teach you," he repeated, and Oikawa grinned at Iwaizumi once before closing his lips around the wooden spoon, probably not intending to make Iwaizumi twitch, but smiling when he realised he had, staring at Iwaizumi the whole time as the spiker watched his lips - as if he wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Then to Oikawa’s surprise, Iwaizumi dropped the spoon on the counter and leaned in, kissing him deeply. They stood there, gently kissing over the stove for several minutes, Iwaizumi dipped in and tasted the marinara on the setters tongue, but Oikawa restrained himself, not taking it too far. He knew if this were anyone else, or if Iwaizumi’s history wasn’t as… hectic as it was, he would have torn his clothes off by now, but this was Iwaizumi. So he instead settled on sliding his hand to the back of the shorters head and carded his fingers through the surprisingly soft, thick hair, and enjoyed the kiss, being sure not to push things too far.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “We should eat.” Iwaizumi said when he eventually pulled himself back. “It’ll get cold if we don’t.” Iwaizumi plated up their food, and the pair then carried their food to the living room, sitting on the couch and balancing their plates on their laps, watching some really crappy horror movie that Oikawa insisted they see. For some reason, he loved horror - books, movies, games, anything. It was something that people were usually surprised to learn about him, but to Iwaizumi it just made sense. But this movie? It was bad. So bad that they found it more entertaining to chat throughout the whole thing, and they talked about all sorts of random topics, just like they did every time they hung out. Oikawa noticed a long time ago that no matter how many times he hung out with Iwaizumi, everything they spoke about suddenly seemed like the most interesting conversation he had ever had. Even if they were just talking about the results of their exams, or how Iwaizumi really hated feet (as Oikawa poked at his face with is toes), or anything else small and stupid, it was always the most intriguing conversation, because everything Iwaizumi said in that deep voice of his was the most stupefying thing Oikawa had ever heard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  They headed up to bed not too long later - it was starting to get late and they were both a little tired. Iwaizumi stripped down to his boxers fairly quickly, and Oikawa noticed how he didn’t hesitate the same way he had done previously. And he didn’t rush to cover himself with the duvet either. Oikawa allowed his eyes to wander over Iwaizumi from head to toe before he smiled and huffed. Why did he suddenly feel so nervous? He reached for his own belt, quickly flicking it open and undoing his pants, letting them pool at his feet as Iwaizumi flipped off the light in the room. The room was dark with the light off, but the moon was shining in through the window, giving the bed a dim silver glow. Something about this felt like more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa crawled onto the mattress, pulling the blankets down, and lying on his side in the middle of the bed, waiting for Iwaizumi to lie down so that he could cuddle into the back of him. He looked up when Iwaizumi stepped up next to the bed and climbed on, but to Oikawa’s shock, Iwa didn’t just settle on his side. Instead, he climbed on top of the setter, straddling his lap and leaning down, capturing his lips suddenly. Oikawa pulled in a sharp breath of surprise, his head forced back into the pillows piled up at the head of his bed. He could say with certainty that he was not expecting Iwaizumi to just up and kiss him like that. Even so, he couldn’t help but immediately kiss him back, because every time Iwaizumi’s lips touched his, it was even more intoxicating than anything Oikawa had ever drank. His hands came up and settled on Iwa’s sides, Oikawa’s back was propped up by the mountain of pillows as Iwaizumi sat on his lap. Iwa’s hands cradled either side of Oikawa’s face, and his thumb brushed the setter's sharp jaw as he kissed him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s heart very abruptly started hammering, because this was different from how they usually kissed. The last time they kissed this deeply, Iwaizumi ended up kneeing Oikawa in the face. Now, they were both ready, and Iwaizumi made the conscious decision to climb on top of Oikawa to kiss him. This still baffled Oikawa, that Iwaizumi was even ready to do anything after everything Kagawa had done. But he was not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was just going to enjoy it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He had no idea how long they kissed like this. It felt like hours, days. He always seemed to lose track of time when he kissed Iwaizumi. His mind constantly wandered back to his idea of happiness. This was definitely up there, kissing Iwaizumi like this. He could do this for years and he would never tire of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi rolled his hips forward, and Oikawa pulled his face back from Iwaizumi’s. “Iwa-Chan, are you trying to seduce me?” He teased, and Iwaizumi hummed as he started kissing down Oikawa’s neck, pulling a groan from the setter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Tooru…” Iwaizumi breathed out as he pulled back. “Do you… still want this?” Iwaizumi asked, cautiously. “With me, I mean?” Oikawa couldn’t understand why Iwaizumi was so insecure at this point. Surely the fact that Oikawa was here was an obvious sign that he wanted this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Stupid Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa commented, rolling his eyes. “Would I really be here if I didn’t want to be?” He had that sparkle of determination in his eyes, and I made Iwa's heart almost skip a beat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled at him. “Well it’s your birthday in a few weeks. What do you say we do something then?” He suggested, still placing kisses down his neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa grinned back. “Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?” He always hated his birthday - it was full of people who acted like they knew him, wishing him a good day and asking about how good his gift grab was each year; if all his wishes came true - but Iwaizumi always made it better, even when they were kids. He didn’t ever act like he was trying to make things better, but he always got him the best gifts, and pulled him away from all the ‘fangirls’ whenever he found himself cornered by them. He knew Oikawa hated his birthday, so he always did his best to make the day feel a little less shitty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well, we could go for dinner somewhere nice; somewhere in the city maybe? And then… i don’t know… maybe we could stay at a nice hotel? If we go to the city that is.” He rolled off Oikawa and lay next to him instead. “What do you think of that?” He asked, a little nervously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I think that sounds wonderful, Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa responded, honestly. “But I didn’t do all this for you this year…” He sounded guilty, and Iwaizumi chuckled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “If I wanted something more than what we did, I would have asked for it, Tooru.” He pointed out, and the setter smiled. “Besides, there’s a reason I wanna do </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>that day.” He smiled at Oikawa, who raised an eyebrow, expectantly awaiting an explanation. “I mean, we’ll both technically be ‘of age’ then, right? Not that that’s been an issue for either of us before now.” He began to clarify. “But I think I’m finally ready. For real this time.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa leaned up on one side, looking down at the spiker, slightly shocked. “Really?” He asked, trying to mask the excitement he felt. “You don’t feel like it’s still too soon?” He questioned, concerned for Iwaizumi’s wellbeing more than anything else. “I mean, it’s only been three months since you were last with… </span>
  <em>
    <span>him.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Iwaizumi frowned at the indirect mention of Kagawa.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I’m sure.” He confirmed. “It will have been four months by the time your birthday rolls around, and I’m finally feeling like myself again, you know?” He smiled softly at the setter. “I’ve been talking about you in therapy a lot.” He finally revealed. Oikawa was surprised to hear Iwaizumi speaking about his sessions - he never had before now, and this actually made Oikawa believe that Iwaizumi was getting better mentally and emotionally, more than anything else had so far. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “All good I hope.” Oikawa smiled back at him, leaning down to place a lingering kiss on his forehead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The spiker found himself letting out a soft hum as Oikawa’s lips pressed against his head. “She thinks that you’re good for me.” He commented. “That you’ve been a great support system for me throughout all of this.” Oikawa smiled at the idea of that being said about him. “She also convinced me to talk to you about California.” Iwaizumi smiled. “I was so scared to tell you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s smile sank, only slightly but Iwaizumi caught it. “Why?” He asked, softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi suddenly felt his heart rate pick up, and he exhaled shakily. “Because that was the thing… that night I first came to you…” He paused, clearly still uncomfortable discussing that night, and Oikawa pulled him in close, burying his nose into Iwaizumi’s hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “You don’t have to talk about it with me if you don’t want to.” He spoke with care. “I’m here for you no matter what. You don’t have to say anything that makes you uncomfortable.” Time and time again, Oikawa did things like this. Made comments and small actions that made Iwaizumi feel more secure in a relationship than he thought he ever could feel again. And it was pleasant. Every moment with Oikawa was pleasant. “I love you, Hajime.” His voice sounded a little sleepy, and Iwaizumi smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s breathing evened out and slowed as he held Iwaizumi closely. For some reason, he always felt sleepy in this position. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, was awake just a little while longer. Long enough for Oikawa to start snoring and roll away. The spiker sat up on the edge of the bed, just focusing on his breathing. For some reason, he felt overwhelmed; panicked. The times that this feeling came along were ridiculous. There was no reason to feel like this, and still he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  It felt cruel to wake Oikawa here, after all there wouldn’t be much he could do for him. Iwaizumi headed downstairs and got himself a glass of water. “Pull yourself together, dumbass.” He exhaled deeply. He needed some air.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa’s jumper on over his head and stepped outside, inhaling deeply. He felt relieved as the cold air filled his lungs. The frequency of his panic attacks was decreasing for sure, but he wasn’t even sure what triggered them anymore. He would be fine one minute, then overwhelmed the next. As he stood in the garden, he pulled his phone out his pocket. It wasn’t that late, only 11:30, and he needed to talk to </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Oikawa was fast asleep, so he was out of the question. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He finally clicked dial, and held the phone up to his ear. “Please pick up.” He muttered to himself as the phone rang.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Iwaizumi?” The voice at the other end spoke, and a wave of relief washed over the spiker as he started walking; unaware of where he was going, but going anyway. “Is everything okay?” He sounded concerned, it was sweet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yeah.” Iwaizumi finally breathed out. “I just needed to walk, and Tooru’s asleep.” He paused for a moment. “I didn’t want to be alone.” He spoke quietly. “I’m sorry if I disturbed you. I- I only have you three, and last time I called Mattsun this late he got all pissed off and grouchy.” He explained. “I’m not going far, I needed some air, and the backyard wasn’t enough.” He sighed lightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “It’s alright.” Makki huffed a chuckle down the phone. He sounded like he was trying to be quiet, like he wasn’t alone. “I can talk while you go for your walk.” Iwaizumi could sense his smile. “So what happened? Why do you need air at eleven thirty at night?” He asked, clearly concerned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shrugged, realising Makki couldn’t see him. “I panicked. I don’t know why though.” He began. “I was with Tooru, and he fell asleep. Then my body just fell into panic mode and I don’t even know what caused it.” He sighed. “How am I supposed to stop them if I don’t know what starts them?” He asked, unsure if he was being rhetorical or not.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well…” Makki started. “What were you talking about before Oikawa fell asleep?” He inquired.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He thought about it for a few moments, “Therapy.” He stated simply. “Why I was scared to tell him about California. All that crap.” He huffed out a chuckle. “It’s really stupid. No matter how hard I try to get rid of him, to get him out of my mind, he always comes back at the worst possible times.” He groaned, frustratedly. “I hate it so much… it’s just…” He stopped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>  Makki felt a wave of uncertainty at how fast Iwaizumi had frozen. “Iwaizumi?” He asked, no response. He shot up, and Matsukawa stirred next to him. “Iwaizumi? Are you there?” He seemed more panicked now, and the disconnected tone sounded in his ear. He shook Matsukawa awake as he tried to call Iwaizumi back. “Issei.” He spoke firmly. “Call Oikawa. Now.” He demanded, Matsukawa rubbed his eye and picked up his phone, dialing the setter without question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Pick up, you fucking idiot!” Makki shouted into his ringing phone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa answered the phone to Matsukawa, clearly still half asleep. “Hello?” His words slurred, he clearly wasn’t in an active state of mind, and he probably hadn’t even got his barings yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Hanamaki snatched the phone off Matsukawa. “Oikawa get your ass up and get a jacket on right now.” He handed his phone to Matsukawa, urging him to keep trying Iwaizumi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “What? Why?” Oikawa asked, and he clearly still wasn’t moving.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I was on the phone to Iwaizumi. He went for a walk, and hung up suddenly.” He explained, quickly. “His phone is still on, so it didn’t run out of battery. You need to go find him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “He’s not answering, Hiro.” Matsukawa said, seemingly calm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well keep trying.” The wing spiker insisted. “Oikawa can you go and look for him? I was only on the phone with him for a couple minutes so he can’t have gone far.” Oikawa moved quickly, as if his brain had just snapped into action. “Can you stay on the phone while you look?” Hanamaki requested, and Oikawa hummed an agreement as he bolted out the front door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Matsukawa kept his same cool-headed demeanor as he continued to try for Iwaizumi, and it kept Hanamaki from losing it completely. “Did he give any indication of where he was headed?” Oikawa asked, clearly running frantically to search for Iwaizumi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “No.” Makki’s voice sounded worried. “He was already outside when I picked up, but he can’t have go-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan!” Oikawa shouted, interrupting him. “I found him.” Oikawa confirmed, breathing a sigh of relief. “I’ll text you later.” The setter confirmed and hung up before Hanamaki could respond.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Hanamaki exhaled deeply, placing his hand over his heart as he tried to will himself to relax. Matsukawa’s arms wrapped around his waist, and he kissed his shoulder, comfortingly. “It’s okay, Hiro.” He spoke sleepily. “He found him. It’s okay.” He repeated as he pulled Hanamaki down with him so the two were lying together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I’m gonna kick his ass for scaring me like that, I swear to god.” Hanamaki huffed out a breath, and Matsukawa chuckled slightly as he nuzzled into the back of the shorter, holding onto him tightly, and Hanamaki began to feel calm at last.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “You smell nice.” Matsukawa commented, and Hanamaki hummed contently as he closed his eyes, sinking into the mattress as he fell asleep.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>  “What were you even thinking, Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa asked, slightly annoyed as they re-entered the warm house. “Why didn’t you wake me? I would have come with you!” Iwaizumi felt guilty for worrying everyone. He hadn’t intended to, he just wanted air. But seeing Kagawa walking past with someone new? And the look on the guy's face when he locked eyes with Iwaizumi for the few seconds he had, then ignoring him completely? It broke him in ways that he hadn’t expected. It was as if he had already gotten past all of it, and even though Iwaizumi would prefer his world completely Kagawa free, to be dismissed that quickly by someone who had left a permanent mark on his psyche was… difficult to handle. “And you still haven’t explained why you hung up on Makki like that? Iwa-Chan, you had us all worried!” He couldn’t tell Oikawa - he wouldn’t understand. Instead he just shrugged as he headed up the stairs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa called out behind him, urging him to stop. “Oikawa.” Iwaizumi spoke finally as he reached the top of the stairs. “Just leave it.” He insisted, not turning back as he didn’t want Oikawa to see the look on his face. “Please. Just let it go.” He almost begged. He didn’t give the setter time to respond before he walked into his room, leaving Oikawa downstairs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi curled up under the duvet, face right up against the wall and eyes squeezed shut. He listened to Oikawa come upstairs, and stayed as still as he could as he felt the setter look at him from the doorway. “Iwa-Chan… what happened?” He asked cautiously. “You know you can tell me anything, right?” He sat on the edge of the bed, not touching Iwaizumi, but remaining close to him. “I don’t know what happened, but whatever it was has clearly affected you. So just talk to me? At least tell me what I can do to help you?” He questioned softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The spiker sighed as he curled in more on himself, his eyes burning from how tightly he was keeping them. “Can you…” He took in a shaky breath. “Can you just hold me please?” Oikawa’s heart broke at the pleading in Iwaizumi’s voice and he climbed under the covers behind him, curling in behind the shorter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I’ve got you.” He whispered softly into the spikers ear. “I promise, I’ve always got you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa stayed awake, carding his fingers through Iwaizumi’s hair until he heard his breathing even out gently. After he knew Iwaizumi was asleep, he finally let himself relax, falling asleep behind him. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. There by request</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>**NSFW warning for this chapter**</p><p>fucking FINALLY</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi woke up alone with a cold breeze running down his back. He still felt like shit. He didn’t think that seeing Kagawa with someone else would have affected him this much, after all he had first kissed Oikawa before he’d even properly broken up with the guy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It was strange, the feeling that was washing over him.  The way Kagawa had locked eyes with him, then continued on as if he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It hurt. He’d never be able to ignore Kagawa like that, the guy was embedded into him. He clearly didn’t mean as much to him as he had let on. Iwaizumi chuckled as he thought that - of course Kagawa never loved him; he just wanted him for sex. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Good morning, sunshine.” Iwaizumi rolled over and smiled at the setter standing in the doorway. “I made pancakes.” He beamed, and Iwaizumi rolled himself up, sitting on the edge of the bed. As he stretched sleepily, Oikawa couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering to the still fresh scar on the spikers abdomen. It was still pink, but it was looking better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi padded over to Oikawa and wrapped his arms around him, nuzzling his face into his neck as he forced himself into a hug that the setter fully embraced. “I’m sorry about last night.” Iwaizumi said softly, and he placed a few gentle kisses on the side of Oikawa’s neck. “I didn’t mean to worry you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa hummed softly as he leaned his head away, stretching his neck so there was more skin for Iwaizumi to kiss. “It’s okay, Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa confirmed. “As long as you’re okay.” He smiled sleepily, enjoying the lazy morning kisses that were being placed up his neck and to his cheek. Oikawa turned his head and placed his lips over Iwaizumi’s, breathing him in deeply as he appreciated the soft touch of his lips and the warm feeling of his breath on his cheek. Oikawa pulled back, and smiled at the spiker. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” He asked, wanting Iwaizumi to open up, but not wanting to push him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The shorter pulled back, and smiled insincerely. “Pancakes?” He asked, changing the subject slightly. Oikawa nodded and silently led the way, serving up a plate of American style pancakes as Iwaizumi took a seat at the table. The two of them tucked in, eating in comfortable silence. As Iwaizumi got to his last few bites, he let out an exasperated sigh. “I saw him last night.” He spoke, finally, and Oikawa’s eyes snapped onto Iwaizumi’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What?” There was an anger in his tone directed at the idea of Kagawa, not at Iwaizumi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I saw him.” Iwaizumi repeated, exhaling shakily. “He was with some girl. He had his arm around her waist, and he looked… happy…” He looked at his fork as he played with his food. Oikawa remained quiet, waiting patiently for Iwaizumi to continue. “I locked eyes with him. We held eye contact, and then he ignored me.” He huffed out a chuckle. “He completely ignored me. Not even a glare. Nothing. He just pretended I wasn’t even there.” He glanced up and met Oikawa’s eyes, and he slowly felt his tears building. “I don’t understand how he can be fine… how he can be over it already?” He paused, then slammed his hands on the table and raised his voice. “How is it fair that he’s fine? That he’s over it. That I’m not even on his mind anymore?” Oikawa sat in slight shock as tears began to fall down Iwaizumi’s face. “How come he’s okay, when I’m still such a mess?” His voice was softer again, more fragile. “It’s not fair. He was the asshole. He was the one that did all that shit, it was all him. How the fuck can he be okay after destroying me like that, and I’m left in this stupid fucking disaster state I’m in?” He wiped his face with his arm and sniffed, then looked back down at the table, slightly embarrassed. “Sorry.” He apologised quietly. “I don’t mean to sound like I wish he still wanted me… I want him out of my life. I just-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You wish it was him that was left with the need for therapy, and the scars, and all the crap he left you with?” Oikawa interrupted, and Iwaizumi glanced up and nodded at him. “It’s okay, Iwa-Chan.” He reached out and held one of the setters hands in his own. “It’s not fair, I know. But you have your friends and family on your side. We’ve got you.” Iwaizumi smiled - a fake smile, but a polite one. “It sucks. But thank you for telling me.” Oikawa smiled back at him, slightly sympathetically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shrugged. “I just… I want to be better. I want to not panic whenever you touch me. I don’t want to have flashbacks to him when I’m with you. I don’t want to look down and see a fucking disgusting scar that I have because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It’s not disgu-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It’s a constant reminder of him. It doesn’t matter what I do, I’ll have that scar for the rest of my life.” He sighed as he stood, picking up his and Oikawa’s plate to clean. “It was never supposed to be like this.” He spoke quietly, almost too quiet for Oikawa to hear. “I was never supposed to be weak…” He glanced back at Oikawa. “Why did I let him make me weak?” The tone in his voice almost made the setter cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa stood, and walked over to him, wrapping his arms around the spiker comfortingly. Iwaizumi held onto Oikawa as if his life depended on it. They stood there for a while, and Oikawa could feel his shirt slowly getting damper. “Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa spoke after a long silence, “Can we go and sit down?” He felt Iwaizumi nod, and the pair moved towards the couch in the lounge. Oikawa sat first, and Iwaizumi immediately cuddled into him, hiding his face from the setter - it was obvious he was crying, and Oikawa respected that he didn’t want to show him his face at this point, so he held him in the position Iwaizumi was comfortable in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi eventually lifted his head up, and he placed his forehead against Oikawa’s, then spoke with a voice barely above a whisper, “Will you stay with me?” Oikawa’s breath hitched slightly, as if he had been waiting for that question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “As long as you want.” Oikawa confirmed, and Iwaizumi smiled. It was small, but it was genuine, and the sight warmed Oikawa’s heart. He placed his hand on Iwaizumi’s cheek, and, cautiously, he slanted their mouths together, Iwaizumi’s free hand tangling into the fabric of Oikawa’s t-shirt. The kiss was a desperate one, and it quickly became heated. As he pulled back for air, he slid from his seat and into Oikawa’s lap in one fell swoop, his hands sliding against Oikawa’s surprisingly sharp jaw and pulling their mouths back together. Oikawa grabbed a blanket off the side of the couch, and pulled it over Iwaizumi’s shoulders. His fingers were cold but they felt good, a grip that said ‘don’t let me go’ with the type of desperation that didn’t seem overly clingy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi tilted his head and bit down softly on Oikawa’s bottom lip, then slid his tongue across as an apology and a request for permission. Oikawa accepted both by dropping his jaw. Oikawa tasted good. He tasted like pancakes, but his usual taste was underlying - that fresh, somehow citrusy flavour. “Oikawa,” Iwaizumi whispered, his voice felt like silk on Oikawa’s skin, and it drew a small, almost desperate whimper out of him. Oikawa slid a little further down in his seat - enough so that he could lean his head back on the rear of the sofa - and his hands ran up along the shorter’s thighs, thumbs slowly massaging their way up to his hips. As Oikawa’s hands carefully moved onto his skin, Iwaizumi’s mouth curved upwards, embracing the warm and rough touch of the setter’s calloused fingers. His mind clouded as Oikawa’s lips parted from his and he began to leave open mouthed kisses across his jaw and down his neck. Iwaizumi’s hands finally shifted from his jaw to over Oikawa’s shoulders, his fingers tangling gently in his hair, letting out a gentle moan when the combination of hot breath and cold air left a pleasant sensation on his skin. After a short while longer, he pulled Oikawa away from his neck and back to kiss his red lips, moaning into his mouth when the setters hips rolled up slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa tipped his head back, away from Iwaizumi, his lungs heaving for air. He took a good look at his boyfriend, disheveled and riddled in red, his eyes were blown and his lips were slightly swollen, and he looked at Oikawa with a hunger that the setter hadn’t seen from him before now. Slowly, Oikawa slid one hand down from Iwaizumi’s back to his waist. He glanced back up at Iwaizumi, something that showed interest as he gauged the spiker’s expression, lowering his second hand and dancing around the seam of the black sweats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi didn’t do much other than smirk and watch Oikawa’s fingers intently as they started fiddling with the strings of his sweatpants. His eyes flickered from Oikawa’s hands to his eyes, watching the warm chocolate look back at him, filled with questions… well… one specific question. Iwaizumi answered it in one fell swoop, as he raised his hips from Oikawa’s thighs and shifted forward, slanting his mouth on Oikawa’s and pushing his hips further into his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oikawa,” Iwaizumi spoke again, pulling back far enough to admire Oikawa, his shirt riding up a little, hair tousled even more so than it had already been, and one lip snagged between teeth, clearly displaying his lust. “Shall we… take this upstairs?” The grin that wrote itself across Oikawa’s face gave the answer. He pushed them both to their feet and tugged Iwaizumi up the stairs and into his room, sliding the door shut behind them. The moment Oikawa spun around from the door, Iwaizumi already pushed him back against it, his lips and teeth returning to the spot he had previously latched on to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The pair stumbled back towards the bed, both of them tearing their own t-shirts off whilst staying as close to one another as possible. Iwaizumi’s knees hit the bed, and he fell backwards in a familiar way he had done previously, Oikawa instantly leaning over him, kissing him intensely; hungrily, as his hands traced their way over Iwaizumi once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  An unfamiliar and involuntarily noise leapt out of Iwaizumi’s throat when Oikawa’s thumbs found their place rolling across his nipples, sparking pleasure and peaking them almost instantly. “You’re more sensitive today than last time...” Oikawa grinned, rolling his thumbs once again, as he enjoyed the sounds he was pulling from Iwaizumi, alongside the way he was fidgeting with pleasure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Tooru,” His name came out as almost a whine as Iwaizumi rutted his hips upwards, the movement making the tent in his pants unmissable. One of Oikawa's eyebrows quirked up and his lips pulled into a smirk when he noticed the bulge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What do you want, Iwa-Chan?” The setter teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He held still, chewing on his bottom lip in eager anticipation. All of Iwaizumi is right in front of him, clearly just as excited as he is. And all Oikawa wants to hear is him asking. The brunet leant back down and kissed Iwaizumi slowly, thumbing across hip bones as he rolled his sweats down for a better feel. He drew yet another moan right out of Iwaizumi's throat, raw, but expected when he rutted their hips together. “Stop teasing me, Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi managed to grunt out, and Oikawa let out a chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa pressed a kiss beneath Iwaizumi’s eye, then on his jaw, then his neck. Oikawa worked his way down Iwaizumi gently. Iwaizumi’s hand remained on his stomach, hiding the scar that he hated. Oikawa’s eyes flicked up, meeting Iwaizumi’s as he placed his hand over his. He gently pulled the spikers hand away, keeping his eyes fixed on his. Then he placed a soft kiss on the pink flesh. Once. Twice. Three times. Iwaizumi’s breathing was shaky when Oikawa pulled back. “Sit up for me, yeah?” Iwaizumi nodded, and he lifted his hips to let Oikawa tug him out of his pants. He then scooted back to the headboard, his hips twitching as Oikawa left him for a moment. “Is it all still in the same drawer?” Iwaizumi gave him a nod, and Oikawa grabbed the bottle from the bedside drawer. “Do you want to use condoms? It’s up to you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi thought for a moment, then shook his head. “No. It’s okay. I…” He hesitated, then glanced away, blushing slightly, then mumbled, “I wanna feel all of you.” Oikawa grinned, then moved back over to him, parting Iwaizumi by the knees, folding his legs over his lap and tucking himself closely against the back of Iwaizumi's thighs. Oikawa glanced down, seeing Iwaizumi’s cock lying heavily against the flat of his stomach, and he glided his tongue across his bottom lip, reaching forward and wrapping his fingers around the base of his shaft. “Iwa-Chan, are you really this excited already?” He teased as he watched Iwaizumi's cock twitch beneath his hand from just the touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It’s your fault.” Iwaizumi spoke through gritted teeth, trying to stifle his urge to moan at the touch. “So take responsibility.” Oikawa nodded at the request, and started slowly, pumping from base to tip, swirling his thumb over the head as he reached the top. He'd done this enough to himself to know what felt good. Iwaizumi keened when Oikawa twisted his wrist, and threw his head back against the headboard with a loud clunk sound. “Shit- Oika-'' Iwaizumi gasped out. “Fah- faster.” He could feel it building in the lowest part of his abdomen, a feeling that grew hotter and wilder as Oikawa’s hand moved faster. Oikawa grinned as an idea formed in his mind, and Iwaizumi let out a deep and desperate groan when the setter’s hand stopped, holding off his orgasm by gripping around the base. “Shittyka-hah- I’m gon- kill yuh-” Iwaizumi attempted to rock against his hand, but Oikawa remained unyielding. He leaned forward and licked into Iwaizumi’s mouth, drawing out another whine as his free thumb stimulated Iwaizumi’s cock head. “You’re sadistic.” Iwaizumi managed through his teeth, and Oikawa continued to feel overly proud of how easily he had made Iwaizumi come undone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Tell me, Hajime,” Oikawa whispered softly, ceasing all movement again in order to watch Iwaizumi fall back against the headboard and catch his breath. Iwaizumi’s eyes were blown wide, hearing Oikawa say his name in this scenario, heavy and thick with lust. “Tell me, are you enjoying this as much as I am?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smirked, a twitching smile, despite the teasing he had just been through, “You’re too good at this.” He panted, still riding the high of being brought that close to the edge. “Now shut up, and fuck me,” Iwaizumi spoke without hesitation. Any hint of embarrassment he had had long gone out the window. Oikawa realised in this moment that he loved getting Iwaizumi to this point; the point where he seemed to be entirely compliant and desperate. His eyes were glassy, and he looked ready to do just about anything to get what he wanted right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “That’s really what you want?” Oikawa asked, circling one finger around the head of Iwaizumi’s cock, just once, to pull another moan successfully from the spiker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Shit, Tooru, </span>
  <em>
    <span>come on.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He begged as he circled his arms around Oikawa's neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “If I do, you can’t cum yet.” Oikawa warned, and Iwaizumi glared at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You’re evil.” Iwaizumi huffed out. He turned his attention to controlling his limbs, even glaring down at his member, stiff and still in Oikawa’s hands, willing for it not to fail him. “Fine.” Iwaizumi relented as Oikawa squeezed softly. “Fine just… I’ll do it to your terms, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hey, Iwa-Chan?” Iwaizumi hummed in acknowledgement of hearing him as Oikawa’s hand began moving again, painfully slowly. “I want you to say please.” Iwaizumi glared at him, and tensed up when he felt a slick finger circle around his hole. He tightened his fingers in Oikawa’s hair, his other hand gripping tight onto the bed. “I want to hear you say </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Hajime.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You wah- want me t- to </span>
  <em>
    <span>beg</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Iwaizumi tried to clarify. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa pressed careful kisses against Iwaizumi’s neck, picking up the pace as he stroked him, slowly entering a finger, almost up to the knuckle. Iwaizumi groaned deeply, his hips stuttering and shifting against Oikawa’s hand. “For me, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hajime</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Iwaizumi’s fingers tightened in Oikawa’s hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Tooru, I-” Iwaizumi hissed, more from the feeling of a second finger sliding into him, and the thumb sliding along the underside of his shaft. He contemplated the downsides of him not begging. He might not get to cum. Oikawa might just be feeling that evil and deny him an orgasm completely, leaving him unsatisfied. He could be that cruel if he wanted to be. Oikawa slipped in a third finger as Iwaizumi was considering his options, and Iwaizumi started drooling unconsciously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, all you have to do is say please. Say it and I’ll fuck you. Exactly how you want me to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi almost cried out when Oikawa vibrated his hand from the wrist. It was awakening how much more experience Oikawa clearly had in comparison to him. It was pure bliss and Iwaizumi clenched, hard, begging for those fingers to be replaced with Oikawa’s girth. “Shit. Tooru… Tooru, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” He finally gave in and he knew he was likely blushing immensely, but he would much rather have gone through with this than miss out on having Oikawa </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> fuck him senseless into the mattress. It had been a long time coming and Iwaizumi had imagined this a thousand times. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s composure broke completely. Iwaizumi pleading for him was like music to his ears; and the inflection that Iwaizumi put on the word made it even better than Oikawa could have ever imagined. He withdrew his fingers and pulled Iwaizumi down onto his back. Oikawa pulled off his pants faster than he ever had before, and Iwaizumi watched him eagerly as he lubed up his cock with a few strokes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  At some point, Iwaizumi lost control of his voice and a yes jumped out of his throat involuntarily when Oikawa hovered over him, aligning himself with Iwaizumi’s entrance and holding the spikers hips flat against the bed. “If you want me to stop at any point, just say so and I will.” Oikawa smiled, and he heard Iwaizumi plead yet again, an almost whiny tone, sounding perfect on his lips. Oikawa pushed himself fully in to the hilt, watching the air get pushed from Iwaizumi’s lungs as he let out a long, satisfied moan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa dragged his nails along the back of Iwaizumi’s thigh, hiking him up higher over his shoulder and driving his hips forward. Oikawa started up a rhythm, adjusting it when Iwaizumi’s voice reached a new peak of desperation, a clear indication that he was closing in on his climax. He reached for Iwaizumi’s shaft, but was harshly batted away. “Iwa-Chan, do you really wanna cum from just your ass?” Oikawa chuckled, “You're enjoying this so much more than I expected.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yo- you're the fucker wh- who made me like th- hah- like this,” Iwaizumi managed to say. “Tooru... </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> make me come.” Iwaizumi’s expressions were, without a doubt, the most erotic thing Oikawa had ever seen, and without even meaning to, he was taunting Oikawa, and just those few words with that blissed out expression, Oikawa couldn’t help himself anymore, and his hips snapped forward; setting a whole new pace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ah fuh- you feel really good, Hajime,” Oikawa ground out, and part of him came apart completely when he heard Iwaizumi cry out - too high on sex to try and stifle his moans anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Pluh- plea- </span>
  <em>
    <span>please.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Iwaizumi couldn’t muster any other words here, but Oikawa knew what he was asking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He looked down at the brunet, knowing he had hit him in just the right place when the grunts and moans became strangled and almost incomprehensible in a frenzy as he was clearly trying to keep grips on gravity. “You can cum, Hajime.” Oikawa’s voice wavered as he could feel his own orgasm teetering on the edge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ah- </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Iwaizumi gasped, like it was the only word he knew, and suddenly it was bubbling over his lips again, lost in some kind of deep, low groan as his climax washed over him. He shot white hot across his chest and stomach, and Oikawa pinned him to the bed and rolled his hips, fucking him all the way through his orgasm, and kissing his moans silent; lacing his fingers through his surprisingly soft hair. Oikawa followed his lead soon after, hips jolting and cock spilling inside of Iwaizumi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi couldn’t think, his mind was blank, the only word that came to his mind was “Tooru”:- the name belonging to the one person who could turn him into a </span>
  <em>
    <span>begging</span>
  </em>
  <span> mess. He lay there in a state of euphoria, welcoming Oikawa as he finally pulled out. Their cocks sliding together as he shifted, and Iwaizumi let out an involuntary sob at the overly stimulating touch, weakly batting Oikawa away. The touch was far too much right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Sorry.” Oikawa mumbled as he rolled onto his back, looking up at the ceiling. “I was planning on pulling out… I think I got caught in the high of the moment.” He huffed out a small chuckle as he rolled his head to one side, checking out the spiker, and smiling at the exhausted but satisfied smile on his face. “You were amazing, Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa panted out, an Iwaizumi looked over at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “That was…” He paused. “If I knew you were going to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>good? Shit, Tooru…” A deep breath left him as he looked back up at the ceiling. “Don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> try and make me beg again.” He warned, and Oikawa laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m absolutely going to make you beg again.” He teased, sticking out his tongue. “Next time I’m gonna force you to say nice things about me.” He joked, and Iwaizumi weakly slapped his stomach as he laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Of course you have a praise kink.” The two of them chuckled together. Iwaizumi laced his fingers between Oikawa’s. “I’m glad we did that.” He said, honestly. “I’m glad I could finally do that with you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa stretched out of sleep, trying to recall when he had actually passed out. He took a few minutes to allow himself to wake up, rolling onto his side and letting his eyes roaming across Iwaizumi’s sleeping body next to him. He ignored the disgusting feeling of leftover sweat and cum stuck to his skin, trying not to think about the dryness in his mouth and instead looking down at the blooming, purple-red bites across Iwaizumi’s skin, admiring the handprints and scratch marks on his hips and shoulders. They weren’t like the ones that had been there previously, by another’s hand. These were there by Iwaizumi’s request, not from resistance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He placed a lazy kiss on Iwaizumi’s forehead, causing it to crease up slightly. “I feel gross.” Iwaizumi said, becoming immediately aware of the sticky feeling between his legs. “I need a shower.” He commented as he sat up and stretched. “You do too .” He smirked at Oikawa. “Care to join me?” He suggested as he sat up. Oikawa nodded, and followed Iwaizumi down the hall to the bathroom. Iwaizumi caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror, noticing the blooming love bites on his skin, and the scratches up his hips, which also displayed Oikawa’s handprint, and he inhaled shakily at the sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa noticed the change in his demeanor and realised what the spiker had just spotted. “Oh.” A wave of guilt washed over the setter. “I- I’m sorry. I promise I’ll be more careful next time.” He spoke sheepishly. He hadn’t thought about how Iwaizumi would react in the moment. He had been selfish. “Iwa-Chan?” Oikawa pushed again, softly. Iwaizumi’s eyes welled up slightly as he prodded at the slight bruising on his hip. He flinched and snapped his head towards Oikawa when he touched his shoulder and the setter pulled his hand away. “I really am sorry.” His brow furrowed in genuine concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shook his head and smiled, which just led Oikawa to feel more confused. “Thank you.” He said softly. “For making me feel wanted.” The simplicity almost made Oikawa cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan-” His chest felt tight, and he reached his hand up to cup Iwaizumi’s cheek. “I love you. And I want to be by your side. Always, Iwa-Chan.” He smiled as Iwaizumi leaned into the touch. “I’m really gonna miss you, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi placed his hand over Oikawa’s. “We’ll be back together before we even notice the distance.” He assured. “Besides, there’s two months before I have to be there, so there’s two months worth of memories to make.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa laughed. “That was the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi glared at him, a slight smirk still on his face. “Shut up and get in the shower, Trashykawa.” He chuckled slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  The remainder of the day was a lazy one, full of tired kisses and sleepily leaning on one another. Iwaizumi’s mom was away for a few additional nights, so Oikawa had agreed to stay again. “Tooru?” Iwaizumi asked, his head in the setters lap as fingers carded through his hair. “Graduation is in a few days. Do you want to go somewhere in summer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Like where?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I don’t know.” He confessed, honestly. “Maybe we could take a trip to the beach?” He suggested. “I heard they recently set up a court down there. We could bring Makki and Mattsun, and make a trip out of it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa smiled and agreed, giving Iwaizumi something to look forward to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The night before had been shit. Seeing Kagawa had been shit. But today had been better. It had been a hell of a hell of a lot better. And he had Oikawa to thank for that. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. California</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>3 months since Iwaizumi and Oikawa decided to go to their separate schools, and the time had finally arrived, Oikawa was in Argentina, and Iwaizumi was in California. And they were both, to begin with, alone.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  California was… big. Huge in comparison to Miyagi. And the campus was daunting. Iwaizumi was sure he was going to get lost on day one. He had barely managed to find his way to the dorms, and now he was unpacking - he was glad that he had packed lightly, there wasn’t a lot of space. He had arrived first, knowing nothing about his dorm mate except his name, and so he had taken it upon himself to claim the bed on the left of the room - he could always move if his roommate wanted him to. He had arrived at the campus a week early, so he was likely going to be alone for at least a few days, giving him time to get settled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  As soon as he had set up his desk, the first thing he did was video call Oikawa, who had gotten to Argentina just a few days earlier, and Iwaizumi had promised to call as soon as he was settled. “Iwa-Chan!” The setter beamed, and Iwaizumi smiled at the sight of him. “How are you? How’s California?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Calm down.” He insisted, chuckling slightly at his boyfriends giddiness. “It’s not too bad. It’s hot.” He commented as he pulled his jumper off over his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, stripping for me already?” Oikawa teased with a large grin on his face, and Iwaizumi glared at him as he dumped the jumper on the floor next to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “You may be five thousand miles away but I’ll still kick your ass.” Iwaizumi threatened, then sighed. “I miss you, you know.” He confessed, and Oikawa’s smile softened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I miss you too. Have you made any new friends yet?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Who are you, my mother?” Iwaizumi laughed, mimicking Oikawa’s previous accusations. “I’ve been in the country less than a day, Tooru. Classes don’t start until next week, and my dorm mate hasn’t moved in just yet, so I haven’t met anyone yet, no.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Dorm mate?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yeah. Everyone gets one. Mine is a guy called…” He routed around on the papers on his desk, looking for the one that told him the information about his future roommate. “A guy called Jack Barrera.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa was quiet for a few seconds. “Do you… know what he looks like?” He asked, trying to hide the jealous feeling he was getting from knowing that someone else would be living with Iwaizumi instead of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smirked, knowing full well why Oikawa was asking. He leant his face on one hand, and looked at Oikawa, dreamily. “I wouldn’t care.” He said, simply. “I mean, if he’s not a 184cm tall, brown haired, brown eyed, Japanese setter who moved to Argentina to follow his dreams of becoming the best volleyball player in the world, with an athletic build, and the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen, then I’m not interested.” Oikawa blushed slightly at Iwaizumi’s words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Iwa-Chan, you’re so embarrassing.” Oikawa whined, covering his face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Don’t be jealous, dumbass. You know I love you, so there’s no need to be so possessive.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I can’t help it. Iwa-Chan’s so hot, and so far away. What if you get horny and I’m not there to help you out?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well then I’ll just call you for phone sex, obviously.” Iwaizumi teased, and Oikawa chuckled. “Enough of that for now though. How are things in Argentina? Are you settling in alright?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yeah, it’s not too bad. It’s spring here, which is super weird - the seasons are backwards and it’s confusing as hell. Practice starts up in two days. I can’t wait to start playing again. I haven’t played since that last day in Japan, not properly anyway. I’ve just been getting used to the place really. Oh there’s this one spot that I found that I just know that you’d love, so I have to take you there when you come and visit me. Oh and there’s this great little coffee shop just down the street. They do the </span>
  <em>
    <span>best</span>
  </em>
  <span> pancakes.” He continued to ramble on about all the things he’d already found in his short time there so far, and Iwaizumi smiled, mentally taking note of the look on Oikawa’s face, falling in love with him even more as he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  They spoke for a few hours before Oikawa had to hang up. It was getting late for him and he still had to finish setting up a few things in his new apartment. They said good night to one another with a promise that they’d call again the next day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;Just a small reminder that I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;I love you too, Iwa-chan &lt;3</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;Go to sleep, Tooru.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;Goodnight, Hajime.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>  His roommate arrived four days later as he was working on his laptop on one of the desks, doing a small English session trying to learn as much as he could before his classes started. “Hello.” Iwaizumi greeted. His English wasn’t great, but he had gotten used to talking and listening at a quicker pace, and he was really hoping that it would be good enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  His roommate smiled at him. “Yo. I’m Jack. You must be Hajime, right?” He spoke clearly, and Iwaizumi was thankful for that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yeah, that’s me.” He confirmed. “I’m sorry if my English is bad. I’m from Japan. I’m still getting used to your country.” He felt a little embarrassed, but wanted to get this out of the way now, because it was bound to come up at some point.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Your English is fine.” Jack insisted. “I’m about to head out with the guys. Do you wanna come?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi felt flattered being invited, he’d barely been in California a week, and he was already being invited to hang out with people. “I would like that. Thank you.” Iwaizumi bowed slightly in thanks, before straightening himself up after remembering that that wasn’t a custom in the USA. He chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry. Erm… it's a habit.” He explained, and Jack let out a laugh, patting Iwaizumi on the back once in appreciation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “How long have you been here?” His roommate asked as they walked out the dorms, Iwaizumi’s hands buried deep in the pockets of the jumper Oikawa had given him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi hesitated, trying to formulate his response in english. Fuck, it was a hard language. “In the dorms? 5 days.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “And in the country?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “What time is it?” Iwaizumi asked for clarification.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Jack looked at his watch. “Just after 5.” He confirmed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Then 5 days and 2 hours.” Iwaizumi responded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Really?” Iwaizumi glanced up at him, just now noticing his height as he silently questioned the reaction. “You hold an English conversation really well for someone who literally just got here.” He chuckled as he explained. Iwaizumi stayed quiet, nodding in understanding as he followed the taller. “So what did you do for fun in Japan?” Jack asked after a small stretch of silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Volleyball.” Iwaizumi responded, easily. “My team in high school was very good.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Jack’s eyes lit up. “Oh, that’s really cool!” He expressed, excitedly. “I love volleyball. I never played competitively, but me and the guys visit the court every now and then. Have you ever tried beach volleyball?” Iwaizumi shook his head. “You should play with us some time. It’s different than on the court, but it’s just as fun.” He smiled, and Iwaizumi hummed in response. “What position did you play?” He asked, clearly trying to pull Iwaizumi out of his shell.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Left.” He replied, simply. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “So were you the ace?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “In some ways, yes.” He paused, but Jack didn’t interrupt as Iwaizumi was clearly just trying to get the right words. “I always thought our captain was our ace, though. He’s a setter - the best I’ve ever seen. When he’s top form he can bring out the best in everyone.” He sighed deeply. “I miss him already.” He said softly to himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Jack laughed. “So you love him then?” He asked, knowingly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi stumbled over his words slightly. “Oh, eh, yeah. He’s my… my boyfriend.” He chucked a little, nervous about what this guy would think about that. He had read that people in California were a lot more accepting of homosexuality, and right now he was hoping that was true.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “That’s great!” He beamed. “It’s nice to hear that you’re true to yourself.” He smiled, and Iwaizumi felt relieved.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>  As they arrived at a small park next to the beach, a group of students yelled Jack’s name and he waved at them. This was stange, could he really just come along and be accepted by a group of people he had never met. Jack had accepted him instantly, so maybe everyone here was like that. “Guys, this is my dorm mate, Hajime.” Iwaizumi waved at them and smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Jimmy!” One of the other guys called, walking over to him and saying hello with a hug. Iwaizumi was slightly taken aback by the welcome, but patted his back with one hand as an acceptance of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Jimmy?” He questioned, unsure why he’d come up with that on the spot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The guy smiled. He was about the same height at Oikawa, and a similar build, but had shoulder length blond wavy hair, and bright blue eyes. He had a similar personality to Oikawa too. “Yeah. Like Hajime, without the ‘Ha’.” He explained as he led Iwaizumi over to the group. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  They all welcomed him easily, and he felt like he had already found a place here. He’d been in the country less than a week, and already he had found a group of people that accepted him. They understood his bouts of silence, and they all spoke perfectly clearly to him as soon as they were made aware of his learning the language. “So, Hajime,” one of the other guys - who Iwaizumi later learned was called Chase - started, “Tell us about this boyfriend of yours. Is he cute?” He asked, and Iwaizumi smiled. He was actually being given the chance to talk about Oikawa freely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Gorgeous.” He responded almost instantly, then blushed slightly embarrassed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He squealed, excitedly, and Iwaizumi was a little confused by it. “Do you have a picture? Can we see?” He asked, giddily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I actually think he just got off practice. I can facetime him?” He suggested - just another excuse to talk to Oikawa. The group all agreed instantly, and Iwaizumi smiled as he hit dial, not giving Oikawa a heads up first.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan! I missed you today! Practice was so good. Did you meet your roommate?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He answered in Japanese. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled, and responded in Japanese too. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m actually hanging out with some of his friends now. They’re all asking about you. Are you up for meeting them?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He offered, and Oikawa’s face lit up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Of course I want to meet your new friends, Iwa-Chan.” He said in English, and Iwaizumi nodded at the group, all four of them gathering around his phone with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Wow, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> gorgeous.” Chase commented at the sight of Oikawa.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “What’s with this ‘Iwa-Chan’ nickname?” The tall guy who had hugged him asked, leaning his chin on Iwaizumi’s left shoulder, and his hand on the other as he looked at the screen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “And who are you?” Oikawa asked, trying to hide his jealousy of this handsome guy who was touching </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> boyfriend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Oh, I’m Nate!” He smiled at the setter, and Iwaizumi was relieved that he didn’t notice Oikawa’s tone. “Jimmy told us you’re a setter.” He grinned. “What is it like in Argentina?” He was being friendly, but Iwaizumi had no doubt in his mind that Oikawa was going to be snarky.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>One single word in Japanese aimed at Oikawa, and the setter rolled his eyes very unsubtly in response.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He listened to Iwaizumi though. He knew how hard it was making friends in a new country, and Iwaizumi seemed happy, so he wouldn’t say something that would ruin that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“We’ll talk about this later. I have to go.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oikawa said sharply in Japanese, then hung up. Iwaizumi sighed and hung his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “What was that about?” Nate asked, still leaning his chin on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I’m sorry about him. He gets jealous easily.” Iwaizumi explained, and Nate moved off him, sitting next to him instead. “I think it’s just a case of he doesn’t know any of you, so he hasn’t had a chance to form an opinion yet. Aye, he’s gonna berate me for that later.” Iwaizumi chuckled slightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Nate looked confused. “Why would he be mad at you for something that I did?” He questioned, seemingly concerned about their relationship.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “No, sorry, maybe I said the wrong thing. I just mean he’ll be grumpy, and I’ll need to cheer him up.” Iwaizumi clarified, and Nate nodded, understanding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  They sat in silence for a few moments before the rest of the group piped up again. They started talking about classes and schedules, as well as their part time jobs. Iwaizumi had no input, he only had one thing on his mind: Oikawa. He was worried that this would have put him in the mood to go and do something stupid to get his frustration out:- like over training. He sent the setter a short text:</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;Tooru, please don’t go and do something stupid now. You’re being overdramatic. You know I love you, and only you. There is no need to worry.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;That’s not why I’m worried, idiot.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>What? What the hell was he worried about then? Iwaizumi excused himself from the conversation, and apologised profusely for it as he pressed the dial button. The phone only rang twice before Oikawa answered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Explain why you’re worried, Kusokawa.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said with hesitation, not out of earshot of the group, but speaking Japanese so they wouldn’t understand him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“The way you flinched when he leaned against you. You tensed up the moment his hand touched you and you didn’t relax at all. It seemed like your body was reacting the same way it did to-”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Don’t.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi interrupted, sharply enough for the group to notice his change of tone. He ignored their confused looks. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“We had a deal that Argentina and America were fresh starts. That we wouldn’t mention him unless I needed to. Don’t go back on that now, Tooru.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He pleaded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry, Hajime. I’m just worried about you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“You don’t need to be. I swear I’m fine.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He assured. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“If that changes, I’ll talk to you first, okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Promise me that you’re alright.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “I’m alright. I promise.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>There was a calming quiet between them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m still out, are we okay now? Can I call you in a few hours?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi requested. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa sighed softly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s almost ten here, Iwa-Chan. I have practice early so I need some sleep, but we can talk tomorrow, okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Okay. I love you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “I love you too.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi smiled as he hung up the phone, rejoining the group. “Sorry about that.” He apologised to the group.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Is everything okay?” Nate asked, concerned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded. “Yeah, he just worries about me.” He smiled softly. “It’s sweet, really.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Sounds a lot like possessiveness to me.” Chase shrugged. “But we don’t really know either of you yet.” He glanced at Iwaizumi. “So what’s your story?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Our story?” He questioned, not entirely sure what they wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yeah. Like how did you two end up together?” He clarified.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Nate bounced excitedly. “Oh was it like a meet-cute?” He asked, clearly giddy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “A meet-cute?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Oh, erm, how do I explain this?” He mumbled a little to himself. “Oh, okay, so you know how in romantic movies they sometimes have the love interest meet in a really cliche way? Like they run into each other and one of them drops their books and then their hands meet..?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Oh. No it was nothing like that. We grew up together, and-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “You grew up together?” Nate expressed with an animated sense of joy. “That’s adorable! Who asked who out? How long have you been dating? When did you realise you loved him? Ah, childhood friends to lovers, how </span>
  <em>
    <span>romantic</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled nervously. “It’s a little more complicated than any of that…” He confessed, not really wanting to go into his history with people he had just met. “But we’ve been together just over six months now. I’ve been in love with him since we were 14 though. I just didn’t know he was interested in men until a year ago.” Iwaizumi shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Nate looked at him, confused. “If you found out a year ago, why did you wait six months before you said anything?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Oh…” He hesitated. “It’s a long story… I don’t really want to talk about it, sorry.” He glanced down at his hands, looking like he felt guilty for keeping quiet, but everyone seemed genuinely understanding of his want for privacy, and they moved on to a new topic quickly. Iwaizumi didn’t really talk much, he more tried to absorb the conversation happening around him in an attempt to understand the language better. They would occasionally ask him questions to make him feel included, but they were extremely patient with him, knowing he was still learning the language and not wanting to push him too far. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi headed back to the dorms a while before Jack was ready to; Nate insisting he let him walk him back since he didn’t really know his way yet. Iwaizumi eventually relented and let this guy walk him back, after all, he would have probably gotten lost. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, what happened to you?” Nate asked eventually as they approached the dorms, and Iwaizumi tilted his head in confusion. “You flinch whenever someone moves too quickly near you.” He observed. “Why is that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Oh.” Iwaizumi commented, flatly. “Do I have to tell you?” He asked, hoping this guy wouldn’t be mad if he didn’t. “I really don’t want that to be how you see me, if that makes sense?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Nate nodded in understanding. “I get that. If you ever </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>want to talk about it, you can call me, okay?” He handed Iwaizumi a small slip of paper with his number written on it, and smiled softly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The spiker smiled back at him, and bowed slightly. “Thank you for walking me back.” He thanked, graciously. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “We’ll see you again sometime, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi felt welcomed by the question. “If I am invited, I think I’d like that.” He admitted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He said goodnight and thanked him once more, then headed inside, texting Oikawa as he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;You’ll have to call me tomorrow to tell me all about practice. I’m sorry we didn’t talk much today.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;Are you home safe?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;I am. Why aren’t you asleep yet, Crappykawa?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;I couldn’t sleep not knowing if Iwa-Chan was home or not.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;I love you too, dumbass. Now go to sleep. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;I’ll call you on my break tomorrow. Goodnight.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;Goodnight, Tooru. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Waiting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It was questions like this that reminded Iwaizumi how out of place he really was here. No one else had to spend half of their free time translating notes, and that meant that they all had more time to spend going out, and doing all of the things college students usually did for fun, whilst he sat in a gloomy dorm, going over class material repeatedly so he could actually understand it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Is this proof read? No. Did I have a lot more I could have written? Yes. Have I made aNOTHER new oc that I’m going to use for evil later? Perhaps. </p><p>Sorry for the delay, I hope you enjoy this chapter. </p><p>I know there have been a few time skips, but that’s just because I didn’t want a bunch of unnecessary filler, there will be a few chapters now where any skips are a lot smaller and there willing be a lot more detail - thank you for your patience with me as we got to this point 💓</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Are you still coming out next week?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Iwaizumi asked, catching a few eyes as he made his way to his next class, speaking in Japanese. He was excited to see Oikawa again. It had been four weeks since they had parted, and Oikawa had five days off coming up so he decided he was going to spend them in California.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Of course I am. You think I would miss an opportunity like this?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He could sense Oikawa’s grin on the other end of the line. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m getting excited just thinking about all the things I’m going to do to you.”</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi turned red at that comment, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Tooru! You can’t just say things like that. I’m at college.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa laughed, almost menacingly at Iwaizumi’s tone.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan, I didn’t say anything. If you thought of that in a dirty way, then it’s obvious what’s on your mind.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He teased, and Iwaizumi smiled at his tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Nate silently waved at Iwaizumi as he entered the lecture theatre - it turned out their major was the same and Iwaizumi was thankful for that as taking notes was difficult for him in a fast paced environment like this in a language he still wasn’t completely fluent in. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I have to go, I’m getting into class now. I love you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I love you too, Iwa-Chan.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi hung up and made his way over to Nate, a grin on his face. “Well good morning, Sunshine.” The blond smiled. “What’s got you in such a good mood today?” He asked, curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ah, I am excited.” He replied, honestly. “Tooru’s visiting next week. It’s been a month since I saw him last, and I’ve been missing him like crazy, so I’m really looking forward to it.” He beamed as he pulled out his notepads and handed one to Nate. “Thank you so much again for letting me borrow these. You’re really a life saver.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “It’s no trouble, really.” The taller insisted. “So, Ru’s coming, huh?” He questioned as casually as he could. Iwaizumi still found it strange that they had all given Oikawa the nickname ‘Ru’, but when the setter first heard about this, he laughed about American customs, then insisted that they never call him anything else. “You should bring him to hang out with us at least once. How long is he here for?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Five days.” He smiled wider. “I can’t wait.” He said, excitedly, quietening down as the professor entered the room, beginning the lecture. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>  He broke the news to his dorm mate later that same day. “What do you mean I should find somewhere else to stay next week?” He asked in a whiny voice. “Why should I? I’m not bothered by your boyfriend staying here, just don’t have sex while I’m in the room.” He requested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I can’t promise that.” Iwaizumi shrugged, and Jack stuttered over his words, shocked by the forwardness of him. “It’s been a month since we were last together, and Tooru is extremely affectionate. I unfortunately can’t guarantee that he will hold back.” He explained honestly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Jack sighed. “Fine. I’ll stay with Nate.” He relented. “But on the one condition that you both come to his party.” Iwaizumi looked at him, confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Nate’s having a party?” He asked curiously. “He didn’t tell me…” Jack noticed the slight hurt tone in Iwaizumi’s voice and suddenly felt guilty. “I wonder why…” Iwa pondered, muttering to himself in Japanese as he pulled out all his books, prepared to have a late night rewriting his notes into his native language so that he could understand them better down the line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His roommate decided to change the subject. “Doesn’t it get tiring translating your notes every night?” He questioned, curiously. “I mean, surely you understand English well enough to not have to do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  It was questions like this that reminded Iwaizumi how out of place he really was here. No one else had to spend half of their free time translating notes, and that meant that they all had more time to spend going out, and doing all of the things college students usually did for fun, whilst he sat in a gloomy dorm, going over class material repeatedly so he could actually understand it. He knew it would eventually get easier, but right now it was hell. “I understand English, but sometimes the words get confusing, and I get mixed up on meanings. It’ll help me avoid basic mistakes down the line if I translate the pages now.” He explained, trying not to sound annoyed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Jack nodded, seemingly noting that he understood what Iwa was saying. “So I guess that means you won’t be joining us again tonight? We’re gonna hit the beach, are you sure you can’t leave this until tomorrow?” He asked, and Iwaizumi was tempted. He wanted to go, of course he did, but if he were to leave this now, he’d have twice as much to do the next night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I really should do it now.” He clarified. “But I don’t have too much to get through, so I may be able to join you in a few hours if you’re still out?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His roommate smiled. “Sounds great.” He confirmed. “Shoot me a text when you’re done and I’ll drop our location, yeah?” He said, already halfway out the door. “Later!” He called behind him, and the door was closed before Iwaizumi could even say goodbye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sat at his desk, head in hands, and sighed deeply. America was good for him. A fresh start. No one knew who he was, or what he’d been through. But, shit, he missed home. He missed the way his mom would always have breakfast ready for him, and the way his dad would quietly tell him how proud of him he was. He missed the stupid jokes Hanamaki and Matsukawa would make, and they way that they would look after all the underclassmen, even after the volleyball season had ended. He missed the way his kohai would feel comfortable coming to him for anything they needed, and how they were so supportive of his and Oikawas decisions to move overseas. And then there was Oikawa. Fuck, he missed Oikawa. He missed spending all his time with the person he loved the most. He missed being able to just walk for five minutes and find him. He missed that stupid face he would pull whenever Kageyama or Ushijima were mentioned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He’d hit call before he’d even realised that’s what he was doing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan? I thought we weren’t…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa paused, noticing the look of sadness in his boyfriends eyes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“What’s wrong? What happened?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> His voice was full of concern.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I miss you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi said, simply. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I miss you so much that it hurts. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Do what? Iwa-Chan, what happened?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t want to be here anymore. I hate it, it’s all too hard. I want to go home. Or come to you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He rubbed one eye with the heel of his palm, clearly exhausted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Tooru, if I drop out, can I come and live with you in Argentina?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> A question that could be perceived as a joke, but Oikawa knew it was more than that. At this moment, it was so much more.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Iwa-Ch… Hajime, I love you, and you’re of course always welcome here. I would love it if you would just come and live with me right now.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He smiled softly at the shorter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“But you’ve been dreaming of going to UCLA for a long time now. You can’t give up just because it’s hard. You knew it was going to be hard when you applied.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa paused for a moment, and Iwaizumi wasn’t sure if it was to think, or just for dramatic effect. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“If you want to give up, and come and live here, I’m okay with that. But can you honestly say you wouldn’t regret it if you did? I love you Iwaizumi Hajime, and I know you can do this. Don’t do something you’ll regret.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi exhaled deeply, and the corners of his lips turned up slightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said, softly, and Oikawa grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Tell me about your day, Hajime. What happened that made you miss home?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  “I think American friendships work a lot differently and I don’t get it yet. And I think they’re customs aren’t rubbing off on me yet. Nate’s having a party next week and didn’t tell me about it. Jack ended up telling me. I don’t even like parties. I shouldn’t care. But it’s really getting to me for some reason.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi sighed again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“And they’re all out right now, but I’ve gotta translate my notes so I’m missing that. I just… I don’t feel like I belong anywhere anymore…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He explained, truthfully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Oikawa smiled softly at him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s only been a month, Iwa-Chan. I’m sure it’ll get better for you. It’ll feel like home soon enough.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Without you, it’ll never feel like home.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He blushed as he confessed, and Oikawa’s smile widened.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I love you. I have to go, there’s a team dinner tonight. But I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Okay.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwa confirmed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I love you too.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa hung up, and Iwaizumi opened his notepad to start his translations. It was 4pm now, so if he didn’t worry about presentation he would be able to finish by 6, and he could go and meet everyone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  It was late when Iwaizumi awoke to the door closing. Shit, he’d fallen asleep at his desk again. He glanced over his shoulder as he stretched, groaning as he did. “Sorry. I fell asleep.” He apologised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Don’t worry about it.” Jack insisted with a smile. “Also, don’t tell Nate you know about the party. It was supposed to be a surprise ‘Welcome to America’ for Ru.” He chuckled nervously, and Iwaizumi’s brow furrowed in confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “He’s throwing a welcome for Tooru?” He asked, smiling coyly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Jack nodded, excitedly. “Yeah. He actually seems really excited to meet the guy. Do you think they’ll get along?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi pondered the question for a second. “I think as long as Nate doesn’t take Tooru’s comments to heart, I think they’ll be fine.” He said honestly. “Aye, I can’t wait to see him again.” The grin on his face showed his honesty. “I really hope you guys like him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m sure we will.” Jack smiled. “After all, we all like you, Jimmy. I’m sure there’s a reason you like Ru, and I’m sure we’ll all see that in him too.” He was a good roommate, and he made Iwa feel a little less uneasy about being here. “Anyway I’m gonna hit the sack so do me a favour and keep it down?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded in agreement. He would likely go to sleep soon too, but he wanted to know Oikawa was home safe first. He glanced at his phone, seeing two unread messages. The first was from Nate, simply asking if he was going to join them. He left it unanswered. There was no point replying to it now. The second was from Oikawa:</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&lt;&lt;Hajimeee. Ima go bed but love youuu &lt;3</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  He chuckled lightly. Of course the guy had been drinking, he was definitely the irresponsible type.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;I love you too, Tooru. Sleep well.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  The next few days passed by quickly, and by the time Saturday came around Iwaizumi was exhausted. Oikawa would be arriving on Sunday night, and Iwaizumi was more than excited, but right now he just needed to sleep in a little while longer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He groaned and slammed a pillow over his ears when Jack’s alarm went off at 7am. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Turn it off, dumbass.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He said in Japanese, far too tired to consider how to say that in English right now. Jack seemed to get the hint, though, as he switched it off and apologised quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The two of them awoke fully at around midday, Iwaizumi rolling out of bed and plodding to the shower first. It was a hot day, and Iwaizumi had managed to finish translating all his notes for the past week the night before, so he would actually be available to go out today, and he was happy about that. The plan was to go and play some beach volleyball in a few hours, then possibly grab some dinner or something, and Iwaizumi was excited to finally be going out again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwa got ready straight after his shower. There was no point sitting in a towel for an hour, he’d just end up staying in if he did that. He’d managed to buy a few Cali-Style clothes the previous week, so he was perfectly prepared for a day on the beach now - with a pair of black gym shorts, and a short sleeved button down white shirt. He liked this outfit, it felt natural.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hey, Jim?” Jack started as he exited the bathroom. “What time is Ru arriving tomorrow?” He asked curiously, as he sat on the edge of his bed, pulling on his shoes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi routed through a few sheets of paper on his desk. “Erm, his plane lands at 9:15pm. So we’ll probably get back here at about 10. He’ll be way too tired to do anything tomorrow night so we’ll probably stay in, but you guys can meet him on Monday?” Iwaizumi suggested. And Jack nodded in agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Next question: how often does he get drug tested?” Iwaizumi cocked his head in confusion. “He’s a pro, so I assume it’s frequently, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded slowly. “Yeah, they’re surprisingly strict with it over there. I think he mentioned that they’ll be tested every month instead of every three months, so he’ll likely have one when he goes back. Why do you ask?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Jack hummed in acknowledgment of Iwaizumi’s confirmation. “Nate’s making brownies on Monday. I’ll make sure he makes a second batch that’s not as</span>
  <em>
    <span> special</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He confirmed. Iwaizumi wasn’t too sure why those things were related, and that clearly showed on his face. “Oh, by ‘special’, I meant he’s making pot brownies.” It was obvious when the realisation hit Iwaizumi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Ohhhhh.” He said, finally understanding. “Yeah, no, Tooru can’t have any of those.” Iwaizumi confirmed. “He could lose his job if he tests positive. You don’t have to have a second batch made, I’ll just tell him not to eat any.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Jack agreed with that, and the two of them left the dorms not long after, talking about their studies, and Jack caught Iwaizumi up on everything that he had missed this past week - there wasn’t much really, the most interesting thing was Chase almost getting into a fight with some random guy on the beach because he served a ball into the back of his head. They had played a lot of beach volleyball these past few days, too, and Iwaizumi was excited to join them this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Jimmy!” Nate shouted as a hello when the pair arrived at the beach. “Nice of you to finally join us.” He beamed, and Iwaizumi smiled at the welcome, preparing himself for the inevitable hug that followed. He had gotten used to Nate greeting him this way - he greeted everyone this way. After Nate had hugged them both, he turned back to Iwaizumi, and threw his arm around him, guiding him over to the spot they were set up on the beach. “So Ru gets in tomorrow night, right?” He asked as they sat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled, a wide grin. One that showed his excitement. “Yeah, I can't wait.” He glanced at his phone. “He’ll be asleep right now. His flight leaves in six hours so he’ll be asleep for another two and then he’ll be headed to the airport.” He explained, knowing this without Oikawa telling him. “If he’s packed, that is. If not he’ll be panicking right about now.” He hesitated for a moment. “I should probably check on him…” He commented, right before sending a text.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;Hey. Checking to make sure you’re not freaking out. You are fully packed, right?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  Nate was glancing over his shoulder as he typed, and huffed out a small chuckle, causing Iwaizumi to look over at him. “I didn’t think about the idea that your phone would be in Japanese.” He commented, and Iwaizumi’s brow furrowed in confusion. “How am I supposed to snoop on your messages if they’re in a language I don’t understand?” He whined, and Iwaizumi chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Learn Japanese.” He shrugged as a backhanded suggestion, before pushing himself up and picking up a nearby volleyball. “Are we picking teams or..?” He asked, aimed at the group. They all perked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “2v2, one person refs, and then we switch out?” Chase suggested, and Iwaizumi looked at him, confused as he recounted the four of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “There are only four of us here…” He said as if that were obvious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Sam’s on his way.” Jack clarified, looking at his phone. “You haven’t met him yet, but you’ll like him. He’s like Nate but less-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Gay.” The new face interrupted, and Iwaizumi chuckled. “I’m like Nate but less gay.” He reiterated, a smile plastered on his face. He was shorter than the rest of them, and Iwaizumi was a little thankful that there was someone finally shorter than him here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>going</span>
  </em>
  <span> to say eccentric.” Jack interrupted. “But gay works too I guess.” He shrugged as he took the ball off Iwaizumi. “Let's play, boys.” He grinned and served the ball at Chase, who did not react kindly to it at all, picking it up as he stood and launching it back at the brunet, who was laughing as he was being chased around the volleyball net. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I’m gonna kick your ass.” The shorter said through gritted teeth, and Iwaizumi laughed as he watched them. Their dynamic reminded him of his and Oikawa’s, and it was nice to see elsewhere. “Stop running from me, asshole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Stop trying to hit me and I’ll stop running!” Jack responded, screaming slightly as Chase finally tackled him after ducking under the net. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He said as his arms covered his face, and he laughed. “Please don’t kill me.” He pleaded, a fake pout on his face. Fuck, they were a cute pair. They weren’t together, but they had </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> going on between them, and Iwaizumi was sure that they would end up a couple soon enough.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>  Jack was on ref duty first, Chase and Iwa on one side of the net, Nate and Sam on the other. “We’re gonna take you guys down!” Sam called over to them as Iwaizumi unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it off. “Damn! I’m calling unfair!” The shorter yelled while the brunet dumped his shirt outside the court, and ran his fingers through his hair. He laughed a little at the reaction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What? Why?” He asked, knowing full well how good of form he was still in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Sam stuck out his tongue at the spiker. “You’re hot and you know it.” He stated. Iwaizumi liked how straightforward this guy was. “What’s with the scar?” He asked, bluntly. Iwaizumi reached for the lighter flesh on his abdomen, looking down at it as he did. Shit, it had been so long since someone had mentioned it that he had </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost</span>
  </em>
  <span> forgotten that it wasn’t normal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh… ehm…” He hesitated slightly. He wasn’t ready for people here to know about his past, he wasn’t sure he ever wanted them to know. “I had to have surgery back at the start of the year.” He explained, being as vague as possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Why?” Sam pried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Fuck, this guy was nosey. “Reasons.” Iwaizumi responded. “Let’s play!” He pushed past the question, making it obvious that he didn’t want to discuss this any further. They all seemed to get the hint, and Jack tossed the coin, landing so that Nate’s team served first. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The blond stepped up to the service line, taking a deep breath as the whistle blew. He tossed the ball up into the air, and served directly to Iwaizumi - just as he was expecting. A thousand things raced through Iwaizumi’s mind at this point, unfortunately the fact that sand wasn’t as firm as a court floor didn’t register, and so as he dug the ball, his footing slipped, and he landed face first in the sand, pulling laughs from everyone as the ball fell to the floor. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid fucking sand.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He muttered in Japanese.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Ay don’t blame the sand for you being a dumbass.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sam joked back to him, and Iwaizumi looked at him, slightly confused. “My mom grew up in Japan.” He clarified as everyone stared at him, completely baffled that he knew the language. He had never hinted towards being bilingual in the past, but Iwaizumi laughed as he gripped Chase’s hand, pulling himself up.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“It’s nice to have a translator if I need one.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Iwaizumi smiled. “If you’re okay with that?” He asked, and Sam nodded in agreement. “Then let's play.” He said, tossing the ball over the net, back to Nate. “Still your serve.” He said as he planted his feet firmly in the sand, adjusting to the new terrain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Nate smirked at him. “Ready this time, pretty boy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s brow furrowed. “Pretty boy? Really?” He questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “You got a problem with that?” He teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Serve the damn ball.” He insisted, and Nate did a fake bow, then did as requested, and tossed the ball up, serving it directly at Iwaizumi again. He was ready this time though. He adapted quicker than he would have thought and dug the ball up, staying steady on his feet. It was far from perfect, but it was high enough for Chase to comfortably set, and give him enough time to get into a comfortable enough spot to spike. He felt the thrill rush through him the moment his palm struck the ball, god it felt good to play again. The ball hit the floor before Iwaizumi did, and the other four all looked at him, shocked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “How the fuck did you go from not being able to stay stood, to </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> in one attempt?” Sam snapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shrugged. “I adapt well.” He responded simply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah, you guys have to remember that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> the ace on a team where the setter went pro.” Jack reminded them. “Why didn’t you go pro too?” He asked, casually, glancing over at the shirtless brunet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh, I wouldn’t have been good enough.” He said, far too indifferently for the groups liking - they all looked slightly concerned at how much he seemed to undervalue himself. Iwa looked around at them, releasing how that sounded. “Oh… I just meant that I’m a little too short to be useful due to my height, and my skill isn’t anywhere near elite level.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Wait so…” Nate started. “Ru’s even better than </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” He asked, surprised. Iwaizumi didn’t understand why they were all so awe struck by a simple spike.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He glanced at all of them, and let out a small chuckle. “That wasn’t really an impressive spike…” He started. “I haven’t played since Japan. I’m out of practice. I’m playing like I did when I first got back from my op.” He paused, reeling in the fact that he managed to mention it so casually. “Anyway,” He pressed on, “Tooru is a hell of a lot better than me.” He confirmed. “Even when I’m in top form, I don’t hold a candle to him. He’s just…” Iwa pondered, considering his next word carefully. “He’s Tooru.” He settled on, finally. “He’s more than I could ever dream to be.” He smiled softly at the thought of his boyfriend, and the rest of them glared at him. He gazed at them all again, then chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, I get a little carried away.” He confessed, sheepishly, and the rest of them burst into laughter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Jimmy’s a sap.” Chase teased, patting him once firmly on the back. “Come on, if that’s your off game, we can win this </span>
  <em>
    <span>easily</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He smirked. Chase was right. He and Iwaizumi won in straight sets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The five of them played for a few hours, taking a break once they were all well worn out, and sitting in the sand. Iwaizumi was leaning back on his hands, eyes closed, taking in the sun. Sam dropped himself down in the sand next to Iwa, and looked at him for a few seconds. “If you don’t stop staring at me, I’m going to have to punch you.” Iwaizumi said eventually. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Sam chuckled, then turned to face the sea. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re aware that Nate wants to fuck you, right?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He asked in Japanese so that only Iwaizumi would understand him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The spiker opened one eye, and looked at Sam, a little confused. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>What’re you talking about? No he doesn’t. He knows I’m with Tooru.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Iwa claimed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Sam huffed out a soft laugh. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You think that matters to a guy like him?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi leaned forward so he was at a matching level with the shorter, wrapping his arms around his knees so he’d stay upright.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “</span>
  <em>
    <span>A ‘guy like him’? What does that mean?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Iwaizumi asked, confused and curious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Sam hesitated. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Look, I like the guy, I do. But when it comes to men, he’s a scumbag. He’s the type of guy who will stop at nothing if it means he gets a good lay.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The wording made him nervous. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>What do you mean by ‘stop at nothing’?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He asked, cautiously, not wanting to let on why he was unnerved by the phrasing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “</span>
  <em>
    <span>He’s going to try and cause problems between you and Ru when he’s here.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Sam warned. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I know that sounds crazy, but just don’t leave the two of them alone together, okay?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Iwaizumi glanced at Nate, then back at Sam, and nodded once. “Alrighty then let's go.” He patted once on Iwa’s back, and handed him his shirt then stood up. The spiker smiled as he pushed himself to his feet, trying not to act any different towards Nate after that warning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He glanced at his phone, one message from Oikawa about an hour earlier. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &lt;&lt;I was absolutely already fully packed. I’m just heading to the airport now. I’ll text you when I’m through security and you can call me if you want?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>  &gt;&gt;Sure. Let me know when you’re through.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  He smiled as he hit send. “So, where are we gonna eat?” He asked, pushing his phone into his pocket and pulling on his shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Do you like sushi?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Depends. What kind of sushi?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “The… fish kind..?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled at the naivety in that response. “Sushi works for me if it does for everyone else.” He confirmed. “But if you guys want something more American, I’m fine with that.” He smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi’s meal had just arrived when his phone rang. He smiled and excused himself, stepping outside and answering. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Tooru. You’re through security?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked, cheerfully.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I am.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He beamed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan, I’m on my way to you.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Iwaizumi could hear the happiness in his voice, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel the same. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ve missed you so much.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> The setter said, contently. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Is your roommate staying at the dorm this week? Am I going to have to apologise in advance?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi laughed, a soft but meaningful laugh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“He’s staying at Nate’s this week.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He confirmed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“So no holding back… for either of us.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi grinned. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I can’t wait to see you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He confessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Jack stuck his head out the restaurant door. “Jimmy, all our food is here. Do you want us to wait for you?” Iwa shook his head then turned away, leaning against a set of railings. Jack shrugged and headed back in, sitting down. “He said not to wait.” He confirmed as he shoved a piece of sushi in his mouth. “Nate, am I still good to stay at yours for a few days while Ru’s here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Nate nodded. “Yeah that’s fine.” He paused. “Do any of you find it strange that all Jimmy’s spoken about this week is Ru?” He asked, knowing that Iwa would likely be outside for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  The group all looked at him, all of them displaying different levels of confusion. “Don't do that, Nate.” Sam said, shaking his head as he looked back at his meal. “I get it, you’re into Jimmy cuz he’s hot or whatever, but he’s taken. Don’t do that thing you always do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “What are you talking about?” Nate asked, acting oblivious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Sam glared at him. “We all turn a blind eye usually because you’re our friend. But Jimmy’s our friend too now. And I doubt it’ll stay that way if you try and fuck with his relationship.” He looked at him warningly. “I don’t care how long we’ve been friends, if you mess with them, and Jimmy decides he doesn’t want to be around you anymore, I’ll be with him.” He confirmed, turning back to his meal as if he hadn’t said anything. Nate looked around the table, realising that everyone agreed with Sam, but none of the rest of them had the guts to say it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Iwa returned before anyone else had the chance to say anything. “Sorry about that.” He apologised. “Tooru is a nervous flyer.” He smiled as he sat, but that sank the moment he noticed the tension. “What did I miss?” He asked, curiously. No one answered, and he didn’t bother asking again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  They ate in silence, and Iwa didn’t speak again until he got back to the dorm with Jack. “What happened while I was on the phone?” He asked as his roommate closed the door and he kicked off his shoes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Jack shook his head and sighed. “Sam and Nate had a bit of an argument.” He said, vague but honest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “About what?” Iwaizumi pushed, wanting answers but not wanting to seem overly nosey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Honestly?” Jack asked, and Iwa nodded. “You.” He confirmed, and Iwaizumi’s brow furrowed. Jack sighed. “Nate’s a bit of a fuckboy and he’s being a little too flirtatious with you for any of our liking.” He explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “A fuckboy?” Iwaizumi asked for clarification. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Yeah, like all he cares about is sex and he doesn’t really care if he hurts someone in the process of getting that.” Jack explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Oh.” Iwa stated simply. “I thought he was a friend though?” He questioned. “Why hang out with him if he’s like that?” He really didn’t understand Americans. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  Jack hummed. “Good question.” He huffed out a small laugh. “He’s fun to be around, and an alright friend. He’s just a bit of a dick sometimes.” Jack clarified, and Iwa nodded, understanding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Do you think he’ll try and cause problems with Tooru?” Iwaizumi asked, slightly concerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  His roommate shrugged. “I don’t know. That’s kinda what the argument was. Sam basically said if he caused any shit better you guys, he’ll disown the guy. And I think we’re all with him on that.” He smiled. “All of us are team ‘Hajiru’.” He smirked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “Hajiru?” Iwaizumi chuckled. “That’s our couple name?” He asked and Jack nodded proudly. “I guess that works.” He laughed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>  The two of them talked for a while before going to bed, and Iwaizumi lay awake for a long time, staring at the ceiling. Oikawa was on his way, and Iwaizumi would see him soon. And his heart was racing. This was a day he had been looking forward to since he said goodbye to Oikawa at the airport when the latter had been heading to Argentina.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  He sent Oikawa a text, knowing he wouldn’t get it until after he had met up with Iwaizumi, but just needing to say it again.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>&gt;&gt;You won’t see this until after we’ve met up again, but I’ve missed you so much. I’m lay staring at my ceiling, anticipating what I’ll feel tomorrow when I see your face again. I love you, and I’m counting down the minutes until I pick you up at the airport tomorrow night.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>  He sighed as he put his phone down, rolling on to his side to try and sleep. He sighed deeply as he closed his eyes, a small smile on his face knowing that this time tomorrow he’d be lying in this bed with Oikawa. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Also follow me on Twitter to stay updated @toruoikxwa</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Together again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Iwaizumi was almost knocked off his feet by Oikawa charging into him, but managed to keep himself balanced. They held each other tightly for what felt like ages. “It’s so good to see you.” Oikawa whispered into his ear and Iwa squeezed tighter, nuzzling his face into the setters neck, and pressing a soft kiss there. Oikawa pulled back slightly, looking down at Iwaizumi, and smiling. After a few seconds of prolonged eye contact, Oikawa’s lips were over his; Iwaizumi’s hands naturally made their way to the front of the taller’s t-shirt, tugging him closer, and sinking deeper into the kiss.</p><p>**C/W smut at the beginning of this chapter**</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Small reminder: The speech in italics is them speaking in Japanese</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  “<em>IWA-CHAN!” </em> Iwaizumi grinned as he saw the setter emerge through the crowd of people, running towards him. Iwa was almost knocked off his feet by Oikawa charging into him, but managed to keep himself balanced. They held each other tightly for what felt like ages. <em> “It’s so good to see you.” </em>Oikawa whispered into his ear and Iwa squeezed tighter, nuzzling his face into the setters neck, and pressing a soft kiss there. Oikawa pulled back slightly, looking down at Iwaizumi, and smiling. After a few seconds of prolonged eye contact, Oikawa’s lips were over his; Iwaizumi’s hands naturally made their way to the front of the taller’s t-shirt, tugging him closer, and sinking deeper into the kiss. Oikawa made a soft noise, almost a groan, and Iwaizumi took that as permission to push his tongue into the setter’s mouth. Oikawa hummed softly when Iwaizumi pressed against him, chin angling so that they slotted together more fully. </p><p>  Iwaizumi pulled away, keeping his forehead pressed against Oikawa’s. <em> “Not here.” </em> He said, softly. <em> “Let’s go back to mine.” </em> He smiled as Oikawa nodded and Iwaizumi gripped his hand and guided him out of the airport. They hopped in the first available cab, and Oikawa comfortably leaned against Iwaizumi’s shoulder, closing his eyes. </p><p><em>   “How long’s the journey?” </em>He asked, softly. </p><p>  “45 minutes.” Iwaizumi responded in English, knowing that the cabbie might take advantage of them by taking a longer route if he thought neither of them knew the place. “I’ll wake you when we’re there.” He said softly, placing a gentle kiss on the top of Oikawa’s head, and the setter hummed as an acknowledgement to that. He was exhausted from the flight, that much was obvious. But he was adorable, and it made Iwaizumi smile. </p><p>  They pulled up outside the dorms, and Iwaizumi paid and thanked the cab driver as Oikawa got his suitcase out the trunk. <em> “Iwa-Chan, carry me.” </em>Oikawa requested, leaning most his weight onto the shorter. Iwaizumi relented easily, giving Oikawa a piggyback as he pulled the suitcase behind him. </p><p>  As he let himself into his dorm, he kicked the door closed behind him and walked over to his bed, gently dropping Oikawa onto it. <em> “We’re here.” </em> Iwa said quietly as he placed soft kisses up Oikawa’s neck. <em> “Wakey wakey, Tooru.” </em>He said, feeling Oikawa smile as he did. He worked his way up until he was pulling Oikawa’s earlobe in between his lips.</p><p>  "<em> Mmm Iwa-chan, </em> " Oikawa hummed finally, as if he were intoxicated by Iwaizumi's movements, " <em> I’ve missed you so much </em>." He pulled Iwaizumi's face toward his, connecting their lips at last. It was electric, and they both felt it. Oikawa slid his tongue along Iwaizumi's bottom lip and Iwaizumi parted them, making way for Oikawa's tongue without a second thought. He’d missed this feeling. Kissing Oikawa always felt right, and Oikawa sighed into Iwaizumi's mouth as if he had found exactly what he had been looking for.</p><p>  Iwaizumi pushed himself up, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling his t-shirt off over his head before kneeling onto the bed on all fours, hovering over Oikawa. The setter glanced at Iwaizumi’s chest and smirked, running his fingers up Iwaizumi’s skin, and up around his shoulders until his fingers linked behind the shorters neck, then he pulled him down into another kiss, this time kissing deeper, both of their tongues working heavily.</p><p>  Before long Oikawa's mouth was on the move. He allowed one of his hands to wander up through Iwaizumi’s hair as his lips began exploring Iwaizumi's neck and ears and jaw. His second hand started sliding down Iwa’s arms, then up the front of his chest. He was grinding his hips up towards Iwaizumi more fervently now, and Iwaizumi could feel that Oikawa was already rock hard against him. <em> “Someone’s excited.” </em> Iwaizumi commented through stuttered breath as Oikawa nibbled on his ear. </p><p>  One of Oikawa’s hands made its way south, pressing down on the bulge that had formed in the front of Iwaizumi’s jeans. <em> “Seems like you’re excited too.” </em>He spoke lazily, clearly tired. </p><p>  <em> “If you fall asleep on me, I’ll kick your ass.” </em>Iwaizumi growled before moving his head to gently bite down against Oikawa's neck. Oikawa's back arched as he gasped at the missed sensation, and he let out a deep groan which made Iwaizumi's heart pound against his ribs with a newfound desperation. He sucked on Oikawa's skin hard enough to bruise but he didn’t stop, he couldn’t when Oikawa's hips were writhing against his own and small, desperate moans were escaping his boyfriend's mouth like a song of praise.</p><p>  He toyed with the edge of Oikawa’s tshirt, wanting to pull it off, but not wanting to take his lips off Oikawa for even a second. Finally, he decided it would be worth the few seconds of distance to remove the barriers between him and Oikawa’s bare chest. He pulled Oikawa's shirt off and the latter roughly pulled at his belt loops, forcing him even closer. He ducked down and bit at Oikawa's chest, sucking at his skin as Oikawa squirmed and moaned, just like he had wanted him to. He licked across Oikawa's nipple, pulled it into his mouth, gently taking it between his teeth, and Oikawa hummed at the feeling, allowing his hands to unbutton and pull open Iwaizumi's pants, sliding the zipper down then pressing his palm against his length the moment it was within reach. Iwaizumi huffed as he dropped his head to touch Oikawa's shoulder. Iwaizumi felt his hips grinding down into him, and he was becoming desperate to get his boxers out of the way so he could feel Oikawa's palm, so that he could feel skin against skin.</p><p>  <em> “Wait.” </em>Iwaizumi said, suddenly, and Oikawa stopped instantly, pulling back to look up at Iwa.</p><p>  <em> “Is everything alright?” </em>Oikawa asked, concerned. The way he cared about Iwaizumi was always heartwarming.</p><p>  The spiker shook his head. <em> “I... forgot to buy lube…” </em>He said, with a solemn realisation in his voice. And Oikawa huffed out a small chuckle. </p><p>  <em> “Well luckily there are a few things we can do without lube.” </em> He smirked up at Iwaizumi, gripping his hips and rolling them over so that he was now straddling the shorter, grinning down at him hungrily. His lips move quickly from Iwaizumi’s neck, to his chest, down his abdomen, and to the already open parting in his jeans as he slid onto the floor, on his knees in front of Iwaizumi, who used this as an opportunity to sit up, resting his weight on one hand, and running the other through his hair as he looked down at Oikawa who was busy pulling Iwaizumi’s jeans and boxers down. He then glanced up as he wrapped one hand around the base of Iwaizumi's cock and closed his mouth over the hard length. He shallowly sucked Iwaizumi, teasing him before pulling off; taking a minute to remind Iwa of the other good things his mouth could do. He curled his tongue around his shaft and dragged it from the base to the tip, then went down on him again with the tiniest hint of teeth; something he knew would leave Iwaizumi gasping and rocking into him. </p><p>  "<em> Fuck. Tooru. </em> " Iwaizumi growled. <em> “I love it when you do that.” </em></p><p>  <em> "I can tell," </em> Oikawa said, pulling off to look up at Iwaizumi's flushed cheeks, his big, dark pupils. His cock was swollen and dripping, inches away from Oikawa's mouth. <em> “Start moving.” </em>Oikawa suggested in an almost threatening tone. </p><p>  Iwaizumi swallowed with an audible click, and his cheeks ran red, that same colour spreading down to colour his chest. Oikawa was always in control when he sucked Iwaizumi off, but shit, Iwaizumi was damn excited to do it this way too. Oikawa closed his eyes when he slid his lips around Iwaizumi’s dick once again. And he moaned around it when Iwa’s fingers twisted into his hair to steady his head as he bucked up slightly and the tip brushed the back of Oikawa’s throat.</p><p>  Oikawa <em> almost </em> gagged, but when Iwaizumi groaned, the sound was enough to help him stay focused, to make sure he could keep drawing that sound from his usually quiet boyfriend. He breathed deeply through his nose, and his throat settled and he hummed a little, gripping behind Iwaizumi’s knees in an attempt to pull him closer. Iwaizumi needed almost no encouragement. He began rolling his hips and dictating how Oikawa’s head moved, allowing his cock to drag back and forth in semi-shallow thrusts over Oikawa's tongue. Slowly, the thrusts started to deepen and soon enough Iwaizumi was pressing himself to the back of Oikawa's throat again, staying there and pushing deeper, and, fuck, Oikawa felt good around him. </p><p>  "<em>God…God, Tooru. </em>"</p><p>  "<em>Mmm </em>." Oikawa hummed. He couldn’t speak, but he was desperate for Iwaizumi to know how good this felt for him too, how it was making his head spin and his cock ache against the tight fabric of his still buttoned jeans. He flicked the snap open without another thought, getting his zipper down and his cock in his hand so he could stroke himself to the same rhythm of Iwaizumi's thrusts. They were harder and faster now and he was really feeling it. His eyes were watering and he was drooling, spit and precum dripping from the sides of his mouth, down to his chin. He was feeling a little light headed and his own cock was leaking, his hips rocking forward into empty air, but he knew he could last just a little longer because Iwaizumi was close. His breathing was harsher and his hips were slowly falling out of rhythm, thrusting shallowly a few times and then jerking deep into Oikawa once more and then staying in place, letting out a rough groan as he came directly down Oikawa's throat.</p><p>  Oikawa's eyes were streaming, he swallowed convulsively as he dug one hands fingers into Iwaizumi's thigh, mildly afraid of choking before Iwaizumi was finished, but then Iwaizumi moaned one final time before tugging back on Oikawa's hair as he pulls his mouth off of him.</p><p>  "Shit," Iwaizumi said, English and gravelly as he looked down at Oikawa with heavy-lidded eyes, taking in the sight of him jerking himself with rapid, shallow strokes over the head of his cock, before rubbing his palm roughly over the tip and crying out as he came into his hand. And, for Oikawa, it felt good. Getting off with Iwaizumi's taste in his mouth and his hand still tangled in his hair, pulling his head back. The spiker huffed out a near-pathetic chuckle as he tucked a single finger under Oikawa’s chin, tilting his face up slightly to capture his lips in a kiss, unphased by where his mouth had just been. <em> “I missed you.” </em>He smiled.</p><p>  Oikawa huffed out a small chuckle. <em> “You missed me? Or you missed that?” </em> He asked teasingly, and Iwaizumi’s smile turned into a smirk.</p><p>  <em> “Can’t it be both?” </em> He retorted, tucking himself back into his underwear and pulling off his jeans, Oikawa standing and doing the same himself. As Oikawa kicked his jeans to one side, Iwaizumi gripped his thigh and pulled him closer so that Oikawa was standing over him as he remained seated. <em> “I missed </em> <em> you </em> <em> , Tooru.” </em> Iwaizumi repeated, and the setter smiled, leaning down to place a slow, light kiss on his boyfriend's lips.</p><p>  <em> “I missed you too, Hajime.” </em> He said sleepily. <em> “Can we go to bed now? In my head it’s like 3am. I need some sleep.” </em>Iwaizumi nodded, and rolled over, lifting the duvet with him and patting the bed for Oikawa to join him. The setter did so.</p><p>  <em> “I have class in the morning, but you can stay here while I go, then after I can come back and get you and we can go and play some beach volleyball with the guys if you want?” </em> Iwaizumi suggested as he nuzzled into the back of Oikawa. </p><p>  Oikawa pouted. <em> “So no just us time tomorrow?” </em>He asked, clearly disappointed. </p><p>  <em> “Oi. I didn’t say that.” </em> Iwaizumi responded. <em> “I was thinking maybe we go out for a nice meal tomorrow night…” </em> He began carding his fingers through Oikawa’s hair, leaning up on his other arm, <em> “And then maybe we can take a walk down the seafront, under the stars...” </em> He felt a warmth swell inside him as he saw Oikawa’s pout relax into a small smile as he continued speaking. <em> “And then we can come back here, and I’ll do that thing you really like…” </em> Oikawa rolled over to face Iwaizumi. <em> “And then to cool down, we can watch a movie and eat some ice-cream.” </em>The setter reached one hand up, cupping Iwaizumi’s face.</p><p>  “Te amo, mi amor.” Oikawa said, placing a gentle kiss on Iwaizumi’s chin. </p><p>  “I love you too.” Iwaizumi responded, planting a kiss on Oikawa’s forehead, and pulling him in closely, and inhaling that citrusy scent as much as he could, knowing that in less than a week he’d be alone in this bed again. But he didn’t want to think about that right now. Right now he just wanted to hold Oikawa. </p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>  For the first time since he arrived in America, Iwaizumi was late for class. He barged into the lecture hall almost twenty minutes late, looking disheveled - like he had just rolled out of bed. His entrance was loud, and everyone looked at him. He bowed, “I’m so sorry for being late and interrupting.” He apologised sincerely. His professor told him to take his seat and he could explain later. He nodded and sat next to Nate, pulling out his notebook, ready to start taking notes.</p><p>  Nate leaned over to him and whispered. “Morning sex?” He asked, and Iwa flushed brightly.</p><p>  His eyes darted straight to Nate. “Am I that easy to read?” He whispered back. </p><p>  “To me you are.” The blond shrugged. “I have the inside information of Ru being here though. Was he worth the embarrassment?” He asked, riskily.</p><p>  Iwa smirked, looking back to the front of the lecture hall. “Fuck yeah.” He said with certainty. Nate chuckled at that. Iwaizumi had been warned about him by Sam and Jack separately, but he honestly didn’t see their problem. Sure, he was a little flirtatious, but a lot of people were here, so surely that was relatively normal, right? He had no plans to distance himself from the guy just yet, but he would keep his wits about him when it came to Nate for the time being. “You up for some beach volleyball today?  I haven’t had chance to message the group, but Tooru seemed excited about trying it this morning.” Nate nodded.</p><p>  “Sounds like fun.” He confirmed, and Iwa subtly pulled out his phone to text the rest of them, sending a sneaky one to Oikawa too, just to let him know how he had made him late, and that he would absolutely get him back when he came to Argentina on one of his breaks. </p><p> </p><p>  Iwa was, of course, kept behind after the lecture. “I’m sure you understand why I kept you behind?” He asked, and Iwaizumi nodded. “It’s not like you to be late. Is everything alright?”</p><p>  “Oh, yeah. Everything's fine.” He insisted. “I just have a friend visiting, so my schedule was a little off this morning. I’m sorry, it won't happen again.” He apologised.</p><p>  His professor nodded. “Alright then, good.” He dismissed Iwaizumi, giving him one last warning to not be late to the next lecture, and Iwa assured he wouldn’t be.</p><p>  Oikawa called Iwaizumi the moment he left the hall, as if he knew that Iwa had stayed behind. <em> “Hey Iwa-Chan! Are you on your way back? I’m hungry.” </em>He whined. </p><p>  Iwaizumi chuckled softly. <em> “Yeah, I’m headed back now. Get into something beach-friendly, the guys are happy to go for some volleyball.” </em>He smiled as he spoke - he was looking forward to them all meeting Oikawa. </p><p>  <em> “Absolutely! I’ll pick out an outfit for Iwa-Chan too.” </em>He beamed.</p><p>  Fuck, he was cute. <em> “Alright, alright. I’ll be back soon. I love you.” </em>He said, and Oikawa mumbled the same back as he hung up, obviously wanting to have Iwa’s outfit picked out before he got back.</p><p>  “Hey, Jimmy,” A firm grasp on the back of his arm, and as if by natural reaction, he yanked his arm away, and turned, a stern and pissed off look written on his face. Nate held his hands up in defence. “Woah, chill out, it’s just me.” Iwaizumi sighed in relief.</p><p>  “What do you want, Nate?” Iwa asked, trying to calm his heart rate down. Shit, he shouldn’t be this panicked here, it wasn’t a big deal - it was just a touch.</p><p>  Nate frowned. “What the hell’s up with you?” He asked, clearly referring to Iwa’s sudden change of tone. “You were fine this morning, and suddenly you’re in a bad mood?” </p><p>  Iwaizumi sighed. “I’m fine.” He brushed it off. “Just don’t… sneak up on me… or grab me like that… okay?” He requested, and Nate laughed it off, before realising Iwa was being serious.</p><p>  “Oh…” He cleared his throat. “Sorry. Yeah I won’t do that again.” He confirmed. “Why was that a big deal?” He asked, seemingly annoyed.</p><p>  “That’s none of your business.” Iwaizumi snapped, then reeled back, realising how harsh that was. “Just… don’t ask…” He said in a still serious tone. “It’s nothing to do with you. So drop it, and give me a little space, okay?” </p><p>  “Okay…” Nate agreed. “Touchy.” He mumbled, as he tried to fling an arm around Iwaizumi’s shoulders, and that was the last straw for Iwaizumi. He shoved Nate back, and gripped him by the collar of his shirt, slamming him into the closest wall.</p><p>  “It’s not something <em> you </em> have the right to joke about, asshole. And if I’m ‘touchy’ about it, it’s because there’s a good fucking reason for me to be. Get it through you fucking head that maybe not everything was good for me before I ended up here, and the stuff that happened to me is none of your business. But if I say to give me my space and to drop it, then give me my space and fucking drop it.” He glared at the taller for a few seconds before letting go and pushing himself back, walking away without saying anything else. He may have been a little too harsh there, but that would probably keep Nate from prying, at least for a little while. </p><p> </p><p>  He entered the dorm looking miserable. <em> “Iwa-Chan!” </em> Oikawa beamed, but his smile dropped the moment he saw the fake one on Iwaizumi’s face. <em> “What happened? Are you alright?” </em>He asked, softly touching Iwa’s arms, running his fingers up them.</p><p>  Iwaizumi shook his head. <em> “I had my first panic… thing… since I got here.” </em> He explained, and Oikawa tilted his head, as if he were waiting for more. <em> “I freaked out and I lost it at Nate.” </em> He sighed deeply, and Oikawa placed a soft kiss on his head.</p><p>  <em> “Haji, do you still want to go out? We can stay in instead and talk about it if you want?” </em>His words sounded sincere, but Iwa knew he wanted to go - he was definitely excited about today, that was obvious.</p><p>  <em> “It's alright.” </em> Iwaizumi insisted. <em> “I need to apologise to him anyway.” </em> He smiled softly and leaned into the touch as Oikawa placed a hand on his cheek. <em> “I love you.” </em> He said in appreciation. <em> “Show me the outfit you chose for me.” </em>He asked, and Oikawa did a little excited hop and pulled Iwaizumi into the small dorm room.</p><p>  He gestured at 3 different outfits on the bed. <em> “I was thinking you could choose which you would rather.” </em>He suggested, standing behind Iwaizumi, and resting his chin on his shoulder and hugging around his waist.</p><p>  Iwaizumi chuckled. <em> “You’re so excessive.” </em> He commented, picking up the closest outfit: his black shorts and a grey sleeveless pullover. <em> “This will do fine. Thank you, Tooru.” </em>Oikawa smiled as Iwa planted a kiss on his cheek, then picked up the other two options, putting them away as Iwaizumi got changed.</p><p>  <em> “You look great. That’s the outfit I liked best too.” </em> Oikawa commented, grabbing a black snapback of the side and sliding it backwards onto Iwaizumi’s head, linking his fingers loosely behind the shorters neck as he smiled down at him. <em> “Have we got time to get something to eat before we meet everyone? I’m starving! You have no food here, Iwa-Chan.” </em> Oikawa complained. <em> “You are eating enough, right? Where even is the kitchen?” </em>He asked, slightly concerned.</p><p>  Iwaizumi huffed and smiled, placing a kiss on the corner of Oikawa’s mouth. <em> “The kitchen is down the hall - it’s shared by this floor. Yes I’m eating enough. Are you?” </em>Iwa asked in return, knowing Oikawa wasn’t that good at cooking.</p><p>  <em> “Yes, Iwa-Chan. I… I started taking some cooking classes.” </em>He smiled, and Iwaizumi looked proud of him for taking the initiative to do something like this. </p><p>  <em> “Well good. Let’s go.” </em>He grabbed Oikawa’s hand, and his sunglasses off his desk, and the two of them left. “Do you want to practice speaking English before we meet up with them?” Iwa asked as the two of them walked away from the dorm building. It felt strange, openly holding hands on the way to their destination:- no prying eyes, or judgemental looks. It was like a dream. </p><p>  “Yeah. I’ll practice.” Oikawa smiled. “I think I understand English well enough though.” He said, certainly. </p><p>  “Oh really?” Iwaizumi teased. “Well, why don’t you tell me about how things are going with the Argentinian team?” He asked, realising that they hadn’t really done much talking since Oikawa had arrived. </p><p>  “Well, Hajime, it’s been really great. It was scary at first. I didn’t really know what I was doing, or how to deal with new people and-”</p><p>  “Wait, what?” Iwaizumi interrupted. “You had trouble dealing with new people? Back home you were always so… good with people.”</p><p>  Oikawa laughed. “Back home I had you as a safety net.” He commented. “I could risk being over-confident because I knew if I fucked it up, I’d still have you there.” He blushed a little on saying that. “And then seeing that you made a friend the moment someone spoke to you, I felt really pathetic? Does that make sense?”</p><p>  Iwaizumi looked at him, brow furrowed and a sincere concern in his eyes. “Tooru… Yeah that makes sense.” He squeezed Oikawa’s hand a little tighter, and moved a little closer. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there with you.” He said honestly. “You’ve always been there the moments I’ve needed you to, especially this past year, so I’m really sorry. I didn’t think meeting people would be difficult for you at all.”</p><p>  Oikawa shrugged. “It’s fine now. The team has taken me under their wing.” He confirmed. “They seem to respect me even though I’m not a starter yet. They call me what I can only translate as ‘Japanese baby’, and they keep getting me drunk.” He chuckled. “I think they like me. They ask about you a lot too.” He nudged Iwaizumi slightly. “They like to make sure you’re taking care of me.” Iwaizumi glanced at him - fuck he looked gorgeous right now, his skin was beautifully sunkissed, and his freckles were prominent. His hair was also a little lighter; slightly sun bleached, and all of these things made the slight golden hints in his brown eyes stand out even more. And all he could think as he listened to Oikawa ramble on was how lucky he was that this walking pillar of beauty had fallen in love with him too. </p><p> </p><p>  They soon approached a cafe that Iwaizumi was certain Oikawa would like, and even made the setter sit as he ordered for the both of them. “You’re gonna like this place.” He smiled as he sat down across from his boyfriend. “They do a really good Spanish omelette.” He confirmed.</p><p>  <em> “Can we take a break from English? I know I’ll have to speak it all afternoon, but it’s easier to talk to you in Japanese.” </em>Oikawa requested. Iwaizumi could never say no to him.</p><p>  <em> “Of course.” </em>The two of them talked more about Oikawa’s time in Argentina, and Iwaizumi told him that he had pretty much decided that during fall break at the end of October he’d come out to Argentina - if Oikawa wanted him there. The setter agreed to that instantly, starting up about all the places he wanted to take Iwaizumi. </p><p>  Iwa then told him about his schedule for the week, about how he was off on Tuesdays, had a full day on Wednesday, and had only two classes on Thursday and Friday. <em> “So I get you all day tomorrow then?” </em> Oikawa smirked. <em> “We better buy some lube tonight okay? My ass is still stinging from this morning. I can’t believe I let you fuck me without any.” </em> Iwaizumi flushed furiously, and Oikawa merely laughed at the sight. </p><p>  <em> “From what I remember, it was you that jumped me. And you made me late for class.” </em> He frowned. </p><p>  <em> “It was worth it though.”  </em></p><p><em>   “Fucking too right it was worth it.” </em> He agreed, causing a smile to creep onto the setters face. <em> “But if you make me late again, I’ll have to kick your ass.” </em> He smirked.</p><p>  Oikawa scoffed at that. <em> “Oh please. As if you’d waste a second of my time here kicking my ass.” </em> He grinned as he ran his foot up the inside of Iwaizumi’s leg, pulling a visible reaction from the shorter. </p><p>  Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa’s ankle and glared slightly. <em> “Not here.” </em> He warned. <em> “I have better self control than you, and I don’t want you to get me kicked out of here.” </em>Oikawa smiled, and laughed a little.</p><p>  </p><p>  They ate with light conversation, Iwaizumi telling Oikawa about some new techniques he learned that he thought might help the setter the next time he overtrains his knee, because even though he continuously told him not to, he knew Oikawa well enough to know that training was his release when he was upset, or angry, or stressed. They then slowly made their way to the beach. Oikawa was nervous. He didn’t confess to that, but Iwaizumi could tell by the way he was rambling on. </p><p>  Iwa stopped, which distracted him from whatever he was saying - he didn’t even know anymore. <em> “Iwa-Chan? Are you okay?” </em>Oikawa asked, concerned.</p><p>  “Tooru, are you okay?” He responded. “You’re rambling in a mix of Spanish and Japanese, and I can’t keep up.” He chuckled slightly as he stroked Oikawa’s cheek with the back of his hand. “Relax, they’ll love you.” He confirmed. “And if they don’t, who cares? I love you, and nothing will change that.” </p><p>  Oikawa placed his hand on top of Iwaizumi’s, and pulled it down so he was holding it by his chest. “Thank you.” He said softly. “I’m just… I’m nervous. If they don’t like me won’t it be awkward for you?” </p><p>  “Don’t be stupid. It won’t change anything.” Iwa assured. “Come on. Let’s go.” He placed a small kiss on Oikawa’s cheek, then pulled him on ahead, leading the way. Oikawa was awestruck the moment he saw the ocean. It was hard to believe that it was the same ocean as the one in Japan - not that he visited the beach a lot back home. He actually stopped in his tracks when he saw the sight. Iwaizumi looked back at him. “Tooru?”</p><p>  Oikawa’s eyes remained fixed on the ocean. “It’s… Hajime… it’s beautiful…” Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, and Iwaizumi smiled at him, moving in closer and gripping his arm as he leaned his head on the tallers shoulder. Oikawa glanced down at Iwa, then back at the view. “We can watch the sunset here later, right?” He asked softly. </p><p>  “I know a better spot.” Iwaizumi commented, before pushing on. “We’re almost there, are you ready?” He asked one final time, getting a single nod of confirmation before he pulled Oikawa behind him down onto a section of the beach 20 meters away. </p><p>  “Jimmy!” One of the group called out the moment they noticed him, which triggered the other three to call out to him too. The one that had first noticed him came bounding over. Oikawa recognised him from the background of a lot of Iwa’s video calls - his dorm mate, Jack. “And this gorgeous pillar must be Ru.” He said, gesturing to Oikawa.</p><p>  The setter bowed slightly. “Yes. I’m the amazing setter and boyfriend you’ve heard so much about.” He smiled as he straightened up. “You’re the roommate, right?” Oikawa asked. “Jack?”</p><p>  “That’s me!” He replied as the three of them made their way back over to the rest of the group. “Let me introduce you to everyone.” Jack offered, kindly.</p><p>  Oikawa stopped him. “Wait, let me guess.” He insisted. “Okay…” He pointed at Nate. “I remember you from that first facetime, draping yourself all over Iwa-Chan.”</p><p>  “Tooru.” Iwaizumi snapped at him slightly, and Oikawa huffed out a sigh, rolling his eyes.</p><p>  “Sorry.” He apologised, relatively insincerely. “Anyway, you’re Nate.” He confirmed, then moved over to Chase. “You’re the one that reminds Iwa-Chan of himself if he was an American, Chase.” Then he pointed at Sam. “And you are new.” He stated, simply. “So you’re Sam then?” He asked, and the shorter nodded.</p><p>  “You…” Sam started, “Are a lot taller than I imagined.” His face turned into a grin, which caused Oikawa to be confused. Even more so when Sam’s arm shot up in the air. “I call Ru on my team!” He yelled, and Iwaizumi chuckled as he landed a hand on the setters back.</p><p>  “Welcome to the group, Tooru.” Oikawa smiled, feeling like maybe he would fit in here.</p><p>  As much as Sam was desperate to have Oikawa on his team, they ended up drawing names to decide on teams. Oikawa was with Jack and Nate, and Iwaizumi was with Chase and Sam. He smirked at Oikawa across the net. “I bet you’ll fall flat on your face when you first try and serve.” He taunted, and Oikawa rolled his eyes.</p><p>  <em> “If you manage to win, I’ll let you fuck me into oblivion like you did this morning. But when I win, I’m gonna make you beg, just like I did that first night, Hajime.” </em>He smirked back, and his eyes widened when he realised Iwaizumi’s flush of embarrassment, and Sam laughing, hard. He glanced between the two of them. “Wait…” he paused, slowly realising what had just happened. </p><p>  “Sam speaks Japanese.” Iwaizumi stated as his embarrassment fell to laughter, and Oikawa's cheeks turned red.</p><p>  Sam slammed a hand on the keeled over Iwaizumi’s back. “You didn’t strike me as a begger, Jimmy.” He laughed. The rest of them looked between the three, trying to figure out what happened. “Our new friend here just made a very sexual deal with Jimmy.” Sam explained to the rest of them.</p><p>  “That’s not fair!” Oikawa complained, chuckling a little himself now. “I didn’t know anyone else here could speak Japanese! Iwa-Chan, you should have warned me!” He whined slightly. </p><p>  Iwaizumi caught his breath, standing up straight again. “Why would I do that, when this is so much funnier?” He grinned at the setter. “Now shut up and lets play, Kusokawa.” He tossed the ball over the net to the setter, giving the first serve to him as he wanted to see how quickly he’d adapt to the sand.</p><p>  </p><p>  Oikawa stamped his feet on the sand as he got into position to serve, hopping a few times to get a feel of how hard he’d have to take off. “What are you doing?” Nate asked after Oikawa’s fifth small jump. </p><p>  “I’m getting a feeling for the terrain.” Oikawa explained. “It’s… erm… what’s the word?” He pondered for a few seconds as he continued to tap on the sand with his feet. “Unusual.” He said, finally. </p><p>  “Serve the ball, Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi called over, and Oikawa smirked, nodding as he gained the feel of the sand. The serve wasn’t perfect, and it was far from the best he could do - he hadn’t accounted properly for the wind, so it was further left than he would have wanted- but it was powerful, and it was one that Iwaizumi had to dive to receive. “Sorry!” The spiker called to Sam, who was preparing to set. The ball was a little off angle but Sam got to the right position, and set it to Chase almost perfectly. </p><p>  Chase slammed the ball down, but Oikawa managed to dig it up, perfectly positioned for Jack, and he took a few steps back, before calling for the ball, and launching up to spike, the power he put behind it causing the ball to bounce highly back off the sand. </p><p>  Jack, Nate, and Oikawa all cheered in unison about the point that they had taken easily. “What the hell was that?” Chase yelled. “Your serve was insane, and you can spike like that? Why the hell are you a setter?” He asked, sounding angry, but genuinely curious.</p><p>  Oikawa shrugged. “I’ve always had a knack for being able to notice people’s strengths and weaknesses in a game, and a setter can take advantage of those things easily. The setter is the one who can make or break a game.” He gestured towards Iwaizumi. “Iwa-Chan knows what I mean.” </p><p>  “While we’re hovering around the subject…” Nate interrupted. “What’s with this ‘Iwa-Chan’ nickname?” He asked, curiously. </p><p>  Oikawa smiled at the question. “In Japan, we usually call each other by their family names, because given names are usually more intimate(?) if that makes sense? So back in Japan, Iwa-Chan would only be called ‘Hajime’ by family, parents friends, and partners, and everyone else would call him Iwaizumi, or Iwa. I called him ‘Hajime-Chan’ until we started going to school, then he told me I had to call him Iwaizumi. So we compromised with ‘Iwa-Chan’.” He smiled at Iwaizumi. </p><p>  “Wait, so why don’t you call him ‘Hajime’ now?” He asked for clarification.</p><p>  That was a hard question to answer. “I do, sometimes.” Oikawa responded. “Just…” He glanced at his boyfriend, “at more emotionally important times.” He explained, smiling softly as he thought about it. </p><p> </p><p>  They played for a little while, Oikawa getting better with each point, and the teams switching up after a few sets. They all sat on the beach after, looking out over the sea. Oikawa sat behind Iwaizumi, his legs either side of him, and his palms pressed into the sand behind him, supporting both his and Iwaizumi’s weight. It was nice for Iwa, having the warmth of Oikawa pressed up behind him. He had missed this feeling. </p><p>  “So, Ru,” Nate started, dropping into the sand next to the pair. “What do you think of California so far?” Iwaizumi’s cheek was pressed against Oikawa’s chest at this point, and he heard Oikawa’s heart pick up slightly at the question. </p><p>  Oikawa didn’t answer instantly. He took a minute to think about it, to think about what to say. “It’s hot.” He responded, simply. “And I’ve missed the ocean. It’s nice to see it again. And the beach. And the cafe we went to earlier was really nice too.” He placed a gentle kiss on Iwaizumi’s head before continuing. “But none of that really matters. I’d happily stay in that tiny dorm room for my entire trip if Iwa-Chan was with me.” Iwaizumi smiled, and Oikawa did too as he leaned forward slightly, wrapping his arms firmly around his boyfriend and squeezing tightly. “After all, I’m here to see him.” He clarified, and Nate smiled. </p><p>  “I’m having a party tomorrow.” He said, simply. “Are you guys coming?” He invited, a little to Iwaizumi’s surprise. He had known the party was happening, he just thought it was going to be a surprise. </p><p>  “Oh. I don’t know.” Oikawa responded, honestly. “Iwa-Chan? Are we going?” He asked. He obviously wanted to go, so saying no would be cruel. </p><p>  “I haven’t planned anything for us tomorrow, so if you want to go, we can.” He confirmed, and the setter nodded, excited. </p><p>  “We’ll be there.” Oikawa beamed, and Nate nodded, pushing himself up, and suddenly charging over to Jack and Chase who were standing about fifty meters away, tackling the latter to the floor, starting a sand fight he was bound to lose. Iwaizumi laughed, watching the two for a few minutes, until Chase got Nate into a headlock, and started dragging him towards the sea. “Oh god.” Iwaizumi started, tapping Oikawa’s arm to get let free, which the setter did instantly. “I should probably stop him from drowning Nate- CHASE!” He yelled as he started towards them, leaving Oikawa sitting in the sand, Sam a few feet behind him. The shorter scooted forwards so he was sitting next to Oikawa. </p><p>  “So, what’s your opinion on everyone then?” </p><p>  Oikawa felt like this was a trap. He couldn’t quite pin down if he trusted this guy or not - he gave off a different vibe than the rest of them. Sure, Nate had an extremely obvious crush on Iwaizumi, but he wouldn’t do anything about it. He was just a bit too dumb to plot anything devious. And Jack and Chase were focused only on each other. But this guy? He was smart. And he wasn’t the type to give any information that could negatively affect him. In fact, if Oikawa hadn’t spoken Japanese to Iwa earlier, he probably wouldn’t have found out that Sam was fluent in it. He was definitely one to hide as much about himself as possible. “I think everyone here is good for Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa said, finally. “He’s managed to land himself a good group of friends.” He smiled as he looked back over at Iwaizumi, who he could still hear shouting from here. </p><p>  Sam hummed in response. “And Nate?” He asked, curiously.</p><p>  Oikawa glanced at him. “He seems nice enough.”</p><p>  “You’re observant, Ru.” Sam started. “Jimmy sees the best in everyone. Two of us had to point out Nate’s crush for him to realise it. But I know you noticed it instantly. You’ve probably known for a while though, right?” He asked, and Oikawa nodded.</p><p>  “I noticed it.” He said in response. “If he was going to try something, he’d try it straight out, and I trust Iwa-Chan to turn him down if that happens, so I’m not worried.” He explained, simply. “It’s the cunning ones you have to keep an eye on.” It was a subtle hint, but one he could tell Sam understood. “Not that it matters.” He shrugged, moving on quickly. “I trust Iwa-Chan. That’s all that matters.” He clarified, looking back over to Iwaizumi successfully prying Chase off Nate. “And he’s happy here. I don’t want to make him feel awkward because I start an unnecessary argument, you know?”</p><p>  Sam nodded. “Yeah I get that.” He agreed. “You’re a good guy, Ru.” He said, simply, and Oikawa shrugged. “Jimmy’s a lucky guy.” He commented, staring at Oikawa, who could feel the eyes on him, but chose not to acknowledge that, and instead just hummed. </p><p>  “I think I’m the lucky one.” He responded. “Iwa-Chan doesn’t realise how much of a catch he really is, and if he did, he’d know he could do better.” He chuckled half-heartedly as he ran his fingers through his hair, landing his elbow on his knee and resting it there.</p><p>  “You undervalue yourself.” Sam observed, placing a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder, and the setter tensed up slightly. “Woah, tense.” He commented. “Someone needs a shoulder rub.” Oikawa batted his hand away, and glared at him a little.</p><p>  <em> “I’m tense because someone I don’t know touched me. Don’t do that.” </em> He insisted, firmly, and Sam raised his hands in defence. </p><p>  “Wow, you switched back to Japanese. You must be serious.” He smirked. Yeah. Now Oikawa had decided. He did not like this guy. “Don’t worry. That won't happen again. I’d hate to make you… uncomfortable.” His tone didn’t sit right with Oikawa, and he couldn’t help wonder if Iwaizumi got an uneasy feeling from him too. He’d have to ask later. </p><p>  The other four made their way back over, and Oikawa had never felt more relieved to <em> not </em> be alone with someone before. Sure, he could take him easily, but this was one of Iwaizumi’s friends, and he probably wouldn’t appreciate Oikawa starting a fight. So he didn’t engage. </p><p>  Iwaizumi planted a quick kiss on Oikawa’s lips as he sat back down next to him, leaning on the setter's shoulder as he sat back next to him. It was a surprise, having Iwaizumi so… affectionate in public - he rarely was back in Japan. But this wasn’t Japan Iwaizumi. This was Cali Iwaizumi. Someone who wasn’t worried about people knowing he was gay. Someone who was more confident, who played beach volleyball, who left what happened to him in Japan behind him. This Iwaizumi was the real Iwaizumi. He could - and would - fend for himself. He was true to himself. And, even though he was homesick sometimes, he was happy here. And it made Oikawa happy to see that he had found himself. He hadn’t got to that point in Argentina yet. Sure, the team was looking after him, but he hadn’t really settled in properly yet. He didn’t want to let this get him into a bad mood, but he couldn’t help it - it made him feel like he was moving slower than he should.</p><p>  Iwaizumi noticed Oikawa’s mood change, and nudged him slightly. <em> “You okay?” </em> He asked, softly. Oikawa smiled at him, and nodded once. He didn’t want Iwaizumi to feel like he had to leave early because of him. He glanced at his phone, noting the time. <em> “We have a reservation in just under two hours. We should probably get going. Are you ready?” </em> Oikawa smiled. It was obvious what Iwa was doing, but he appreciated it. </p><p>  <em> “Yeah, let’s go.” </em> He agreed, and they both said goodbye to the rest of the group, agreeing to see them all the next day at Nate’s. </p><p>  </p><p>  They walked quietly back to the dorms, and once the door closed, Iwaizumi started up instantly. <em> “What happened?” </em> He questioned, concerned. Oikawa opened his mouth to respond, but Iwaizumi interrupted him before he could. <em> “And don’t give me that ‘it’s nothing’ bullshit. Tell me what’s wrong.” </em></p><p>  Oikawa smiled softly. <em> “It doesn’t matter, Iwa-Chan.” </em> He insisted, and Iwaizumi frowned at him, glaring. Oikawa stepped closer to him, tracing his fingers up and down Iwa’s arms. <em> “I don’t want to ruin our week.” </em> He tried to move on, placing kisses on Iwaizumi’s cheek, down towards his neck.</p><p>  <em> “Tooru…” </em> Iwaizumi whispered softly as Oikawa started nibbling softly on his neck. He almost got swept up in the moment. <em> Almost </em> . <em> “Tooru. Stop.” </em> He said firmly as he pushed the setter back. <em> “Don’t do that. Don’t try and distract me to avoid talking about what’s wrong.” </em> He stroked Oikawa’s cheek softly. <em> “Talk to me, Tooru.” </em> He guided Oikawa to the bed, sitting on the floor and leaning back against it, his boyfriend following suit. </p><p>  <em> “Okay…” </em> Oikawa hesitated. <em> “Don’t take this the wrong way. I like your friends, I do, But… it’s just-” </em></p><p>  <em> “Nate?” </em> Iwaizumi interrupted. <em> “Did he say something to you?” </em> He asked, accusingly.</p><p>  Oikawa shook his head. <em> “No, Nate isn’t a problem.” </em> He corrected. <em> “It’s Sam…” </em></p><p><em>   “Sam?” </em> Iwa asked, unsure. <em> “Are you sure?” </em> He didn’t want to sound like he was doubting Oikawa, but Sam had never seemed like the type to make anyone uneasy.</p><p>  The setter looked insulted. <em> “Just forget it if you’re not going to believe me.” </em> He snapped, going to push himself up, and Iwaizumi gripped his wrist, stopping him.</p><p>  <em> “I’m sorry. Tooru, tell me what happened? Please.” </em>He asked, softly.</p><p>  Oikawa sighed, sitting back down. <em> “He made me feel really uneasy, and on edge.” </em> He confessed, and Iwaizumi tilted his head, questioning. <em> “I don’t know what it was about him. He seems… cunning..? And he gripped my shoulder, and there was a strange feeling… I’m sorry. I don’t want to cause problems for you. I just-” </em></p><p><em>   “Tooru.” </em> Iwaizumi interrupted. <em> “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable while you’re here. What can I do?” </em>He asked, sincerely.</p><p>  The taller smiled softly. <em> “Just… don’t leave me alone with him. And don’t be alone with him. Okay?” </em> Iwaizumi nodded.</p><p>  <em> “Okay.” </em> He agreed. <em> “Whatever you need.” </em> He wrapped an arm around Oikawa, and pulled him in close. <em> “I love you, Tooru.” </em> He whispered softly.</p><p>  <em> “I love you too, Hajime.” </em> He smiled, and the two of them sat on the floor quietly for a while. They had a reservation that evening, but they had time, and it was comfortable here. So they stayed for a while, just embracing one another. And it felt nice. Being with each other felt right.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Follow my Twitter for updates, wips, and rants about writing: @toruoikxwa</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Maybe I needed more help than I thought...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Oikawa gently tilted Iwaizumi’s chin up, and smiled softly before placing a light kiss on his lips, pulling a hum from the shorter. Kissing Oikawa always felt comforting, like it was a safety. A security. “I love you.” Oikawa whispered as he nuzzled his nose into the top of Iwaizumi’s head.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>**Speech in italics represents speech in Japanese**</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  The restaurant was crowded, no wonder Iwaizumi made a reservation. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan, is this place really that good?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa whispered as the two were shown to their table, and Iwaizumi thanked the hostess as they sat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I’ve never been here before, Tooru. But I’ve only heard good things.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He smiled. Oikawa looked good in a suit, and he was so happy he’d brought one with him. Oikawa opened his mouth to speak further, but the waiter arrived, interrupting his train of thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Good evening, I’m Alex, and I’ll be serving the two of you tonight. Can I start you off with drinks?” This was one of those overly fancy places that wasn’t going to ID two men in suits, who looked buff and grown up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yes, can you surprise us with two of your finest cocktails?” Iwaizumi requested, and apparently it wasn’t an unreasonable order, as the waiter nodded, writing it down. “And some water for the table please.” He walked away and Iwaizumi grinned at Oikawa. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Apparently the cocktails here are good too. But I’m limiting you to two.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi warned, and Oikawa frowned. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Why?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He whined. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Remember July? That trip we took with Makki and Mattsun?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Not really…”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Exactly.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Iwaizumi chuckled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You had like four beers and you were gone. You’re a lightweight, Shittykawa.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He pointed out, a smile on his face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“But I’ll always look after you, so it’s okay.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa smiled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh, you’ll look after me, huh?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He reached a hand across the table, and Iwaizumi met him halfway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Always have, always will.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He confirmed, a crooked smile on his lips. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“So, Tooru, what do you want to eat?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked, glancing down at his own menu. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa looked at the menu, and sighed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I can't read this, Iwa-Chan.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He said, simply. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I can speak English easily, it’s not difficult to get the hang of that part. But I can’t read it.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi chuckled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re useless.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He smirked, obviously joking. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“What do you want? I’ll tell you if they have it.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“It’s Italian, right?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Iwa confirmed, and Oikawa leaned back, thinking for a few moments.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Do they have any Calamari? For the starter?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi looked over the menu. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“And do they have any spinach and ricotta pastas?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He asked, his menu closed in front of him as he studied Iwaizumi’s scrunched up face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah that’s fine.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The waiter returned with their drinks. “This is a Strawberry Mojito.” He said as he placed the drinks down in front of them. “It’s very popular with our more… exoctic crowd.” He said, glancing at Oikawa, then moving on before either of them could question the comment. “Have you decided on what you’d like to eat?” He asked, looking back at Iwaizumi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded, looking back at the menu. “Yes, for starters, we’d like the calamari to share please. And then for mains, I’ll have the Penne al pollo della casa, and my boyfriend here will have the Spinach and ricotta girasole.” He smiled at the waiter as he handed the menus back to him. “Thanks.” He said, dismissively, waiting for this guy to walk away before looking back at Oikawa.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“What was that?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oikawa asked when Iwaizumi looked back at him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You seemed to have a problem with him all of a sudden.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He observed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Did you hear what he said?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Iwa asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa smirked. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“He called me exotic.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He said with a slight pride. Iwaizumi cocked his head slightly, taking in how happy Oikawa looked at the comment. He clearly hadn’t picked up on the tone in the waiter's voice, and Iwaizumi didn’t want to rid the smile on Oikawa’s face, so maybe keeping the clear intention of the waiter's comment was better than sharing the truth. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“What?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oikawa asked. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“What’s with the face?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He asked, curiously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled as he shook his head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s nothing.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He insisted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I do have a question though…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He started, and Oikawa tilted his head, inviting the question. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“What was it that Sam said… or did… that made you feel so negatively about him?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked, cautiously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa sighed, his smile dropping slightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Don’t make a big deal, but I think he was flirting with me. Or he was trying to make me purposely uncomfortable.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He said, honestly, and Iwaizumi frowned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“What?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked, firmly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“When?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He knew the answer to that, but he didn’t know what else to ask.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“At the beach. When you were stopping Chase from drowning Nate. I didn’t wanna say anything. I didn’t want to cause problems for you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said, quietly. Iwaizumi’s jaw tensed slightly as he cleared his throat, looking down at his hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwa paused, considering what to say next. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you for telling me. Is that why you don’t want either of us alone with him?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He questioned, cracking his jaw involuntarily, as he tensed it again. Oikawa nodded, and Iwa sighed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I fucking hate this place sometimes.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He admitted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa’s brow furrowed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan… Don't let what I say ruin this place for you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He pleaded, sincerely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smiled softly, placing his hand back on top of Oikawa’s. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You could never ruin anywhere for me.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said, honestly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Let’s talk about something else. Tell me about some of these nights out the team takes you on?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He requested, and Oikawa smiled, going on a tirade about how they treat him like a baby but then pour drinks down his throat quicker than he can keep up with. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“They’re looking after you there, right?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi laughed, knowing they were but double checking anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Of course, mi amor.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oikawa confirmed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“They always make sure I get home safely, and they fight people off if they try hitting on me. I’m well taken care of, don’t worry.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The waiter dropped off their starters not too long later, hovering for a few seconds after he put the plate down. “Is there a problem?” Iwaizumi asked, seemingly short. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “No, not at all.” The waiter defended. “Can I just say, I think you speak English really well.” He smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded a thanks, and the waiter walked away. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“That was a little strange, right?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked Oikawa, wondering if it were just him that thought so.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa shrugged. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I guess. It doesn’t really matter though, does it?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I guess not. It seems unnecessary though.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “What’s up with you tonight?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa asked, noticing that Iwaizumi seemed slightly off about everything. Iwa cocked his head, curious to what the setter meant. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ve been a little on edge since we got here. Are you okay? We don’t have to stay here if you don’t want.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He suggested in hopes that it would help Iwa’s mood. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwa smiled softly at him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He apologised genuinely. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I just… I don’t know why he would try to make you uncomfortable. It’s not fair to you. At all.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Is it really getting to you this much?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa asked, suddenly feeling guilty for saying anything at all. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan, it’s fine. Don’t worry yourself with it. I’ll just-”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“You shouldn’t have to put up with that. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi interrupted, and Oikawa softly squeezed the shorters hand, gently smiling at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said, sincerely. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Now can we forget about it for tonight, and enjoy our date?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He requested, and Iwa nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Of course. Sorry.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>The two of them enjoyed the rest of their meal without any more word to the issue. Oikawa talked about how he’s fighting for the starting spot against a 27-year-old veteran of the game, so he’s unlikely to start this year, but strongly believes that next year - after synchronising with the team - he will have a good chance at starting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi, on the other hand, told Oikawa about how he hasn’t really had the opportunity to make a </span>
  <em>
    <span>huge</span>
  </em>
  <span> amount of academic progress, but he had made progress in another sense - he could now mention his surgery without getting overwhelmed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan! That’s huge!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa beamed in response to that. He paused for a second, wondering if now was the best time to talk about it, but Iwaizumi had initiated the conversation, so maybe it’d be alright. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Have you…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He hesitated. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Have you found a therapist here yet?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwa’s grin sank, and he let out a light sigh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I don't know that I need one.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said, honestly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I mean, honestly? I feel like I’m doing alright on the whole ‘keeping it together’ front.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He explained, and Oikawa frowned slightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Didn’t you lose it at Nate earlier? Surely if you still panic when someone touches you unexpectedly, then you should be talking to someone about it.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He could see the look in Iwaizumi’s eyes that said he didn’t want to talk about this more, so he finished up. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Look, your therapist back in Japan gave you some contacts for people here, right? Why don’t you just call a few of them? Just have a talk, and see if you think any of them can help.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The spiker sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes with one hand. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“If I agree to call them tomorrow, can we drop it for tonight?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked, knowing that Oikawa would agree to that. He did. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>  The sun had been set a long while by the time they were leaving the restaurant, and as expected, the first thing Oikawa did was look up. Iwaizumi gazed at him, and smiled, falling in love a little more with the setter as he seemed to search for something familiar in the sky. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“The sky is different.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said eventually, as Iwa linked his fingers with his, and started leading him to the next point of his plan tonight. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“People don’t tend to think about it but since Argentina is South of the equator, it has a different celestial map entirely.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He continued, letting Iwaizumi pull him along as he continued to stare at the stars. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You probably wouldn’t notice at a single glance, but if you spend as much time stargazing as I do…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He sighed, then glanced at Iwaizumi who was a few steps in front of him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“The sky in Argentina makes me miss home.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He confessed and Iwa squeezed his hand a little tighter, silently comforting him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It makes me miss you.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He watched the small portion he could see of Iwaizumi’s face as he spoke, and warmed up a little as his lip turned up slightly at the comment. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Where are we going?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oikawa asked after a few minutes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi finally glanced back at Oikawa, and smirked at the setter, not responding, but pulling Oikawa a little faster as he turned away, dragging him around a corner, then up a small set of steps which led to a small field, lit only by candlelit lanterns, placed around a white blanket. Iwaizumi gestured out his hand, turning back to the setter, grinning widely at the look of surprise on his face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Tah-dah.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said, softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa smiled, tearing up a little. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan! This is beautiful.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He beamed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“How did you even set this up?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked as he walked over to the blanket, taking a seat and smiling up at the shorter, who was standing with his hands in his pants pockets, shoulders hunched slightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He blushed a little at how Oikawa was looking at him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I had a little help.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He confessed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I thought you might like it.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He shrugged a little sheepishly, walking over to take a seat next to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa was hovering over him almost instantly, his legs either side of Iwaizumi’s hips. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Iwaizumi Hajime, sometimes the things you do for me drive me crazy.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He said, passionately. He lowered his face, lips hovering just above Iwaizumi's lips, and hands on his cheeks. Iwa was leaning back on his hands, holding them both up. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“How private is this place?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa asked, quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi smirked. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“No one comes up here.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He confirmed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“We’re completely alone.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>The way Oikawa kissed him then was different than he had before. It felt a little like they'd gone years without the other's touch. Soulmates whose separation was crushing both of them. And now that they'd finally reunited, here and now, nothing was going to keep them apart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa moved his hand down to Iwaizumi’s thigh, stopping once he felt the bulge in his pants, then coaxing it with his palm until he felt it grow fully hard. He pulled back, and Iwa looked up at him, eyes warm and hazy. Then Oikawa unzipped Iwa’s pants, and he blinked his eyes wide. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Tooru-”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “No.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa interrupted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Just hush.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He insisted as he pulled Iwaizumi's length free of fabric. Iwa shuddered and his eyes fluttered closed at the contact and Oikawa couldn't help but sigh and smile at how hot he looked. Then Oikawa slid down, and leaned in, slowly dragging his tongue up the length of his shaft. Iwaizumi’s entire body shook and his hands twitched, gripping the blanket firmly. Oikawa repeated the motion in a different spot, swirling his tongue around the head. Iwaizumi let out a faint groan audible under the sound of his sigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Wait-” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi whispered. Oikawa didn’t listen, sinking his mouth down over Iwa’s length, and feeling his own twitch at the moan that then rose from Iwaizumi's chest. He dragged his mouth up painfully slowly a few times, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Tooru, wait.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said again, quietly and breathy. The setter groaned at the way Iwaizumi’s hips pushed up into the motion to try and make the sensation last. He rolled his tongue around the shaft, encircling the head a few times, then started moving at a slightly faster rhythm. Iwaizumi’s chest was heaving exceptionally hard in what Oikawa could only view as lust, and one of his hands lifted up to rest fingers in Oikawa's hair. Oikawa hummed again and Iwaizumi's hips twitched as he groaned. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“To- Tooru- please wait…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi muttered, tightening his fingers in the tallers hair, pulling it lightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“St-” </span>
  </em>
  <span>His breath stuttered. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Oikawa stop!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He managed finally loud enough for Oikawa to hear as he pulled his head back, and shoved him away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa looked at him, brow furrowed in concern as Iwaizumi pushed him back, curling his knees into his chest, and wrapping his arms around his legs as he leaned his forehead against his knees, breathing heavily. And suddenly it hit Oikawa, and he realised how many times Iwa had said wait while he was too distracted to notice it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He reached a hand forward, touching Iwaizumi lightly, and he flinched away from the touch, snapping his eyes up to glare at Oikawa. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I- I’m sorry…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said, quietly. Iwaizumi just continued to glare. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I should have stopped. I’m so sorry.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shook his head, and scoffed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Three times.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He stated firmly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I asked you three times to just wait, and I had to shove you back and yell at you to stop to get you to stop.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said with a flat tone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa reiterated. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s no excuse, but… it’s just you ask me to wait every time… and I do every time… and when I do, you just smile at me, say ‘okay’, and then we keep going… I don’t really get it. I’m sorry. I know I should have stopped. I really am sorry, Hajime.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi glared at him further. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You don’t… get it?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He asked, with a slightly pissed off tone. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You know about everything I went through… you helped me start to move through it… and you don’t ‘get’ why in order for me to be able to be intimate, I need the reassurance that if I say stop, or wait, you’ll stop?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked as he pushed himself up so he was standing. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Whatever.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He commented as he neatened up his shirt and zipped up his pants. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m ready to head home. Are you coming?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He was being short now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan, please…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa said as he stood, moving towards the shorter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I mean it, I really am sorry.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He gently touched Iwaizumi’s elbow, and he snatched it away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Just stop.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi snapped. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Let’s just go.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He insisted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll get Jack to get this stuff. Let’s go.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He started walking, Oikawa following behind him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Just stop.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi repeated, his pace picking up slightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I don’t want to talk about it. I just… I want to go home.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He finished quietly as he folded his arms, shrugging in on himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa sighed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Fine. I apologised. And I meant it. When you’re ready to talk about it, that’s when we will.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He clarified, allowing them both to drown in the silence Iwaizumi was insistent on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The walk back to the dorms was surrounded by an awkward atmosphere, and neither of them uttered a word until they got back to the room, where Iwaizumi finally broke the silence. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll sleep in Jack’s bed tonight.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said simply as he pulled some sweats out his dresser to sleep in. He turned back to Oikawa, who looked hurt by the suggestion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Hajime… I said I’m sorry…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He repeated again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi sighed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I know. But I can’t just get over that.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He started to explain. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You understand what my problem is here, right?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked, trying to make sure Oikawa got it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The setter nodded. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah… I do. I just got carried away. I get why you would need that reassurance. And I’m-”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  “Don’t apologise again.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi interrupted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I know you’re sorry. You’ve made that clear.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He clarified. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“But I just need some space. For tonight at least, please?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa nodded solemnly in agreement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  They both lay away for a long time, opposite sides of the room, facing away from one another. Oikawa felt guilty for having pushed Iwaizumi like that. Sure, it didn’t always make sense to him, but he wasn’t the one who had lived through it. Iwaizumi was potentially going to be dealing with the after effects of abuse for a long time, and the least Oikawa could do was be considerate. But no, tonight he had tried to be selfish. And it had backfired. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  And Iwaizumi felt stupid. As he lay in the dark silence, he thought more and more about how much he may have overreacted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Tooru…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi whispered after what felt like hours. The setter didn’t respond, but his breathing changed ever so slightly, and Iwa just knew he was awake. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I know you’re not asleep…” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said, simply, pausing to await a response. He sighed when Oikawa didn’t say anything. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. And I know if you genuinely believed I was being hurt, you’d stop. The fact that I need the confirmation doesn’t change that. And it doesn’t mean I don’t trust you, because I do. I just… for my own peace of mind… it’s a way to ground myself, you know?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>His voice travelled quietly in the darkness, and he was silent again, giving Oikawa a chance to reply - he still chose not to. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“What I’m trying to say is…”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He sighed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Listen, I’m sorry Tooru. I overreacted, and I took my dumb insecurities out on you. I want to be okay again. I’ve forgotten what it felt like to not worry about a panic attack before sex.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He didn’t really know what else to say, but that could be the end of it. He sat up on the edge of the bed, looking over at Oikawa, then made his way over to him, taking a seat by him, and carding his fingers through the setters hair. Oikawa rolled onto his back, looking up at Iwa with his large brown eyes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I love you, Tooru. I’m sorry I ruined our night.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa shook his head in response. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You didn’t ruin our night. I should have stopped. I’m sorry.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He apologised again, letting one of his hands skirt up to Iwaizumi’s hip. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Can we sleep in the same bed now?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>The setter requested, simply, and Iwaizumi was under the quilt with him in seconds, resting his head on Oikawa’s chest with one arm flung over him, tracing up and down his side. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I think you were right.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi said as he was finally drifting off to sleep. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I still need help. I’ll talk to the therapists first thing.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He clarified, an Oikawa smiled softly, squeezing Iwa a little tighter to show how proud he was of him taking that step. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa woke up the next morning to find the bed empty. He could hear Iwaizumi speaking English in the bathroom, but he was far too tired to try and figure out what he was saying. He heard a few words he recognised, but most of it sounded like gibberish at this time of day. He picked up his phone, calling Makki without thinking about what time it would be in Japan. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Good morning, Makki-Chan!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He beamed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“It’s 2am and you woke Issei. This better be important.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hanamaki warned, and Oikawa chuckled slightly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I forgot time differences were a thing.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He confessed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I decided to come home for Christmas so if you wanna plan something for us all to do, that’d be great.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He actually heard Makki roll his eyes at the suggestion. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Please, Makki!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He begged. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’ll pay?”</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Fine.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hanamaki replied, with a long sigh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Is Iwaizumi coming home too?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He asked, genuinely unsure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa sounded insulted that he would even be suggesting that Iwa wouldn’t come home for Christmas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I was just asking.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Makki defended. And before Oikawa could respond, he heard Matsukawa complaining in the background about Hanamaki being too loud and asking him to come back to bed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I gotta go. If you still want to talk, call back in like 12 hours, okay?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He hung up before Oikawa could say goodbye, and the setter huffed out a sigh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi came out of the bathroom soon after, smiling at Oikawa. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“So, I set up a few meetings with some of the therapists.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said as he placed his phone on his desk, and took a seat in his chair. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“The only thing is all five of them want to meet today, so including travel time, it’ll be around four hours.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He studied Oikawa’s face, trying to gauge a reaction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa sat up, scratching the back of his head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah I guess I can go shopping or something for a few hours? Maybe grab some lunch.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He smiled at Iwaizumi. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m fine missing a few hours with you if it means that you can find someone that’ll help you.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He said, honestly, and Iwaizumi smiled and huffed in relief. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Nate’s got the same major as me so he’s off today too. If you want I can call him and see if he’s free to show you around for a few hours?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa hesitated. He didn’t want to be rude, but did he actually want to spend an entire day with a guy who had a massive crush on </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>boyfriend? Then again, he could see this instead as an opportunity to ward Nate off without making a scene. He finally shrugged. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Sure.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He agreed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“If he’s free, it’d be nice to have someone show me around.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He smiled, widely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi nodded, then picked his phone back up, calling Nate. As he was on the phone, Oikawa rolled out of bed and plodded over to the bathroom, turning the shower on and hopping in a few seconds later. He was in there a while, just letting the water hit the back of his head as he leaned forward against the wall and looked at the floor. The water pressure here was good; something Oikawa always appreciated. And the temperature was perfect - a little on the cold side to deal with the overwhelming heat of California. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He must have been in there for twenty minutes, and Iwaizumi was just getting off the phone when he came out. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Long conversation?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa asked, curiously, wondering what they could have possibly spent so long talking about. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Iwaizumi confirmed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“He’s free today so get ready and I’ll take you to meet up with him, then I’ll go meet the therapists, if that’s okay?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa smiled and nodded. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Sure.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He agreed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Any idea how hot it’ll be today?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked as he opened his suitcase that was lay on top of Iwa’s dresser, routing around inside the case. It was a welcome surprise when Iwaizumi’s arms snaked around Oikawa from behind, and the setter smiled as he turned back and looked down at Iwaizumi. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan? Can I help you?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He teased as Iwaizumi placed a few soft kisses on Oikawa’s still damp neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“You smell really good.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwa said in response, a small smile crawling onto his lips as he spoke. Iwaizumi rested the side of his face on Oikawa’s bare shoulder as he let his hands fall on the small of the setters back. He inhaled deeply. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry again. For letting my issues get to me and ruining what could have been a really good night.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He flicked his eyes up to Oikawa’s face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa squeezed Iwaizumi tightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m sorry I got carried away. I got caught up in the moment and I didn’t register you saying to wait. I should have paid more attention.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He exhaled deeply as he planted a kiss on the top of Iwaizumi’s head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You know I’d never intentionally hurt you, right?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He asked for reassurance for himself and Iwa.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I know.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He responded quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa gently tilted Iwaizumi’s chin up, and smiled softly before placing a light kiss on his lips, pulling a hum from the shorter. Kissing Oikawa always felt comforting, like it was a safety. A security. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I love you.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oikawa whispered as he nuzzled his nose into the top of Iwaizumi’s head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I love you too.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi responded, pulling back from the setter to look up at him, pondering something for a few seconds before gripping Oikawa’s wrist, and pulling him over to the bed, sitting down and gesturing for Oikawa to sit with him. At first the setter sat next to him, both of them leaning back against the wall. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Kiss me.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Iwaizumi said, seemingly out of the blue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“What?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oikawa questioned the suddenness of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Like you started to last night.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwa clarified. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“But just kiss me.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He specified, and Oikawa smiled, nodding once before hitching one leg across Iwaizumi’s lap, and sat back on his thighs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“You can’t really say anything while we’re kissing,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oikawa started as Iwa allowed his hands to find place on the setter’s hips, just above the towel that was drooping around his waist. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“So just push me back by my chest if you want me to stop, alright?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Iwaizumi agreed, and then Oikawa leaned in, and immediately Iwaizumi felt taken off guard. He knew what to expect, they’d done this so many times before, but Oikawa seemed a little rougher today, as if he were more desperate - he kept Iwa’s lips moving with his without slowing, his movements almost as if he had been yearning for this.  Within seconds, though, Iwaizumi felt comfortable again, with the slick warmth of Oikawa’s tongue prodding at his lips, his mouth opened, letting his tongue slide inside his mouth. It glided across his front teeth, slipping further in until he felt it against his own. And, as if by instinct, he pushed back with his own, forcing Oikawa’s out and slipping his in. The hands that had been resting on his shoulders slowly slipped around to come together behind his neck, and he inched forwards on his lap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi found that it felt really good. His heart was racing, and part of him felt trapped, but he fought the urge to push Oikawa away, and instead pulled him closer, his hands moved from being pressed flat along Oikawa’s sides, to unconsciously rubbing back and forth, up and down, feeling hot skin make contact with his fingers, and his stomach leaped slightly when he realised how low the towel had slipped down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He was distracted, thinking about keeping his heart rate and breathing steady, when he felt Oikawa’s teeth sink into his bottom lip and tug gently, and several things happened in quick succession. The first was that he reflexively made a small, surprised noise, followed instantly by a deep and rough moan. Oikawa moved closer still, his chest flush against Iwa’s as well as his lower half. And then he noticed the firmness rubbing into his abdomen, and he pulled back, pushing his forehead against Oikawa’s and huffing out a small chuckle. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Looks like someone else has decided to join us.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He teased, and with that Oikawa rolled off him, sitting on the edge of the bed, and glancing back over his shoulder at Iwaizumi.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I think I need a minute.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>The setter commented as he chuckled himself, and Iwaizumi nodded, running his fingers through his hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi shuffled forwards, and patted Oikawa’s back as he stood. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You should get ready. We can do more a little later, after the party, yeah?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He smiled, and Oikawa planted a kiss on the inside of his arm, then pushed himself up and walked back over to his suitcase. Iwa was in jeans and a thin, long sleeved tshirt, so Oikawa chose an outfit that matched. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwa left while Oikawa was choosing an outfit to make them both a coffee in the kitchen down the hall, and he returned to Oikawa fully dressed in jeans, a stringer, and one of Iwaizumi’s white snapbacks. He was leaning out the window when Iwaizumi got back, looking at the people walking by below. Iwa handed him a mug of coffee as he leaned out the window with him. “You look good.” He commented, and Oikawa cocked his head, probably at the fact that Iwaizumi had switched to English. “You’re about to spend half the day with Nate. You need to practice your English.” He poked the setter's forehead.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa hummed in understanding as he sipped his coffee. “I think English is an overrated language.” He backhandedly commented. “Did you know that only like a quarter of adults here speak or are learning to speak another language?” He asked, leaving no room to respond before he continued. “But in a lot of countries in South America and Europe, they’re taught English at Elementary school. There’s almost three times as many people that speak English as their second language rather than their first. How insane is that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwa thought about it for a second. “I guess that is a little crazy.” He agreed. “But it’s not like the world will change just because </span>
  <em>
    <span>we</span>
  </em>
  <span> disagree with it.” He shrugged, pulling back into the room and taking a seat at his desk as he opened up his notebook, sighing deeply. One of Oikawa’s hands landed on his shoulder a few seconds later, and he was looking down at Iwa, looking a little concerned. “I’m gonna have a lot to do this weekend.” He complained.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “More than usual?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Why?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi closed the notebook. “I’ll have to translate the notes. I usually do it in the evenings before I start studying.” He explained.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa tilted his head slightly. “So why can’t you just do that this week?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “You wouldn’t mind?” Iwa asked, curiously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa opened Iwaizumi’s notebook again, looking at all the rough Japanese notes hovering over the English ones. “Not at all.” He confirmed. “I’m happy just being in Iwa-Chan’s company. I know you have a busy schedule, and I wouldn’t want you to fall behind.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi hooked one finger into the low hanging neck of Oikawa’s stringer, and pulled him down into a deep kiss. As he pulled away, he smiled. “Thank you, Tooru.” He said, appreciatively. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>  It was strange, leaving Oikawa with Nate. But they both agreed to it. Either one of them could have said no, and they didn’t. And Iwaizumi was starting to feel like maybe that </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>such a good thing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Call me if you need anything, okay?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He had insisted to Oikawa before planting a kiss goodbye on his cheek, thanking Nate again for showing him around, then walking away. He hadn’t told Nate the reason he was occupied this morning, because that just opened a door for a thousand questions, and even though he forgot to tell Oikawa not to mention it, he had hoped that the setter would have enough sense to know not to say anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  All he could think about during the meetings was if Oikawa was alright. He hadn’t texted him to indicate that he wasn’t, but Iwaizumi couldn’t help but worry. And then he thought about the fact that all these therapists sucked in comparison to Sasaki. She had actually made him </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to talk from the very start of the first meeting. Iwaizumi didn’t get that feeling from any of these people. He almost up and skipped his last meeting, but he decided that giving her a chance was the more human thing to do here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  So he sat in the waiting room for a few minutes, just willing all this to be over so he could finally find out if Oikawa had accidentally spilled the beans on his whereabouts. The door to the office opened, and on seeing the relatively young woman standing there, he was hit with a certain sense of familiarity. “Hajime Iwaizumi?” She asked, and he smiled and nodded as he stood. “Sasaki told me you may call.” She commented as she held the door open for him to enter the room. She continued talking as he walked in, looking around “She told me that it may take you a while to call, too.” It wasn’t quite as large as Sasaki’s office, but it seemed comfortable enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Shall I sit anywhere?” He asked, and she nodded as she took a seat in an armchair. That was the same thing Sasaki had done. Iwaizumi also mirrored his first session, and took a seat in the second armchair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “So, Hajime, what made you call me when you did?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Tooru.” He replied without thinking too much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The rest of the session went surprisingly similar to his first session with Sasaki, and he mentioned this when he was explaining why he felt comfortable with her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He ended up settling on her as his therapist quickly, and she scheduled him in for a session every Tuesday at 11am. And with that, his decision was made. It was all sorted and ready. He called Oikawa as he left the building. It was almost 2, and he was starving. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Iwa-Chan! How’s it going?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He seemed cheery enough, and a wave of relief washed over Iwaizumi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“It’s good. I’m good. I’ve actually just finished up, and I’m starving. Do you want to meet for lunch?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He asked, and Oikawa hesitated slightly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Tooru?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwa asked after Oikawa didn’t respond. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Nate and I had lunch already, sorry.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He confessed, almost as if he felt guilty for it, which Iwaizumi found ridiculous; they were together over lunch, so why shouldn’t they eat together? </span>
  <em>
    <span>“But we were just about to go to this dessert place called Dot and Dough, if you want to meet us there?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>Iwaizumi smiled at the invitation. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Sounds good. I’ll be about 15 minutes if that works?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“Perfect!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa beamed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“See you soon!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He hung up before Iwaizumi could say any more. The spiker found that a little unsettling, but he chose to brush that off because Oikawa sounded like he was actually having a good day. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>  He wasn’t sure what he expected when he saw Nate and Oikawa, but he certainly didn’t expect to see the two of them laughing like best friends. “Hey.” He smiled at them both as he approached the table. Oikawa schooched up, making space for Iwa, and he took a seat. “So what have you guys been up to today?” He asked, flicking his eyes between them both. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well, we went shopping, then for lunch, then we went to a beach court near here, and we won a couple of doubles.” He smiled at Iwaizumi, and placed his hand softly on his leg. “Thank you for suggesting this, Iwa-Chan. It was definitely better than sitting in your dorm alone would have been.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi placed a kiss on Oikawa’s temple, “I’m glad you had a good time.” He smiled, then looked back at Nate. “Thank you for keeping him entertained.” He said, sincerely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “It’s really no problem. We had a good time.” He confirmed, and he had a genuine look on his face. Iwa was thankful they got along. “I should really get going now.” Nate insisted as he tapped twice on the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Oh.” Iwa commented. “Are you sure? I can pay for desserts as a thank you?” He suggested, and Nate shook his head as he stood up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “No, I should really go and get some stuff for the party tonight.” He explained. “You’re both still coming right?” He asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Absolutely!” Oikawa beamed. “We wouldn’t miss it.” He confirmed, smiling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Nate waved a goodbye at them as he left, and Oikawa leaned his head on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Did you really have a good time?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Iwa asked after Nate had left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I really did.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa confirmed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“I didn’t think I would, but we just started talking, and we just sorta got along.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The two of them had dessert, then headed back to the dorms to watch a few movies before getting ready for the party that evening. It was nice, them leaning on each other on Iwaizumi’s bed as the laptop sat on his knee, watching the 1956 Godzilla: King of the Monsters. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Can we have a night like this tomorrow?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa asked softly at a lul moment in the movie. Iwa looked at him, questioningly. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“A quiet night in, I mean?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi huffed out a small chuckle, and pulled Oikawa in closer. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Of course we can.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He agreed happily. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“We can get take out, and watch some new space documentaries,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Iwa suggested sweetly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“And then we can maybe listen to a little music, make out a little, you know, if you want to?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He smirked as Oikawa leaned up to kiss his chin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“I always want to.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> The setter confirmed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  They decided to get ready just before 8 - the party started at 7 but apparently that meant not to show up until 9. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Oikawa chose both of their outfits. For himself: a pair of white jeans, and a maya blue short sleeved button down, as well as a black pair of slip on loafers. And for Iwaizumi: a pair of grey jeans, a black polo neck, and a pair of black chuck taylors. </span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“You look so good.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oikawa commented.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi looked over at Oikawa and smiled. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“You don’t look too bad yourself.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He retorted as he walked over to him and reached up to fix his boyfriend's collar, and Oikawa placed his hands on Iwaizumis hips, looking down at him. Iwa looked up at Oikawa as he smoothed his hands down his chest, then back up to link his fingers loosely behind Oikawa’s neck as the latter pulled him in closely. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s been too long since we last danced together.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He commented, pushing himself up on his toes and kissing Oikawa intensely. It was deep, but gentle. They didn’t want to accidentally fall into anything more than this as they were strapped for time. They knew that they’d have more time later, so they could both hold back until then.</span>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>“We should go.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Oikawa noted, placing one final kiss on Iwa’s forehead before they both set off to Nates, choosing to walk as it was only twenty minutes away, and the sky was clear, so Oikawa would enjoy the walk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Iwaizumi had a good feeling about tonight. Something just felt… right.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The amount I projected on Iwaizumi during this chapter is actually insane. I almost cried writing the first half this and I got emotional proof reading it too. I know that people wont be able to actually see the pieces of myself that have gone into this fic, but this was definitely the one of the hardest chapters for me so far. There’s no major thing in this like there was in the first few chapters, but the way Iwa is dealing with it all just feels so raw, you know?</p>
<p>Anyway, for updates and memes and stuff, follow me on Twitter: @toruoikxwa</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. NOT AN UPDATE JUST A NOTIFICATION</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i’m taking a small break here - i will come back to this in a few weeks but emotionally this is feeling really raw and it’s making it a hell of a lot harder to write so i just need to step away from this for a bit. If you follow me on Twitter you can see more frequent updates, and I’ll probably update my new fic too. I still have so many things to go into in this (the party scene, Iwa being reminded of Kagawa, going back to japan and seeing him again, finally getting justice, and of course finally ending up happy. Maybe not together, but happy) Thank you for your patience with me </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>